Monday, December 21, 2009

IComLeavWe / Rant About Comments

Today starts the December IComLeavWe. I wanted to take a moment to welcome all my visitors for ICLW and to say I'm glad you dropped by!

Normally, I would have a light little post giving you some information about me, but unfortunately today is not a good day and I just saw a comment on our Christmas photos post that really pissed me off! So, sadly, what you get from me today is a rant.

The comment read "Weight and Fertility. Being overweight or obese may reduce a woman's fertility. ... Weight loss may improve fertility and pregnancy outcome."

Really?! You mean, after 6 years of TTC, this brand-new life-altering information is just being dropped on me?! Because, apparently I'm too stupid to have thought of this myself. (If you didn't hear the sarcasm dripping in that post, please re-read and add in copious amounts of sarcasm.)

What I wonder is which failed attempt at losing weight would this poster (who, btw, posted anonymously, being too cowardly to even give their name) suggest I give another go?

Perhaps the year gym membership The Hubs and I purchased, used 4 times a week, every week for a year and I managed to lose a grand total of 10 pounds on. Let's not forget to mention that I was also on a strict diet during this time (which I followed to the letter!). Towards the end of the year, I actually began to gain weight back, despite continuing with the efforts I had been at all year long. Maybe I wasn't exercising correctly, this poster may say? The personal trainer we hired thought differently. He was utterly puzzled himself as to why I didn't lose more weight and why it began to come back near the end of the year.

Rather than continue to waste money, our next plan was to walk 2 miles everyday, a practice we still try to maintain today, although its more often only 4 or 5 times a week we manage the feat. Not good enough either?

Maybe, this poster would suggest I go back to one of the hundreds of diets I've tried throughout the years that have all led to naught.

Or, maybe, just maybe, they think the bulemia I had during my high school years would work better for me. No?

At the end of the day what I will say is that my weight has been a battle for me throughout my entire life. I was a large baby when I was born (9lbs, 1/4 oz) and I was a large child. Throughout my adolescence I was large. When I was 16 I got the grand idea that maybe I would lose weight if I threw up what I ate. That way, I could eat anything and still get thin, right? Wrong. What I did was make myself sick and still I was overweight.

In fact, the lightest I've ever been during my adult years was still what would be considered overweight for my height. During the ages of 19 to 21, my weight fluctuated between 160 lbs and 175 lbs. I wore a size 12 clothing. Wanna know how I managed that? I ate one meal a day, danced 4 to 5 hours every night (I was a bit of a wild child after high school - no freedom during the high school years = rebellion during early adulthood), and smoked a pack of cigarettes a day. The nicotine suppressed my appetite.

Maybe, dear anonymous poster, you would suggest I take back up smoking (which I managed to quit cold turkey 8 years and 4 months ago tomorrow)? Would that make you happy with my weight?

Oh, I should also add that when I was at the smaller size, my cycles were still not regular. I had a maximum of 3 or 4 AFs each year. So it seems to me being a lighter weight didn't really have much impact on my fertility.

I'm not suggesting that the size I am now is helping with infertility problems. I'm sure its not. I want to lose weight, if for nothing more than I don't like being as large as I am now. However, that is my business, not this anonymous poster's or anyone else's for that matter. This blog is not a place for ANYONE to pass judgement on me. It is a place for me to express my feelings, whether joy or despair, hope or hopelessness. It is a place for me to find support from others like me, NOT CRITICISM. If what you have to offer me is helpful information, by all means, feel free to do so. If what you have to offer is condemnation and judgement (which you know you were doing, otherwise you would not have commented anonymously), then please pass on by.

Regretfully, I have made the decision make my comments require approval before being posted. I have always said I did not want to do this because it feels as though I'm censoring the comments. However, I feel I have to do this now. I toyed with the idea of removing the Anonymous function, but have - for the moment - decided against this drastic move.

Again, apologies to all who visit from ICLW to fall into the drama of the moment and to those of my regular blog readers who have had to read this simply for one thoughtless individual. I want my blog to be a haven for me, not another place in my life that makes me feel worthless.


Kelli said...

What an (anonymous) PUNK! Ohhhh, people who have such notions really anger folks in our shoes haven't tried EVERYTHING under the sun to lose weight, get pregnant, etc. Who do they think they are??

Just remember that they know NOTHING about you or your situation. They are small-minded and quite possibly ignorant of women's health issues where PCOS is concerned. And they obviously have NO COUTH or TACT at all and think far too highly of their own opinion. GRRRRRRRRRR. And they are lucky that they posted anonymously or they would likely have an army of infertile women knocking down their door with the TRUTH since they are surely MISINFORMED as to your situation. What a mess!!

You shouldn't have to explain yourself, your weight, your ANYTHING unless you want to...and your blog should be your haven. I just hate that you're having to deal with someone else's insensitivity.

And now that I've ranted and raved all over your ICLW comment page, you can moderate/edit/delete my comment if you want. :D I hope that the neanderthal who left you such a rude comment didn't dampen your day too much. And BTW: YOU'RE A BEAUTY!! :)

Love and hugs to you, my friend!

Justina said...

Oh Lynn, I can't believe that someone would be that cruel. What a selfish, thoughtless, IGNORANT person to make a comment like that. I too have struggled with my weight my whole life and when you get a thoughtless comment like that it just tears you down. But know this: you are beautiful - inside and out. Your Christmas picture was stunning.

I'm sorry that you have to go through something like this, especially considering all the drama you've had to deal with lately. So rant away, that's what we're here for, to listen and hopefully help you along.

Sending you huge hugs. Hope your week gets better! (((HUGS)))

NatalieLucy said...

Wow I can't believe someone would be that mean! Oh yes hang on I can! I think if someone sees an overweight person they assume they eat nothing but big macs in a day. They never think that a disease can cause you to be overweight and cause infertility also.

I was thin when I was a child it wasn't until I reached puberty that I began to put on weight. I always thought it was what I ate even though I didn't overeat or stuff myself with unhealthy foods. Once I realized I had PCOS I was thankful, thankful that it wasn't me. I wasn't putting on weight on purpose, I had a disease something that made me the way I am.

Being overweight can cause infertility but I wouldn't be overweight if I didn't have this disease!

AKD said...

How incredibly ignorant and uninformed. I love when people try to make a diagnosis based off of NO information or diagnostic abilities.

Hugs - you are beautiful!

Ms B. Thrift said...

Lynn, i feel your pain in this thread and i know that comment will have hurt you both, I guess Christianly we should feel sorry for those people who pass judgement so quickly with very little grasp of the facts, but they never learn to some it's all black and white with very little comprehension of the depths of people's lives and hardships. Hope your vent has made you feel better, but listen here and listen well, you are a beautiful person inside and out, I know it, Rich knows it and all your friends know it, nothing you have or haven't done contributes to the situation you are in, noone has the answers and noone knows the reasons, but you know within yourself all you are and are so proud & strong, what you have been through has made you a lovely person x

TwinToddlersDad said...

Thank you for visiting my blog Littlestomaks and leaving a comment. I too am visiting your blog via ICLW.

I saw in your profile that you are adopting a boy early next year. Good luck with everything.

Enjoy the Holidays!

Mai said...

What a jerk!! You are beautiful!! And I have the same problem..I was a skinny minny in high school and college and *still* had awful cycles. I had to go on BCP's just to regulate my cycle at age 15..I feel your pain. What an idiot (and don't all the mean, ignorant ones post "anonymously?") Im sorry someone was that pigheaded to post that.

Also, thank you so much for your kind words & support over at my blog. It means a lot. And you have a new follower!!!

Anonymous said...

Just consider it spam, I get some pretty dumb comments from time to time. There are about a gajillion people in the world who think they have a right to say all sorts of things to people they don't even know. Women always bear the brunt of harsh judgment. Hold your head high, keep on taking care of yourself and your husband.


Anonymous said...

ICLWer here. I cannot believe someone did that! As someone who has dealt with eating issues myself I know that it's a personal struggle that often has few easy, black & white solutions. Idiot. Just think of how much better you are than someone who would take the time to comment like that.

You looked great in your picture.

Parenthood For Me said...

I think it really sucks when mean comments are made anonymously. Good for you for rebutting. I to received critical and mean comments a few weeks ago and now have to approve my comments. I hope your rant made you feel better. You do not deserve to be judged.

nh said...

Sorry that've have to deal with a mean comment. I'm overweight, technically obese (according to BMI) but when I had a medical last week my dr said that it's tough! he's not kidding. It sounds like you have a healthy life-style... that's all that matters!


Wifey said...

People in life can be so mean without reason or purpose. I hope your venting got it off your mind a little. Nobody deserves judgment put on them for any reason.

Anonymous said...

Wow, that person must really be hurting or insecure. Otherwise, why why why would they think a comment like that is okay?

I haven't looked at the related picture yet, but I'm willing to put this out there: you are beautiful from the inside, with good habits and good intentions. I bet that shows on the outside too.

Baby Wanted said...

That comment ticked me off! No shit sherlock, thanks for reporting the obvious. I wish people realized that infertility, PCOS, etc not only causes your body to be out of whack which leads to not being able to make a baby but it also does not help your waist line. I spend far more time in the gym than any of my friends and I eat better than they do but I'm a lot heavier than them. Delete this comment and move on! I personally thought you looked beautiful in those photos!

Lollipop Goldstein said...

I just hope anonymous comes back to read it because damn, lady, this was a fantastic post. It is too easy to think you're giving helpful advice. It's must harder to actually get to know a person, and simply sit and listen and appreciate how amazing it is that connections can be made in this world.

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