What the F**k Wednesday

So I've just discovered What the Fuck Wednesday, hosted by the ever-fabulous Kristin and have decided I would participate. Hopefully this will help me get back into the blogging cycle seeing as how there are constantly WTF moments in my life.

Today's moment comes to you directly from my boss. I will pause here to say, if you happen to follow me on Facebook, please do not mention this there, seeing as how my boss is now one of my "friends" (after dodging her for two years and claiming to always "forget" to locate her and add her and hiding behind the fact I have a very common name, she finally located me and added me. I could find no reason to not accept and figured I would just do well to accept her friendship and limit my FB time from here on out).

As I've stated in my last two posts, I have a severe headache that has been with me now for a week and a half. I saw my regular doctor last Wednesday and was prescribed antibiotics and nose spray for a severe sinus infection and Flexeril for neck spasms as well as Vimovo to keep my stomach from being upset from the other medications (hey, no matter that I generally take enough medication for an army, these meds may cause an upset stomach), however, these medications have not even touched my headache. It's still present and getting worse. I've been at work everyday (apart from my visit to the RE last Thursday, but that was unrelated to my headache), having taken only an hour to go to my doctor last Wednesday and then coming back to work. In fact, we're only at Wednesday of this week and I already have 3 1/4 hours more hours than I should have! At the rate I'm going, I'll have to leave by 11:00 on Friday to avoid overtime!

Anyway, one of the reasons I have so much time is that one of the other girls in my department has been sick and the other one has had a sick child. Between the two of them, they've missed some time this week. Being the department supervisor, it has fallen to me to take up their slack, despite my debilitating headache. Honestly, I've been going through my days in a haze of pain and nausea. But I've been there.

Today (as the colleague who has been sick herself was admitted to our hospital), I stated to my boss that I needed to see my doctor again and see what he could do, since my headache had not gone away. Let me restate: this headache has been around for a week and a half.

Her response? (In a very snide and snotty tone) "You just need to go get some Sudafed and take it! You just have fluid in your head and sinuses! There's nothing else wrong!"

What. The. Fuck?!?!

Now, I know she is a nurse, but, guess what? She may not have been concerned, but I was! I'll stop here to say she's been extremely concerned about the colleague who's been sick and the child of the other colleague, but then she's friends with them outside of work (which severely limits my ability to be an effective supervisor. They don't like what I do, they run to her and complain and she "corrects" me). I'm not disputing they've been sick, but so have I. And her dismissal of my headache really bothered me.

In the end, I spoke with my doctor and he ordered a STAT CT of the brain with and without IV contrast. The report showed there was no hemorrhaging, no mass, no ischemic changes and no fluid on the brain or in the sinuses. Shock! Surprise! My boss was wrong (go figure)!

What it means is that what I'm experiencing is a migraine headache different from any migraine I've had before - and I get them pretty frequently - and possibly indicative of a move towards epilepsy. Great. That's all I need. In an effort to prevent future migraines and avoid any epileptic episodes, my doctor has prescribed Topamax for 5 days to see what my response to it will be.

So, I will once more say What the Fuck?!?!?! to my boss and ask the diagnosing of my problems be left to my GP. Oh, and please have the same respect and care for me you have for the others in my department.

Sorry for my rant, but it had to go somewhere!

Got your own WTF Wednesday moment? Post it on your blog and then head on over to Dragondreamer's Lair and add your link in the comments section!

I mentioned in my last post how we had finally contacted the State of Georgia about starting the adoption process on Monday of this week. We're in the midst of the 10 day period they call us in. By next Friday we should have heard from them.

In the meantime, I've been having a look at the My Turn Now Photolisting of children available for adoption from the Georgia Foster Care System. The Hubs and I have actually been looking at this list for several years and there is one child who caught our attention about 3 years ago. We said when we first saw this child that if she was still available when we actually came to adopt, we would look at possibly pursuing her adoption. So we have this evening completed the interest email for this child.

I know if she's meant to be part of our family, it will work out and, if not, then the Lord has another plan for her and us. I'll be happy whichever way it works out, but.....please wish us luck! I would be ecstatic if she was meant to join our family! I won't be sharing any specific details about her at this time for a couple of reasons: firstly, I don't know what the Georgia State rules on this are, but I'm guessing they don't want you discussing the adoption and, secondly, it's really her story to tell and I don't want to do anything that might hurt her. So, I'll share what I can, but don't expect too much.

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I had my follow-up visit with Dr. O today. The cyst seems not to have grown, but Dr. O is still concerned about it, so he's sending me to a specialist OB/GYN to get their opinion on our next move. He feels they'll probably just recommend watching it for now and then, if it grows, remove it.

Sigh.

Once more we're in hurry-up-and-wait mode. I'm still 10 pounds from my goal to lose anyway. I need to get back to watching my calories very closely and exercising regularly. I sort of fell off the wagon when my Dad died. But I know he'd want me to work on my weight, too. It will work out so much better for me. I'll be healthier and I'll look better. I'll feel better too. In the long run, it's just the right thing for me.

Anyway, back to the RE visit, Dr. O wants me to continue next month with Agestin because it seemed to work well this month. Since I started late this month, he wants me to bring it back 3 days next month, so I'll start the meds on November 4. Then in December, I'll go back to the 1st and be back on track.

I just wish my body would, for once, do what it was supposed to do.

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My Dad's grave finally has the headstone up. It looks so pretty. I still cry everytime I go. I miss him so much. I get so angry when I think what infertility has stolen from me. It means my Dad will never get to meet his grandchildren (at least my children) and his grandchildren will never get to meet him. It means I'll never get to see my children hug him or walk to him. They'll never get to wrap a Christmas gift for their Papa. There are so many things I've lost due to infertility, but this one makes me the angriest.

Anyway, I took a picture of his headstone so I could share it. I've blurred out the last name for security purposes but it doesn't affect the picture at all. I hope you think it's as beautiful as I do.



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ICLW starts tomorrow. I will really try hard to get a post done every day and visit all my blog reads each day. I need to get back into blogging regularly and reading my friends. I miss you all.

Ciao for now!

Tidbits

• I'm still not feeling very wordsy these days. Finding it difficult to simply interact with people in everyday life, so really struggling to find the energy/words to blog.


• I've had a bad headache now for 3 days. It's really painful and makes it difficult for me to concentrate on anything. I really wish it would go away. Right now my brain feels a lot like a water balloon someone is rhythmically squeezing. Probably a new kind of migraine for me. Awesome.


• My third blogoversary was 5 days ago. I missed it. I'm so on top of these things, can't you tell?


• I had an appointment with Dr. O on October 6 because AF hadn't shown her face in a couple of months and the last two times she did show up, it was only very faint. He wanted to do another endometrial biopsy and also an ultrasound. I've gotten the results back from the biopsy and, so far, no hyperplasia is showing. The ultrasound did show a persistent cyst on my right ovary. The cyst had grown 2cm in 3 weeks, so not good. I have to go back this Thursday to have another ultrasound and see if it's grown again. If it has, he'll be setting up an appointment to have the cyst removed. He also gave me some meds to bring AF on and she showed up Sunday morning. I think she's on her way again now, so it's been a brief but intense visit, lol. I had some bloodwork done as well, but so far haven't gotten the results back from that. I'll give you an update after my appointment.


• I think I forgot to share with you that we had lost two of our dogs in September. Our hound who lived outside, Melly, was bitten by a snake and died. We were very sad to lose her, but we were at work when it happened and, so, had no chance of saving her. My mom's chihuahua, Merlin, was hit by a car when he was let out to run and it killed him instantly. Another blow of a loss. Feels like there's been a lot of that lately.


• Speaking of loss, my best friend (apart from The Hubs), J, is leaving the country for a year. He's going to Afghanistan to work as a civilian contractor. He's been working with The Hubs for the last year and I've grown used to seeing him most days and talking to him virtually everyday. It's going to be difficult not having him to talk to. He's been a big help over the last few months to both The Hubs and I. I'll miss him.


• We haven't really heard anything more from Juno. Still no meeting and still no more info, so I'm not counting that as much of a lead anymore. Not giving up entirely on it, but not letting it rule my thoughts.


• The Hubs and I finally called for info on adopting through the State of Georgia yesterday! We should get a call back within 10 days to set up an informational meeting. Hopefully, we'll soon be on our way to getting approved to adopt through the State!


• The Hubs and I have been talking a lot about our pending adoption process and we're considering adopting an older child. Has anyone ever adopted a child over age 8 through foster/adoption? We'd appreciate any information you may have to share, particularly if you've done this in the State of Georgia.


• I'm still trying to decide what I want to do for birthdayversary next month. I can't decide if The Hubs and I want to go away overnight just the two of us or if I want to have a party in Savannah. I teeter back and forth between the two. Must make my mind up very soon.


• If you hadn't noticed, I updated my blog template for Halloween. I like it. I think it's pretty.


• I'm getting ready to open the Christmas Ornament Exchange soon. I want to give everyone plenty of time to sign up and shop for their ornament. I'm also thinking of doing a masterlist for Christmas Card exchanges. What do you think? Anyone interested in exchanging addresses for Christmas Cards? Let me know!


• I know there are many other things I wanted to share, but can't think what they are now. Oh, well, that should just give me another reason to blog again soon!

Adjusting & ICLW

I guess it's time I crawl out from under my grief rock and give you all an update. First off, though, let me welcome those of you stopping by from ICLW. I'm glad to have you here. Sorry this space is a bit dusty at the moment. I've been away for a while attempting to come to terms with my dad's death. I'll try not to be a complete negative, as there is a lot of positive in my life at the moment. It's just overshadowed somewhat by my family's loss.

For my regular readers, as you can see, I am still here, just not handling the loss of my dad very well. He's been gone for over a month now and I still find myself randomly bursting into tears at times. I'll be sitting at work and see a patient with a diagnosis of COPD and I start crying (this was my dad's main problem and the cause behind his stroke, which led to the heart attack that finally took him). I walk down the hallway of the hospital where I work and where my dad was after his stroke and pass his room and the tears start streaming down my face.

It's really not a pretty sight at all.

The most difficult part of it all for me is the toll it's having on my mom. She is not handling his death well at all. They'd been married for 48 years, though, and I can only imagine what it's like to be with someone for that long and then for them suddenly to not be around any longer. There are so many things she finds difficult, up to and including living in their house. To make things even more difficult for her, their mortgage lender has said that his death means nothing towards their mortgage payment. It doesn't reduce the payment or anything. We were under the impression that their mortgage insurance would pay the mortgage off in the event of the death of either partner, however, they say differently. We're in the process of locating their original mortgage documents (which are in one of several filing cabinets) and reviewing them in order to hopefully find backing for our beliefs. They purchased mortgage insurance; surely that covers death? If not, what use is it?

Fortunately for my mom, she and my dad had a visit to my brother in New Jersey planned. My mom got a refund on my dad's ticket (and let me take a moment to say a HUGE thank you to Southwest Airlines, who were wonderful enough to give my mom a refund on my dad's ticket despite it being a non-refundable ticket. A lot of airlines would not have done this) but decided to hold onto her own. She left on September 13 and has been with my brother ever since. She'll be back on September 27.

While this has been awesome for her, it's been really difficult for me. I'm not generally a clingy person to my parents and siblings (in fact, most of the time my mom drives me crazy) but since my dad's passing, my mom and I have really needed one another's company. I'm missing her like crazy and can hardly wait for her to come home. She texts and calls me everyday telling me what she's been up to that day, but always says "I wish you'd been here. It would have made the day perfect." I don't want to cut her vacation short, but, good gracious, I'll be glad for next Tuesday to get here!

So, let me bring you up-to-date with the non-grief related news of the last month. As you may remember, The Hubs and I were looking for a house of our own prior to beginning the home study process. Well, one of the good things that has happened is that we found that house and we've done the main part of moving into it! We still have a few things to get moved, but as of this past Monday, we are officially living in our new home! It's much closer to work (a 5 minute drive versus the previous 20 minute drive we were making), still has a rural, country feel without being so far out of town and is in a nice neighborhood. I think we're going to enjoy living there.

The Hubs was offered a promotion at work and took it. He is now a Billing and Coding Specialist for the doctor's office he works for. This is a good move for him, as he was feeling a little underused there. He also got a $1 per hour raise for moving up and will hopefully get even more of a raise when he completely takes over from the outside billing company who had previously done the office's billing. This looks to probably happen sometime around the first of the year. One of the perks of his new job? He's being sent to a conference in St. Petersburg, Florida the first weekend of October. He asked me did I mind attending, seeing as how he would be in the conference much of the weekend. Let me think about this - a luxury hotel, on the beach and a weekend free of responsibilities? Yeah! I think I can handle it! So, we're both looking forward to that.

I don't really have much of an update on Juno and baby. We still have no date set to meet her. If you recall, that was supposed to happen this month (September) but so far no meeting has been set. What I do know is that she met with the other couple she was considering and really, really disliked the wife. There was an almost predatory attitude to the woman and Juno really felt uncomfortable with it. She kept saying to Juno "You need to eat more! My baby is hungry!" and pressing on Juno's stomach so hard (attempting to feel movement from the baby - Juno is only 4 months along and this is a first pregnancy, so I'm not sure anyone other than Juno herself would be able to feel movement at this point anyway) that she made Juno throw up. Juno left the meeting with a feeling of horror and told her mother "If that's what people who want to adopt are like, then I'm not so sure about this!" Her mother did tell her not all adoptive families are like that.

I really hope we get an opportunity to meet her soon and show her not everyone is like that. Without even knowing her and without feeling this child is our's (because, fortunately I haven't developed that feeling yet), I feel concern and love for Juno. I'm pleased that she chose life for her child and I think she is a very, very brave young woman. I know that if she were older, she would make a fabulous mother to this child. I also know that she is mature enough to know that, at her young age, she is not yet prepared to care for this child. I just hope that people liek this couple she has already met with won't push her into doing something that would not be in the best interest of her or the baby. Whatever happens, though, I know happens for the best. There is a plan for Juno's life and for the baby's life and we'll just have to follow the road and see where the path leads.

In other news, I have now finished the major portion of my BA and am now working on my minor. If everything goes to plan, I will graduate in June of next year!! I am very, very excited about this! I still have a 4.0 GPA as of this moment and hope to carry that with me through to graduation. I've been offered an opportunity through my school to become a peer mentor, which is something I'm extremely proud of and am looking forward to accepting. It will be a great addition to my resume when I have finished my degree.

To those of you who offered your thoughts, prayers and condolences on my dad's death, I am so very, very grateful to you. I am still making my way around to everyone's humble abodes to say a personal thank you, but my progress has been very slow so far. Please know that I will make it around to you, but in the meantime, please know how much your words meant to me during that very dark period.

I know my dad is still watching over us. There have been several days when I would be outside and there has been a complete dead calm. I would begin talking to my Daddy and ask him to give me a sign he was there with me. Without hesitation, at every single one of these moments, the wind has picked up and blown through the area in fierce gusts that make me feel like my dad is hugging me. I'm so thankful he's still with me even though he's gone. It makes me feel less alone.

Later in the week, I'll share a couple of other things close to my heart with you: the last words my dad ever said to me and a post I actually should have posted last week with a photo of my awesome socks from my Sock It To Me buddy, Prairie Anonymous (private blog - and, if you're reading this, sweetie, my invite expired before I clicked it! Could you invite me again?), along with my post on how support from others in the blogosphere has helped me over the last 18 months. Watch this space. Those stories are coming!

That's all for right now. I'll try to get my arse in gear and get back to blogging properly. I just needed some me time to grieve, but I'll try to get it all back together now. Thanks for being patient with me!