Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Affording TTC

A friend of mine recently wrote to discuss beginning TTC. She is also a sufferer of PCOS and, after following our progress for the last few years, was beginning to worry of the passing time and getting older (she's in her mid-twenties).

While discussing the pros and cons of beginning TTC, she mentioned one of her worries being that her DH was currently out of work. As many of you know, The Hubs has also been struggling in our fledgling economy and the question arose "what criteria makes it a good time to TTC and what indicates the wrong time?".

For us, it was a question of which was more important: the possibility of The Hubs remaining out of work beyond the birth of a child to call our own (via conception or adoption or stork delivery or however we achieved that feat) or the definite slipping away of the fertile (supposedly) years we have remaining. It was an easy decision for us. While we hope not to have to test the theory, we both felt we would be able to make it work even if The Hubs was out of work.

The additional expenses brought on with a child are great and I am by no means trying to kid myself differently. However, if The Hubs were still out of work, there would be no child-care expense. He would be able to watch the baby. Also, we hope to cloth diaper so, while there would be an initial expense for the diapers and an expense as the baby grew, it would still be far less expensive than purchasing diapers. If the child is ours biologically, I plan to nurse (assuming I have no problems with milk development and the baby has no problems with latching or swallowing), so that cuts the expense of formula. Once the child becomes old enough to start partaking of solid foods, I would like to use my beloved food processor to make our own baby food.

The downside of The Hubs being out of work is that all of the assumptions I made in the last paragraph could fall through. Our baby may come early and have health problems that require more in depth care. My milk may not come in or the baby may have problems with the whole process. Cloth diapering and making our own baby food may prove to be more hassle than worth.

I simply don't know and cannot predict what the future holds. What I do know is that I am simply not willing to give up the most promising years of fertility we have due to a situation that will not always be a stumbling block. In the future, I do not want to look back on these years with the same regret I currently have looking back on the ones that have already passed. I don't want to regret waiting.

I'm sure there are many people who say this makes me selfish and not truly caring about our potential child. However, I disagree. I want to still be able to enjoy my children. I want to be able to get out and play with them and go on vacations and show them things that I've found fascinating. I want to explore things they've become fascinated with with them.

And, essentially, this is a decision only each couple can make for themselves. No one else knows the situation or the thoughts and feelings involved in the decision.


A said...

I don't think it is selfish at all- my uncle says that babies always come at the "wrong" times- out of work, car needs major work, etc.!! In other words, there is never going to be a perfect time to have a baby :) So I think you should totally try- you are obviously wanting to love a little one so much :) I hope your hubs finds work soon!!

AKD said...

My husband had barely started his new job after being laid off this summer when we used a big hunk of savings for our FET - I agree, being healthy and fit for your child is too important!

WiseGuy said...

What a beautiful post, Lynn!

I really liked how you articulated the economic standpoint on babymaking and timing...

Jobs can come back, salaries can get raised, but once the fertile window is out, it does NOT come back...

I am not tied on the financial front, but still I know that it is expensive to undertake IF treatments, and there is no access to any insurance for me in this arena, which makes the burden of TTC a little heavier....but I know that for me, money is the secondary entity here....

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