I know you've been expecting this for a few days now and I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. I've had a lot going on and have had to get my thoughts under control.
RE Visit Review
Last Thursday I had an appointment with Dr. O. The Hubs and I had been under the impression that this visit was to talk about our options for treatment and to discuss when we were going to begin said treatment. But Dr. O, it seems, had other plans. After having us take an afternoon off work, drive two hours to get to his office, having postponed the appointment by a week stating he needed more than an hour to speak with us, we spend the grand total of 45 minutes in his office (most of it in silence while he pored over our file and wrote notes) only for him to tell us that we were going to keep on as we had been. Nothing was changing. I am to continue taking Pro.vera the first 7 days of each month. He did want some bloodwork done, but that was the only change.
All information that could have been given to me over the phone.
The Hubs asked him if the Pro.vera would help me to ovulate and Dr. O stated that it would not, but that it would fool my body into thinking I was ovulating so I would have a cycle each month. The Hubs and I both left feeling very deflated. When we got outside the building, we were talking and discovered that both of us had been hoping the other would ask when we would be able to start treatment since that had not even been mentioned! So, I decided to call back to Dr. O's office and ask. I spoke with one of his receptionists who stated he was in with a patient, but that she would ask him and call me back that (Thursday) afternoon.
At 9:45am Friday morning - when I still had heard nothing from them - I called back and was put through to his PA, J. J told me that she had spoken with Dr. O about this, but that they couldn't give us a definitive answer about how far we were from starting treatment because it depended on two things: my Hemaglobin A1C level (which was in the bloodwork he had ordered) and me losing some weight. Here is where my frustration comes in. I have been seeing him since last May and everytime the issue of my weight has come up, his response has been that it wasn't a big issue and we would work on it later. Now suddenly, nearly a year later, we're stalled and unable to do treatment because (and I quote) "he doesn't feel comfortable helping you to pursue a pregnancy at your current weight" because "you're at a risk for pre-eclampsia and your diabetes being a problem". Right. Now, I work in the medical field and I ask you, what pregnancy is not at risk for pre-eclampsia and diabetes? They're ALL at risk for those things, that's why we monitor for them!!
I asked J (with steam boiling out of my ears, I might add) how much weight Dr. O was thinking of me needing to shed before we could proceed with treatment and her answer was "we don't really know. We'll just have to see how you're doing when you come back". So they can't even give me a target to shoot for!
I am so angry about this. As I stated earlier, I do work in the medical field, so I am aware that I am overweight. I have been working on my diet because I'm trying to get my glucose levels where they need to be and The Hubs and I have been walking and we've also been talking about joining the gym. I know I need to lose weight and I'm taking steps to do that. But - and I say this with as much decorum as I can - DO NOT HOLD MY LOSING WEIGHT OVER MY HEAD AND TRY TO BLACKMAIL ME INTO IT BY WITHHOLDING FERTILITY TREATMENT BECAUSE OF IT!!!!!!
Sorry about that, but I'm really fucking angry about this. Had he mentioned this from the beginning, it would have been a different thing. I know, I know, I know - I've been in this game long enough that I should have assumed this would be the case, but that doesn't make it any easier for me.
The Hubs and I have talked and will continue talking and praying between now and my next visit with Dr. O on March 10 (The Hubs' birthday), but I think we may look at putting fertility on hold for a while and focus on pursuing adoption. My insurance doesn't pay anything towards our visits with Dr. O, so everything we've done for the last near-year has come out of our pockets financially and that is why it is such devestating news that we have no idea when we'll actually be doing any treatment. I don't mind paying for what we need to have done, but paying with no sign of moving forward frustrates me.
America's Got Talent
This past weekend, The Hubs and I went to Atlanta for the America's Got Talent audition. We had a good time, but we were so tired! We got there at 8:15am and were standing outside until about 10. Once we got in the building, we were expecting there would be chairs or some form of seating equipment (there was last year when we went), but, alas, that was not to be. The only place to sit was the floor. I was wearing black pants, so kept having to take my jacket off (which was also black) to sit on to keep from getting my clothing dirty. Needless to say, we stood a lot more than we sat. We were there from 8:15am until 6:30pm and we sat down about an hour and a half of that time. I've worked retail before, so standing shouldn't have been a problem, but the floors were concrete and there was no padding or carpeting to cushion the floor at all. Not to mention I was in heels.
By the time we got back to our hotel, I was good for nothing but bed. The Hubs and I both fell asleep around 7pm and then woke up around 9pm and ordered pizza (yup, I'm aware that is not good for my diet but, you know what? I was tired, so screw it!). We had a good time just veging out, eating pizza and watching Criminal Minds after the competition.
The singing portion went well, I feel. I sang "Glitter in the Air" by Pink (if you don't know it, go to Youtube and have a listen. It's a beautiful song!
It was a good weekend away and a good audition. I didn't find anything out about whether I'm going through or not. If so, they'll let me know before the end of March. Keep your fingers crossed!
Secret Pal Reveal
January was my first month back hosting Secret Pals. I know I had a great time (I love my Secret Pal! I was already a follower of her blog, so having a whole month to spoil her was great! Having said that....I haven't sent her gift yet, so....Kristin, it'll be on the way to you in the next couple of weeks!!!) and I hope all of you that participated enjoyed it as well. February's Secret Pals starts today, so if you didn't get signed up for this month, but are interested in participating, keep an eye out for the March sign-up which will open around February 14th!
Without further ado, the revelation of January Secret Pals....
Junebug's Musings Secret Pal to Simply Rochelle
Dragondreamer's Lair Secret Pal to Fertility Alphabet Soup
Fertility Alphabet Soup Secret Pal to Getting Closer to Fine
Getting Closer to Fine Secret Pal to The (In)Fertility Diaries
Spermination Station Secret Pal to My Infertility Woes
The (In)Fertility Diaries Secret Pal to Junebug's Musings
My Infertility Woes Secret Pal to Finding Her Way
Simply Rochelle Secret Pal to Wistfulgirl's World
Finding Her Way Secret Pal to Spermination Station
Wistfulgirl's World Secret Pal to Dragondreamer's Lair
There you have it! Have a fantastic day, my bloggy loves!