Uh...Yeah...We're Still Here

Wow! It's literally been months since I posted! Can't believe I have neglected my blog this long. Where to begin to update you?

Okay, I'll just start by saying that our little Monster Man (or Monkey Man, if you prefer, MM for short) is still with us. In all honesty, unless something very unexpected happens, he will not be leaving us! Last month on May 14, I received a call from MM's caseworker who stated that his birthmom wanted to meet with The Hubs and I to discuss MM. We met with her on Wednesday, May 15 after her visit with MM. We met privately, just her and us in the DFCS conference room. Her side of the conversation? "I love my little boy very much and I would dearly love to take him home and give him everything he needs, but I know I can't give him what he needs, I can't give him what you guys can give him and I want the best for my little boy. You guys are the very best! You love him so much and you treat him as if he were your own. If I sign my rights over, would you please adopt him?"

Obviously our answer was a resounding YES!!! So she went that evening and voluntarily relinquished her rights. I didn't have to be with her, but she asked me to go and she held my hand while she signed. We are planning to have an open adoption. She will have the ability to see him once a month (I was going for twice a month, but she only wanted once a month and with The Hubs and I both there for the visits so she can get to know us better too), will be able to call at least once a week but not more than every other day to check on him and will receive photos of him throughout the year. As long as she wants to stay in the picture and doesn't bring anything that would be harmful to MM into the mix, we're more than willing to let her have these small concessions.

She had 10 days to change her mind, which actually turned into 12 days due to the 10th day being a Sunday and the 11th day being Memorial Day, but her time is up now and she did not retract her termination of rights. Now DFCS is in the process of hunting down the dad, who hasn't been in the picture since MM's 1st birthday, to attempt to get him to sign rights over. If they are unable to find him, they'll publish in the legal section of the newspapers around his last known address and will terminate in absentia. Then we simply have to complete things from our side and MM will officially be ours!! If everything goes exactly to plan, we should finalize in September. MM has been with us 8 months already, so there'll be no extra wait time from the placement end.

Right after this happened, on May 24th, MM's caseworker called and asked us if there was any way we could take two more children, a boy aged 4 and a girl aged 3. The boy has ADHD and some aggression issues, but we discussed it overnight (they were moving from another foster home so it wasn't an emergency situation) and decided we were going to give it a shot. So, they've been with us for nearly 3 weeks now. They are a handful, to say the least!! They are almost certainly only going to be a temporary placement as their mom has nearly completed her caseplan and they go back to court in July. If the caseplan has not been met at that time, DFCS will have to petition for termination of rights because the kids have been in care for 12 months now. The caseworker stated she was definitely going to be pushing mom to complete the caseplan. Should these two become available for adoption, I don't think we will be adopting them. Short-term, we can manage with them, but long-term they don't really feel like a good fit for our family. They need more individual attention than we are able to give them all the time. We still have to think about MM and they are a little too young to understand that he matters too. And their behavior most days is atrocious!! We're working with them, though, to see if we can help them any at all. Hopefully, their mom will be able to complete her caseplan. She actually seems to be an okay person, but when she was with their dad, there were a lot of issues such as inadequate supervision, substance abuse and domestic violence at play. She is now no longer with him, so fingers crossed she can make it work for her and them. At the end of the day, they need a stable, loving environment to go home to. They need someone who can devote the attention they deserve to them. For the short-term, we can do that, but long-term I just don't think we're the right fit for them.

So that's what we've been up to the last few months. Lots of things going on and very little time to spend blogging, not to mention my laptop crashed in February and I have to borrow The Hubs' computer to do anything at all online. I'm hopefully going to be able to afford to replace it in the next couple of months, but I think I'll do that with a Kindle Fire HD, as my Kindle is also attempting to die on me. I am electronically challenged, lol! I'm currently out of work for 2 weeks because I had to have my tonsils removed this past Monday. I'm in quite a bit of pain at the moment, but I know it's gonna get better. Still looking for a new job but no luck yet. Keeping fingers crossed something better will come along very soon.

Toodles!

2012 Parting Thoughts - What I've Learned......

....About Motherhood

1. It is possible to love someone so much you would do absolutely anything for them.
2. It doesn't matter if you share half of your child's DNA or none of it, they have your heart wrapped around their little finger and can do no wrong in your eyes.
3. There will never, ever, ever be enough room in your home for you, your spouse, your child and the myriad of toys that Santa brings. Ever.
4. Your borderline OCD compulsion for a neat and tidy home will never survive the first month of life with a child.
5. Sippy cups should be made with wings, as they fly more often than any bird I've ever seen.
6. Ditto baby spoons and plates.
7. The food that your child adores today will not meet the standard of approval tomorrow.
8. A cheeky baby smile can make a terrible day suddenly seem like one of your best.
9. No matter how tired you are, you will find the energy to cook, clean, play, bathe, read, rock to sleep, get to bed at midnight, be up during the night and get up again at 6am to do it all over again with a smile on your face and a prayer of thanks in your heart for being given the amazing blessing of a child.
10. A snuggle and a simple "Wub you!" is worth all the waiting you ever did.

....About Grief

1. Despite the assurities that time heals the pain, it's still as acute now as it was the day my Daddy passed away.
2. Fresh waves of grief can hit you at the oddest times - in the middle of a movie, during a commercial, watching your niece graduate from high school, during your own college graduation, the day your child comes to live with you, putting out Christmas decorations, helping Santa place gifts under the tree - moments you'd never expect to feel sad during.
3. Even during the second Thanksgiving and Christmas without him, I still expect to see him laughing and asking for another piece of turkey.
4. Despite my fears, the sound of his voice has yet to fade from my memory.
5. Ditto his unique "Daddy" smell.
6. He would have loved his little grandson.
7. Proof that he sends me gifts - our certainty that no photos of our entire family (parents and all 4 kids) as adults existed was shattered mere days before my birthday when I discovered a photo taken two days after Christmas in 2004, the last time we were all home that wasn't because Daddy was sick.

....About a Decade of Marriage

1. Even after 10 years of marriage, my husband is still a bed cover thief.
2. Despite knowing it frustrates me, it is a certainty that when I'm feeling agitated, my husband will make silly comments.
3. No matter how much Dr. Pepper I buy, it will disappear in a matter of a couple of days.
4. Magic the Gathering trading cards are always the perfect go-to item when I'm stuck for a gift idea.
5. Shoes will never last more than 6 months
6. Dinner and a movie with my hubby is still the greatest night out ever.
7. Years of waiting for it to happen have made my hubby a fantastic daddy, even if he was absolutely terrified he would screw it up.
8. I married a great man.

....About Faith

1. The bad actions of a few church members should not be allowed to discourage me from worshiping.
2. Being in a place of worship always has the power of soothing me when I feel disheartened.
3. The Lord (my belief) will always see me through any situation as long as I maintain faith in His omnipetence.
4. Good things come when the time is right.
5. Life has a way of working out for the best (cliche, but true).

....About Family

1. My mom depends on me more than I ever thought possible.
2. I can't seem to do things I want to do or that are in my best interest if my family needs me to do something else.
3. My nieces reacted completely differently to the addition of Monster Man than I expected. The younger of the two, at age 11, has been excited, loving and generous to the point of spending her own money to buy him gifts. The older, at 19, has been incredibly jealous to the point of crying that more money was spent on him for Christmas than on her. While the first lightens my heart, the latter truly saddens me.
4. Since my dad's death, I feel much more responsible for my family.
5. I still hate talking on the phone, even to my family who take it personally. It's not meant that way.

....About The Shy Side of 35

1. The older I get, the quicker the years pass.
2. My body thinks it's older than my 34 years.
3. Due to that phenomenon, I now understand why people have children in their 20's.
4. My mind still wants to be a late night person, but my body is a 7am-at-the-latest waker.
5. I'm allowed to find younger guys hot as long as they're famous and, therefore, completely out of reach.
6. My current career makes me really unhappy.
7. I'm far too willing to allow people to run over me to avoid conflict.
8. I'm very judgmental about famous people.
9. While I do feel there is much I can improve on, I generally like the person I am.

....About Patience

1. I have a general lack of it.
2. I've had to learn to have more of it. Homestudies take forever!
3. My son has no patience either. He's even worse than me, if that's possible.
4. Patience is a virtue, but virtues are sometimes overrated.
5. I truly hope I can remain patient while the path of Monster Man's future with us plays out.

....About Meeting Goals

1. Working my butt off to earn my Bachelors degree was totally worth it.
2. Despite the length of time it took to complete our homestudy, we did what we needed to do and Monster Man is the reward. So worth it there aren't even words to describe it.
3. If you set your mind to it, it really isn't that hard to read 50 books. And, hey, if you can arrange it so that the 50 Shades trilogy is 3 of those, then you've definitely had fun reaching the goal!

....About Friendship

1. 12,000 miles plays havoc on a friendship.
2. A friend with more desire to party than to be a good parent can also dampen a friendship.
3. Even though I don't feel at fault for the diminishing of either of those 2 close friendships, I do still feel heartsick that things turned out the way they did.

....About Musical Expression

1. 2012 was the year of the has-been comeback attempt - Mariah Carey, Britney Spears.
2. If the guests on Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve are any indication - Brandy - 2013 will carry on that tradition.
3. I am completely unopposed to the influx of folk and techno folk music that has taken over the charts in the last few months.
4. After 34 years, I seem to have finally developed my own sense of what music I love without requiring someone else's approval that I've made a good choice.

....About Making Plans

1. A great way to make sure your plans won't happen is to make them.
2. It really seems as if buying a home is not in the cards for us, as everytime we get near the signing line, The Hubs' job comes to an end.
3. While motherhood is fantastic, making plans just isn't something we can do easily because we don't know where he'll be in a few months.

....About The Future

1. Everything could change in a few months. Monster Man will either go back to his birthmom or he'll legally become ours.
2. Hopefully, new jobs are on the horizon for both The Hubs and I.
3. My mom will probably be moving in with us soon. This, of course, means finding a larger home and, hopefully, purchasing it.
4. We're hopeful the new jobs and move will be to a different - although not terrible distant - town.

Here's hoping your 2013 is full of nothing but good things!

Baby Love

Hello from the land of parenthood!

My apologies for the lack of an update around here, however, I have been otherwise occupied =D Our little Monster Man (so known because of his penchant for making an "Argh!" monster sound and smiling at you) certainly has taken up a lot of my time lately! I am loving being a mother, but do find it difficult to find time to do the things I used to love, such as blogging....and reading.....and eating. Did I mention I've lost 22 lbs since Monster Man came to live with us? Yup =D The Toddler Diet and Exercise Program is working wonders for me! I highly recommend it, lol!

So, the plan for Monster Man's future at this time is reunification with his birthmom. However, his caseworker told me a few weeks ago that her gut feeling was that she would be terminating rights. She asked us if we would be interested in adopting him should he become available for adoption and we emphatically told her yes we would!! Right now, we continue as we've been and wait patiently to see what the future will hold.

In the meantime, we have been seeing Monster Man's doctor frequently and have spent a few nights in the hospital with bronchitis. It seems that the cleft lip and palate that Monster Man was born with is, despite appearances and reports to the contrary, not completely repaired, therefore, he gets frequent sinus and respiratory infections. We are, thus, being referred to an ENT to see what we need to do to get our little man fixed up! Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we undertake that journey.

As far as Monster Man himself, he is settling in very well with us. He seems to love being here and he really is the sweetest baby ever! He's very small for his age - he turned 2 last Sunday and wears only a size 12 month to 18 month. Usually anyone who meets him is amazed at how small he is! And everyone who has met him simply falls almost immediately in love with him =D We really are incredibly lucky!

I don't want to wish bad things for his birthmom, but I really do hope he gets to stay with us! I don't know how I'll make it if he has to leave. For the timebeing, though, we're just enjoying every moment we have with him!

Changes

Once again it seems an inordinate amount of time has passed since I last posted. Indeed, there have been lots of changes and several important things have happened since last I updated you, but I will try to make this brief. First of all, we received a call about 2 weeks ago (gah! Has it really been that long since I posted?!?!) Saying that our homestudy had been approved! Hooray!!! Our home was set to open on October 1. And open it did. However, we had no news on the girl we are hoping to adopt. We have been patiently waiting to see what was going to happen with her, but so far nothing. All was moving along fine until last Wednesday, when The Hubs woke up sick. Not the usual oh-I-don't-feel-good-think-I'll-stay-home-from-work sick, but really SICK. He had severe pains in his stomach. I made him go to the doctor - because, of course, being a man, he thought he could just force his way through debillitating pain. At the doctor, they sent him for some bloodwork, which came back with an elevated white blood cell count and elevated platelets. So he was sent for a CT scan and they thought it probable he had appendicitis. He was admitted to the hospital to await the results of the CT. Turns out he did not have appendicitis, but instead had ileitis of the terminal ileium (severe infection in his small intestines) secondary probably to either Inflammatory Bowel Disease or Crohns. They're leaning towards Crohns, but he'll have to have a colonoscopy/EGD to get a definitive diagnosis. So, we spent 4 days in the hospital. He was discharged Saturday night and we came home and resumed our quiet life. He was back at work on Monday. Yesterday I was home sick with a bad migraine headache and was laying on the couch when my phone rang with a call from our caseworker. I figured it was news on the child we want to adopt, but it turned out not to be. Instead, she explained to me that they had an almost 2 year old little boy who needed a foster placement and they were asking us if we would be willing to take him. So, I quickly hung up and called The Hubs. We discussed it and agreed, so we are now parenting an almost 2 year old for however long he needs us! Currently, this placement is only a foster placement and we do not have any idea how long he will be with us. It could be only a few days or it could be much longer. I will let you know when we know! A very quick update from a rather overwhelmed new mommy!