Tuesday, December 1, 2009

All the Messy Details

For those who participated in ICLW last week, I'm very sorry. I completely flaked out on it, but I will make it up next month! Its been a very complicated, messy week and I still feel very down about the whole thing. We've now made a decision, so I feel I should share the details.

On Saturday, November 21, The Hubs and I went out to the movies and a meal for my birthday and our anniversary. We had just left the cinema from seeing New Moon and were headed to the restaurant when my phone rang. I saw that the call was from C, so I answered to see what was wrong. She asked what we were doing and I told her, then she started to cry. She explained that they (she and her BF and 2 kiddies) had lost the camper they were living in due to the police claiming it. Apparently the BF had purchased it a couple of years previously from somone who had actually stolen it from his own father. Therefore, it was considered theft by receipt. She went on to explain that her mother had call the Department of Family and Children Services (DFCS) and they had removed the children from her home and placed them with relatives. Her BF had then told her he had a place to stay and didn't know what she was going to do, but she was on her own. She said he left her with no money and no where to stay except with her mother. Her mother was not allowing her to eat anything or use anything without paying for it.

Naturally, The Hubs and I were seriously concerned and cut our evening short to make the 45 minute trip back home and see what we could sort out for her. She had asked for $30 to get the things she needed. Perhaps its a bad trait in me, but I'm wary of giving people cash, so I told her we would come get her and take her to get anything she needed. I also said we would try to do what we could to help her find somewhere else to stay seeing as her mother and her mother's BF are involved with drugs.

When we got to the house to pick her up, she was in her pyjamas. She got in the car with us and we rode around and talked for a bit. She asked if we could come the next day to get her and procure the things she needed. We said that would be fine and, against my better judgement, we gave her $15 cash so she could eat at her mom's home. After she had calmed down some and we had reassured her we would be there to help her out, we returned her to her mother's home (which I was not happy with, but she insisted it would be okay) and we went home.

The next morning, we called her to tell her we were on our way to get her. She didn't answer when we called, so we proceeded to start on our way to get her. We figured we could wait if she needed to get ready. About 10 minutes after our original call (when we were nearly to her mom's home) she called us back, stated that her BF had come back and they had gone to get the things she needed and they didn't need anything right then. She would call me if anything changed. So The Hubs and I turned around and went back home.

The next morning, I was at work when I received a phone call from the doctor C had asked to change to. I work for a hospital system with an OB/BYN employed there. C had told me she was not happy with the doctor she was using, so we filled out paperwork to have her records moved to the doctor at the hospital where I work. On the Monday, the call came through and I was told that the doctor's office had received a call from C's original doctor stating C was not changing doctors, did not want to change doctors and had never wanted to change doctors! I was completely confused because I had not pushed her to change, that was her decision. I was also told that C had been admitted to the hospital on Friday and stayed overnight to Saturday. The same Saturday she saw us and "forgot" to tell us she had been in the hospital! So I attempted to call C. She did not answer the phone. I tried 3 different times and each time it rang and went to voicemail. When I tried again a 4th and successive times, it did not ring at all, but went straight to voicemail. I was very upset and fearful that she had just turned the phone off to avoid my calls. The Hubs tried to calm me by stating that perhaps the phone had gone dead and I managed to keep my panic to a minimum.

Since I was unable to reach her and I really needed to know what was going on, I left work early and The Hubs and I went out to see her. When we arrived, she claimed she had just gotten back from DFCS seeing what she would need to do to get her children back. She explained to us that, when she first found out she was pregnant, she had been taking oxycodone pills and that she had since been seeing a psychiatrist to prescribe inhibitors to help her curb her addiction while pregnant. She stated that DFCS said this was not good enough and they would be sending her to rehab. She stated that because of this, they said the baby would not be allowed to be adopted upon birth and would have to go into a family placement with the other children. She also stated that the police were involved because of the theft charge against her BF. When questioned about her change of mind on changing doctors, she told us the DFCS would not allow her to change doctors. She did say, however, that she still wanted me to attend her doctor appointment on Wednesday (day before Thanksgiving) with her and that the appointment was at 3:30pm.

As I've stated before, my family kept foster children when I was growing up and I was previously employed by DFCS myself, so her statement that they would prevent the adoption did not ring true with me. After our visit with her, The Hubs and I decided to visit DFCS ourselves, not to get details of her case, but to find out our own status and what we would need to do to become the foster parents and move forward with adoption. This visit led to the interesting news that DFCS were not involved with the baby yet to be born and that our adoption could proceed as planned. C had not been told there would be a problem with the adoption. We thought perhaps she had misunderstood, however, we were also informed that DFCS had not told C she could not change doctors. In fact, they were all for us adopting the child and saving them the work of placing the baby after birth. For, it turns out, C will be going off to rehab for something like 2 years!

From an independent source (DFCS could not give us this information due to privacy issues, however they told us there were several things we needed to know before proceeding with the adoption), we learned that on the Friday she was admitted to the hospital, C's BF and her mother's BF had been fighting and neighbors had called the police. When the police arrived, C had been found in their camper home passed out with a needle in her arm. She had been shooting up!

We were very upset over this news, as you can imagine! Neither of us knew what to think. C had lied to us repeatedly and now she was not returning our calls. And when we have gone to try to see her, her mother says she's not there anymore and she doesn't know where she is.

I tried to reach her to confirm the time for the doctor's appointment, but she wouldn't answer my calls or return them. Therefore, I contacted the doctor's office to confirm the appointment time. I was told the appointment was not at 3:30pm but was, instead, at 1:15pm! Again, C did not answer my calls when I attempted to contact her. (By the way, the phone is one The Hubs and I purchased for her to use. Fortunately, we only got a pay as you go phone.)

The Hubs and I decided to go to the doctor's office and wait to see if she turned up. We waited for an hour for the first appointment. No C. We thought she had, perhaps, actually thought the appointment time was 3:30, so we came back and waited another hour then. No C. And she still was not answering any calls.

At this point in time, The Hubs and I decided we needed to let go of this dream. For that's all it ever was. We have contacted DFCS again and told them we are still interested in the adoption if it comes to it on their end, but for now we have decided not to even attempt to go any further.

The Hubs has requested we try again on our own, which is our current path. I still feel numb about the whole experience.


A said...

OH MY. I am so sorry to read these details. I will be praying for you and hubs, as well as C who is obviously in need of alot of help right now!!!

AKD said...

Oh, Lynn. This is just heartbreaking for you. You're trying so many things, reaching out - and this is just such a huge ordeal. I'll keep you and your husband in my prayers, and hope that C finds the help she needs. I'm just so sorry.

Suzy said...

Oh Lynn, my heart just breaks for you. I'm so sorry you guys are going through this heart break. You are in my prayers! I'm praying that God sends YOUR child to you soon.

Baby Wanted said...

Oh, Lynn. My heart aches for you. I'm so sorry she put you two through that. You are in my prayers. I'm praying God leads you to your baby...I know it sucks, but I know without a doubt, it will all work out, you will get your baby, it just might not be this one. :(

Lin said...

OMG Lynn! I found your blog from LFCA! I'm so sorry for all you've been through in the last week. I can only imagine the numbness you are feeling right now. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!

Life Happens said...

Wow, what a mess that was! I can't believe this girl would use drugs while pregnant! I'm so sorry that things have been so crazy!

I will be praying for you both. May God bless you soon with a baby!!!

lowfatlady said...

I can't believe she did all that. I'm sorry she is not being truthful and answering your calls. I hope that you are able to become a mother in the next way you choose.

Justina said...

Oh Lynn, my heart just breaks that you have to go through this. You are such a warm-hearted and kind person (tho I haven't met you I can tell!!) and its horrible that this dream is being snatched away from you.
You're in my thoughts and prayers and I really hope that things look up soon for you.

Jenn said...

Oh, my heart hurts for you, and what you are going through. We have talked about adoption, but never wanted to foster-to-adopt, because of the possibility of parental rights not being terminated. However, this just proves, until you have a baby in your arms, nothing is for sure. I truly am so sorry that you are going through this. You are in my thoughts.

Kelli said...

Oh my friend, I am so sorry...you and DH are in my thoughts and prayers. What heartbreak. I know that there are no words that will adequately help you right now and "I'm sorry" seems so insignificant but it's true. This is unthinkable and I hate that you're having to go through it.

Hoping and praying that things look up soon. *hugs*

Kristin said...

Oh hon, that is just so heart-wrenching. I'm sorry C was/is jerking y'all around like that. {{{Hugs}}}

PJ said...

Thanks for the birthday wishes!

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