Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Some Days Are Just Better Off Slept Through

Picture the scene: I'm diligently working away at my desk when a knock comes at my door. The door is flung open by my ex-sister-in-law (who works at the same hospital as I do) who promptly announces she's going to be a nana! Her eldest daughter (half-sister to my niece Boop, but not related to me) is expecting a baby!

Terrible dream, right? In fact, it swiftly sails it's way into nightmare territory! Glad I could wake up from it....

Except, try as I might and despite pinching my arm quite severely, I didn't seem to be waking up. It took me a couple of minutes, but I realised that I wasn't waking up because I wasn't asleep. My ex-SIL actually had flung my door open to announce that her 21-year-old, unmarried, unemployed daughter was 2 months pregnant and she (ex-SIL) was incredibly happy about it and expected me to be overjoyed for her as well.

Guess what? Not so much joy coming from my corner of the room. In fact, I had to restrain myself from clobbering ex-SIL! I could understand her tactlessness had she not been aware of our TTC failure and the failure of our adoption, but she's in full possession of all the details. And, yet, there she was standing in my door and getting more angry at me by the minute for not jumping up and down in exultation.

Frankly, I wanted to slap her and her eldest daughter (come to think of it, my niece was actually not showing a lot of tact either). I can not believe that yet another unprepared youngster in my life is being blessed with a child and The Hubs and I are still struggling. It makes me so incredibly angry.

Explain to me how it is fair for my niece to become an aunt before I get the opportunity to be a mom? It's not. Not at all. It's really effing unfair.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to my room to sulk. And, despite doing so well on my diet and exercise recently, I'm having a baked potato covered in sour cream, cheese and bacon for dinner tonight. I might even have 2. I'll revert to being good tomorrow, but tonight I'm letting disappointment, depression, dispair, hopelessness, bitterness and Provera win.

7 comments:

Kristin said...

Oh honey, I'm so very sorry. It's not frakking fair.

baygirl32 said...

Its not fair, I' m sorry

A Shadow of My Former Self said...

Announcements like these are so hard. I am (sadly) never surprised at how clueless people are. I share your frustration.

lowfatlady said...

Ugh, I am sorry. What a insensitive way to do it even if you haven't told her of your struggles.

Kakunaa said...

I have a "friend" who is 18, unemployed, without a diploma, expecting her first in August. Makes me want to scream.

randomdanni said...

What an insensitive bitch! I'm so sorry you had to go through that! :( <3

I was just discussing this with a friend recently about how unfair it is for people we know to have had 3 abortions in college when there are wonderful people like you that can't conceive. It's a damn shame.

jill said...

Ugh I'm so sorry :( I've experienced similar things and it's awful.

Last year I was locked in an office (she was blocking the door) by my coworker as she told me and my other coworker her "happy" news. At my last job a newly married girl in her very early 20's announces to the whole office that they have decided to "MAKE A BABY!" and, wouldn't you know it, she was pregnant in the next couple months.

I am also trying to lose weight for my fertility and I medicate negative feelings with food. Not a good combo. Sending you *hugs*

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