Friday, February 4, 2011

February Provera-Scara

Pro.vera is really kicking my butt this month. More so than usual.

I am currently on Day 3 of my dose and I have been so emotionally up and down the last couple of days that I actually feel bad for those forced to be around me. Yesterday morning I started the day off by picking a fight with The Hubs. When I got to work, I had to make a sensitive call to a patient who started crying and I wound up crying with her. By afternoon, I was simply ready to go home and was desperately in need of some sort of change in my life!

I've started thinking I may get a tattoo.

Today, while I've been somewhat more calm, this afternoon while waiting for The Hubs to get off work, I went to wander around Walmart. I'm trying out a friend's phone because I'm wanting to get a new one and I like her's but wanted to try it out, so I was playing around on mobile internet. It's been a cold, wet day in my part of South Georgia, so I was waiting for it to stop raining and was browsing Facebook when I suddenly noticed that nearly every post from friends involved their children! It suddenly hit me that I don't know when I'll get the opportunity to post about things I'm doing with my children. In fact, if circumstance don't fit just right - if the life cog doesn't turn just so to fit the hole left for it by my infertility - I may never be able to use the term "my child". I had a massive meltdown right there in the Walmart parking lot. I started cyring so hard. Then - when I was able to stop crying - I felt so guilty for feeling jealous.

I'll really be glad when I can stop with Pro.vera.

5 comments:

Kristin said...

Come down and visit. I know an awesome and cheap (cost-wise only) tattoo parlor only about an hour from my house. We can go get tats together.

lowfatlady said...

I'm sorry provera is being mean and making you hormonal/emotional. Have you ever tried prometrium? It's the same thing, but sometimes it effects people differently.

Andrea said...

Bless your heart...I've had that same melt down and feel your hurt. Don't beat yourself up for feeling jealous. It's just part of the emotional process and we have to get through it as best we can.

HUGS and Prayers

Kakunaa said...

Awww, sweetie! I'm so sorry :( I once had a breakdown in the card aisle of Weis. It's rough, I know. We're pulling for you!

And tattoos are a great distraction! Be careful, though, they are addictive, LOL.

tasivfer said...

Isn't it just wonderful that IF is such an emotional thing - and the drugs we have to take play with our hormones and therefore emotions even more! Hooray! :-/

((HUGS))

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