Picture the scene: I'm diligently working away at my desk when a knock comes at my door. The door is flung open by my ex-sister-in-law (who works at the same hospital as I do) who promptly announces she's going to be a nana! Her eldest daughter (half-sister to my niece Boop, but not related to me) is expecting a baby!
Terrible dream, right? In fact, it swiftly sails it's way into nightmare territory! Glad I could wake up from it....
Except, try as I might and despite pinching my arm quite severely, I didn't seem to be waking up. It took me a couple of minutes, but I realised that I wasn't waking up because I wasn't asleep. My ex-SIL actually had flung my door open to announce that her 21-year-old, unmarried, unemployed daughter was 2 months pregnant and she (ex-SIL) was incredibly happy about it and expected me to be overjoyed for her as well.
Guess what? Not so much joy coming from my corner of the room. In fact, I had to restrain myself from clobbering ex-SIL! I could understand her tactlessness had she not been aware of our TTC failure and the failure of our adoption, but she's in full possession of all the details. And, yet, there she was standing in my door and getting more angry at me by the minute for not jumping up and down in exultation.
Frankly, I wanted to slap her and her eldest daughter (come to think of it, my niece was actually not showing a lot of tact either). I can not believe that yet another unprepared youngster in my life is being blessed with a child and The Hubs and I are still struggling. It makes me so incredibly angry.
Explain to me how it is fair for my niece to become an aunt before I get the opportunity to be a mom? It's not. Not at all. It's really effing unfair.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to my room to sulk. And, despite doing so well on my diet and exercise recently, I'm having a baked potato covered in sour cream, cheese and bacon for dinner tonight. I might even have 2. I'll revert to being good tomorrow, but tonight I'm letting disappointment, depression, dispair, hopelessness, bitterness and Provera win.