Complications

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Ours was okay, but we've had some disappointing news. Since things are uncertain at the moment, I won't go into any great detail. However, I will say that, at the moment, our adoption is on hold. We know C has been lying to us about some important things and she is now avoiding us and not answering our phone calls. We both feel devestated. I will post more when we know more. Thanks for your support.

Its IComLeavWe Time Again!

Welcome IComLeavWeers!

I get so excited this time each month! I'm so glad you decided to take the time to visit my blog. If you'd like to know more about how we got to this point, you can read about my infertility history, our recent exciting news and my belief on how the two work together.

For this month though, I thought I'd do something a little different! So, I've enlisted the help of my partner in crime, The Hubs! He is going to ask me some questions of his choice which I will write out for you and I will give you the answer! So, grab a cup of hot cocoa, tea or coffee, sit back and enjoy!

1. The Hubs - We have an anniversary coming up (it's Monday). If money were no object, how would you like to celebrate it?

This is a very interesting question. I would love to go away to the Bahamas before The Pengu gets here in February. That would be truly awesome. Although, I would also love to go shopping for a house, but I'm assuming that if money were no object, we would already have our dream home.

2. The Hubs - What is your proudest accomplishment?

I think the thing I'm most proud of (at the moment) is returning to school at the beginning of 2009 after 10 years out of school and, a year later, having maintained a 4.0 GPA. I'm working on obtaining my Bachelors degree in Social Sciences with an education concentration so that I can teach. I think I would really love teaching!

3. The Hubs - We lived in England for 3 1/2 years. What do you miss most from that time?

Wow! That's a great question! So much to choose from. I really miss the old beautiful buildings and the history of the place. I also miss walking everywhere we go. The food is another thing I miss (although often more bland than American food, I did get quite attached to many things there that we can't find here back in the States). However, the thing I miss most was the level of independence we had while living there. The Hubs' family all lived at least a 30 minute journey from us and that suited us well. Now that we're back in the States and live right next door to my mom and dad, its very stifling. Don't get me wrong! I love my parents very much and I appreciate all the help and support they give us, but we've lived next door to them for almost 3 years and they think they should be involved in every aspect of our life. That can get very tiring after so many years of being totally independent. Its the reason we're hoping to be able to move before February.

4. The Hubs - What did you miss most about the States while you were living in England.

The answer to this is very funny to the point of being ironic. The thing I missed most while living in England was......my family. I hated not being able to see them when I wanted. I thought that being back in the States would be great because we'd have our own home, about 30 minutes away from them, and I'd be able to visit them at least once or twice a month. I never dreamed we'd be living right next door and seeing them everyday!

5. The Hubs - What are you afraid of?

There are many answers to this question. I'm afraid of water (I can't swim), I'm afraid I won't be a good parent, I'm afraid I'll never have independence again, and I'm afraid the future won't lead to better things (although I hope these last 3 are unfounded fears!).

6. The Hubs - What's the most beautiful/impressive place you've ever been?

Hands down it was London viewed from the London Eye! I love that city! And it was such an amazing view! I have it on video, but its not digital, so I can't post a pic for you. However, I definitely recommend this experience if you're ever in London!

7. The Hubs - What's the best thing about living in South?

Hmmm....the best thing about living in the South would have to be the food! (Can you tell yet that I love food and cooking is a HUGE part of my life?) I love Southern cuisine. It has such a homey feel to it and it makes the house smell fantastic!

8. The Hubs - What is the most unusual journey you've ever been on?

Hahaha! Well, this requires telling a story of one of the misadventures The Hubs' and I have been on. Several years ago while still in England, we decided we wanted to give his family luxury food hampers for Christmas. We had heard of a place in Leeds that made custom baskets and we decided to try to find the shop so we could get their gifts. We took the train into Leeds, then took a taxi to where the place was supposed to be located. When we told the taxi driver where we were headed, he looked at us a bit dubiously, but he took us there anyway.

When we got where we were going, we got out of the taxi and looked around us. We were in a very rough and seedy area of Leeds to which neither of us had ever been. We saw no evidence of any businesses around, so we turned back to get back into the taxi. However, the driver was long gone! The Hubs looked at me and I returned his concerned gaze. We both shrugged and decided to attempt to find the place. We looked and looked but came up with nothing. By this time, it was beginning to edge towards darkness (the northern part of England gets dark very early in December!), so we decided to locate a bus stop and make our way back into town. As we looked for the bus stop, we noticed something interesting: while there seemed to be no bus stops about, there did seem to be quite a few scantily clad women about. Then we noticed a car drive up to one of the ladies who leaned in the passenger window and then climbed into the car with the driver. The Hubs told me he thought we should start walking - we had just seen a John pick up a prostitute!

We began walking, trying to find any site of civilized city. We were using the spire of a church in the center of the city to navigate our way in. At one point in time, we lost site of the spire and stopped outside a block of flats to determine which way we should be going. While we were standing there, we heard a loud belch sound out. We looked at one another, then looked around. It was at that point that we noticed a very drunk man passed out in the steps leading to the basement flat. The Hubs started pushing me and said "Move, move! Let's just walk!". Several minutes later, we found ourselves near an outlet store we had previously looked for but been unable to find. We gratefully entered the store and walked around for a few minutes to calm ourselves. Once calmed down, we did a bit of shopping, then walked out the doors that led to the other side of the store. There we found a bus stop and made our way back to the train station.

You would think after that adventure, we'd have learned better, but no! I have a thousand stories of mishaps such as this that The Hubs and I have gotten into!

9. The Hubs - What is your worst feature?

My temper. I have a very, very bad temper. It takes a long time for me to really get wound up enough for that temper to show, but once I get beyond the breaking point - watch out! Its nuclear!

10. The Hubs - What is your best feature?

This one is harder for me to determine. I think, though, it would probably be my charitable nature. I would give the clothes off my back to someone if they needed it. I hate to see anyone do without and I would always rather give than receive something. I'm one of those people who wants to make sure everyone around me is clothed, fed and has anything they could want or need.


I hope you feel as though you know me a bit better now! Enjoy your time at my blog and have a wonderful IComLeavWe!!!

Show and Tell - First Baby Haul

I have three siblings (two brothers and a sister) who are all a good bit older than I am. They each have 1 child and there is a 7 1/2 year age gap between each of the children. In fact, my nephew (who is my eldest sibling M's son) is 7 1/2 years younger than I am. MJ (my nephew) is 23, Boop (eldest niece and daughter of second eldest sibling, brother D) turns 16 next week and Bug (youngest niece, daughter of sister D) is 8. All that being said, its been a while since my Mom had a grandchild who was a baby......so she's going a little baby crazy!

This past weekend, she bought us our first baby stuff (aside from what we'd put away over the years). Below is our first baby haul.

Meeting With C / Birthdayversary

We finally got to have a sit down meeting with C on Sunday to discuss the adoption. She is still definitely wanting to proceed with the adoption. She said she knew the baby would have a better life with us than she would be able to provide him. I told her that I hoped she would want to be part of his life. The Hubs and I said we wouldn't force her to do anything other than what she was comfortable with, but we wanted her to know the option was there if she wanted to see him and be active in his life. She seemed very happy with this route.

Our next move will be contacting our lawyer and getting everything ready to proceed with the adoption! I'm very excited! So much to do and so little time to get it done in, but we're on the way now! I know we'll do what we have to do to get there.

Btw, The Pengu (this is his blog name) was extremely active when we were visiting with C on Sunday! He was kicking fiercely! I got to feel him moving and it was so incredible! C said he wakes up around lunch and then stays active until 3 or 4 in the morning. I told The Hubs we were in for trouble, lol!

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Several years ago, The Hubs and I coined the term Birthdayversary for the events coming up in a few days. Sunday is my birthday and Monday is our anniversary, so we began calling it the Birthdayversary Celebration. We don't have any big plans this year, just going out for a meal and then to the cinema to see The Twilight Saga: New Moon (of course I'm going to see it! Adopting doesn't mean I lose my love for Twilight :D). I've been waiting months for this movie to come out (along with every other Twilight fan in the world), so I'm really looking forward to this weekend. The Hubs even says he thinks he'll like it. This one will be more action-packed and, as he says, he's "Team Alice", lol! I just hope it lives up to the book!

Show and Tell - Christmas Crocheting

I participate in Secret Angels at my church. Basically, its a secret pal type thing. In March at our annual Ladies Tea Party, I was given the name of my Secret Angel. Throughout the year, I give her a gift for major holidays and her birthday and anniversary. I've been working diligently over the last few weeks to get my gift for my Secret Angel ready for Christmas. I'm now doubly ready to get this project completed so I can begin working on my next project for our baby!

A few pics for you to enjoy:


A shot of the handwork


Me, working away!



A view of the project to date

See what the rest of the class are up to at Mel's!

Ornament & Dreidel Exchange Reminder

Don't forget to sign up for the Christmas Ornament and Hannukah Dreidel Exchange! Sign up closes this Sunday,November 15. Exchange details will be emailed on Monday.

If you'd like more details about the exchange you can read this post. There are currently 10 participants in the ornament exchange and 1 participant for the dreidel exchange. If you're interested, be sure not to miss out!

Show and Tell - A Doggy Halloween

This week I'm showing Halloween at our house, as only dogs can celebrate! The first video is The Pog saying hello to our online friends.



And the next is The Pog and Melly having a grand ole' doggy time!



See what the rest of the class are up to over at Mel's!

A Story of Promises, Faith and Hope

The story begins two years ago today exactly. It was a Sunday morning. The Hubs and I had gotten very excited because AF was late! We thought we must surely be pregnant. We woke early and The Hubs waited while I took the test. Then we waited together until time to read the results. We walked hand-in-hand to the bathroom and eagerly looked at the test.

Negative.

To this day, that moment still burns in my memory more strongly than all the other negative results. It seemed like the world was crashing down around me. My insides felt as though they had turned to jelly and I wasn't sure I could ever stop crying. It felt like all hope was gone. I asked The Hubs why we even continued trying. What was the point?

The morning seemed to have found its pivotal point for what would be thrown at us. When I had managed to compose myself enough to consider readying myself for church, I was unable to find my slip. Great, I thought, Just great. A search ensued and eventually the wayward slip turned up. However, by that time we were late for Sunday school and resigned ourselves to simply making it to church on time.

When we made it into church, our normal seats 3 rows from the back were occupied by a visitor. We looked at one another, sighed and made our way to the only empty seats in the place, about 4 rows from the front. This day's church service was not a typical one. A baby was being dedicated to the Lord. Not just any baby though. The 2 month old son of friends who had fought their own seven year battle with infertility and who had, four years into that battle, adopted a child. Two years later, they had found themselves pregnant with a biological child. Naturally.

I should have been happy for them. I should have been overjoyed. And I was happy, but deep inside, it was tearing me to pieces. The Hubs put his arm around me as tears wracked my body and I desperately attempted to keep my meltdown in check and away from the attention of those surrounding us. I got a couple of curious glances, but managed to keep it together, mostly. The tear stains on my dress were tell-tell signs of my anguish, but the wracking sobs calmed to silent shakes of my shoulders and huge, wet slides down my cheeks. When our pastor made his usual alter call, The Hubs and I quietly retreated from the church and to our car.

I told The Hubs how much I was hurting as we started driving away and he expressed he was feeling much the same way. I again asked why we we continued to try only to have the same heartbreak over and over. Suddenly, The Hubs asked me to read our Sunday school lesson. He said he felt a need to hear it. So I pulled our Sunday school book out of my bible and began to read. The lesson was from 1 Samuel and told of how Hannah had prayed many years for a child and had, after years of trying in futility, been made fruitful and bore Samuel. I began crying again as I read. How much more would I be asked to bear this day?

However, as I continued reading, a voice came in my head. The word I heard was very clear, although the meaning was not. The word was February. A warmth flowed through my body and a peace came over me. I felt bouyant with joy. It felt like I had the answer I was seeking, why we kept hoping. But, how could February be the answer to why we continued trying and hoping for a child? I didn't understand. I simply knew it was. I told The Hubs that I didn't know when or why or how but February would be important in the life of our child. And, for a time, knowing that was enough. I was able to accept our lot, knowing that the future held better.

I am ashamed to admit (although I have done this previously on this site), though, that I did not keep that faith. I was tested and I didn't hold up as strong as I had hoped I would. Life came at me, full force, and I lost my belief that we were being looked after. I doubted. It only took me a few months to regain my faith and see that I was being tested, but I'm still saddened that I failed my first test. However, I believe that the Lord has promised to look after us and that, even if we make mistakes, He will still keep his word if we will just trust in him.

A few weeks ago, after several months out of church, we began our climb back to faithfulness. At the beginning, it was a very difficult journey because, on the surface, nothing had changed. Life was still hard. Two Februaries had come and gone with no sign of our child. I had been subjected to THAT look from friends when I had told them why I was so adamant February would be important. That look that is a mixture sympathy, disbelief and ridicule that is reserved for women who have been trying for years to conceive a child. The one that says "oh-you-poor-thing-you-really-have-gone-off-the-deep-end-this-time-to-believe-the-Lord-spoke-to-you-and-told-you-he-would-give-you-a-child". The one that is just ever so slightly smug because they have the one thing you would give most anything for.

Why did I think I would be able to trust again when nothing had changed. The answer is I had changed. I had been to and through the worst I could imagine. And yet, I was still standing. I still had a home, I still had a husband who loved me, I still had family who helped me when I needed it, I still had more than I deserved and I still had a Creator who would forgive me, still loved me and would still provide for me.

Knowing all this made my journey back a lot easier. Then the news of our hopeful adoption came last week.

At church Sunday, I told the friend who's son had been dedicated that prophetic Sunday the news that we may be adopting a child. Eyes glowing, she asked me if we knew the gender of the baby and when I said yes and told her, she insisted I find her mom (who is my next door neighbor and a close friend as well) and tell her the news. When I did, she excitedly told me of a dream God had given her just before The Hubs and I returned to our church. In the dream, she had seen The Hubs and I holding our child and dedicating him to the Lord. The baby was a boy. And he is due in February.

While we've still not been able to sit down with the birth mom, C, to discuss details, I feel things will work out for the best. I feel this child has been ordained for us and the Lord's plan will come to pass. If this child is not the one the Lord has planned for us, if C decides to parent him herself (and I would support her as much as I could on this decision, no matter how hard it was for me), if any of a hundred other things prevent this adoption from being successful, I will accept that and trust that the Lord has another child for us. And that February will still be important for that child. And that we will parent a special little boy.

Of this, I am absolutely certain. The Lord promised. My faith is regained. And The Hubs and I have hope overflowing from every pore of our being.

I don't ask anyone else to feel as I do about the Lord. I don't even ask you to believe that I was given a message. You may feel I'm crazy and that's okay. I understand that feeling. I've had it myself at times over the last 2 years. But I know. I know there is a promise that has been made and will be kept. I hope each person who reads this has something they can believe in and hold to. It is one of the best feelings in the world!