Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Post-Mother's Day Anxiety

I hope Mother's Day was great for all of you moms, moms-to-be and those just celebrating your mom and, for those of us still dreaming of being a mommy, I hope you were able to make it through this holiday without too many tears.

This weekend was, understandably, tough for me. I spent most of the weekend reading. I finished two books this weekend, Grave Surprise by Charlaine Harris and Pandora by Anne Rice. It was the only way I could keep myself from crying and screaming simultaneously. Never before has a Mother's Day upset me as much as this one.

I did manage to make dinner for my mom both Saturday and Sunday and keep a semi-smile on my face throughout. Saturday night we enjoyed a meal of grilled steaks, homemade macoroni and cheese (my mom loves this) and baked beans and weenies (a favourite of The Hubs). Sunday's meal consisted of grilled chicken marinated in a honey teriyaki sauce, green lima beans, roasted potatoes in Italian seasoning and homemade cornbread. My mom enjoyed it. She also loved the bracelet The Hubs and I got her for Mother's Day. It is similar to a Pandora bracelet (but not quite as expensive - we are saving!) with charms of two boys - one with a January birthstone and one with a May birthstone - representing my brothers and two girl charms - one with a June birthstone and one with a November birthstone - representing my sister and I.

I think it was a good Mother's Day for her, apart from the fact she had to work. I hope it was anyway.

I've been feeling extraordinarily anxious all weekend and into the week as well. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I feel so nervous and worried inside. I feel like crying and I'm keeping a constant headache. I would guess it was nearly time for that witch AF to show, but I only finished Provera on Saturday night. I don't know what's going on with me, but I know The Hubs and my work colleagues are sure wishing whatever it is would hurry up and leave. For that matter, I wish it would too! I don't like feeling this way. I wish I could go somewhere by myself for a day or two and just hide away and mourn. For what, I'm not sure, but I feel a complete sense of loss.

I found out yesterday about the 2nd Annual Atlanta Walk of Hope. I wish I had known about it earlier, because The Hubs and I would have planned to attend. As it is, we now don't have time to do any fundraising or really make plans to attend. Although we do live in Georgia, we're about 4 hours from Atlanta, so it is a bit of a trek to make on no planning. So, we've decided to not attend this year, but to make definite plans to be there next year.

In the meantime, I've been on Resolve's website attempting to locate a local support group only to find that there are none in our local area. With that in mind, I have requested information on starting a peer-led support group in my area. I received an email back but haven't had a chance to go over the material yet. I'm hoping to do that later this week. I hope it will be something I can do. I'd love to have local support during my journey and I think there may be others in my area who could also use that in-person support. I hope you guys will give me moral support if it turns out to be something I think I can do. I'm hoping to work on this over the next year and be able to take a good-sized team to Atlanta for the 2012 Walk of Hope.

Well, I guess I should bring this post to an end and get on with work. I hope you all have a great Tuesday!


AKD said...

I love how active you are, and how kind you are to both your relatives and those in your community!

Kristin said...

{{{Hugs}}} and I'm sorry it was such a rough weekend.

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