Our Lost Baby

Something happened recently that I haven't yet reported on my blog. Our dog we've had for 12 years passed away on June 13. It was a devestating loss for us.

We got Pog (who's real name was Isabel) on October 5, 2002. She was a rescued dog. I remember the date she came into our lives so clearly. It was the day I got my wedding gown. We went to the shelter to choose a dog. We were looking for a small dog who could stay inside and be with me while The Hubs (or The Fiance at the time) was at work. She was one of many dogs we saw that day and she was not the dog most people would have chosen. The Hubs' dad and step-mum were with us. She would not come to the front of her pin to see us when all four of us stood before her. However, when The Hubs and his dad and step-mum moved on, I stayed behind. That sweet little girl inched forward and licked my hand then. I was a gonner!

She went home with us a few days later, after she had been given her shots and checked over by the vet. She was my comfort during those days in England when I was so homesick! She kept me company during the days when The Hubs was at work. It was so great to be able to get out with her and take walks. She was a wonderful companion. She was very protective of me; she kept me from walking out in front of traffic when I looked the wrong way (I was an American girl in a country that drives on the opposite side of the road from what I was used to, after all. And, not used to walking much of anywhere, as I was also raised in a rural area where you have to drive to get where you want to go.). She was such a great friend.

When our life changed and we immigrated to the USA, it was simply unthinkable that she wouldn't come with us! So, we got her paperwork all done and she flew on the same flight we did and became a US pup. She enjoyed living in the USA because it was a lot easier for her to get more outside time. She could even go outside off her lead! She acclimated very well.

She was our first child. During the dark days of infertility, she filled a bit of the void our childlessness left. I can't count the number of times I held her and cried into her soft fur. She was great for snuggling when you were feeling down. And she always knew when you just needed to hold her. She never tried to wrestle away from you when you were feeling down. She just stayed still dand received the love you were giving while returning the cuddles you needed.

When our children came to live with us, she was so jealous!! We had to transition her to being an outside dog because she growled and barked at the baby so much. Over time, she came to love him and they had a great relationship. Monkey loved her so much! Since she's been gone, he has talked ceaselessly about "my Izzy Belle". Whenever we watch The Wizard of Oz (one of his favourite movies), he always points at Toto (whom Isabel Pog resembled) and asks for her. It's been a hard time for him, as well as for us. During Vacation Bible School last week, one of the lessons was about Jesus being our treasure in Heaven. The children were given little plastic coins to represent this and when Monkey put his coin in his bag, he pointed at it and told his daddy "Isabel is in my bag". She's his treasure in Heaven.

The other children didn't get an opportunity to become as close to her as Monkey did, but they loved her as well. I think, when you've lost so much in you young life, it's difficult to add another thing to that list. With that being said, although The Hubs and I would have preferred to wait a while before getting another puppy, we decided it was better for the kids to go ahead and welcome a new puppy into our home, thus Sophie came to live with us. She'll never replace Pog, but we'll love her as well.

Here's to our beautful Pog Dog who will be forever loved and never forgotten!

F - For What It's Worth - The Cardigans

I took our puppy to the vet today. We've been very bad puppy parents and this is the first time in a few years that she's been to see the vet. She had to get 3 shots, be tested for heart worms (which was a draw of blood from her right leg) and have her anal glands cleaned. The poor moppett is so droopy and sleepy feeling this evening. I feel terrible for her and, I have to admit, we're babying her something fierce. I hope she feels better tomorrow.

In other news, The Hubs and I are currently watching The Breakfast Club =D Love my family Fridays!

Wordless Wednesday - Where I'd Rather Be On A Cold Wednesday Morning

Wordless Wednesday - Christmas Exhaustion

Day 21 - A Picture of Something That Makes You Happy / ICLW

There are several things that make me happy....


My nieces, Bug and Boop


Being silly


I mean, seriously? Who could resist those faces?


And, of course, Pog! Have you ever seen a cuter doggie face?!?!


Finally, my lovely, wonderful husband.

The things that make me happiest? My nieces, our puppy and The Hubs. Life is a great thing when their in mine!

Day 7 - A Picture of Someone/Something That Has the Biggest Impact On You

The Hubs and our puppy (Pog) are truly the biggest impacts on my life. They are a part of every single second of my life. Everything I do is with them in mind and is considerate of how my actions would impact them.

What can I say? My biggest impact is my family =D

Tidbits

• I'm still not feeling very wordsy these days. Finding it difficult to simply interact with people in everyday life, so really struggling to find the energy/words to blog.


• I've had a bad headache now for 3 days. It's really painful and makes it difficult for me to concentrate on anything. I really wish it would go away. Right now my brain feels a lot like a water balloon someone is rhythmically squeezing. Probably a new kind of migraine for me. Awesome.


• My third blogoversary was 5 days ago. I missed it. I'm so on top of these things, can't you tell?


• I had an appointment with Dr. O on October 6 because AF hadn't shown her face in a couple of months and the last two times she did show up, it was only very faint. He wanted to do another endometrial biopsy and also an ultrasound. I've gotten the results back from the biopsy and, so far, no hyperplasia is showing. The ultrasound did show a persistent cyst on my right ovary. The cyst had grown 2cm in 3 weeks, so not good. I have to go back this Thursday to have another ultrasound and see if it's grown again. If it has, he'll be setting up an appointment to have the cyst removed. He also gave me some meds to bring AF on and she showed up Sunday morning. I think she's on her way again now, so it's been a brief but intense visit, lol. I had some bloodwork done as well, but so far haven't gotten the results back from that. I'll give you an update after my appointment.


• I think I forgot to share with you that we had lost two of our dogs in September. Our hound who lived outside, Melly, was bitten by a snake and died. We were very sad to lose her, but we were at work when it happened and, so, had no chance of saving her. My mom's chihuahua, Merlin, was hit by a car when he was let out to run and it killed him instantly. Another blow of a loss. Feels like there's been a lot of that lately.


• Speaking of loss, my best friend (apart from The Hubs), J, is leaving the country for a year. He's going to Afghanistan to work as a civilian contractor. He's been working with The Hubs for the last year and I've grown used to seeing him most days and talking to him virtually everyday. It's going to be difficult not having him to talk to. He's been a big help over the last few months to both The Hubs and I. I'll miss him.


• We haven't really heard anything more from Juno. Still no meeting and still no more info, so I'm not counting that as much of a lead anymore. Not giving up entirely on it, but not letting it rule my thoughts.


• The Hubs and I finally called for info on adopting through the State of Georgia yesterday! We should get a call back within 10 days to set up an informational meeting. Hopefully, we'll soon be on our way to getting approved to adopt through the State!


• The Hubs and I have been talking a lot about our pending adoption process and we're considering adopting an older child. Has anyone ever adopted a child over age 8 through foster/adoption? We'd appreciate any information you may have to share, particularly if you've done this in the State of Georgia.


• I'm still trying to decide what I want to do for birthdayversary next month. I can't decide if The Hubs and I want to go away overnight just the two of us or if I want to have a party in Savannah. I teeter back and forth between the two. Must make my mind up very soon.


• If you hadn't noticed, I updated my blog template for Halloween. I like it. I think it's pretty.


• I'm getting ready to open the Christmas Ornament Exchange soon. I want to give everyone plenty of time to sign up and shop for their ornament. I'm also thinking of doing a masterlist for Christmas Card exchanges. What do you think? Anyone interested in exchanging addresses for Christmas Cards? Let me know!


• I know there are many other things I wanted to share, but can't think what they are now. Oh, well, that should just give me another reason to blog again soon!

July ICLW

I can't believe ICLW time has rolled around again already! Seems like time is flying these days!

If this is your first visit to my humble online abode, welcome! I'm pleased to have you with me =D If you've been here before, pull up a chair and visit for a while! It's always lovely to have friends stop over!

For those who don't know me well, I'll share a bit with you. I'm Lynn, a 32-year-old Georgia girl. I'm married to The Hubs, a 35-year-old Englishman. We met online nearly 11 years ago and we married 8 1/2 years ago. We lived in England for the first 3 years of our marriage but moved to the US in January 2006. We've been here ever since!

Life has its ups and downs for us. Our move to the US hasn't always been what it's cracked up to be. The Hubs was out of work for a 16 month period just over a year ago and, once he finally found a new job, it is not what he would like to be doing, nor does it use his degree at all. In addition to that, we've been on a fruitless 7 1/2 year journey to start a family. We've never even seen a positive HPT. It is so depressing somedays I barely feel able to even lift my head.

Having said all that, we do have one another and we are very much in love! We have awesome (if sometimes too caring) families and we have a few good friends. We're working everyday on improving things for ourselves.

We are currently on a hiatus from fertility treatment while I attempt to lose weight. Our RE wants me to lose 30lbs before we move onto the next treatment. This reasoning is down to the medical challenges I have facing me. I have PCOS, Type II Diabetes, hypothyroidism and sleep apnea. I had endometrial hyperplasia last year, but am currently showing all clear at the moment.

Not related to losing weight, but another challenge I face on the fertility front is that my right fallopian tube was removed in a surgery 4 years ago. I went in for a routine laproscopic cholecystectomy (gallbladder removal) and, when the surgeon went in to remove the gallbladder, he discovered a very large cyst (he drained more than 2 litres of fluid from the cyst) on my right ovary. Sadly, my fallopian tube was buried in the cyst and had to be sacrificed. I understand the tube was not salvageable, however, the fact that the surgeon "forgot" to tell me about the removal of the tube until 3 years later when we were gathering medical records to carry to our first RE visit, kind of pisses me off.

Anyway, back to weight loss. I am currently about half-way to my mini-goal of having lost 30lbs! As of this past Sunday (normally I weigh on Fridays, but I cheated and weighed during the week - not a fact I'm proud of), I had lost 15lbs! Stay tuned tomorrow to see if I've managed to keep that weight off and continue losing or if this is one of the flukey weeks I gain weight. I am on a strict 1480 calorie per day diet and I generally try to walk 2 to 3 miles everyday. This week has been unusual because I've had rehearsal every afternoon for a local musical I'm involved in, so I've been unable to get a moment to exercise. Let's hope all that singing has helped me to shed a few pounds! My overall goal is to lose a total of 103lbs. 15lbs down, 88lbs to go!

The Hubs and I have 3 dogs. Isabel, our terrier, is 9 1/2 years old. We adopted her as a rescued dog when we lived in England. When we made the move to the US, we naturally had her vaccinated and certified to move with us. She is our first baby and we love her enormously! She is spoiled rotten! Our second fur-child is Melly. She is a beagle hound/border collie mix. She was born to a couple of stray dogs who took up residence at our house several years ago and were our fur-children for a while until the dad got hit by a car and the mom wandered off a few months later. I really miss them. However, Melly is lovely! She looks more like a hound than a border collie. She has long floppy ears and she's so soft. She has a lovely temperment! Our third fur-child is Fonzi. He is technically Melly's brother, but from an earlier litter. Same mom and dad, Fonzi was born and we had him until he was about two months old. At that time, he just disappeared from our house. We never knew what happened to him or where he had gone until he appeared back at our house last year looking much the same as he did when he was a puppy and still answering to the name Fonzi. He also has a great temperment, though he is less inclined for silliness than Melly is. They are also incredibly spoiled!

I have lots of interests including reading, writing, music, movies and crafts. I'll read just about anything. I love vampire novels, mysteries, children's fantasy/sci-fi and morality fiction (i.e. Nicholas Sparks or Jodi Piccoult). Reading has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. I also love to write, hence the reason I have a blog. I've been in a state of writer's block for creative writing for several years now, so I've been hoping that writing my blog will trigger something there. Unfortunately, I find that a lot of times my writer's block just carries over into my blog as well. I struggle on, though!

I live for music! It is so difficult for me to do anything without having music on. I love 60's and 70's rock. Fleetwood Mac is my all-time favourite band, but I also like The Doors, The Who and The Beatles. I do love modern music - I absolutely love Adele, Lady Gaga, Train and Katy Perry. Jazz, soul and classical music are also favourites in our house. We're a very musical family. I enjoy singing as well as listening to music and The Hubs plays piano. I own a violin on which I can play a few notes, but I hope to one day find someone who can give me lessons to play it properly. I'd also love to learn to play guitar.

The Hubs and I are movie fanatics! We go to the cinema usually once every week or so. This is a big thing for us because the nearest cinema to where we live is a 45 minute drive away! We use this time as date-night and go out for a meal as well. It works really great for us as a break away from the everyday. We're not really picky about our movies - we enjoy comedies, dramas, thrillers, horror.....you name it, we'll probably watch it! Having said that is not to say we have no taste in movies - there are movies even we will not watch, lol! But, in general, we probably do take in more movies than the normal person.

I love crafts. I enjoy crocheting, cross-stitching, scrapbooking, card-making and most any other craft I can get my hands on. I'm currently attempting to teach myself to knit, which has been an interesting experience. I'm not sure I could term it successful yet, but interesting definitely fits. I also recently purchased some wooden photo frames I'm hoping to paint and offer personalization on so that I can sell them to add money to our treatment/adoption fund. Someday maybe I'll actually get them uploaded to an Etsy shop, lol!

That's about all I have to share about myself right now, but if you have questions, please ask them! I'm eager to answer any questions. Also, please, please, please share information about yourself as I'm always interested in meeting new people, too! Have a great ICLW!!

Another Mother Mourns Her Loss

Firstly, thank you all for your supportive comments on my previous post! Your insight helped greatly. I have decided to keep praying that things work out for them, but to let sleeping dogs lie for now. If in the future they come to us and apologize for what's happened, we'll go from there (I don't really see that happening, sadly), but for now, I can be content to try to keep positive people around me. I do have awesome online buddies and a couple of people IRL I can talk to as well. This has been and will continue to be a long, hard journey, but you all make it easier with your caring support.

Onto my thoughts for today. You all may remember me talking about our dog, Melly, in the past. She is the outdoor dog (Isabel is the indoor dog). A couple of months ago, Melly came into her first heat and, as usually happens with these things, she got pregnant (sometimes I wonder if I wouldn't be better off as a dog - they never seem to face things like infertility).

Yesterday, Melly gave birth to her very first litter. She had 7 puppies! They are all manner of cuteness and she is such a great mother to them. Today, The Hubs and I went to check on Melly and the puppies (we didn't get to see them yesterday, as we didn't get home until after dark. We let her out of her fenced area to use the restroom and have a run as we do every evening and noticed she wasn't plump and rounded like she had been that morning. She had a quick run and then went right back to her home. The Hubs put fresh water and food down for her, but couldn't see well enough to see the puppies. So today we went back to do a thorough check).

When we got to her pen, we opened the door and she ran out to do her business and have a run. We went in to check on the puppies. There were 3 black/brown and white puppies, 3 black puppies and a brown puppy. Then we noticed the sad thing. The brown puppy didn't make it. He was lying there with the others, but he wasn't moving as they were and he wasn't breathing. The Hubs bent down to retrieve him so we could bury him and, at that exact moment, Melly came running back in. She saw The Hubs trying to get the puppy and she ran over and licked the puppy several times and nudged him. The whole while she was whining. When The Hubs picked him up, she started crying, giving this sort of howling whine. She jumped and put her paws on The Hubs' chest and licked the puppy again. The Hubs showed her and told her the puppy had gone on, but she continued to cry.

The Hubs took the puppy out and told me he had hoped to get the puppy out before Melly had returned. We hadn't wanted her to see him, thinking she wouldn't remember the puppy if he wasn't there because, after all, she is only a dog. But, I realised something important today. It doesn't matter if you're human or a dog or a cat or whatever animal you may be. When you lose your child, you feel that hurt. You want your baby back. You just want the world to be right and for your child to be in it, living, loving and with you.

I've never suffered the loss of a child that I carried within me, but I did lose a child whom I had in my heart claimed as my own. I could sympathise with Melly. I leaned down and got nose to nose with her. I told her I understood and I was so sorry for her loss. She leaned her head on my shoulder and whined. I think she appreciated the comfort and the understanding, such as it was. She let me pet her other puppies and then she settled down with them and licked them continually for several minutes.

Everytime today that The Hubs and I have walked over to check on her, she has whined. A couple of times she has cried and I know she's missing her lost pup. For anyone who ever said a dog doesn't feel emotions as a human does, I ask them to come spend one day with my dog who, despite having 6 other puppies, still remembers the baby she lost.

Home Alone

I've been home alone today. Why, you ask? Well, I was supposed to be at work today, but my body had other plans. I woke up this morning with a very sore throat, a painful chest, an upset stomach and running a fever. Not a good combination for work. So, I called in and The Hubs left me to head on in to his own workplace. He did come home for lunch and brought me a bite to eat, but then he had to go back to work. He's actually on his way home now.

What have I done with my day? Well, I've slept a lot. I've played online a bit. I started a new blog - one that is okay for real life family and friends to follow (I really don't want my school friends or family members reading about what's happening with my uterus, thank you very much). And now I'm writing a post on here. After this, I think I will try to crochet for a little bit before heading back to bed. I still feel no better than I did this morning and, while my fever had gone away earlier, it's now back with a vengeance.

We've had a rather sad week in the Wistful household. One of my mom's chihuahuas went missing the other day. He is the newest chihuahua (born earlier this year), but he was extremely active and hyper. He was let out to use the restroom on Sunday night, however, our dog Melly (the beagle hound who lives outside - she has a fenced in area) is in heat and there were several other large male dogs around. Merlin (the chihuahua) ran off with them and he hasn't returned. My mom thinks he may have been killed by the other dogs, but I'm hoping someone saw him and took him in. I'd much prefer he be with someone else than to think he was dead. I love that dog a lot!

Anyway, as I said, it's been a downer week at our house. I work a half day tomorrow and then I have a doctors appointment with the endocrinologist. My blood sugar is staying too high, so I have to go and see what she thinks I should do. Pray she doesn't stick me on insulin injections! I really don't want to have to do that.

We're supposed to attend a New Year's Eve party at The Hubs' boss' house Friday night, but if I'm still feeling this poorly, we may have to give it a pass. What are your plans for New Year's Eve?

Hugs,

Show & Tell - Cold December Dog

On Tuesday morning I was getting ready to leave for work and I couldn't find Melly (the outside pup) anywhere. I started looking for her because I know her siblings and mother had previously disappeared on us and I wanted to avoid anymore loss (of any kind) right now. When I found her, I couldn't resist taking a photo.


She was all cuddled up with our kitten, Campbell. A testament to how cold it was in South Georgia Tuesday morning.

Go see what the rest of the class are up to over at Mel's.

Show and Tell - A Doggy Halloween

This week I'm showing Halloween at our house, as only dogs can celebrate! The first video is The Pog saying hello to our online friends.



And the next is The Pog and Melly having a grand ole' doggy time!



See what the rest of the class are up to over at Mel's!

Show and Tell - Vol. 4

During my time in England, one of my very favourite (favorite) places to visit was Newmillerdam. It was a beautiful little area with a lovely lake and lots of trees where we used to take Isabel to walk. It was a 35 minute bus journey for us to get there, but we'd often go on the weekends. It reminded me a lot of home.

Beside the lake there was an old boathouse that was so gorgeous! Everytime I saw it, my fingers itched to paint it. I swore one day I would gather my easel, watercolors and painting pad and set up to capture the beautiful lines. It truly was my plan to record those memories for when I returned to the US. But, as time went on and I didn't gather the supplies and go, I realized that it, like so many dreams and plans I've had in life, was floating away like a feather on the wind, until eventually I was out of time to paint it. We moved without me ever having done what I promised myself I would do.



Now that we live in the US, my chances to paint the boathouse are very limited. We've only returned to the UK once in the almost-four-years we've been here. I hope when we go back next, I will make time to go sit and finally see my plan come to fruition. However, it won't feel the same as before. It will feel as though its missing something without Isabel being with us. That's what happens when I put things off - I find myself longing for the past.

See what the rest of the class are up to here.

Busy, Busy

Today was a blisteringly busy day at work! I didn't even have a second to look at any blogs! (One might add that I shouldn't be looking at blogs at work anyway, but that is beside the point :D) Tomorrow will be equally as busy as I am stuck in training. I really dislike training courses, but I guess it will be okay. It'll be over soon enough anyway.

Positive news from today: The Hubs got a call back from the company he interviewed with on Friday! They want him to go in tomorrow for a pre-employment assessment and, assuming that goes well, his drug test! They'll also check his visa to verify his eligibility to work in the US (he's been here almost 4 years and had 2 jobs, so this shouldn't be a problem). So, as long as the assessment goes well, he'll be back in work soon (praying, please please please!).

If that is the case, then there will be some changes happening soon, but I will go into more detail when/if it becomes necessary.

Beyond that, it's been a fairly quiet day. Hopefully tomorrow will be a big news day!

Btw, for those who are interested, our puppy still hasn't turned up. We have his siblings and mom still and we have our Isabel, but our Teddy puppy is gone. I fear we won't see him again :(

Also on CD66 with no O or AF. The long cycle continues.

Monday Again....Ugh

It's Monday morning again. I'm not a Monday kind of girl. I really don't like starting out a new week. I should feel like its the start of something positive, but I just usually feel like its the start of another long 5 days until I have a weekend again.

I'm also a major grouch on Monday mornings. For example, this morning, while coming into the building dragging my heels and running slightly late (as usual for a Monday), I was acosted by some co-workers who were laughing and joking. My immediate reaction? Thought in my head: You people are entirely too happy for a Monday morning. Get away from me. Portrayed to said co-workers: A gritted teeth, fake smile that actually seemed to be taken as me being happy to see them and hear their laughter this early on a Monday morning. I must be a better actress than I give myself credit for.

So here we are again at the beginning of another week. I really do hope its a good news week. After the year The Hubs and I have been having, we could really do with something positive occurring. This weekend was not a good one (why do I look so forward to the weekends when they seem to disappoint me more often than not?). It started out pleasantly enough. The Hubs had a good job-hunting day on Friday, then on Saturday we slept in since normally I'm up at 6am. However, things started to take a dive on Saturday evening. We went outside to play with our dogs (in addition to Isabel who is an inside dog, we have a collie mother and 3 half-collie, half-beagle puppies outside) only to find that my dog (a sweet, loveable, adorable runt puppy who is so smart and completely stole my heart) had disappeared. Without a trace. We searched everywhere for him, but we still have found no sign of him.

As if that wasn't enough to set anyone's teeth (and heart) on edge, on Sunday we overslept and missed church. Then my brother (who has moved back in next door with my mother after the breakup of his FOURTH marriage - do I need to say more?) decided to blow up at me and threaten to hit me. And, of course, my mother (as usual) sided against me, saying I had provoked him (by asking if he had seen a pair of socks I had left at my mom's house - WTH?). I have no idea when she's ever going to make him grow up and face responsibility for his actions. So far for his entire life she has been making excuses for him and his outbursts. He's 43 years old and when he gets upset with anyone, he explodes and threatens (and often follows through) with hitting them. Then in rides our mother to the rescue to get him out of his latest bit of trouble. It truly is sickening sometimes. But, I digress.

So after an unappealing weekend, I should be quite happy to see Monday. Alas, I am not. So, I guess I should get this day underway.

One good thing about today? Its the kick-off to International Comment Leaving Week! Go get involved and visit some blogs! Spread the love! This is my first month and I'm hoping to become an Iron Commentor by visiting every participating blog.

Have a great (well, as good as it can be) Monday!

Show and Tell - Vol 2

Our dog Isabel is very funny about her toys. She loves to have toys, both stuffed and the vinyl kind. But, the reason she seems to love them is because she gets to destroy them! She loves to tear the stuffing out of the stuffed ones so that she can get to the squeaky bit and chew it up. Then she'll carry around the shell of the toy forever. The vinyl ones she just loves to chew up into bits. I don't know why she likes to do this, I just know it makes her happy and, as long as there is nothing to choke her left, I don't guess it matters that she destroys the toys.

This photo is of her with a brand new toy. It lasted approximately 2 minutes before it was ripped slightly at the end and the stuffing was all over the living room floor. She happily watched, tail wagging, while I cleaned the stuffing off the floor. She now sleeps contentedly with the canvas carcass of her latest conquest!

Like Show and Tell? See what the rest of the class are up to!