A Kick In The Teeth

I'm sorry I still don't have the April Secret Pal revelations ready. I'll try to have it ready soon.

I've made an awful discovery. In anticipation of my appointments with the RE over the next couple of weeks, I called the office of the surgeon who performed my surgery 3 years ago to request the medical records so I could carry those with me to the appointments. For those who don't know, I went in for a routine gallbladder removal 3 years ago, only to have the surgeon find an enormous cyst on my right ovary. They removed more than 2 litres of fluid from the cyst before removing it from my ovary. After the surgery, I told the surgeon The Hubs and I were trying to start a family and asked if the surgery would have a negative impact on our fertility. He told me it should have no effect on our TTC, that he had only removed a cyst.

After receiving the medical records yesterday (one of the perks of working at a hospital is that doctors' offices will go ahead and send you medical records without having to wait), I was reviewing them out of interest when I came across this paragraph in the surgical pathology report "Specimen consists of a 62.2 gram previously sectioned cystic mass, 10.5 x 9.3 x 5.0 cm. The external surface is smooth and gray-tan. The interior lining is gray pink and smooth without papillatory excrescences. The wall vaires from 0.1 to 0.3 cm in greatest dimension. There is a 4.4 cm in greatest dimension fallopian tube terminating with fimbria."

Wait a minute. What the heck?!?!

Yes, you, like I, read that right. It seems that, in removing the giant cyst, the surgeon also removed my right fallopian tube! And more importantly, never thought it important enough to tell me this!

I feel devestated and hollow inside. I know it's not impossible for us to conceive with only one fallopian tube, but I also know it makes it a lot more difficult! Particularly when you add my PCOS into the mix.

And I think the worst part is that I feel violated by someone I trusted. This surgeon is the same one who cared for my Dad for 10 weeks 4 years ago when we thought he was going to die. He has felt like part of our family since that time. And, yet, he lied to me. He didn't just fail to impart a pivotal bit of information to me - he actively lied to me when I asked him about any potential negative effect on our infertility! It is like a punch in the gut. And I feel like the last almost two years of treatment with my GYN have been wasted, both in time and monetary value.

The Hubs and I have talked and have decided we will wait and see what the RE has to say about the situation when we see him. I'm hoping he will suggest an HSG so that we can determine if the other tube is open and also see if there is any damage to my uterus or ovary. If there is any damage, I hate to say it, but I feel we will seriously have to look at whether it is sensible to bring a malpractice suit against the surgeon. Not because I lost the tube (although I do feel the fact I wasn't informed of this constitutes malpractice), but if there is other damage, I can't just let it pass.

For now, I'm going to hope there is no more damage to my reproductive system and that we can put this mess behind us and move onto the next treatment. I'm trying to take some breathing time to process, but right now it feels like too much to bear.

May Secret Pals

First of all, let me apologize for being so late with this (I admit, I forgot! Oops!) and offer kudos and thanks to BrownIris for reminding me! It is now time for the May Secret Pals sign up! Since I'm late this month, sign up will be open until May 5th.

Here's how it works:

1. You sign up by filling out this form. Sign up will be open until May 5, 2010.

2. Sometime before May 9th, I'll send out your Secret Pal name!

3. On May 10th, the fun commences! You'll visit your secret pals blog (if you already visit - great! If not - you find a new blog! It's a win/win situation) frequently throughout the month, send them an email if they have good news, bad news or just need some support and sometime during month, you'll send them a gift to their home. The gift doesn't need to be anything huge, just a little something to say you're thinking of them.

4. On May 30th, we'll reveal our secret pals!

5. Assuming all goes smoothly and everyone is enjoying the proceedings, sign-up for June will open in mid-May.

Again, I am very sorry for being so late with this! I blame it on getting older, lol! No, no! It was the Provera craziness that flipped my lid! That's my claim anyway :D

Here is the linkie, which you can pick up here:



I'll have to get the April Secret Pal names together, but go ahead and leave a guess as to who your's was! Part of the fun is the guessing :D I'll post the names either tomorrow or Wednesday!

That Time of the Month Again!

Now, I bet you thought I was going to say AF had finally showed up, right? Nope! But it is time for IComLeavWe again! So welcome to the visitors and regulars alike!

A bit about me: I'm Lynn, 31 years old, married to The Hubs for 7 1/2 years, two furbabies (really four, but two of them live with my mom), no kids, PCOS sufferer, 6 1/2 total years of TTC, 1 1/2 of those on medicated cycles, no pregnancies, one failed adoption, enough cynicism for a lifetime, first visits with RE planned for May 5th (work-up with PA) and May 12th (with Dr. to get recommendations and plan).

Want non-IF related details about me? Work in a hospital full-time as the supervisor of central scheduling/insurance verification, like my job but would really like to teach language arts or history, working on my BASS Ed, maintaining a 4.0 GPA after a year and a half, recently inducted into the Honors Society at my university, love to cook, am a Certified Catering Specialist but never wanted to do it as a profession, love to read, love to write, love music (especially classic rock), adore singing, think the Beatles, the Doors, the Who and Fleetwood Mac are the greatest musicians ever, love to scrapbook, love to crochet, think Rob Pattinson is the sexiest man alive (only because Jim Morrison is dead), long to one day produce the novel I know is bursting to get out but so far hasn't found the right outlet, would love to get involved in a charity helping underprivileged families, am a Republican through and through with a true dislike for the current president (sorry if you like him! no offense to you but I just don't care for the man), am a serious animal lover (although I'm not a vegetarian - I know, I know!), love to make friends, love to blog (but don't manage it as often as I'd like), lived in England for 3 1/2 years, love my British husband whom I met online dearly and long to be a mother more than anything else in the world.

There, I think that about covers it. If you want to know more about me, feel free to have a plunder through my archives.

Now I have a favor to ask of you, my lovely readers. I am currently collecting recipes for a fundraising cookbook compilation to help fund our fertility treatment and/or adoption fund. If you would like to contribute a recipe, please email me at wistful (dot) girl (at) gmail (dot) com. Please include the recipe and a short blurb about yourself and how you know me. Any contributions you make will be greatly appreciated!

As a thank you for all your contributions in advance, I will leave you with a horrifying yet strangely hilarious anecdote about my day. As stated earlier, I work in a hospital, albeit in an office where my contact with patients is mainly via the telephone. I do, however, have an enormous window to the outside in the office I share with my co-worker. Today we were both sat at my desk discussing a work related matter when we noticed a male patient standing outside our window right by the entrance to the hospital. Said patient had rolled his IV pole outside so he could smoke a cigarette. What had caught our attention was that he kept leaning close to our window and peering into our window. I must pause here to denote that our window has a black out tint over it, meaning that, while we can see out quite clearly, seeing in is not possible. So, to this patient, it appeared to be an empty room. My co-worker and I concluded our coversation and she rolled back over to her desk and picked up her phone, turning her back to the window. I returned to my computer screen with the window behind and to the left of me. Suddenly, I noticed a shadow cover the window. I turned to see what the patient was doing only to find him relieving himself right outside my window! And I mean it was all hanging out! Right outside the entrance to the hospital with patients coming and going and in full view of our office! I was horrified! I spun around and screamed "He's peeing!" My co-worker looked at me as if I had lost my mind and asked me what my problem was. I explained to her what I had witnessed and we both had horrified hysterics. The rest of my day was spent trying to forget the image that is now forever burned into my head.

Go on. Laugh. You aren't the first to do that today! Hope you have a fabulous week!

Latest Tidbits

I have a few bits of news to share!

Meet Up with Kym and Alana

Yesterday was the day Kym, Alana and I met up. We had a great time! It was wonderful to get to chat with them in person and I can hardly wait for our next meeting this summer! Til then, here are some photos for you to enjoy:


Kym smiling beautifully.


Alana with her amazing smile! Not sure what was happening with the lighting here. We couldn't figure it out.


Kym and Alana


Alana and I


The Girls


Kym and I

After our meet up yesterday, I was feeling inspired, so I got some of the photos printed and decided to do a bit of scrapbooking. I haven't scrapbooked in quite a while, so it was a blast to get back into it! Here are my results:


First Page I worked on.


And the other page. Whatcha' think?

Cycle Update

I'm currently on my sixth day of Pro.vera. Still no AF, but if I remember the last time I took it correctly, AF didn't show up until two days after I took the last pill. That time Dr. Bashful had only prescribed 10 days worth of tablets, but this time she's given me twenty days worth. I think I'm going to only take it for 10 days and then see what happens. That way I have a stash for the next time I fail to O. Which hopefully won't be for a very long time.

RE Referral Update

I received a call on Thursday from the RE's office! I now have my appointment date! We will see the PA on May 5th and then on May 12th, we'll go back for an appointment with the RE himself to give us his recommendations and the game plan we'll be working with. I am super excited about the appointment! Maybe we'll actually get somewhere with TTC now. If Pro.vera does its job, I should start AF either Friday or Saturday (hopefully) this week, which would put me at CD 13 on May 5th and CD20 on May 12th. I'm praying that I can talk the RE into doing a trigger shot at one of these appointments. I really hope we make some headway soon!

I think that gets you up-to-date with me! Going to try to make a few blog rounds now, so I'll post again later!

The Countdown Begins....

I finally took another HPT this morning and it was (obviously) negative. I knew it would be after my 0 beta last week (Zero doubled any number of times still just equals zero), but I thought I would just be sure. After confirming the negative, I called Nurse Happy and let her know. I asked for Dr. Bashful to prescribe Pro.vera and then asked to do another Fe.mara cycle with a trigger shot and asked for them to actually go ahead and do the RE referral (as you may recall, they held off this cycle because they wanted to see what the results would be. Turns out the results were a probable anovulatory cycle). They agreed to the Pro.vera and the Fe.mara cycle and will be doing the RE referral. However, apparently Dr. Bashful can't (read won't) do a trigger shot. She said that would have to come from the RE. Therefore, we'll be doing another Fe.mara cycle, but I don't know if I'll actually O (again). Maybe I will or maybe (just maybe) we'll get enormously lucky and get into the RE in time to get the trigger for O, but I'm not hugely optimistic.

Having said that, I start Pro.vera tonight! I'll be glad to let her bully my body into doing what it is supposed to do. I know it will be a painful AF (who of us is actually a novice to the Pro.vera bully?), but I'm hoping it will actually get things started well for us. The countdown to AF is now on!

As is the countdown to my RE appointment. I'm feeling a little excited!

What The Heck Is Wrong With People???

I just read the article about the Tennessee woman who sent her seven-year-old adopted Russian son back to Russia.....alone. I mean, come on! What is wrong with people?!?!

First of all, she chose to adopt this little boy! He had been in care in Russia and he was six years old at the time....of course he's going to have psychological problems! Anyone who has ever considered adoption from foster care or adoption of an older child from overseas should have considered the probability of that child needing counseling and probably counseling with a psychiatrist. It's a lot for a person to deal with. Hell, it's a lot for an adult to deal with....for a child it's a huge, astronomical, mountainous thing to deal with! And yet, this woman felt her child was dispensible. Oh, he's damaged goods....guess I'll take him back to the store! I certainly don't want any part of him! I only want a perfect child.

Things like this make me so angry! Now the Russian government is considering halting adoption of Russian children by US citizens and, frankly, who can really blame them? This woman put a seven-year-old on an international flight alone. Don't hand me that bull that "a flight attendant was watching him". Have you ever been on an international flight? I have. Those flight attendants are extremely busy! This was a baby traveling across the ocean and several countries alone. And yet again I repeat, WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??????

I am pleased to see that the mother is possibly facing child abandonment charges because, like it or not, she is that child's mother. That makes her responsible for his care and well-being. I don't know about you, but putting your kid on an international flight alone is not my idea of taking care of your child. And once you sign those papers, or push that baby out, or even take custody of a child, YOU ARE THEIR PARENT!!! You can't just say "Oh, I have a child who misbehaves. I don't want them anymore, so I'm no longer their parent." It just doesn't work that way.

I hope they convict her of abandonment. I hope she someday feels remorse for what she's done to an already scarred child. I hope that child can find someone who loves him for him.

I'm interested to know your opinions on this case. Do you think it's abandonment? Or do you think the mother had a right to do what she did?

Are You Still Alive?

Yes I am! I've just been super-duper busy!

First, I'll give you a cycle update (that's what you've all been waiting for anyway, I know!). So last Monday, AF had still not turned up. I was at 14 DPO then with a 12 day LP, so I called Nurse Happy and asked if Doctor Bashful would fax an order over to my work to have a beta done. They agreed and I soon received the fax and was on my way back to the lab to have blood drawn. Three and a half long hours later, the results were back. My beta was a whopping......0. Yup, nothing. Nada. Zip. A great big goose egg, just in time for Easter. I decided to wait a few days and see if AF would show, seeing as I obviously wasn't preggers. I'm now 8 days farther on with no sign of the witch and darn FF took my crosshairs away! Therefore, I'm guessing I didn't ovulate. I'll be phoning Nurse Happy again in the next couple of days to see what they want me to do. I'm hoping (crazy, I know) that they'll prescribe good ole' Provera to get the party started and then add Femara into the mix when the witch comes along. I'll push for an HCG trigger this time and we'll see what happens then.

I was rather upset over the outcome of this cycle, but I haven't even had time to mope about it! That big project at work I've been babbling about for months finally went live yesterday. That meant that last week and so far this one have been devoted to working out the kinks and getting things going. It's going to keep us extremely busy (which probably means my work-blog-surfing time is over sadly), so I'll have to make a concerted effort to stay on top of my blog and keep in touch with my blog buddies. I'm grateful though because it means that work goes by so much quicker and, honestly, I really like what I'm doing. But if any of you ever tell that to anyone, I'll totally deny it ;D

Apart from that, I'm in a killer class at school right now. Because I go to school online, my classes only last 5 weeks at a time. Therefore, I'm in a new class every 5 weeks (well, duh! Lol!). This class is worth more credits than any other I'll take (even the ones dedicated to my major) even though it is only a core class. And it is not one of my favorite subjects. And it is much more in depth than any other class I've taken. It's kicking my butt! Having said that, I'm still maintaining an A in the class, so I can't complain too much!

I do miss all my bloggy buddies though! I'm getting very excited as next Saturday (April 17th) I'll be meeting up with Alana and Kym!! I can't wait! It is going to be such a riot as they are two funny mamas! Can't wait to see you girls!

To ease my loss of getting to stop by as many blogs as I'd like, I hope you'll participate in my little experiment. Please post in my comments and tell me what you've been up to lately in 10 words or less! Can't wait to hear from you all!