ICLW & Sick Hubs

Happy ICLW! Since it's been so long since I did an introduction, I think I'll do that for this post.

I am Lynn, otherwise known as Wistfulgirl. I've been married to my fantastic husband (The Hubs) for 11 1/2 years. We spent almost 10 of those years attempting to start a family biologically, but it just wasn't in the cards for us. In 2012, we were approved as foster/adoptive parents. We received our first placement, a 22 1/2 month old little boy, on October 9, 2012. His birthmom voluntarily relinquished her rights to him in May 2013 and his birthdad's rights were terminated in October 2013. He was officially placed as an adoptive placement with us on February 6, 2014 and we finalized his adoption on March 3, 2014. He is our little Monkey =D

We had a sibling group we fostered from May 2013 until December 2013 when they moved on to an adoptive placement (we chose not to adopt them due to family being in the area and the danger associated with them).

In April 2014, we were made aware of and began visiting with a sibling group of 3 children, a boy and two girls. Upon the end of the school year, they moved in with us on May 17, 2014. Parental rights are in the process of being terminated and we are planning to adopt them. They are Prissy (13-year-old girl), The Dude (9-year-old boy) and Princess (8-year-old girl). We are in love with them and Monkey adores them! We're so excited for our family!

We're experiencing all the things we've never really done before. We're getting ready for school, which starts two weeks from today. It has been an experience buying new school clothes and supplies. I'm glad I have a year to plan for it before I have to do it again for all four children! Monkey will start Pre-K next year. Good learning experience for me though!

Sorry I went missing last week. It's been a rough week around our house. The Hubs is very sick. He's been experiencing a lot of abdominal pain for quite a while now, but it has gotten so much worse in the last week. The doctor is pretty sure his gallbladder isn't functioning properly but there is also a concern for Crohn's Disease being present. He had a Hida scan done on Friday to check the functioning of his gallbladder and he is scheduled for upper and lower endoscopies tomorrow. We don't yet have the results back from the Hida scan, but if the gallbladder isn't functioning, it will probably be removed at the same time.

It's quite probable I won't post tomorrow or get to visit any blogs due to being at the hospital with The Hubs, but I will be back ASAP and visiting! Expect me to come by your place on the web =D

ICLW -FIrst time for a year!

Welcome to anyone visiting me from ICLW, as well as anyone who just stumbled by (although, after all this time, I can't imagine that happening)! This is my first ICLW in a year! I'm really rather looking forward to it =D I guess it's time I get started back blogging regularly anyway.

Let's see. I think I'll start by giving you a bit of our history. The Hubs and I met online in August 2000. He's from England and I'm from the US, so for a couple of years we visited back and forth across the Atlantic. In June 2002, I went to England for what was supposed to be a 2 week visit and, while there, The Hubs asked me to marry him. I said yes and in November of that year, we were married in my hometown in Georgia. We chose to reside the first few years of our married life in England. In January 2006, following a year-long immigration journey, we moved to the USA to live. We've been here ever since.

On our first anniversary, we decided we were ready to be parents, so we stopped preventing a pregnancy. After about a year with no sign of pregnancy, I began temping and charting my cycle. That carried on for the next few years. We were convinced it would happen, but it never did. In September 2008, I carried my concerns to my OB/GYN. She diagnosed me with Type II Diabetes and started me on Metformin. After a few months of that and still no pregnancy, she prescribed Clomid for me. Four cycles of that and still nada, so she prescribed a round of Femara at my request. Still nothing. It was time to look at the next step. We were referred to a Reproductive Endocrinologist with our first visit in April 2010.

During the first few visits with our new RE, I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism and Endometrial Hyperplasia. I was prescribed Synthroid, referred to a regular endocrinologist and had a D&C. I was also advised to lose weight. A year and a half of visits with the RE failed to produce a pregnancy - in fact, due to my failure to lose weight, the treatment we were given was minimal. By September 2011, we were ready to move forward with a different path to parenthood.

Earlier in our journey, we had two failed private adoption opportunities. I won't go on in length about those because they're still very painful (particularly the first one), but they are part of what led us to our decision to adopt through foster care. We sat down and looked at all the options available to us for adopting. We knew we didn't want to try private adoption again at this time, so our decision was between adopting through an agency or foster adoption. After discussing it at length, we decided the children in foster care had less of an opportunity to find an adoptive family than those through an agency, so that was the option we went with. We had viewed the "My Turn Now" list of children in Georgia who were available for adoption and we found a 14-year-old girl we were very interested in adopting. We called the State hotline to start the process of becoming foster/adoptive parents in October 2011.

In November 2011 we still had heard nothing back from our request for further information, so I called again and found there had been a glitch and we had not been added to the list. This phone call, we were added. A few days later, we received an invite to an orientation class, which we attended in late November 2011. We turned in consents for background checks at that meeting and then had to wait for a call back to start IMPACT training classes. By February 2012, we'd heard nothing more and several phone calls to our caseworker had not been answered so I called again directly to the local DFCS to find out what was going on. I was redirected to another caseworker as our original one was no longer employed at DFCS (hence the reason we'd had no further contact) and was told she didn't even have our names or our file. She went in search of said file, found it and sent our invites for IMPACT training. We had our first class at the end of February 2012. We attended 10 weeks of training classes and finished our last class on April 10, 2012. Our next step was to proceed through the home study process. We did this throughout the summer of 2012 and, in September 2012, our homestudy was submitted to the State of Georgia for approval. We received a call from our caseworker on September 26, 2012 saying that our homestudy had been approved and our home would open on October 1, 2012.

We were awaiting a call back from the caseworker of the girl we were hoping to adopt when, on October 9, 2012, we received a phone call from our caseworker with the words "Look, I know this isn't what you signed up for, but we have a 2-year-old little boy we need placement for. Is there any way you could keep him?" Those are the words that would change our lives forever. We told her we definitely could and 2 hours later, we picked up our Monkey Man (or MM). He has been with us ever since. In May 2013, his birthmom sat down with us and told us she was thinking of voluntarily relinquishing her rights if we would adopt him. We had hoped for the opportunity to adopt him anyway, so this was a complete blessing. We told her yes and agreed to an open adoption with her. We are now waiting for his birthdad's rights to terminate, which should happen in October. His birthdad actually spoke to MM's caseworker recently and requested for surrender papers to be sent to him as he no longer wished to be involved (which he basically hasn't been anyway). Once those rights are terminated, we just have to wait for all the legal time frames to be met and then we will finalize his adoption! We are so excited!

Additionally, on May 24, 2013, we had two more children come to live with us temporarily, a 4-year-old boy and a 3-year-old girl. They are quite the handful, but we're making it with each other. Their mom voluntarily surrendered her rights in July and their dad's rights are set to be terminated in November. Their maternal grandmother has petitioned for custody, but we don't know if this will work out or not. In the meantime, DFCS is looking into other possible permanency solutions for them. We are not being considered a permanent placement at this time because of their more extensive needs, however, we are hoping whatever permanency they do have will allow us to maintain visitation with them.

As for the girl we originally hoped to adopt, we were informed she cannot be in a home with other children and we would not be considered a placement for her. This was heartbreaking news, but we only want the best for her and the other children in our care, so we will forge on. We do hope to adopt at least one more child, but we will see where our path takes us. For now, we are just enjoying life.

So, that gets you up-to-date with me. We actually have a visit planned with MM's birthmom for this afternoon, so I will be able to update you on that situation later on. I'm looking forward to blogging more regularly once again and I hope you'll join me!

September ICLW

Happy IComLeavWe and welcome to my home on the web! This month's ICLW marks the start of my 4th year participating in ICLW (albeit, I haven't participated every month), so I've done a fair number of the usual intros. This time, I thought I'd do something a little different, so I found a list of 50 get-to-konw-you questions. Now, without further ado:

1. What was your favorite food when you were a child? Hmmm...I would probably have to say Macaroni and cheese. I used to love that stuff! Not so much these days.
2. What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod? At this moment it would probably be "Call Me Maybe" by Carley Rae Jepson, as cliche as that is. Can't help it, just love that song!
3. What is one of your favorite quotes? "When I'm good, I'm very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better." - Mae West
4. What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activity? That would have to be reading. I love to read and am happy doing it pretty much anywhere.
5. What chore do you absolutely hate doing? I detest washing dishes. We don't have a dishwasher, so this task usually falls to me. I can occassionally get The Hubs to do them for me, but I usually just go ahead and do them.
6. What is your favorite form of exercise? I love going for walks with The Hubs. It's so relaxing to go for a long, scenic walk when the weather is nice. Other than that, I love the eliptical trainer!
7. What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year? My favourite time of day is the evening (after 6pm), my favourite day of the week is Saturday and my favourite month of the year is November (Thanksgiving, my birthday, our anniversary, cooler weather....I just love it!)
8. What’s your least favorite mode of transportation? This is an odd question to me and a difficult one to answer. I don't really mind most modes of transportation, but I guess my least favourite would have to be boat because of my absolute terror of water.
9. What is your favorite body part? Another odd question. It would have to be either noses or hands. I just think noses tend to be very cute. And I love hands. I think it's the strength in them that shows the character of the person. Definitely an interesting body part.
10. What sound do you love? I love the sound of The Hubs and Pog (our dog). I love the sound of rain on a tin roof. I love the sound of ocean waves crashing. Not the normal favourite sound of someone who has a paralyzing fear of water, eh?
11. If you could throw any kind of party, what would it be like and what would it be for? I would dearly love to have a masquerade ball for our 10th wedding anniversary in November. That would be my ideal, but it definitely won't happen. Oh, well, lol! I'll get over it.
12. If you could paint a picture of any scenery you’ve seen before, what would you paint? The mountains in Chattanooga, TN. Hands down the most gorgeous view I've ever seen.
13. If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be? Hmmm...I think it would probably be 24. I was very happy at that time in my life. The Hubs and I were finally together after 2 years of long-distance, were newly married and we were just truly enjoying the novelty of being together. I was still young enough to think life would be wonderful in the future. We had no knowledge of our infertility at that time. My dad was still alive. I had virtually no health problems. Life was just rosey then. Not that I would trade my life now, but if I had to choose to stay one age forever, that would be it.
14. If you knew the world was ending in 2012, what would you do differently? Nothing. I'm very happy with the decisions I've made, what I've accomplished and where I am.
15. If you could choose anyone, who would you pick as your mentor? This depends what capacity of mentor is meant. If it was musically, I would choose Stevie Nicks. I think she's simply a fabulous musician and I have so much respect for her. If I chose a musician to look up to, it would be her. A mentor in life? I really have no idea.
16. If you could witness any event past, present or future, what would it be? For a history buff, this should be an easy question, but it really isn't! Okay, I'm going to be a little selfish here and say my child's first day of kindergarten. I really hope we get that opportunity one day, while mourning the fact that we won't have had that opportunity for the child we're going to adopt.
17. If you could learn to do anything, what would it be? This is an easy answer. Swim. I think it would make me less afraid of water and it's great exercise!
18. If you had to work on only one project for the next year, what would it be? Another difficult question! Um...I guess it would be crocheting the afghan I've been working on forever that's owed to a certain person. I will eventually finish it, I promise!
19. If you were immortal for a day, what would you do? I really don't know. Immortality doesn't really seem that important. Now, if I had superpowers, that would be a different story, lol!
20. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to? Well, the name I go by is not my first name, so....I might change it to the name I go by. Other than that, I might choose the name Charlotte. I like that name.
21. If you could meet anyone, living or dead, who would you meet? I'd like to see my dad again. He's been gone a little over a year and I really miss him.
22. If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do? Honestly, I would buy our dream home. After that, I would pay off the rest of our bills, then give a substantial donation to charities, but first I would buy our home.
23. If you were reincarnated as an animal/drink/ice cream flavor, what would it be? I think I would probably be orange juice. Tart and tangy, but overall very sweet.
24. If you could know the answer to any question, besides “What is the meaning of life?”, what would it be? At the end of our lives, will we overall count ourselves as having been happy?
25. If you could be any fictional character, who would you choose? Wow! Possibly the most difficult question yet! There are so many characters I could choose and for so many different reasons. I guess, though, I would have to say (and I thought it would be a book character here, but turns out it's not)......Rachel Berry. I know. That's pretty sad for a 33-year-old to want to be a teenager, but she has such a bright and full future ahead of her. And on Broadway!! I'd love to be doing it.
26. Which celebrity do you get mistaken for? I can honestly say I have never been mistaken for a celebrity, lol.
27. What do you want to be when you grow up? Hehe! I thought I was grown up! Well, realistically, I'd like to be a teacher. If I were doing my dream job, either a singer or an actress. But I have to be realistic. If I'm lucky, one day I'll get to complete my student teaching and become a teacher.
28. When you have 30 minutes of free-time, how do you pass the time? I usually read. There are other things I should be doing with this time, but reading usually gets the extra time.
29. What would you name the autobiography of your life? Creating My Life The Hard Way. I've gotten many of the things I want in life, but I've always done it the hard way!
30. What songs are included on the soundtrack to your life? "Tub-Thumping" by Chumbawumba, "Daydreamer" by Adele, "Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac, "Home" by Philip Phillips
31. Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad but it turned out to be for the best? When I broke up with my ex before I met The Hubs. It was a terrible end to a terrible relationship and I thought I was devestated. Turned out to be the best thing, though, and I wound up meeting the love of my life soon after.
32. What was one of the best parties you’ve ever been to? The Hubs' company Christmas Party for 2010. It was epic!
33. What was the last movie, TV show or book that made you cry or tear up? Katie (Katie Couric's new talk show) today. She had the mother and sister of Yeardley Love on, talking about her murder and the verdict/sentencing of her murderer. Their pain was evident and it had me choking up.
34. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done? Saying goodbye to my dad. Prior to his death, it would have been saying goodbye to my family when I moved to England or saying goodby to The Hubs (then The Boyfriend) when he returned to England before I moved there. I don't do well with goodbyes.
35. What was the last experience that made you a stronger person? Again, this would be my dad's death. I've had to become my mom's pillar. It's been hard, but I've done it. We're both still going and we're going to be okay. Scarred, but okay.
36. What did you do growing up that got you into trouble? Lol, I'm not proud of this, but I once made $250 worth of long-distance prank calls. Needless to say, I was grounded for a long time for that one!
37. When was the last time you had an amazing meal? The last amazing meal I had was probably at The Melting Pot for our anniversary last November. That was an awesome experience!
38. What’s the best/worst gift you’ve ever given/received? Best Received - A lovely garnet bracelet The Hubs gave me when we were dating. I loved it! Unfortunately, it broke a few years ago, so it's in my jewelry box now. Best Given - I gave The Hubs a 5 CD stereo system about 6 years ago. He LOVED it! Worst Received - Almost anytime I'm given clothing, it's a bad idea. My family don't have the same taste in clothing that I do, so I don't tend to like clothing I'm given. I appreciate the effort, just don't generally like the style. Worst Given - Gift cards. I always feel so lame when I give those as gifts.
39. What do you miss most about being a kid? Having so few responsibilities!
40. What is your first memory of being really excited? Going to my oldest brother's graduation from Marine boot camp at Paris Island, SC when I was 4. I was so excited to see him because he'd been gone for several months and I love my brother!
41. What was the first thing you bought with your own money? I really can't remember. Probably candy or a comic book, lol! Possibly school supplies - I still have something of an addiction to those!
42. When was the last time you were nervous? I'm nervous at work everyday. That kind of comes with being miserable in your job.
43. What is something you learned in the last week? That the workday is easier to get through if you just get on with it and stop thinking about it so much.
44. What story does your family always tell about you? The Christmas I was 4, my parents gave me a kitchen playset (you know, with the stove and refrigerator). Well, shortly after receiving this, my mom baked some potatoes and put them in the toy stove. Then she told me the stove had actually cooked the potatoes. I'm ashamed to say that I actually believed this for many years after. My mom takes great joy in telling this story!
45. At what age did you become an adult? 24, when I got married. Had to. I was living in a different country to my family and I had to grow up. I had no choice.
46. Is a picture worth a thousand words? Elaborate. I certainly think so. I mean, look at this face:
    
    Need I say more?
47. Where’s Waldo? Here he is!
48. The best part of waking up is? Is Folgers in your cup!
49. How now brown cow? I honestly can't remember the flippant response to this, so .....yeah. Lol!
50. Whasssssuuuupppppp? Well, since I wrote this and set it to post the night before, I'm headed to be now! TTFN!

Have a great ICLW and be sure to stop back by!

ICLW

It's been a while, but I've decided to sign up for ICLW again this month. I'm hoping it'll encourage me to post more again and also to visit some blogs. So, to those who've been here before, welcome back! And, to those for whom this is your first visit, welcome to my crazy world!

A little about me - I'm a 33-year-old Georgia girl. I'm married to a fantastic guy (The Hubs), my own piece of the exotic (he's British). We met online 12 years ago and this November we'll celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. On our first wedding anniversary, we decided to start trying for a family. We've so far been unsuccessful in that endeavor, despite 2 years of working with my OB/GYN and another 2 years seeing an RE, along with the 4 1/2 we tried on our own. Looks like it's not meant to be for us to be biological parents. With this thought in mind, we began discussing the possibility of adopting and decided we wanted to adopt through foster care. Last September we contacted the foster/adopt phone line and began our adoption journey. It hasn't been the swiftest of journeys, but we seem to be nearing the next chapter.

On that note, for those who've been following our journey, I have an update! We have now completed our interviews and have the final visit for our homestudy scheduled for next Friday, August 31. We're really close now! After that visit, our homestudy will be submitted to our caseworker's supervisor and the County Director of our local Department of Family and Children Services (DFCS) for approval. We're on target for an October opening of our home!

Our caseworker was at a state conference last week and managed to meet the caseworker for the little girl (little girl? She's 14. Do I still get to call her a little girl?) we're interested in adopting. Our caseworker told her that we're nearing completion, that we are definitely going to be approved, we just need that final visit. She also gave the other caseworker our contact info to arrange a meeting with the child. I'm really, really hoping we'll hear from her very soon!

So, that's pretty much caught you up. With that, I think I'll close for the evening. I've had a terrible day at work and it's now almost 11:30pm. I'll definitely try to post again tomorrow and get in some visits to other blogs. Hope everyone has been doing great!!

It's ICLW Time!

Happy ICLW!!

If this is your first visit to my blog, welcome and stay tuned for a bit of info about me. If you've been by before, well, welcome back!

The break-down on me:

I'm a 33-year-old, married, PCOS suffering, slightly retro, slightly metro Georgia girl who's been trying to start a family for 8 1/2 years. My other half (conveniently known as The Hubs) is British born and bred, but made the sacrifice to move to the States with me 6 years ago. We've been married 9 1/2 years and spent the first 3 years of our married life (and the preceding 6 months) living in England. My homesickness and dad's ill health precipitated our move to the US.

The last year has held a lot of changes for us. My dad had a stroke last May and spent the following 5 weeks in the hospital. He was home for 4 weeks when he had a massive heart attack and passed away. I've always been a total Daddy's Girl, so his death has left a huge hole in my life. Following my dad's death, The Hubs and I moved to a new home, as did my mom (we had previously lived next door to my parents). And, after much discussion, The Hubs and I decided to procede with adoption through foster care and are currently in the middle of our training and home study.

In addition to those huge changes, I am in the final 5 weeks of my Bachelor's degree. I will be traveling to Iowa (from Georgia) for my graduation at the end of April. I also work full-time. So, right now my head feels as if it's spinning with everything I have going on!

Did I mention that, in the midst of all that change, my best friend (apart from The Hubs) abandoned me to move off to Afghanistan for a significantly higher-paying civilian contractor job? Yeah, a tough year.

All this has helped to contribute to me being terrible over the last few months at ICLW. So much so, that I actually skipped last month because I didn't feel my failure on commenting was fair to the other participants. I have decided, however, to give it another shot this month.

I've also been atrocious at blogging consistently over the last couple of months, so I really need to work on that as well. Fortunately, the Blogging From A to Z in April Challenge begins in 10 days and I've signed up again this year. Hopefully I'll do as well with it this year as I did last year. If you haven't signed up yet, you should definitely head over and get your name down!

Other things that might interest you about me?

I love to read! I'll read virtually anything and I feel out of sorts without something to read.

I enjoy crocheting but it's been one of those things that have become a casualty over the last few months. I'm hoping once I finish school I'll get back to it since I owe someone an afghan!

I absolutely love singing! It's my greatest passion in life. I actually submitted an audition to my university earlier this week in the hopes of singing the National Anthem at graduation. Want to hear/see my audition? You can find it here.

The Hubs and I are major movie buffs and we try to go to the movies at least once a month (which usually equates to more like 2 or 3 times a month - this is what I waste my free time on).

I am a huge, Huge, HUGE Hunger Games fan! I cannot stress to you how much I love this series! The Hubs and I (naturally) have tickets for the midnight showing tomorrow night and I can hardly wait! It's going to be epic!

I have developed a huge (but harmless) crush on Josh Hutcherson who plays Peeta in The Hunger Games, which my amazing husband indulges gleefully. If he goes shopping without me and sees a magazine with Josh or anything relating to The Hunger Games on it, he'll buy it for me. He also informs me when JHutch is going to be appearing on the David Letterman Show (tonight!! Eek!!) - he really is a fantastic guy! Who finds my crush on a celebrity 14 years younger than me humourous =D

There are two socially concious organizations that I support and cannot sing the praises of highly enough. As an aspiring teacher and Social Science major, these are my pet causes. The first is To Write Love On Her Arms, "a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery" (definition taken directly from the TWLOHA website). The second organization is Straight But Not Narrow, founded to encourage teens who are straight to support their LGBT peers. Both these organizations help to prevent bullying and to offer support when bullying does occur.

Well, that's pretty much me in a nutshell! I hope I haven't sent you running for the hills! Got any questions? Feel free to ask!

Christmas ICLW Wishes!

Merry ICLW!

To those who've been with me, I wish you the very merriest of holiday seasons. To those new to my blog, welcome! And may your holiday season also be of the holly, jolly kind!

I'm Lynn or Wistfulgirl, whichever you prefer. I live in South Georgia and I'm married to The Hubs. We recently celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary (coincidentally, the day after I celebrated my 33rd birthday). We've been attempting to start our family for the last 8 years but have so far been unsuccessful. We're currently on a weight-loss sabbatical from TTC - until I lose at least 30 lbs, we won't be doing anymore treatment. After much discussion, we have decided to pursue adoption through foster care. We have had a failed adoption in our past and another, more recent close possibility. However, it has so far not worked out for us.

We have high hopes for the new year, though! We turned in our consents for background checks 5 weeks ago and, so far, have heard nothing back. I called our social worker last week (twice) but have not yet had a call back. It is Christmas-time, though, so I'm guessing it's very busy for the Department of Family and Children Services (DFCS), so I'll wait until next week and try again.

I'm excited about where I hope our future is carrying us, but still feeling down this holiday season because I lost my Dad 4 months ago and this will be my first Christmas without him. I have a wonderful husband, an awesome dog and a fantastic mother to help me through this though and I know we'll all help one another. I'm looking forward to visiting you all over the next few days! Have a great ICLW!

I mentioned in my last post how we had finally contacted the State of Georgia about starting the adoption process on Monday of this week. We're in the midst of the 10 day period they call us in. By next Friday we should have heard from them.

In the meantime, I've been having a look at the My Turn Now Photolisting of children available for adoption from the Georgia Foster Care System. The Hubs and I have actually been looking at this list for several years and there is one child who caught our attention about 3 years ago. We said when we first saw this child that if she was still available when we actually came to adopt, we would look at possibly pursuing her adoption. So we have this evening completed the interest email for this child.

I know if she's meant to be part of our family, it will work out and, if not, then the Lord has another plan for her and us. I'll be happy whichever way it works out, but.....please wish us luck! I would be ecstatic if she was meant to join our family! I won't be sharing any specific details about her at this time for a couple of reasons: firstly, I don't know what the Georgia State rules on this are, but I'm guessing they don't want you discussing the adoption and, secondly, it's really her story to tell and I don't want to do anything that might hurt her. So, I'll share what I can, but don't expect too much.

*********

I had my follow-up visit with Dr. O today. The cyst seems not to have grown, but Dr. O is still concerned about it, so he's sending me to a specialist OB/GYN to get their opinion on our next move. He feels they'll probably just recommend watching it for now and then, if it grows, remove it.

Sigh.

Once more we're in hurry-up-and-wait mode. I'm still 10 pounds from my goal to lose anyway. I need to get back to watching my calories very closely and exercising regularly. I sort of fell off the wagon when my Dad died. But I know he'd want me to work on my weight, too. It will work out so much better for me. I'll be healthier and I'll look better. I'll feel better too. In the long run, it's just the right thing for me.

Anyway, back to the RE visit, Dr. O wants me to continue next month with Agestin because it seemed to work well this month. Since I started late this month, he wants me to bring it back 3 days next month, so I'll start the meds on November 4. Then in December, I'll go back to the 1st and be back on track.

I just wish my body would, for once, do what it was supposed to do.

*********

My Dad's grave finally has the headstone up. It looks so pretty. I still cry everytime I go. I miss him so much. I get so angry when I think what infertility has stolen from me. It means my Dad will never get to meet his grandchildren (at least my children) and his grandchildren will never get to meet him. It means I'll never get to see my children hug him or walk to him. They'll never get to wrap a Christmas gift for their Papa. There are so many things I've lost due to infertility, but this one makes me the angriest.

Anyway, I took a picture of his headstone so I could share it. I've blurred out the last name for security purposes but it doesn't affect the picture at all. I hope you think it's as beautiful as I do.



*********

ICLW starts tomorrow. I will really try hard to get a post done every day and visit all my blog reads each day. I need to get back into blogging regularly and reading my friends. I miss you all.

Ciao for now!

Adjusting & ICLW

I guess it's time I crawl out from under my grief rock and give you all an update. First off, though, let me welcome those of you stopping by from ICLW. I'm glad to have you here. Sorry this space is a bit dusty at the moment. I've been away for a while attempting to come to terms with my dad's death. I'll try not to be a complete negative, as there is a lot of positive in my life at the moment. It's just overshadowed somewhat by my family's loss.

For my regular readers, as you can see, I am still here, just not handling the loss of my dad very well. He's been gone for over a month now and I still find myself randomly bursting into tears at times. I'll be sitting at work and see a patient with a diagnosis of COPD and I start crying (this was my dad's main problem and the cause behind his stroke, which led to the heart attack that finally took him). I walk down the hallway of the hospital where I work and where my dad was after his stroke and pass his room and the tears start streaming down my face.

It's really not a pretty sight at all.

The most difficult part of it all for me is the toll it's having on my mom. She is not handling his death well at all. They'd been married for 48 years, though, and I can only imagine what it's like to be with someone for that long and then for them suddenly to not be around any longer. There are so many things she finds difficult, up to and including living in their house. To make things even more difficult for her, their mortgage lender has said that his death means nothing towards their mortgage payment. It doesn't reduce the payment or anything. We were under the impression that their mortgage insurance would pay the mortgage off in the event of the death of either partner, however, they say differently. We're in the process of locating their original mortgage documents (which are in one of several filing cabinets) and reviewing them in order to hopefully find backing for our beliefs. They purchased mortgage insurance; surely that covers death? If not, what use is it?

Fortunately for my mom, she and my dad had a visit to my brother in New Jersey planned. My mom got a refund on my dad's ticket (and let me take a moment to say a HUGE thank you to Southwest Airlines, who were wonderful enough to give my mom a refund on my dad's ticket despite it being a non-refundable ticket. A lot of airlines would not have done this) but decided to hold onto her own. She left on September 13 and has been with my brother ever since. She'll be back on September 27.

While this has been awesome for her, it's been really difficult for me. I'm not generally a clingy person to my parents and siblings (in fact, most of the time my mom drives me crazy) but since my dad's passing, my mom and I have really needed one another's company. I'm missing her like crazy and can hardly wait for her to come home. She texts and calls me everyday telling me what she's been up to that day, but always says "I wish you'd been here. It would have made the day perfect." I don't want to cut her vacation short, but, good gracious, I'll be glad for next Tuesday to get here!

So, let me bring you up-to-date with the non-grief related news of the last month. As you may remember, The Hubs and I were looking for a house of our own prior to beginning the home study process. Well, one of the good things that has happened is that we found that house and we've done the main part of moving into it! We still have a few things to get moved, but as of this past Monday, we are officially living in our new home! It's much closer to work (a 5 minute drive versus the previous 20 minute drive we were making), still has a rural, country feel without being so far out of town and is in a nice neighborhood. I think we're going to enjoy living there.

The Hubs was offered a promotion at work and took it. He is now a Billing and Coding Specialist for the doctor's office he works for. This is a good move for him, as he was feeling a little underused there. He also got a $1 per hour raise for moving up and will hopefully get even more of a raise when he completely takes over from the outside billing company who had previously done the office's billing. This looks to probably happen sometime around the first of the year. One of the perks of his new job? He's being sent to a conference in St. Petersburg, Florida the first weekend of October. He asked me did I mind attending, seeing as how he would be in the conference much of the weekend. Let me think about this - a luxury hotel, on the beach and a weekend free of responsibilities? Yeah! I think I can handle it! So, we're both looking forward to that.

I don't really have much of an update on Juno and baby. We still have no date set to meet her. If you recall, that was supposed to happen this month (September) but so far no meeting has been set. What I do know is that she met with the other couple she was considering and really, really disliked the wife. There was an almost predatory attitude to the woman and Juno really felt uncomfortable with it. She kept saying to Juno "You need to eat more! My baby is hungry!" and pressing on Juno's stomach so hard (attempting to feel movement from the baby - Juno is only 4 months along and this is a first pregnancy, so I'm not sure anyone other than Juno herself would be able to feel movement at this point anyway) that she made Juno throw up. Juno left the meeting with a feeling of horror and told her mother "If that's what people who want to adopt are like, then I'm not so sure about this!" Her mother did tell her not all adoptive families are like that.

I really hope we get an opportunity to meet her soon and show her not everyone is like that. Without even knowing her and without feeling this child is our's (because, fortunately I haven't developed that feeling yet), I feel concern and love for Juno. I'm pleased that she chose life for her child and I think she is a very, very brave young woman. I know that if she were older, she would make a fabulous mother to this child. I also know that she is mature enough to know that, at her young age, she is not yet prepared to care for this child. I just hope that people liek this couple she has already met with won't push her into doing something that would not be in the best interest of her or the baby. Whatever happens, though, I know happens for the best. There is a plan for Juno's life and for the baby's life and we'll just have to follow the road and see where the path leads.

In other news, I have now finished the major portion of my BA and am now working on my minor. If everything goes to plan, I will graduate in June of next year!! I am very, very excited about this! I still have a 4.0 GPA as of this moment and hope to carry that with me through to graduation. I've been offered an opportunity through my school to become a peer mentor, which is something I'm extremely proud of and am looking forward to accepting. It will be a great addition to my resume when I have finished my degree.

To those of you who offered your thoughts, prayers and condolences on my dad's death, I am so very, very grateful to you. I am still making my way around to everyone's humble abodes to say a personal thank you, but my progress has been very slow so far. Please know that I will make it around to you, but in the meantime, please know how much your words meant to me during that very dark period.

I know my dad is still watching over us. There have been several days when I would be outside and there has been a complete dead calm. I would begin talking to my Daddy and ask him to give me a sign he was there with me. Without hesitation, at every single one of these moments, the wind has picked up and blown through the area in fierce gusts that make me feel like my dad is hugging me. I'm so thankful he's still with me even though he's gone. It makes me feel less alone.

Later in the week, I'll share a couple of other things close to my heart with you: the last words my dad ever said to me and a post I actually should have posted last week with a photo of my awesome socks from my Sock It To Me buddy, Prairie Anonymous (private blog - and, if you're reading this, sweetie, my invite expired before I clicked it! Could you invite me again?), along with my post on how support from others in the blogosphere has helped me over the last 18 months. Watch this space. Those stories are coming!

That's all for right now. I'll try to get my arse in gear and get back to blogging properly. I just needed some me time to grieve, but I'll try to get it all back together now. Thanks for being patient with me!

July ICLW

I can't believe ICLW time has rolled around again already! Seems like time is flying these days!

If this is your first visit to my humble online abode, welcome! I'm pleased to have you with me =D If you've been here before, pull up a chair and visit for a while! It's always lovely to have friends stop over!

For those who don't know me well, I'll share a bit with you. I'm Lynn, a 32-year-old Georgia girl. I'm married to The Hubs, a 35-year-old Englishman. We met online nearly 11 years ago and we married 8 1/2 years ago. We lived in England for the first 3 years of our marriage but moved to the US in January 2006. We've been here ever since!

Life has its ups and downs for us. Our move to the US hasn't always been what it's cracked up to be. The Hubs was out of work for a 16 month period just over a year ago and, once he finally found a new job, it is not what he would like to be doing, nor does it use his degree at all. In addition to that, we've been on a fruitless 7 1/2 year journey to start a family. We've never even seen a positive HPT. It is so depressing somedays I barely feel able to even lift my head.

Having said all that, we do have one another and we are very much in love! We have awesome (if sometimes too caring) families and we have a few good friends. We're working everyday on improving things for ourselves.

We are currently on a hiatus from fertility treatment while I attempt to lose weight. Our RE wants me to lose 30lbs before we move onto the next treatment. This reasoning is down to the medical challenges I have facing me. I have PCOS, Type II Diabetes, hypothyroidism and sleep apnea. I had endometrial hyperplasia last year, but am currently showing all clear at the moment.

Not related to losing weight, but another challenge I face on the fertility front is that my right fallopian tube was removed in a surgery 4 years ago. I went in for a routine laproscopic cholecystectomy (gallbladder removal) and, when the surgeon went in to remove the gallbladder, he discovered a very large cyst (he drained more than 2 litres of fluid from the cyst) on my right ovary. Sadly, my fallopian tube was buried in the cyst and had to be sacrificed. I understand the tube was not salvageable, however, the fact that the surgeon "forgot" to tell me about the removal of the tube until 3 years later when we were gathering medical records to carry to our first RE visit, kind of pisses me off.

Anyway, back to weight loss. I am currently about half-way to my mini-goal of having lost 30lbs! As of this past Sunday (normally I weigh on Fridays, but I cheated and weighed during the week - not a fact I'm proud of), I had lost 15lbs! Stay tuned tomorrow to see if I've managed to keep that weight off and continue losing or if this is one of the flukey weeks I gain weight. I am on a strict 1480 calorie per day diet and I generally try to walk 2 to 3 miles everyday. This week has been unusual because I've had rehearsal every afternoon for a local musical I'm involved in, so I've been unable to get a moment to exercise. Let's hope all that singing has helped me to shed a few pounds! My overall goal is to lose a total of 103lbs. 15lbs down, 88lbs to go!

The Hubs and I have 3 dogs. Isabel, our terrier, is 9 1/2 years old. We adopted her as a rescued dog when we lived in England. When we made the move to the US, we naturally had her vaccinated and certified to move with us. She is our first baby and we love her enormously! She is spoiled rotten! Our second fur-child is Melly. She is a beagle hound/border collie mix. She was born to a couple of stray dogs who took up residence at our house several years ago and were our fur-children for a while until the dad got hit by a car and the mom wandered off a few months later. I really miss them. However, Melly is lovely! She looks more like a hound than a border collie. She has long floppy ears and she's so soft. She has a lovely temperment! Our third fur-child is Fonzi. He is technically Melly's brother, but from an earlier litter. Same mom and dad, Fonzi was born and we had him until he was about two months old. At that time, he just disappeared from our house. We never knew what happened to him or where he had gone until he appeared back at our house last year looking much the same as he did when he was a puppy and still answering to the name Fonzi. He also has a great temperment, though he is less inclined for silliness than Melly is. They are also incredibly spoiled!

I have lots of interests including reading, writing, music, movies and crafts. I'll read just about anything. I love vampire novels, mysteries, children's fantasy/sci-fi and morality fiction (i.e. Nicholas Sparks or Jodi Piccoult). Reading has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. I also love to write, hence the reason I have a blog. I've been in a state of writer's block for creative writing for several years now, so I've been hoping that writing my blog will trigger something there. Unfortunately, I find that a lot of times my writer's block just carries over into my blog as well. I struggle on, though!

I live for music! It is so difficult for me to do anything without having music on. I love 60's and 70's rock. Fleetwood Mac is my all-time favourite band, but I also like The Doors, The Who and The Beatles. I do love modern music - I absolutely love Adele, Lady Gaga, Train and Katy Perry. Jazz, soul and classical music are also favourites in our house. We're a very musical family. I enjoy singing as well as listening to music and The Hubs plays piano. I own a violin on which I can play a few notes, but I hope to one day find someone who can give me lessons to play it properly. I'd also love to learn to play guitar.

The Hubs and I are movie fanatics! We go to the cinema usually once every week or so. This is a big thing for us because the nearest cinema to where we live is a 45 minute drive away! We use this time as date-night and go out for a meal as well. It works really great for us as a break away from the everyday. We're not really picky about our movies - we enjoy comedies, dramas, thrillers, horror.....you name it, we'll probably watch it! Having said that is not to say we have no taste in movies - there are movies even we will not watch, lol! But, in general, we probably do take in more movies than the normal person.

I love crafts. I enjoy crocheting, cross-stitching, scrapbooking, card-making and most any other craft I can get my hands on. I'm currently attempting to teach myself to knit, which has been an interesting experience. I'm not sure I could term it successful yet, but interesting definitely fits. I also recently purchased some wooden photo frames I'm hoping to paint and offer personalization on so that I can sell them to add money to our treatment/adoption fund. Someday maybe I'll actually get them uploaded to an Etsy shop, lol!

That's about all I have to share about myself right now, but if you have questions, please ask them! I'm eager to answer any questions. Also, please, please, please share information about yourself as I'm always interested in meeting new people, too! Have a great ICLW!!

January ICLW

Well, hi there! If you got here from ICLW, it's a pleasure to meet you! A quick run-down of me for you:

Name: Lynn
Age: 32
Married to: The Hubs
His age: 34
Married for: 8 years
TTC for: 7 years
# of BFP's: 0
Time seeing RE: 9 months
Fertility treatment tried: 4 rounds of Clo.mid, 4 rounds Soy Iso.flavones, 1 round Fe.mara
Problems faced: PCOS, Endo.metrial Hyper.plasia, Hypothy.roidism, Type II Dia.betes, Sleep Apnea, Asthma, Overweight

That pretty much sums up our TTC stuff. On a more personal level:

Favourite color: Purple
Loves: Reading, Crocheting, Blogging, Scrapbooking, Singing, Cooking
Favourite authors: Nicholas Sparks, J.K. Rowling, Charlaine Harris, Jodi Picoult
Favourite musicians: Fleetwood Mac, The Beatles, The Doors, The Who, Katy Perry, Pink, Kate Nash, Sophie Ellis-Bexter
Siblings: 3; Sister - Charlie (Blog Name), Brothers - Goose & Wolfman (Blog Names)
Parents: Still living, though both not in the best of health
Nieces & nephew: 3; Nephew - Moose (age 24, blog name), Nieces - Boop & R-Bug (ages 17 & 9 respectively, blog names)
Furbabies: 4 dogs; two chihuahuas (live with my parents) - Sissy and Merlin, terrier - Isabel (immigrated with The Hubs and I from England), Beagle hound - Melly

I can't really think of what other information you might be interested in, so feel free to ask me questions!

Have a great ICLW!

December ICLW

I know I'm technically a day early with this post, but I decided I'd go ahead and get it posted so it would be ready first thing in the morning.

Welcome to all ICLWers! My name is Lynn, I'm 32 and married to a great guy (referred to on here as The Hubs). We've been TTCing for 7 years, but so far nada. I suffer from PCOS, lost my right tube to an enormous ovarian cyst 4 years ago and, in the last year, have been diagnosed with sleep apnea, diabetes, hypothyroidism and complex hyperpl.asia. I have recently (last week) been given the all clear on the hyperpl.asia front and, so, The Hubs and I will hopefully be officially starting fertility treatment in January (we've been seeing our RE for 8 months and, prior to our referral, took 4 rounds of Cl.omid and a round of Fema.ra with my OB/GYN).

On a positive note, it seems The Hubs is in stupendous condition and should have no problems fathering a child, assuming my body decides to work semi-correctly =D Also in the column of good news, The Hubs finally did it! He told his parents this past weekend that we are going to be undergoing fertility treatment! This may not sound like such a huge deal to you, however, in the seven years we've been trying, his family have never been aware. Therefore, I'm pretty darn excited about his accomplishment.

A bit about me? I love to read, crafty projects (particularly crocheting and scrapbooking), Glee, singing, dancing and spending time with The Hubs and our dogs. I'm currently in school working on my bachelor's degree in Social Sciences with a concentration in education - I'm hoping to be a teacher in a couple of years. I'm about half-way through my degree and I currently have a 3.94 GPA. I'm very proud of this, if you couldn't tell ;D

I truly adore my blogging buddies and I'm interested in meeting new friends, so please be sure to leave me a comment! Also, I'm starting to plan my reading list for next year, so if you have a suggestions of great books (I love thrillers, fantasy and drama, such as Jodi Picoult, Nicholas Sparks and Barbara Delinsky, but I'm always open to new books!), please feel free to leave them in the comments section! TTFN!

ICLW & A Case of Bronchitis

Hi Folks! If you've made it here from ICLW, I hope you enjoy your visit. You can discover more about me here and about of TTC journey here. I'll be making the ICLW rounds today, seeing as I am lounging at home sick today (blech!).

I'll begin the story of my sickness with telling you that last Wednesday was my mom's birthday and I had planned a birthday party for her for Saturday (this past one). So Saturday morning about 6am I woke up with my throat on FIRE! It hurt so badly, I thought I would actually cry. But, I got up and got started getting things ready for the party anyway. We had a lovely time, despite me having a fever. On Sunday, my sore throat had developed into a runny nose and a bad cough. Fever continued. I should have gone to the doctor on Monday, but I had to carry my mom back to HER doctor for her follow-up visit from her surgery (she got an excellent report for anyone who's interested). Her doctor was a two hour drive away and she was not allowed to drive, so off we went, fever, cough, runny nose and all.

Finally, yesterday I decided I really had to go see the doctor. I had gone into work, but left to see what was wrong with me. The doctor was in the room for all of about 2 minutes and she said "I think you have bronchitis." Wonderful! That's the second time this year. Anyway, she prescribed 4 medications and gave me a shot of Rocephin in my hip (burns being injected, hip still very sore today).

So, I'm home sick today again. I have no voice, my throat hurts, I still have a runny nose and I'm coughing every two seconds. What a fun day to spend at home! At least I'm not at work.

Anyway, I'm going to rest for a little while because this post has exhausted me (I'm pathetic, really), then I'll start visiting some ICLW blogs!

ICLW

I promise you, the months seem to just fly by! It's IComLeavWe time again. I look forward to this time of the month because it's nice to meet new people and see what other members of the community are up to.

So, I'll introduce myself to those of you who don't know me. I am Lynn, married for almost 8 years to The Hubs. We met online almost 10 years ago (in fact, August 30 will be our ten year anniversary of meeting one another), did the LDR thing for almost two years before I moved to England to live with him for 3 1/2 years. In January 2006, we returned to the States to my home state of Georgia and that's where we are currently.

No kiddos yet, almost 7 years of TTC, no pregnancies to date, one failed adoption. I have PCOS and endometrial issues (recently had a D&C for complex endometrial hyperplasia and am now on a 3 month break with new medication before heading back to determine if my endometrium automatically grows hyperplasic - fingers crossed that will be a negative because that will signal the end of TTC).

The Hubs and I have two fabulous furry dog-ters who live with us: Isabel (or Pog) who is our terrier, is a house-dog and immigrated with us from England; and Melanie (or Melly) who is an outside Beagle hound/Border Collie mix, born here a little over a year ago to our former dogs (one was hit by a car and killed, the other left to find another companion after suffering without her mate for a while). They aren't at all spoiled...not a bit....*cough*.

We also claim ownership to two other pups who live with my mom. Both chihuahuas, they are Sissy (16 years old and in her twilight years - my baby til I moved off to England and then continued to be spoiled by my parents) and Merlin (our current youngest, he's only about 5 months old and an enormous bundle of energy). They don't live with us because Isabel has a huge jealous streak and chases them when they come over.

The Hubs and I are your normal thirty-something, childless couple. We love movies and attend the cinema almost every week. We love to read, watch television and listen to music. The Hubs loves a good political debate, while I'd much rather be left with my scrapbooking, card-making, cross-stitch or crocheting. We lead a pretty simple life.

We both work in healthcare, although I'm currently in school working on my bachelor's degree to teach, while The Hubs is thinking of returning to school to gain his Masters and go into teaching. We're very similar, if you couldn't tell :D

We want desperately to be parents, but so far it hasn't been in the cards for us, so..... Anyway, we're hoping that my follow-up endometrial biopsy in October will reveal a normal endometrium and we can move forward with TTC. Btw, in case you're wondering, The Hubs has no problems in the TTC department. After getting the results of his SA (which it took me two months to get him to actually have done!), he came strutting - yes, literally strutting - out of the doctor's office. So, yeah, the trouble's all mine. You gotta love a life of knowing you're defective, right?

Happy ICLW!

That Time of the Month Again!

Now, I bet you thought I was going to say AF had finally showed up, right? Nope! But it is time for IComLeavWe again! So welcome to the visitors and regulars alike!

A bit about me: I'm Lynn, 31 years old, married to The Hubs for 7 1/2 years, two furbabies (really four, but two of them live with my mom), no kids, PCOS sufferer, 6 1/2 total years of TTC, 1 1/2 of those on medicated cycles, no pregnancies, one failed adoption, enough cynicism for a lifetime, first visits with RE planned for May 5th (work-up with PA) and May 12th (with Dr. to get recommendations and plan).

Want non-IF related details about me? Work in a hospital full-time as the supervisor of central scheduling/insurance verification, like my job but would really like to teach language arts or history, working on my BASS Ed, maintaining a 4.0 GPA after a year and a half, recently inducted into the Honors Society at my university, love to cook, am a Certified Catering Specialist but never wanted to do it as a profession, love to read, love to write, love music (especially classic rock), adore singing, think the Beatles, the Doors, the Who and Fleetwood Mac are the greatest musicians ever, love to scrapbook, love to crochet, think Rob Pattinson is the sexiest man alive (only because Jim Morrison is dead), long to one day produce the novel I know is bursting to get out but so far hasn't found the right outlet, would love to get involved in a charity helping underprivileged families, am a Republican through and through with a true dislike for the current president (sorry if you like him! no offense to you but I just don't care for the man), am a serious animal lover (although I'm not a vegetarian - I know, I know!), love to make friends, love to blog (but don't manage it as often as I'd like), lived in England for 3 1/2 years, love my British husband whom I met online dearly and long to be a mother more than anything else in the world.

There, I think that about covers it. If you want to know more about me, feel free to have a plunder through my archives.

Now I have a favor to ask of you, my lovely readers. I am currently collecting recipes for a fundraising cookbook compilation to help fund our fertility treatment and/or adoption fund. If you would like to contribute a recipe, please email me at wistful (dot) girl (at) gmail (dot) com. Please include the recipe and a short blurb about yourself and how you know me. Any contributions you make will be greatly appreciated!

As a thank you for all your contributions in advance, I will leave you with a horrifying yet strangely hilarious anecdote about my day. As stated earlier, I work in a hospital, albeit in an office where my contact with patients is mainly via the telephone. I do, however, have an enormous window to the outside in the office I share with my co-worker. Today we were both sat at my desk discussing a work related matter when we noticed a male patient standing outside our window right by the entrance to the hospital. Said patient had rolled his IV pole outside so he could smoke a cigarette. What had caught our attention was that he kept leaning close to our window and peering into our window. I must pause here to denote that our window has a black out tint over it, meaning that, while we can see out quite clearly, seeing in is not possible. So, to this patient, it appeared to be an empty room. My co-worker and I concluded our coversation and she rolled back over to her desk and picked up her phone, turning her back to the window. I returned to my computer screen with the window behind and to the left of me. Suddenly, I noticed a shadow cover the window. I turned to see what the patient was doing only to find him relieving himself right outside my window! And I mean it was all hanging out! Right outside the entrance to the hospital with patients coming and going and in full view of our office! I was horrified! I spun around and screamed "He's peeing!" My co-worker looked at me as if I had lost my mind and asked me what my problem was. I explained to her what I had witnessed and we both had horrified hysterics. The rest of my day was spent trying to forget the image that is now forever burned into my head.

Go on. Laugh. You aren't the first to do that today! Hope you have a fabulous week!

The Interminable Wait

First off let me welcome those of you stopping by for ICLW! I'm Lynn, 31 years young, married to The Hubs, been TTC for 6 years with never even a hint of two pink lines. I'm glad you decided to stop by and visit me! You can read more about my TTC history here, here, here and here. We've been through a lot on our journey to be parents, but we're confident one day we'll be blessed with a child of our own, either biologically or through adoption or both. I'm currently in the midst of a confusing cyle where I tried Femara and it produced many good follies and Fertility Friend seems to think I've ovulated but I'm not totally convinced. My temps haven't gone up much yet.

I'm feeling very down today. As I said above, I'm still not totally certain I've ovulated because my temps are still fairly low and I really wanted this month to produce results. I called my doctor's office again yesterday and was basically told that, with the results from the u/s, I definitely ovulated and to just calm down and not stress. That's easier said than done! I don't feel calm at all. I feel really quite desperate. I realize it's silly, but I'm really feeling the slipping away of days with regards to fertility at the moment. I don't know why I'm feeling this way. It's like it's eating away at me - more than usual!

I've also been so incredibly tired the last few days. I feel very emotional. I just want to find somewhere to lay down and cry myself to sleep. I'm guessing this must be side effects to Femara - I know I was a bit like this with Clomid as well. I just wish something would give so I could know definitely that I've ovulated and then test to find out yes or no and move on.

To top it all off, I've been very, very stressed at work lately. The new project I'm heading up will go live on April 5, so I'm in the final planning stages and it feels like everything is still up in the air! I have so much to get done and no time to do it in and other departments keep dumping their work on me because they don't want to handle it. I feel a bit crazy and panicked.

Having said all that, The Hubs and I did get away this past weekend for a break with my mom. The three of us went to Savannah, GA and just relaxed a little (although, on returning home, I had massive amounts of schoolwork to get completed for last night. Oh, yeah, forgot to mention my current class is a nightmare class!). We went to City Market and River Street on Saturday. Ate at Olive Garden (my fav!) on Saturday night. Had a lovely rest at the Courtyard by Marriott, then had breakfast at IHOP and spent Sunday at Keller's Flea Market where I found some excellent deals on designer handbags (the real deal too! None of that knock-off crap!). I'll be returning in a few weeks to purchase some for Christmas gifts!

One last bit of news (and this time it's good!): I've been invited by my University to join Alpha Sigma Lambda, the honors society! I've maintained a 4.0 for over a year and, so, I'll be joining. I'm very pleased with that :D

Don't forget to sign up for April Secret Pals!

A New Start

First of all, let me start by welcoming everyone visiting from ICLW! You can find out more about me by reading this post and this post. The Hubs and I are recuperating from the trauma of a failed adoption in January (although things started going wrong in November), but have recently made some big decisions and have had some good news. I hope you enjoy visiting with me!

Now - onto my update. Thanks for all your extremely supportive comments and suggestions about my song! We had a great weekend and I feel my audition went well. The producers will be giving callbacks beginning next week and going through the end of April, so I won't know anything for sure until then. I'll not be able to give any information out about though, as it is very hush-hush. Please just keep your fingers crossed for me and say a little prayer. Whatever the result, I had a fantastic time and will probably look to audition again next year if I don't make it this year.

It seems as though the last couple of weeks have held lots of wonderful news for The Hubs and I! In addition to my promotion/raise and our trying a cycle on Fe.mara, we got some wonderful news Monday afternoon. Thank you to all those who've been keeping us in your thoughts and prayers for The Hubs to find a job because he interviewed for one Monday afternoon and was hired on the spot! He started yesterday morning and he's loving it! This is excellent news because it means we can go ahead and ask for our referral to the RE and, hopefully in a couple month's time, start the process to adopt from foster care! I'm really, really amazed and humbled by the turn of events and how each moment that has seemed to be working against us has, in fact, been leading us to this path. It makes me hopeful that life will turn out the way in which we want it.

I took my last Fe.mara last night, so now the wait starts to the ultrasound next Wednesday to see if any follies have been produced. I'm eager to see what happens with this new treatment and, if nothing, then we have the RE referral to look forward to and, most especially, the adoption process to begin.

Please keep praying for us, thinking of us, crossing your fingers for us or a combination of your choosing! I'm so thankful for all the wonderful friends I've made in this community!

ICLW Time!

Welcome to all who've made their way here via IComLeavWe! I can't believe it's already that time again.

If it's your first time visiting me, I'll try to give you some idea of who I am:

I am a wife.
I am a daughter.
I am a mommy to two canines.
I am a Christian.
I am a classic rock fan.
I am a scrapbooker.
I am a crocheter.
I am a cross-stitcher.
I am a blogger.
I am a good friend.
I am a Scorpio.
I am an American married to an Englishman.
I am a thirty-something.
I am a Republican.
I am an Italian-food loving individual.
I am a French language-learning individual.
I am a college student.
I am a full time employee.
I am an Infertile.
I am a sufferer of PCOS.
I am an active person.

That's all I can think to say about myself right now. If you'd like to know more, please do not hesitate to ask! And I hope you all have a fantastic ICLW!

IComLeavWe / Rant About Comments

Today starts the December IComLeavWe. I wanted to take a moment to welcome all my visitors for ICLW and to say I'm glad you dropped by!

Normally, I would have a light little post giving you some information about me, but unfortunately today is not a good day and I just saw a comment on our Christmas photos post that really pissed me off! So, sadly, what you get from me today is a rant.

The comment read "Weight and Fertility. Being overweight or obese may reduce a woman's fertility. ... Weight loss may improve fertility and pregnancy outcome."

Really?! You mean, after 6 years of TTC, this brand-new life-altering information is just being dropped on me?! Because, apparently I'm too stupid to have thought of this myself. (If you didn't hear the sarcasm dripping in that post, please re-read and add in copious amounts of sarcasm.)

What I wonder is which failed attempt at losing weight would this poster (who, btw, posted anonymously, being too cowardly to even give their name) suggest I give another go?

Perhaps the year gym membership The Hubs and I purchased, used 4 times a week, every week for a year and I managed to lose a grand total of 10 pounds on. Let's not forget to mention that I was also on a strict diet during this time (which I followed to the letter!). Towards the end of the year, I actually began to gain weight back, despite continuing with the efforts I had been at all year long. Maybe I wasn't exercising correctly, this poster may say? The personal trainer we hired thought differently. He was utterly puzzled himself as to why I didn't lose more weight and why it began to come back near the end of the year.

Rather than continue to waste money, our next plan was to walk 2 miles everyday, a practice we still try to maintain today, although its more often only 4 or 5 times a week we manage the feat. Not good enough either?

Maybe, this poster would suggest I go back to one of the hundreds of diets I've tried throughout the years that have all led to naught.

Or, maybe, just maybe, they think the bulemia I had during my high school years would work better for me. No?

At the end of the day what I will say is that my weight has been a battle for me throughout my entire life. I was a large baby when I was born (9lbs, 1/4 oz) and I was a large child. Throughout my adolescence I was large. When I was 16 I got the grand idea that maybe I would lose weight if I threw up what I ate. That way, I could eat anything and still get thin, right? Wrong. What I did was make myself sick and still I was overweight.

In fact, the lightest I've ever been during my adult years was still what would be considered overweight for my height. During the ages of 19 to 21, my weight fluctuated between 160 lbs and 175 lbs. I wore a size 12 clothing. Wanna know how I managed that? I ate one meal a day, danced 4 to 5 hours every night (I was a bit of a wild child after high school - no freedom during the high school years = rebellion during early adulthood), and smoked a pack of cigarettes a day. The nicotine suppressed my appetite.

Maybe, dear anonymous poster, you would suggest I take back up smoking (which I managed to quit cold turkey 8 years and 4 months ago tomorrow)? Would that make you happy with my weight?

Oh, I should also add that when I was at the smaller size, my cycles were still not regular. I had a maximum of 3 or 4 AFs each year. So it seems to me being a lighter weight didn't really have much impact on my fertility.

I'm not suggesting that the size I am now is helping with infertility problems. I'm sure its not. I want to lose weight, if for nothing more than I don't like being as large as I am now. However, that is my business, not this anonymous poster's or anyone else's for that matter. This blog is not a place for ANYONE to pass judgement on me. It is a place for me to express my feelings, whether joy or despair, hope or hopelessness. It is a place for me to find support from others like me, NOT CRITICISM. If what you have to offer me is helpful information, by all means, feel free to do so. If what you have to offer is condemnation and judgement (which you know you were doing, otherwise you would not have commented anonymously), then please pass on by.

Regretfully, I have made the decision make my comments require approval before being posted. I have always said I did not want to do this because it feels as though I'm censoring the comments. However, I feel I have to do this now. I toyed with the idea of removing the Anonymous function, but have - for the moment - decided against this drastic move.

Again, apologies to all who visit from ICLW to fall into the drama of the moment and to those of my regular blog readers who have had to read this simply for one thoughtless individual. I want my blog to be a haven for me, not another place in my life that makes me feel worthless.

Its IComLeavWe Time Again!

Welcome IComLeavWeers!

I get so excited this time each month! I'm so glad you decided to take the time to visit my blog. If you'd like to know more about how we got to this point, you can read about my infertility history, our recent exciting news and my belief on how the two work together.

For this month though, I thought I'd do something a little different! So, I've enlisted the help of my partner in crime, The Hubs! He is going to ask me some questions of his choice which I will write out for you and I will give you the answer! So, grab a cup of hot cocoa, tea or coffee, sit back and enjoy!

1. The Hubs - We have an anniversary coming up (it's Monday). If money were no object, how would you like to celebrate it?

This is a very interesting question. I would love to go away to the Bahamas before The Pengu gets here in February. That would be truly awesome. Although, I would also love to go shopping for a house, but I'm assuming that if money were no object, we would already have our dream home.

2. The Hubs - What is your proudest accomplishment?

I think the thing I'm most proud of (at the moment) is returning to school at the beginning of 2009 after 10 years out of school and, a year later, having maintained a 4.0 GPA. I'm working on obtaining my Bachelors degree in Social Sciences with an education concentration so that I can teach. I think I would really love teaching!

3. The Hubs - We lived in England for 3 1/2 years. What do you miss most from that time?

Wow! That's a great question! So much to choose from. I really miss the old beautiful buildings and the history of the place. I also miss walking everywhere we go. The food is another thing I miss (although often more bland than American food, I did get quite attached to many things there that we can't find here back in the States). However, the thing I miss most was the level of independence we had while living there. The Hubs' family all lived at least a 30 minute journey from us and that suited us well. Now that we're back in the States and live right next door to my mom and dad, its very stifling. Don't get me wrong! I love my parents very much and I appreciate all the help and support they give us, but we've lived next door to them for almost 3 years and they think they should be involved in every aspect of our life. That can get very tiring after so many years of being totally independent. Its the reason we're hoping to be able to move before February.

4. The Hubs - What did you miss most about the States while you were living in England.

The answer to this is very funny to the point of being ironic. The thing I missed most while living in England was......my family. I hated not being able to see them when I wanted. I thought that being back in the States would be great because we'd have our own home, about 30 minutes away from them, and I'd be able to visit them at least once or twice a month. I never dreamed we'd be living right next door and seeing them everyday!

5. The Hubs - What are you afraid of?

There are many answers to this question. I'm afraid of water (I can't swim), I'm afraid I won't be a good parent, I'm afraid I'll never have independence again, and I'm afraid the future won't lead to better things (although I hope these last 3 are unfounded fears!).

6. The Hubs - What's the most beautiful/impressive place you've ever been?

Hands down it was London viewed from the London Eye! I love that city! And it was such an amazing view! I have it on video, but its not digital, so I can't post a pic for you. However, I definitely recommend this experience if you're ever in London!

7. The Hubs - What's the best thing about living in South?

Hmmm....the best thing about living in the South would have to be the food! (Can you tell yet that I love food and cooking is a HUGE part of my life?) I love Southern cuisine. It has such a homey feel to it and it makes the house smell fantastic!

8. The Hubs - What is the most unusual journey you've ever been on?

Hahaha! Well, this requires telling a story of one of the misadventures The Hubs' and I have been on. Several years ago while still in England, we decided we wanted to give his family luxury food hampers for Christmas. We had heard of a place in Leeds that made custom baskets and we decided to try to find the shop so we could get their gifts. We took the train into Leeds, then took a taxi to where the place was supposed to be located. When we told the taxi driver where we were headed, he looked at us a bit dubiously, but he took us there anyway.

When we got where we were going, we got out of the taxi and looked around us. We were in a very rough and seedy area of Leeds to which neither of us had ever been. We saw no evidence of any businesses around, so we turned back to get back into the taxi. However, the driver was long gone! The Hubs looked at me and I returned his concerned gaze. We both shrugged and decided to attempt to find the place. We looked and looked but came up with nothing. By this time, it was beginning to edge towards darkness (the northern part of England gets dark very early in December!), so we decided to locate a bus stop and make our way back into town. As we looked for the bus stop, we noticed something interesting: while there seemed to be no bus stops about, there did seem to be quite a few scantily clad women about. Then we noticed a car drive up to one of the ladies who leaned in the passenger window and then climbed into the car with the driver. The Hubs told me he thought we should start walking - we had just seen a John pick up a prostitute!

We began walking, trying to find any site of civilized city. We were using the spire of a church in the center of the city to navigate our way in. At one point in time, we lost site of the spire and stopped outside a block of flats to determine which way we should be going. While we were standing there, we heard a loud belch sound out. We looked at one another, then looked around. It was at that point that we noticed a very drunk man passed out in the steps leading to the basement flat. The Hubs started pushing me and said "Move, move! Let's just walk!". Several minutes later, we found ourselves near an outlet store we had previously looked for but been unable to find. We gratefully entered the store and walked around for a few minutes to calm ourselves. Once calmed down, we did a bit of shopping, then walked out the doors that led to the other side of the store. There we found a bus stop and made our way back to the train station.

You would think after that adventure, we'd have learned better, but no! I have a thousand stories of mishaps such as this that The Hubs and I have gotten into!

9. The Hubs - What is your worst feature?

My temper. I have a very, very bad temper. It takes a long time for me to really get wound up enough for that temper to show, but once I get beyond the breaking point - watch out! Its nuclear!

10. The Hubs - What is your best feature?

This one is harder for me to determine. I think, though, it would probably be my charitable nature. I would give the clothes off my back to someone if they needed it. I hate to see anyone do without and I would always rather give than receive something. I'm one of those people who wants to make sure everyone around me is clothed, fed and has anything they could want or need.


I hope you feel as though you know me a bit better now! Enjoy your time at my blog and have a wonderful IComLeavWe!!!

Welcome ICLWers!

Its IComLeavWe time again! So if you've made your way here via ICLW, welcome! If you found my little corner some other way, welcome to you as well!

A little background:

My name is Lynn and I'm 30 years old (although I'll be celebrating a birthday when this time comes around next month!). I'm married to an amazing guy I met online in 2000. We got married in November 2002 and will be celebrating our 7th wedding anniversary next month. We've been trying to start a family for almost 6 years without any success.

My TTC history:

We began TTC on our first wedding anniversary. We were prepared for it to take up to a year, as this is common for most couples. However, we were not prepared for the hoopla that has ensued! I have never had regular cycles, but we tried anyway. We were stubborn at first and determined we would do this on our own. So we tried for several years with the result of - nada, nuttin', zilch. In late 2004, I started having some serious pains in my upper right abdominal area (right under my breast) and could not figure out what the problem was. These carried on for several months until I finally decided I had to see a doctor (I do not like to go to the doctor, so this was a biggie for me). At the time, The Hubs and I were living in England (where The Hubs is from and our marital home for the first 3 1/2 years of our marriage) and the doctors there were stumped for a bit. They sent me to have several ultrasounds (abdominal, pelvic, etc.) performed to see what the problem was. The ultrasounds proved not very helpful, as the doctors were unable to see much. I was told (by a very rude doctor) that I was "too fat" for the ultrasounds to see properly. It was determined that I probably had gallstones and I was put on an 18 month waiting list for an operation to remove my gallbladder (yup, that's what you get with a nationalized heath system).

I continued to suffer from severe pain in my abdomen and nothing much seemed to help. In January 2006 (about 6 months into the 18 month wait), The Hubs and I received his visa to live in the USA and we repatriated. Fast forward to February 2007, I was still having severe abdominal pain and attacks that would have me doubled over. After one such attack at work and a trip to ER, my employer at the time told me I could not come back to work until I had scheduled surgery to remove my gallbladder (he was concerned for my health, but don't be fooled - he was an ass). The Hubs insurance had just come into effect, so I made an appointment with my doctor, who promptly sent me over for an ultrasound (with similar results to the previous ones) and on to a surgeon. That was on Monday, March 5 and my surgery was scheduled for Friday, March 9.

On Friday, I went in for surgery, was put to sleep and woke up in a lot of pain several hours later (crying for The Hubs, no less). When I woke, they had not yet remembered to give me any pain medication, but it was quickly injected and I was given some shocking news. When the surgeon had gone in (laproscopically) to do the surgery, he was frightened at first that they had perforated and inflated the bowel, as he was unable to see my gallbladder. However, he quickly determined that the real problem was an enormous cyst sitting on my right ovary and pushing all of my internal organs up and to the left! He removed 2 litres of fluid (yup, like a 2L bottle of Coke) from the cyst, then removed the cyst and sent it off to be biopsied (it came back benign, thankfully). He then went on to remove my gallbladder (which had been verging on gaingrenous). He stated that, with both the cyst and the gallbladder the way they were, it was no wonder I had been in so much pain.

So, after recovery time, The Hubs and I got back to TTC. We thought it would be no problem at all now to conceive. But in September 2008, we had still not conceived, so I made an appointment with my OB/GYN. At my first visit, she diagnosed me with PCOS and did some blood work to determine if I had diabetes or insulin resistance. She also had The Hubs do an SA, which came back excellent (The Hubs strutted around for days like he was a rock star) so at least we didn't have to add male factor to our problems. My bloodwork came back that, while I did not have diabetes, I was indeed insulin resistant. My doctor prescribed Metformin and said to wait and see if this would regulate my cycles without Clomid. It didn't.

In April 2009, I finally convinced my doctor to prescribe Provera and Clomid. I just knew Clomid was going to be our wonder drug. Four negative Clomid cycles later, I gave up on that dream and The Hubs and I decided to take a break from medicated cycles until he could regain employment (he lost his job in November 2008 and has been looking ever since). We weren't going to stop TTC, just no medication until we felt comfortable moving onto our RE referral and an IUI cycle.

I just finished my first post-Clomid, unmedicated cycle (which I had "boosted" with Soy Isos). It lasted 89 days and I had no convincing O (despite the red CH given to me by FF). Since my O was not delayed, but in fact did not happen, I decided to give Soy Isos another shot. I increased my dosage with this cycle and am currently on CD 6 - Day 4 of soy. With the worst case scenario, my cycle will once again be long.

So, that gets you up to date with me. If you've made it this far reading, you must really be bored, lol! But thanks! Hope you enjoy your time at my blog and have a great IComLeavWe!