Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Time is Fleeting. Carpe Diem.

My dad died this morning. He had a heart attack.

I was in the shower getting ready for work this morning when my mom knocked frantically on our door. The Hubs jumped up and went to answer it. I continued on my merry way with my shower, thinking, not that nothing was wrong, but not hugely concerned. My family is a bit meladramatic, so I don't get extremely concerned when someone frantically knocks on my door or calls repeatedly.

A few minutes later The Hubs came back in and came into the bathroom. "It's not good news, I'm afraid", he said. I opened the door of the shower, feeling as though my face were ghost white, "What is it?"

The Hubs is not an drama king. He doesn't make something out of things that are nothing. I knew it was bad news.

"We think your dad is dead."

I didn't believe it. I carried on with my shower, denying it was possible. I hurried though. I told The Hubs "I know CPR!"

What a ridiculous, stupid statement. Why do we say ignorant things in times of trouble?

We went to next door to my mom's house. My dad was lying in the floor of his room. He was, quiet unmistakeably, no longer with us. The EMT's were there. The coroner was on his way.

My world fell away. I was very much my dad's baby. I can't believe he's gone.

I was here when the coroner okay'd his removal from the house. He had scratched at his face trying to get breath. He couldn't breathe. My mom didn't want me to, but I made them let me see him. I kissed him on his forehead. He was so cold. I know my dad wasn't in the shell anymore, but the shell is what I knew my dad to look like.

I have no pictures of my dad that I'm aware of. I have no video of him. I know he's with me now in spirit, but I'm so devestated knowing I'll never hear his voice again. I'll never smell his unique "daddy" scent. He'll never see me graduate from University. He'll never meet my children and they'll never meet their Papa.

My heart aches. I miss my Daddy.

19 comments:

Gwen said...

I've been following your blog for a while but never commented. I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. I can't imagine the pain that you're going through, but please know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Gwen

annoyed army wife said...

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Life Happens said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time. May God bless you with comfort.

Mrs. Gamgee said...

I am sooo very sorry hon. Sending prayers for you and your family.

Diana said...

I can't say it enough of how sorry I am for u and how my heart breaks. Please know u and ur family are in my prayers. I wish I could take this pain away from u. May he rest in peace :'(

Suzy, Not a Fertile Myrtle said...

Lynn, I am so very sorry. My Dad died of a heart attack 13 years ago this month and I totally get what you're feeling right now.

Feel free to email me any time!

Peace be with you.

Do I Have to Be a D.I.N.K.? said...

I am so sorry to hear this. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Kristin said...

Oh Lynn my sweet friend, I am so very sorry. I can't imagine having to deal with a loss like that. I am only a phone call away and, if I can help, please ask. Call anytime.

Jjiraffe said...

I am so, so sorry. Abiding with you. (((Hugs)))

Marissa said...

I am so very sorry for your loss...

Ann said...

Thinking of you and your family's loss. Praying for you all.

AKD said...

Oh, Lynn. I am so very sorry for your loss.

Mrs.Joyner said...

Oh my goodness..What a tragic and unexpected loss..Sorry doesn't even seem adequate. Please know you are heavy in my heart tonight..

A Shadow of My Former Self said...

I am very sorry for the loss of your father.

areyoukiddingme said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you had a very special relationship with your dad.

Kir said...

I am here from Kristin's blog and I am so very very sorry for your loss. My father died in 1996 of a sudden heart attack at 52. I know the pain and loss and sadness you are feeling and I am sending loving thoughts to you as you naviagate this.

I am TRULY sorry and wish you peace and comfort in the days and years to come.

justine said...

I'm so, so sorry ... you and your family are in my thoughts. *hug*

Deb said...

Very sorry for your loss. May your memories bring you comfort.

Jennifer said...

Oh Lynn...I am so very sorry for your loss. I'm just catching up on all my blogs. Sorry I didn't read this sooner. I'm praying for you and your family during this terrible time. Hugs!

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