Thursday, April 21, 2011

R is for Regret

Regret, like jealousy, will eat you up if you allow it. But, regret can also be a good thing, in an odd sort of way.

The Hubs made a very wise statement last night (at least from my way of seeing it). He said "It's better to regret the things you've done than the things you haven't done." I asked him what he meant exactly and he stated that he'd rather do things and regret having done them than to not have done them and always wonder if they would have worked out. I think that's a profound observation.

There are so many things in my life that I regret doing (making the decision to move back to the States when we did, not seeking help for our infertility earlier, etc.) but I'm glad I made those choices, even if they now seem like the wrong ones.

Sounds contradictory, right? Let me explain...

When we made the decision to move back to this country, I was very homesick. I really missed my family and I missed the things that were familiar to me. We moved back to the US in January 2006. In April 2006, my dad got very, very sick. He was in ICU for 10 weeks and the family was called in several times and told he was not going to make it. Fortunately, he pulled through and is doing much better these days, but I'm very glad I was here for that time. My family needed me here and my dad needed me here if for nothing more than to hear my voice while he was in a coma. Could he really hear me? I don't know, but I'd rather he had that opportunity than to not have had it.

So, although the decision to leave England has led to a really rough five years and is a decision I do regret sometimes, I also know it was the right decision for us. And, although I wish we had sought treatment for IF sooner, I know that we would not have been in a position earlier to afford the treatment or be effective parents. But that doesn't change the fact I regret the way it's been.

What do you regret? Looking back, even though you regret the decisions, have they worked out better for you than if things had been different? Would you rather regret the things you have done or the things you didn't do?


randomdanni said...

I'm not a big risk taker, I like to stay in my little safety bubble, so more often than not I regret the things I didn't do.

I could literally drive myself crazy playing the "What if" game - like what if I had taken Eric to prom instead of Billy? Would he be dating that bitchy girlfriend that he's with now or would something have sparked between us that night? Or would it have been a terrible night that ended our friendship?

I know that's a silly example, but I could go on for hours...

Cyndi said...

Lynn - I'm from ICLW #91, love your blog! I just started blogging a couple of weeks back and am still learning. I like this A-Z blog challenge you're doing. Do you have to do it within one month or how does it work?

I love your blog design too, it's so happy looking. You're giving me good ideas for mine. :-) Look forward to reading your story.

A Shadow of My Former Self said...

I enjoy reading your blog and agree regret is a powerful force in one's life. I tend to follow the theory that I can deal with things I've done but fall apart dealing with missing the things I haven't done. I think of myself as an old woman in a rocking chair sometime in the future. Will I think more about all the things I did or weep over what I did not do?

I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. You can stop by my blog to find out more about the award. :)

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