ICLW & Sick Hubs

Happy ICLW! Since it's been so long since I did an introduction, I think I'll do that for this post.

I am Lynn, otherwise known as Wistfulgirl. I've been married to my fantastic husband (The Hubs) for 11 1/2 years. We spent almost 10 of those years attempting to start a family biologically, but it just wasn't in the cards for us. In 2012, we were approved as foster/adoptive parents. We received our first placement, a 22 1/2 month old little boy, on October 9, 2012. His birthmom voluntarily relinquished her rights to him in May 2013 and his birthdad's rights were terminated in October 2013. He was officially placed as an adoptive placement with us on February 6, 2014 and we finalized his adoption on March 3, 2014. He is our little Monkey =D

We had a sibling group we fostered from May 2013 until December 2013 when they moved on to an adoptive placement (we chose not to adopt them due to family being in the area and the danger associated with them).

In April 2014, we were made aware of and began visiting with a sibling group of 3 children, a boy and two girls. Upon the end of the school year, they moved in with us on May 17, 2014. Parental rights are in the process of being terminated and we are planning to adopt them. They are Prissy (13-year-old girl), The Dude (9-year-old boy) and Princess (8-year-old girl). We are in love with them and Monkey adores them! We're so excited for our family!

We're experiencing all the things we've never really done before. We're getting ready for school, which starts two weeks from today. It has been an experience buying new school clothes and supplies. I'm glad I have a year to plan for it before I have to do it again for all four children! Monkey will start Pre-K next year. Good learning experience for me though!

Sorry I went missing last week. It's been a rough week around our house. The Hubs is very sick. He's been experiencing a lot of abdominal pain for quite a while now, but it has gotten so much worse in the last week. The doctor is pretty sure his gallbladder isn't functioning properly but there is also a concern for Crohn's Disease being present. He had a Hida scan done on Friday to check the functioning of his gallbladder and he is scheduled for upper and lower endoscopies tomorrow. We don't yet have the results back from the Hida scan, but if the gallbladder isn't functioning, it will probably be removed at the same time.

It's quite probable I won't post tomorrow or get to visit any blogs due to being at the hospital with The Hubs, but I will be back ASAP and visiting! Expect me to come by your place on the web =D

A New Start?

Here we are again with it having been months and months since I last posted. I'm hoping to actually make a new start at blogging. I have more time now, since I have now transitioned to being a SAHM, but I digress. Let me start from the beginning and update you.

When last I posted, we were in the early stages of Monkey's adoption. I am incredibly pleased to report that we finalized his adoption on March 3, 2014! He is officially ours! We are so very excited and totally in love with our little boy =)

The last time I posted, we also had two other young children living with us who were available for adoption, but, due to circumstances, we were not going to be adopting them. I am pleased (for them) to announce they have now moved on to their adoptive home. They left us at the end of December (after Christmas) and are reported to be doing well.

We were back to being a family of only one child for about 5 months. In April, we determined we were ready to grow our family more and we requested a referral on some children living in North Carolina through Adopt Us Kids. We advised our caseworker we were doing this and she was suportive. Four hours (yes, hours) after our request for information, we heard back on the children in North Carolina that they had a lot of interest, so were restricting it to North Carolina families only. I called our caseworker to update her and she had news for me that she had received an email that morning about a sibling group of 3 who were in need of an adoptive home. She gave me the name of their caseworker and it was the same caseworker Monkey had! We felt it was a good sign.

I spoke with the kids' caseworker that same day and got information on them. They seemed to be a good match for us, so I asked for a meet and greet with them. The caseworker stated she would talk with the kids and try to arrange this. It took about 3 weeks, but we finally met with the children. We had an instant connection with them and began weekend visits with them in order for them to finish the school year out at their current schools. School finished on May 16 and the kids moved in with us on May 17! The Hubs and I discussed our situation in great detail and finally decided I should become a stay-at-home mom. So I finished my last day at work on May 30.

The kids have been living with us for just over a month and things are going well so far. We've had some minor problems, but that is to be expected. We have lots to learn about being a family of 6, but we're getting there! We feel very good about our family choices!

Termination of parental rights (TPR) is still pending on the new children. The caseworker is hoping for a smooth termination and for finalization by Christmas. They would put us finalizing all four adoptions in one year! The children are a 13-year-old girl (Prissy), a 9-year-old boy (The Dude) and an 8-year-old girl (Princess). The girls are very, very girly! They love clothes and makeup and nail polish. Total little divas! The Dude is a sports guy, so he and The Hubs have truly hit it off well! We're very excited about our growing family and are hopeful things will go smoothly. Please wish us luck while we continue to grow our family!

I'm going to be trying to blog daily. I'm hopeful I'll be able to do this and I hope you'll join me on my journey! I'm also planning to be redoing my blog design some. This would be helped along if I could find my Paint Shop Pro to install on our computer but, so far, no luck in locating it. If anyone feels like donating a blog design, I'm up for it, lol!! In the meantime, I'll be working on what I can find to update the design myself. Til next time!

Open Adoption Following Foster Care

Yesterday afternoon we had a visit with MM's firstmom. I guess I should take a moment to explain what our arrangements are with her.

When she spoke with us in May about surrendering her rights and us adopting MM, she told us that she wanted to be able to call once per week, visit with him once per month and receive photos throughout the year. She had her final DFCS monitored (well, it was supposed to be DFCS monitored but no one actually monitored it) visit with him on August 2nd. She wanted to schedule another visit soon as she hadn't seen him since May (her choice), so we agreed to a visit on August 17th.

The first visit on August 2nd went very well. There was no real awkwardness to it and she brought us the remainder of MM's things she had, including his baby book (complete with ultrasound pics!). We felt blessed. We felt like the situation was going to work out okay for everyone involved. We tentatively agreed that MM would call her Mama (Firstmom's name), at least for a while.

The August 17th visit was a little more awkward. Because she was going to have her new fiancé (whom she got engaged to the day before she relinquished her rights to MM, then broke up with before the August 2nd visit, and got back together with before the August 17th visit) with her, we arranged the visit to be at McDonalds. I'll be the first to admit I was a little nervous about the possibility of her trying to snatch MM. While she did make the choice to relinquish her rights, it was more of a forced choice. The State was going to be seeking termination if she hadn't surrendered her rights, so that is the reason for my nervousness. And that was the reason for our planning the visit in a public place. The first thing that made it awkward was that the fiancé's daughters were with them and MM's firstmom proceeded to introduce MM to them as their little brother and told him to call them "Sissy". Mama (Firstmom's name) was dropped in favour of "Mama" or "Mommy" when she was referring to herself. We had adjacent tables and she grabbed MM from us and took him to the opposite end of their table. He was shouting across the room "Mommy! That's my Mommy!" and pointing at me. I could tell this irritated her a bit but she didn't comment on it. She just kept carrying him around and away from where we were. We allowed the visit to go on for about 3 hours before we finally called it to a close. Everything seemed okay. She asked for a visit again in 2 weeks but we had plans for that weekend and the weekend after that. So we planned for a possible visit on September 21st.

She continued to call during the weeks between visits as we had agreed she could. Two weeks following the August 17th visit when she called, MM cried on the phone because he was confused. She was calling herself "Mommy" to him and he wasn't understanding that she wasn't meaning me. So when she told him "Mommy has to go" he thought I was leaving him. When we were finishing the call, she said she'd call the next day. She called the following day and it was a repeat of the previous day's call. MM just finds it very confusing. Also, she has started calling 2 or 3 times per week as opposed to the once per week we agreed on.

Yesterday's visit arrived and it was being held at a park. I was still a little nervous because of the way she's been acting recently, but I want to uphold our end of the arrangement so we arrived as planned. MM's firstmom met us at the car and snatched him out of his carseat. She immediately started walking away when he started screaming to get away from her and yealling "Mommy! Mommy!". She told him "Mommy's right here!" to which he answered "No! My mommy there!" and pointed at me. This really, really upset her. It continued in this vein for a while and she finally walked over to her fiancé and his mom and started crying. She said "He doesn't call me Mommy anymore! Why doesn't he call me Mommy? I'm his Mommy!" She was getting more and more worked up and was acting rather hostile towards us. The visit carried on for 2 hours. At one point, the fiancé's mom was ready to leave when MM's firstmom said "No! I have another 30 minutes left until my 2 hours are up and I am getting my 2 hours!" We have never set a time limit on the visits. We've never said they were going to be 2 hours long or 1 hour long or 3 hours long or set any kind of timeframe. Two hours was her arbitrary setting.

So, that's the story so far. I feel so confused because I really want to do what is best for MM. I thought that was to definitely continue visits with his firstmom, but now I'm not entirely sure. I guess my question is, am I overreacting? Is how she's acting normal and to be expected? Is it acceptable? Am I being unreasonable or is this as not okay as I feel it is? We reiterated to her that she is to be called Mama (Firstmom's name), not Mommy or Mama, but she seems to be ignoring that. In fact, she got upset every time he called her that. I just don't know what to do and I'd like your opinions.

ICLW -FIrst time for a year!

Welcome to anyone visiting me from ICLW, as well as anyone who just stumbled by (although, after all this time, I can't imagine that happening)! This is my first ICLW in a year! I'm really rather looking forward to it =D I guess it's time I get started back blogging regularly anyway.

Let's see. I think I'll start by giving you a bit of our history. The Hubs and I met online in August 2000. He's from England and I'm from the US, so for a couple of years we visited back and forth across the Atlantic. In June 2002, I went to England for what was supposed to be a 2 week visit and, while there, The Hubs asked me to marry him. I said yes and in November of that year, we were married in my hometown in Georgia. We chose to reside the first few years of our married life in England. In January 2006, following a year-long immigration journey, we moved to the USA to live. We've been here ever since.

On our first anniversary, we decided we were ready to be parents, so we stopped preventing a pregnancy. After about a year with no sign of pregnancy, I began temping and charting my cycle. That carried on for the next few years. We were convinced it would happen, but it never did. In September 2008, I carried my concerns to my OB/GYN. She diagnosed me with Type II Diabetes and started me on Metformin. After a few months of that and still no pregnancy, she prescribed Clomid for me. Four cycles of that and still nada, so she prescribed a round of Femara at my request. Still nothing. It was time to look at the next step. We were referred to a Reproductive Endocrinologist with our first visit in April 2010.

During the first few visits with our new RE, I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism and Endometrial Hyperplasia. I was prescribed Synthroid, referred to a regular endocrinologist and had a D&C. I was also advised to lose weight. A year and a half of visits with the RE failed to produce a pregnancy - in fact, due to my failure to lose weight, the treatment we were given was minimal. By September 2011, we were ready to move forward with a different path to parenthood.

Earlier in our journey, we had two failed private adoption opportunities. I won't go on in length about those because they're still very painful (particularly the first one), but they are part of what led us to our decision to adopt through foster care. We sat down and looked at all the options available to us for adopting. We knew we didn't want to try private adoption again at this time, so our decision was between adopting through an agency or foster adoption. After discussing it at length, we decided the children in foster care had less of an opportunity to find an adoptive family than those through an agency, so that was the option we went with. We had viewed the "My Turn Now" list of children in Georgia who were available for adoption and we found a 14-year-old girl we were very interested in adopting. We called the State hotline to start the process of becoming foster/adoptive parents in October 2011.

In November 2011 we still had heard nothing back from our request for further information, so I called again and found there had been a glitch and we had not been added to the list. This phone call, we were added. A few days later, we received an invite to an orientation class, which we attended in late November 2011. We turned in consents for background checks at that meeting and then had to wait for a call back to start IMPACT training classes. By February 2012, we'd heard nothing more and several phone calls to our caseworker had not been answered so I called again directly to the local DFCS to find out what was going on. I was redirected to another caseworker as our original one was no longer employed at DFCS (hence the reason we'd had no further contact) and was told she didn't even have our names or our file. She went in search of said file, found it and sent our invites for IMPACT training. We had our first class at the end of February 2012. We attended 10 weeks of training classes and finished our last class on April 10, 2012. Our next step was to proceed through the home study process. We did this throughout the summer of 2012 and, in September 2012, our homestudy was submitted to the State of Georgia for approval. We received a call from our caseworker on September 26, 2012 saying that our homestudy had been approved and our home would open on October 1, 2012.

We were awaiting a call back from the caseworker of the girl we were hoping to adopt when, on October 9, 2012, we received a phone call from our caseworker with the words "Look, I know this isn't what you signed up for, but we have a 2-year-old little boy we need placement for. Is there any way you could keep him?" Those are the words that would change our lives forever. We told her we definitely could and 2 hours later, we picked up our Monkey Man (or MM). He has been with us ever since. In May 2013, his birthmom sat down with us and told us she was thinking of voluntarily relinquishing her rights if we would adopt him. We had hoped for the opportunity to adopt him anyway, so this was a complete blessing. We told her yes and agreed to an open adoption with her. We are now waiting for his birthdad's rights to terminate, which should happen in October. His birthdad actually spoke to MM's caseworker recently and requested for surrender papers to be sent to him as he no longer wished to be involved (which he basically hasn't been anyway). Once those rights are terminated, we just have to wait for all the legal time frames to be met and then we will finalize his adoption! We are so excited!

Additionally, on May 24, 2013, we had two more children come to live with us temporarily, a 4-year-old boy and a 3-year-old girl. They are quite the handful, but we're making it with each other. Their mom voluntarily surrendered her rights in July and their dad's rights are set to be terminated in November. Their maternal grandmother has petitioned for custody, but we don't know if this will work out or not. In the meantime, DFCS is looking into other possible permanency solutions for them. We are not being considered a permanent placement at this time because of their more extensive needs, however, we are hoping whatever permanency they do have will allow us to maintain visitation with them.

As for the girl we originally hoped to adopt, we were informed she cannot be in a home with other children and we would not be considered a placement for her. This was heartbreaking news, but we only want the best for her and the other children in our care, so we will forge on. We do hope to adopt at least one more child, but we will see where our path takes us. For now, we are just enjoying life.

So, that gets you up-to-date with me. We actually have a visit planned with MM's birthmom for this afternoon, so I will be able to update you on that situation later on. I'm looking forward to blogging more regularly once again and I hope you'll join me!

Uh...Yeah...We're Still Here

Wow! It's literally been months since I posted! Can't believe I have neglected my blog this long. Where to begin to update you?

Okay, I'll just start by saying that our little Monster Man (or Monkey Man, if you prefer, MM for short) is still with us. In all honesty, unless something very unexpected happens, he will not be leaving us! Last month on May 14, I received a call from MM's caseworker who stated that his birthmom wanted to meet with The Hubs and I to discuss MM. We met with her on Wednesday, May 15 after her visit with MM. We met privately, just her and us in the DFCS conference room. Her side of the conversation? "I love my little boy very much and I would dearly love to take him home and give him everything he needs, but I know I can't give him what he needs, I can't give him what you guys can give him and I want the best for my little boy. You guys are the very best! You love him so much and you treat him as if he were your own. If I sign my rights over, would you please adopt him?"

Obviously our answer was a resounding YES!!! So she went that evening and voluntarily relinquished her rights. I didn't have to be with her, but she asked me to go and she held my hand while she signed. We are planning to have an open adoption. She will have the ability to see him once a month (I was going for twice a month, but she only wanted once a month and with The Hubs and I both there for the visits so she can get to know us better too), will be able to call at least once a week but not more than every other day to check on him and will receive photos of him throughout the year. As long as she wants to stay in the picture and doesn't bring anything that would be harmful to MM into the mix, we're more than willing to let her have these small concessions.

She had 10 days to change her mind, which actually turned into 12 days due to the 10th day being a Sunday and the 11th day being Memorial Day, but her time is up now and she did not retract her termination of rights. Now DFCS is in the process of hunting down the dad, who hasn't been in the picture since MM's 1st birthday, to attempt to get him to sign rights over. If they are unable to find him, they'll publish in the legal section of the newspapers around his last known address and will terminate in absentia. Then we simply have to complete things from our side and MM will officially be ours!! If everything goes exactly to plan, we should finalize in September. MM has been with us 8 months already, so there'll be no extra wait time from the placement end.

Right after this happened, on May 24th, MM's caseworker called and asked us if there was any way we could take two more children, a boy aged 4 and a girl aged 3. The boy has ADHD and some aggression issues, but we discussed it overnight (they were moving from another foster home so it wasn't an emergency situation) and decided we were going to give it a shot. So, they've been with us for nearly 3 weeks now. They are a handful, to say the least!! They are almost certainly only going to be a temporary placement as their mom has nearly completed her caseplan and they go back to court in July. If the caseplan has not been met at that time, DFCS will have to petition for termination of rights because the kids have been in care for 12 months now. The caseworker stated she was definitely going to be pushing mom to complete the caseplan. Should these two become available for adoption, I don't think we will be adopting them. Short-term, we can manage with them, but long-term they don't really feel like a good fit for our family. They need more individual attention than we are able to give them all the time. We still have to think about MM and they are a little too young to understand that he matters too. And their behavior most days is atrocious!! We're working with them, though, to see if we can help them any at all. Hopefully, their mom will be able to complete her caseplan. She actually seems to be an okay person, but when she was with their dad, there were a lot of issues such as inadequate supervision, substance abuse and domestic violence at play. She is now no longer with him, so fingers crossed she can make it work for her and them. At the end of the day, they need a stable, loving environment to go home to. They need someone who can devote the attention they deserve to them. For the short-term, we can do that, but long-term I just don't think we're the right fit for them.

So that's what we've been up to the last few months. Lots of things going on and very little time to spend blogging, not to mention my laptop crashed in February and I have to borrow The Hubs' computer to do anything at all online. I'm hopefully going to be able to afford to replace it in the next couple of months, but I think I'll do that with a Kindle Fire HD, as my Kindle is also attempting to die on me. I am electronically challenged, lol! I'm currently out of work for 2 weeks because I had to have my tonsils removed this past Monday. I'm in quite a bit of pain at the moment, but I know it's gonna get better. Still looking for a new job but no luck yet. Keeping fingers crossed something better will come along very soon.

Toodles!

Baby Love

Hello from the land of parenthood!

My apologies for the lack of an update around here, however, I have been otherwise occupied =D Our little Monster Man (so known because of his penchant for making an "Argh!" monster sound and smiling at you) certainly has taken up a lot of my time lately! I am loving being a mother, but do find it difficult to find time to do the things I used to love, such as blogging....and reading.....and eating. Did I mention I've lost 22 lbs since Monster Man came to live with us? Yup =D The Toddler Diet and Exercise Program is working wonders for me! I highly recommend it, lol!

So, the plan for Monster Man's future at this time is reunification with his birthmom. However, his caseworker told me a few weeks ago that her gut feeling was that she would be terminating rights. She asked us if we would be interested in adopting him should he become available for adoption and we emphatically told her yes we would!! Right now, we continue as we've been and wait patiently to see what the future will hold.

In the meantime, we have been seeing Monster Man's doctor frequently and have spent a few nights in the hospital with bronchitis. It seems that the cleft lip and palate that Monster Man was born with is, despite appearances and reports to the contrary, not completely repaired, therefore, he gets frequent sinus and respiratory infections. We are, thus, being referred to an ENT to see what we need to do to get our little man fixed up! Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we undertake that journey.

As far as Monster Man himself, he is settling in very well with us. He seems to love being here and he really is the sweetest baby ever! He's very small for his age - he turned 2 last Sunday and wears only a size 12 month to 18 month. Usually anyone who meets him is amazed at how small he is! And everyone who has met him simply falls almost immediately in love with him =D We really are incredibly lucky!

I don't want to wish bad things for his birthmom, but I really do hope he gets to stay with us! I don't know how I'll make it if he has to leave. For the timebeing, though, we're just enjoying every moment we have with him!

Changes

Once again it seems an inordinate amount of time has passed since I last posted. Indeed, there have been lots of changes and several important things have happened since last I updated you, but I will try to make this brief. First of all, we received a call about 2 weeks ago (gah! Has it really been that long since I posted?!?!) Saying that our homestudy had been approved! Hooray!!! Our home was set to open on October 1. And open it did. However, we had no news on the girl we are hoping to adopt. We have been patiently waiting to see what was going to happen with her, but so far nothing. All was moving along fine until last Wednesday, when The Hubs woke up sick. Not the usual oh-I-don't-feel-good-think-I'll-stay-home-from-work sick, but really SICK. He had severe pains in his stomach. I made him go to the doctor - because, of course, being a man, he thought he could just force his way through debillitating pain. At the doctor, they sent him for some bloodwork, which came back with an elevated white blood cell count and elevated platelets. So he was sent for a CT scan and they thought it probable he had appendicitis. He was admitted to the hospital to await the results of the CT. Turns out he did not have appendicitis, but instead had ileitis of the terminal ileium (severe infection in his small intestines) secondary probably to either Inflammatory Bowel Disease or Crohns. They're leaning towards Crohns, but he'll have to have a colonoscopy/EGD to get a definitive diagnosis. So, we spent 4 days in the hospital. He was discharged Saturday night and we came home and resumed our quiet life. He was back at work on Monday. Yesterday I was home sick with a bad migraine headache and was laying on the couch when my phone rang with a call from our caseworker. I figured it was news on the child we want to adopt, but it turned out not to be. Instead, she explained to me that they had an almost 2 year old little boy who needed a foster placement and they were asking us if we would be willing to take him. So, I quickly hung up and called The Hubs. We discussed it and agreed, so we are now parenting an almost 2 year old for however long he needs us! Currently, this placement is only a foster placement and we do not have any idea how long he will be with us. It could be only a few days or it could be much longer. I will let you know when we know! A very quick update from a rather overwhelmed new mommy!

Waiting, Waiting

If there is anyone in the ALI world who is considering adoption but has little to no patience, then foster/adoption is NOT the path to take!

This could probably be said about any adoption path, but I only have experience with this one. It definitely could be said about fertility treatment, but then there often seemed to be something happening when we were actually doing treatment. There was always something to track or a fairly concrete this-is-what-we're-doing-next-and-when-we're-doing-it plan. Or, at least that's what I thought it was. Looking back, it wasn't actually like that, which kind of invalidates my point now, but I'm gonna pretend I didn't come to that realization, lol!

Anyway, back to the foster/adoption wait. Needless to say, I am not the most patient person. We are 4 days away from the first anniversary of the beginning of our adoption journey. While we have progressed significantly by completing our homestudy, I still have no idea when we'll have a child placed with us.

It's a little disheartening.

I'll be so glad when we get the call that we are officially approved and can start visiting with our child. So ready to get this show on the road!

Highs and Lows

It's been one of those days where I've had some of my best moments ever, but also some of my worst.

I'll start with the best. In adoption news, this is a biggie. WE ARE DONE WITH OUR HOMESTUDY!!!!! We had our final home visit today and we are done! Our caseworker took the photos of the home and of us that she needed, got some final bits of paperwork from us and said she hoped to submit our homestudy for approval next week. As she was leaving she said "I'll let you know when it's approved." Not IF it's approved, but WHEN it's approved! This is the best news yet in our adoption journey! So freaking excited!

But it seems I can't have a good day without something dark clouding it over. I have to give you a few details here about my work. Today was the fiscal year end at my work place. Having our final home visit scheduled for today, I had asked for the day off. I had also worked my full 40 hours this week. The problem is that I've been working on keying in some charges over the last couple of weeks and I've been a little behind. When I left work yesterday, I had keyed all the charges through August 23 and would be starting on August 24's charges on Tuesday. The year won't officially close out for charges until Tuesday. So, imagine my surprise when my boss called stating (apologetically) that her boss - our CFO - had demanded I come in today and finish the charges for the rest of the month. I didn't have a problem with this (once we'd finished our home visit) as long as they would approve my overtime. But no, I was told I had to complete them on my own time! I was outraged! This, as most of you will know, is illegal. However, I need my job, so I went in and worked 6 hours of my own time to complete the charges. I wasn't happy about it and I will be seeking legal advice to determine if this, along with the rest of the if-not-discriminatory-certainly-borderline crap I've put up with over the last few weeks (including telling me that our adoption would have to go on the back burner, that work was more important), is enough legal ground to seek a lawsuit against my employer. In the meantime, my jobhunt just went into overdrive and I'm going to bear my work situation as best I can. Please keep your fingers crossed I find another job soon!

I'm headed to bed now. It's been a long, long day full of highs and lows, but it's all going to be okay. I just know it. Toodles!

ICLW

It's been a while, but I've decided to sign up for ICLW again this month. I'm hoping it'll encourage me to post more again and also to visit some blogs. So, to those who've been here before, welcome back! And, to those for whom this is your first visit, welcome to my crazy world!

A little about me - I'm a 33-year-old Georgia girl. I'm married to a fantastic guy (The Hubs), my own piece of the exotic (he's British). We met online 12 years ago and this November we'll celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. On our first wedding anniversary, we decided to start trying for a family. We've so far been unsuccessful in that endeavor, despite 2 years of working with my OB/GYN and another 2 years seeing an RE, along with the 4 1/2 we tried on our own. Looks like it's not meant to be for us to be biological parents. With this thought in mind, we began discussing the possibility of adopting and decided we wanted to adopt through foster care. Last September we contacted the foster/adopt phone line and began our adoption journey. It hasn't been the swiftest of journeys, but we seem to be nearing the next chapter.

On that note, for those who've been following our journey, I have an update! We have now completed our interviews and have the final visit for our homestudy scheduled for next Friday, August 31. We're really close now! After that visit, our homestudy will be submitted to our caseworker's supervisor and the County Director of our local Department of Family and Children Services (DFCS) for approval. We're on target for an October opening of our home!

Our caseworker was at a state conference last week and managed to meet the caseworker for the little girl (little girl? She's 14. Do I still get to call her a little girl?) we're interested in adopting. Our caseworker told her that we're nearing completion, that we are definitely going to be approved, we just need that final visit. She also gave the other caseworker our contact info to arrange a meeting with the child. I'm really, really hoping we'll hear from her very soon!

So, that's pretty much caught you up. With that, I think I'll close for the evening. I've had a terrible day at work and it's now almost 11:30pm. I'll definitely try to post again tomorrow and get in some visits to other blogs. Hope everyone has been doing great!!

Adventures in Adoption Homestudies

I promise I hadn't abandoned you again. Our internet was hit by lightning a couple of weeks ago and we've been offline and out of commission for a while. We're back now, though, so here's the latest on our homestudy.

The Hubs had his first interview for our homestudy two weeks ago on Friday, July 6. It went well, but The Hubs felt that he and our caseworker had not gotten very far into the questions he had to answer. He was a little disappointed. I teased him about being talkative (which he tends not to be with other people but is a totally different story when it's just the two of us).

On Monday, July 9, I had my first interview. My interview didn't get as far with questions as The Hubs' did, lol. So, it is official that I am the more talkative spouse. However, the interview did at least go very well.

Our next interviews were scheduled for two weeks later which meant The Hubs had his two days ago and mine is tomorrow. In a surprising turn of events, The Hubs completed his interview questions! I was incredibly impressed that he and our caseworker managed to complete the rest of his interview. Hopefully, I'll be able to accomplish the same feat tomorrow.

During The Hubs' appointment, our caseworker mentioned something that she thought would be of real interest to us and it seems that next Saturday The Hubs and I will be attending an adoption party cruise with the Savannah Riverboat Cruises and Wendy’s Kids! This cruise is an opportunity for prospective adoptive parents to meet some of the hard-to-place children who are available for adoption in Georgia. Now, this does not necessarily mean that the little girl we are interested in will definitely be there, but there is a possibility. There will be approximately 19 children on the cruise. There are 153 children listed as available for adoption on Georgia’s hard-to-place listing. That means there is a 1 in 8 chance of her being there. We’re willing to give it a go and hope she’s there! Even if she’s not there, it’s still an excellent opportunity for us to interact with some children who are available for placement. Until she is actually in our home, there are no guarantees, so meeting other children will be a good experience for us.

In case you’re wondering, hard-to-place children can be anything from children who are older to those with physical disabilities to those with mental disabilities to those with behavioral problems to sibling groups. We’re willing to consider any of these apart from those with severe physical or mental disabilities, simply because we don’t have the time to devote to these children that they deserve. We are both going to have to work (at least the way things are right now), so do not have the time to devote round the clock care. We would hate to take on something that would not be in the best interest of the child we adopt.

So, there you go! The Hubs is done and we’re meeting children next weekend…..now to just get my portion of the homestudy done, get our birth certificates and drug screens, get our smoke alarms and fire extinguishers and have the final visit with our caseworker and we’ll be all set to be submitted to our caseworker’s supervisor and our county director. Hopefully, we’ll be good to go before too long! I’ll let you know how my interview goes!

The Return of the Prodigal Blogger

As you're probably aware (if you read my blog very often), I've been MIA again the last month or so. I apologize for leaving you hanging - real life kind of took over for a bit.

In case you're wondering what the last month or so has held, here goes:

• My mom had her surgery and everything went well. After several weeks recuperating, she is now back at work.
• My ankle has still been giving me a lot of trouble with swelling and pain. I finally broke down and had x-rays and an MRI done of both ankles since they've both given me trouble over the years. The right ankle has a torn ligament and joint effusion, along with degenerative joint disease showing and os trigonum syndrome. The left (which I had an MRI of a year and a half ago that showed some damage) is now showing two ligaments with complete tears, flattening of the talar dome (weight-bearing bone), degenerative joint disease and osteonecrosis in the joint. I have an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon I saw in 2010 on Monday.
• My eldest niece graduated from high school! I can't believe it! She should not be that old!
• Remember the job I was interviewing for? Well, I was offered the job!! Unfortunately, I had to turn it down as they were offering me $6000 a year less than what I'm making now and, no matter how much I hate my job, I can't afford to take that much of a paycut.
• The Hubs (he's not happy at his job either) and I have concentrated our job hunt on the area we really want to live in, which is a town about 2 hours from where we live now. We have high hopes we'll be successful soon. (So, watch out Junebug! If things go to plan, we'll soon be moving closer to you!)
• My job at work has changed a little. I've actually been moved to doing a different job, which is better than it was, but I still just simply don't enjoy the workplace or the work. I'd rather be somewhere where I feel happier.

So, I think that about sums it up. Oh, yeah!! One more thing.....

• WE HAD OUR FIRST VISIT FOR OUR HOMESTUDY YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everything went really well and we are super excited! Next up is our individual interviews. The Hubs has his first one on Friday, July 6 (our caseworker is on vacation for the next couple of weeks) and mine is Monday, July 9. These will be the first of several individual interviews, but, hopefully, by mid-August we'll be approved and our home will be open! Our homestudy will then be submitted to the caseworker of the little girl we're hoping to adopt and we'll then just be waiting (on pins and needles!) to see if we're approved to proceed with her adoption. I pray the next few months will go by swiftly! We're ready to bring our daughter home!

I - I Feel So Close - Calvin Harris

So right on the money right now!! I have to say we are officially the closest we've ever been to being parents now....we attended our last IMPACT training class tonight and are IMPACT Certified!!! Such a great feeling!! At the risk of sounding incredibly cheesy, I feel so close to our child right now =D

Btw, this is one of my current 3 favourite songs. The other two feature later in the A to Z, so stayed tuned to find out what they are!

C - Come As You Are - Nirvana

How could I have my favourite songs without having something from Nirvana? I was a '90's teenager!

This song also has a double meaning for me. Since we're adopting from foster care, I feel it's really important that our future child knows that we're accepting of them however they happen to be. We want them to simply come to us as they are. The difficulties we've faced in life are what make us who we are. They add to the nuances of our character.

We're so excited to be adding a person to our family and I can hardly wait to get to know them exactly as they are.

B - Blackout - Breathe Carolina

First of all, my apologies to anyone who finds this video offensive, but I adore this song!

Speaking of blackouts, I guess I should give you an adoption update. After suffering several weeks of our own blackout of information, we have finally received the details on the little girl we are hoping to adopt through foster care. Since she's 14, I should probably not call her a 'little girl' but she is, so that's what I'm sticking with. Basically, based on the information we received, we know there are many struggles ahead of us - she's had some rough experiences and they've taken their toll on her - but we feel up to the task and are looking very forward to having the opportunity to parent this special little girl.

We know it will be at least 3 months before we can make any forward movement with her placement with us but, in the meantime, we're going to finish our last 2 weeks of IMPACT training classes and complete our homestudy. Hopefully, when the situation is appropriate to work on her placement, we'll be in the perfect place.

Wish us luck!

The Dangers of Car-Shopping

As I'm sure many of you across the country have experienced yourselves, the Wistful part of the world has been under tornado warnings and flood advisories today. Most sane people would stay inside. Most logical folks would stay off the road. Most level-headed individuals would take cover.

For the record, The Hubs and I have never claimed to be sane =D

We decided today was a great day for car shopping! For the past four years, I've been borrowing my mom's truck to get back and forth to work. I know you're questioning why I would be borrowing her vehicle rather than getting one of my own, but the truth is I actually already have one of my own. It just doesn't run. When we first moved here in 2006, The Hubs and I purchased a 1999 Chevrolet Tahoe. It has been nothing but trouble since we got it. On top of the money we're paying for it (because, yes, we're still making payments - when The Hubs was out of work, we came to an arrangement with our loan company where we paid only interest. This means we're now still paying on the truck), we've put approximately $3000 into repairs on the thing in an attempt to make it a usable piece of machinery. Alas, it was not to be.

So, today The Hubs and I climbed into his car, drove 2 hours into the area worst hit by tornados and began searching for a car for me. We decided that, since we're in the midst of the adoption process, it would be prudent to acquire a vehicle for me that would accomodate little ones (or medium-sized ones if we adopt the child we're interested in, seeing as how she's 14). We looked for about 2 hours and stumbled upon a car I was absolutely and totally in love with! After another 2 hours, we were driving out of the lot, in seperate vehicles this time!

I am now the proud owner of a red 2011 Chevrolet Aveo. It is the most new car I've ever owned. I am exceptionally proud of it and pleased. The Hubs is happy because next weekend is his birthday and, as he stated, he'll probably drive it more than I will (I hate to drive and prefer to sleep on trips longer than 15 minutes, lol), therefore, it's like a new car for him as well!


My new ride. Isn't it gorgeous?!

Adoption Class Number 1

We had our first IMPACT Training class last night. It was really an interesting class, but I have to admit it did not leave me feeling any calmer. In fact, I would probably have to say it increased my stress level tremendously. I don't like the unknown, so this will be a test for me.

To begin with, The Hubs and I had only ever planned to be an adoptive home. Fostering wasn't really something we felt we would be comfortable with. As a child, my parents kept foster children for 6 years. I've lived in a home with foster children coming and going and the separation is not something I enjoyed. I know it will be so difficult on my emotionally.

However, last night we were informed that our chances of being able to adopt a child through the Department of Family and Children Services (DFCS) without being an active foster home were slim to none. Therefore, it looks like we are going to be a foster/adoptive home. What this means is that when a child comes to our home, the parental rights of at least one of the parents involved will already be terminated and the caseplan for the other parents involved will not be going as it should and, thus, it is more likely the child will become available for adoption. While there is still a small chance the child will be returned to their biological family, there is a much higher probability the child will be made available for adoption and, as the foster parents, we would be given the first opportunity to adopt the child.

I'm still trying to decide how I feel about this scenario. While it breaks my heart that there are families that will lose their children, I'm also aware that these are families that will have been given ample opportunity to complete steps to get their children back home with them. The real upset will be with the children.

I think my real frustration is that I haven't yet had time to process the change to my plans. I'm sure I'll feel happier about it once I've had this time. At the end of the day, this is the process we need to take to find our child. We know there is a child that we are meant to parent and we'll follow whatever path we need to bring us to that child.

Back to the class, though, we had two instructors, each casewokers for the two areas (each inclusive of several counties) in our region. One of the caseworkers we felt a great connectin with immediately; the other not so much. Unfortunately, the one we connected with is not our caseworker. However, we will work through this as well. I'm sure as we get to know our caseworker better, we'll feel more connected with her.

Afterwards, we approached the caseworker we had the connection with and explained to her that we were interested in a child on the State listing. She was very interested and told us to bring her the information on the child next week. She stated they would definitely try to push our homestudy on through and get us prepared to proceed with the adoption as soon as possible.

All in all, it was a good class experience. I'm really looking forward to next week now. Hopefully some of my nervousness and worry will dissipate over the next few weeks.

See, It Really Does Get Better....

After our disappointment over the last week, it seems something good has finally happened. The long, interminable wait we've been in regarding our IMPACT Training invite is finally over. Our invite arrived in the mail yesterday!

It wasn't completely unexpected, but I didn't want to say anything until it had actually gotten here because....well, you guys have seen how things tend to go for me if I get too excited about something, so I figured I'd wait it out and let the invite actually arrive before I made an announcement. So, you want the story of how I kind of knew to expect it? Okay, here goes....

On Wednesday, I finally decided I would call our caseworker and see what was going on with the invite. We attended orientation on November 15, so it's been almost 3 months. I know she had said we wouldn't have the classes until after the first of the year and that it may be February when they start, but, well, we're now in February and we'd still heard nothing. So, I made the call. Only to find out our caseworker is no longer employed with the Department of Family and Children Services (DFCS)!

Yup, I panicked. I franctically asked the lady who answered the phone who our new caseworker was. She stated she didn't know, but gave me a number to call where "they might be able to help" me. I called the new number and it turned out to be the number to our new caseworker, fortunately. She stated that it was a good thing I had called because she was sending out the invites that afternoon and she didn't seem to have our file! She said she was still having to hunt down several of the files to get everything together but that our invite would be in the mail on Wednesday evening.

I was very excited to see it actually here yesterday when I got home from work! Now we just have to wait for the day! We're scheduled to begin training on February 28. Classes will be every Tuesday from 6pm to 9pm for 7 consecutive weeks. At the end of that time, we should have finished not only the training, but our homestudy and be waiting only on the write-up and, hopefully, it won't be long until we have our child with us!! So excited now! Praying the time hurries through!

Three and a Half Minutes

It seems like such a long time ago since I wrote this post. But, it seems all stories must have an end, so I feel it's time I shared this one with you.

Last Thursday, Lady V came to visit me. She told me that she had a phone call around 2:30am that morning saying that Juno had had the baby. Baby was a girl, named one of the names we liked as a first name and sharing a middle name with me. Juno's sister told Lady V to tell us to come get the baby! At first we were distraught because we're no further with our homestudy or any of the other things we need to get done. Then I asked some lovely ladies who are much more knowledgeable (you girls know who you are.....Thanks!) and I was given hope that we might be able to get a judge to sign a petition of temporary custody.

Before I would make the call to our caseworker though, I asked Lady V to have Juno or a family member call us. We'd still never spoken to her and, frankly, I don't trust any situation until I hear it from the source. So a long wait punctuated by several text messages from me to Lady V asking if she'd been in touch with them ensued. When I say a long wait, I mean long. A full 24 hours.

Finally, the following day, Lady V texted me and stated that Juno's mom had decided she wanted Juno to take the baby home and attempt parenting for a month. If that doesn't work out, the plan is for Juno's mom to adopt the baby and raise her as Juno's sister.

Sometimes life is hard to stomach. But, I'm actually doing okay. No tears this time. No devestation. I don't know if that is, perhaps, because I never thought of this adoption as a real thing or what, but I'm grateful it's a little easier this time. Maybe, perversely, each loss actually gets a little easier. Maybe you finally get so used to life kicking you in the teeth, that you start to, not enjoy the taste of blood, but to resolve yourself to the fact that it's simply what will happen.

Good things will come to us though. Soon. I just know it.

Mailbox Stalking

I confess. I have become a mailbox stalker.

Why has my mailbox garnered such lavish attention this week? You would think I was waiting on a greeting card or a gift, a parcel or maybe a check. Pehaps you might even think it's a bill I'm waiting on. But no.

No, the correspondence that I happen to be looking for is our invite to IMPACT training. We haven't been told to expect the invite this week. We were just told that the classes would be in the New Year. Soooooo.....I'm thinking we might be able to expect an invite anytime now.

Maybe I'm just wishful thinking.

The Hubs seems to think we'll receive a phone call for our invite. I explained to him that, since our invite to orientation came via mail, I expect our invite to IMPACT training to come via mail, as well.

Who knows which one of us will be right. But, for the time being, I will continue to stalk our mailbox in the hopes of finding that much-anticipated invite waiting for us.