If & Maybe

If our adoption had not fallen through, our baby boy would be one year old today. Instead, He's still turning 1 today, but he's not ours.

If the foster care system worked the way it should, C would never have gone back to her biological mother and would not be a drug addict. Instead, she was caught in town this past week attempting to exchange her food stamp card for cash so she could buy drugs.

If fertility were gifted only to those who would make great parents, The Hubs and I would already be parents, probably multiple times. Instead, C just gave birth to her fourth child in December (she kept this one, as with her first two - the older two are still in foster care).

If life were fair, I would be planning our little boy's first birthday party today. Instead, I am on my way to the RE to hear his take on our chances of attaining a pregnancy.

Maybe things will turn out well.

Maybe C will kick her drug habit and her children will be happy and become productive members of society.

Maybe The Hubs and I needed another year to prepare for our child.

Maybe that baby boy needed different parents to The Hubs and I.

Maybe the RE will have good news for us and provide optimism where I have little.

Maybe this time next year, we'll be preparing for the birth of our own child.

Maybe there is a child out there somewhere in need of The Hubs' and my love and care and we'll find them this year.

Maybe....