Wistfulgirl's World

Wordless Wednesday - New Haircut

2012-01-25T21:47:00.002-05:00

Fruit Basket Volume Three

2012-01-18T22:23:00.004-05:00

Sorry for my absence over the last few days. I have not been a well person.

I started feeling ill on Saturday - my stomach was hurting. On Sunday, I developed a slight upset stomach. On Monday, it was bad. It was very bad. So bad, in fact, that I called into work. Tuesday it was a little better and I went into work on Tuesday morning. But, by lunch, I was not feeling at all well again, so I came home. Today has been a little better again, but still not 100% as I should feel. I'm hoping I continue feeling better very soon. I do not like being sick, particularly with a stomach virus.

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I have a special request for your thoughts and/or prayers for the family of a real-life friend of mine. I went to school with this friend and she and I were very good friends during school. She and her older sister both rode my mom's schoolbus all through school (have I ever mentioned that my mom drove a schoolbus for 25 years?) and they've always been really close to our family. Well, her sister had been told for the last 15 years that she would never be able to have a child. She had come to terms with this and was actually okay with it - or at least as okay as you can be with this. Fast forward 15 years and, lo and behold, she found out she was pregnant!

Her pregnancy was proceeding just fine and she was 8 months along without any complications. Yesterday (Tuesday) morning, something just didn't feel right for her and she started having some pain. She went to ER around 3:30am and they did an ultrasound. They determined the baby was no longer living and they had to perform an emergency c-section. She had suffered a placental abruption.

As if this was not a horrible enough situation, losing their longed-for little one (a boy), at 10am yesterday morning, their dad suffered a massive heart attack and passed away as well. So, in the space of a morning, they lost a baby and their dad.

I'm asking that all of you please take a moment and say a prayer or send out a thought for them. Although I know what it's like to be unable to have a child, I've never lost one. I do, however, know how gut-wrenching it is to lose your dad. I can't imagine having to go through both of these things at one time. My heart breaks for them.

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The Hubs and I are going to start our yearly movie viewing this weekend. So far we've not been to the cinema this year, but we're going on Saturday night with my mom to see Extremely Bright and Incredibly Loud. I'm excited! I've been really looking forward to seeing the film. My mom starts her vacation on Saturday, so we all thought it would be nice for her to go with us since the last time she went to the cinema was when she went with us in 2005 to see Wedding Crashers. We're going out to eat beforehand and then heading off to the movie. Can't wait!

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I know I've missed Wordless Wednesday for the past couple of weeks. I forgot it last week and this week I just haven't felt well enough for photo taking. Hopefully, I'll be back to it next week and have a great photo for you!

Displacement - The Best Form of Time-Wasting

2012-01-12T22:37:00.003-05:00

Another day has passed with nothing interesting (or, at least, adoption related) in our mailbox. Since it seems nothing is happening quickly, I've found a new obsession to occupy part of my time. I'm really trying to take my Thirty-One business very seriously this year. I have a private group on Facebook for those who have bought/expressed an interest in buying/I feel may have an interest in buying/are my friends and, thus, get drug into my insanity to follow what I'm up to or ask questions/submit orders to me (so, if you haven't added me on Facebook and would like an invite to this group, go add me and let me know you want to be added to the group). I posted this to the group earlier this evening:

"‎2011 was a year of ups and downs for us. I began my Thirty-One business in late July with great aspirations of making new friends, growing in faith and trust in the Lord and earning a little extra income to help pay for our adoption and possible future adoptions. With my dad's passing in August, my motivation slipped away from me and I allowed the rest of the year to go by without making much headway in my goals. With the start of 2012, my determination is renewed and I'm praying this year will see me reach my goals and allow me to turn my Thirty-One business into something that not only allows me the extra income to add to our adoption fund, but also allows me an opportunity to minister about how great the Lord is, about how He is working in my life and about how He can work in the lives... of others if only we'll remove ourselves as obstacles.

With this thought in mind, help me make 2012 a fantastic year! I received my new Spring catalogs today and they will be premiering on February 1. There are some gorgeous new prints and some fabulous new products that I am excited to show you in just a few short weeks. I'm currently taking bookings for parties for February and March, so if you're interested in hosting a party, please message me and let's see if we can get you booked and earn you some wonderful FREE products! I'm not afraid to travel, either, so for those of you who do not live in Baxley or Hazlehurst, don't be afraid to ask! I will come to you and we will have a fantastic time partying with your friends, shopping for beautiful handbags and organizational products and celebrating God's love together through fellowship!"

There are so many reasons I'd like to make my business work, not the least of which is that I would love to be able to stay home with our children (when we finally get the adoption underway) but still contribute to our family income. Also, I honestly do feel it is a great company to work for with an awesome message! For anyone who doesn't know and is interested, the company is named for and based on Proverbs 31.

I love the company; I adore the products; and I enjoy the feeling it gives me to succeed in this. I'm currently working on getting my business ready for the new catalogs that will be premiering on February 1. If anyone would be interested in hosting a party with me, even though you're probably very far away from me, we can arrange this! You could host an online party or a catalog party. Just contact me and I'll give you more details. Also, if you're interested in becoming a Thirty-One consultant yourself, email me or leave a comment in the comments section and I'll get back with you on the details.

Please forgive me for allowing Thirty-One to hijack my blog, but I must put this energy somewhere and I really believe in the products and the purpose. I hope 2012 is a year full of great things for all of us and I hope Thirty-One will be one of mine!

Mailbox Stalking

2012-01-11T23:03:00.002-05:00

I confess. I have become a mailbox stalker.

Why has my mailbox garnered such lavish attention this week? You would think I was waiting on a greeting card or a gift, a parcel or maybe a check. Pehaps you might even think it's a bill I'm waiting on. But no.

No, the correspondence that I happen to be looking for is our invite to IMPACT training. We haven't been told to expect the invite this week. We were just told that the classes would be in the New Year. Soooooo.....I'm thinking we might be able to expect an invite anytime now.

Maybe I'm just wishful thinking.

The Hubs seems to think we'll receive a phone call for our invite. I explained to him that, since our invite to orientation came via mail, I expect our invite to IMPACT training to come via mail, as well.

Who knows which one of us will be right. But, for the time being, I will continue to stalk our mailbox in the hopes of finding that much-anticipated invite waiting for us.

The Good, The Bad and The Incredibly Frustrating

2012-01-09T23:44:00.002-05:00

Today has been a day full or ups and downs.

Work is always a down these days, so I won't actually go into that.

Huge thanks to both Mrs. Gamgee and Chrissie for sending me invites to Pinterest. This would have made me immensely happy if my computer/modem/Pinterest/something hadn't been acting up. I was completely unable to do anything with Pinterest from my home internet. Since The Hubs had to go for his play practice, I decided to go to my mom's and took my laptop with me. Surprise, surprise, but Pinterest worked at her house! I was excited and I set up my account and pinned a few things. When The Hubs' practice ended, we came home and I tried to go on Pinterest again, only to find the same problem as before. It is so incredibly frustrating!!! And I don't know what's causing the problem.

So, that's the bad and the incredibly frustrating. What's the good, you may be asking? Well, two bits of good news. First, I got an email from Thirty-One today informing me that registration for National Conference will be opening later this week! Since the conference is going to be in Atlanta, I'm really hoping I get to go. That is the plan, as long as I can scrounge enough moula away from the other things it needs to go to in order to afford the registration, etc. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

The second bit of good news? I received an email from my university today telling me it was time to complete my Petition for Graduation!!! I am super excited that, barring anything happening, I will be graduating in April! I'll complete my degree, no matter, but I'd love to attend the graduation ceremony. Since my school is in Iowa, we'd have to travel to attend. We're trying to decide whether to drive 4 hours to the airport, fly 2 hours and then rent a car and drive another 3 hours to get to my school or whether we just want to take an extra few days from work and drive the 17 hours to get there. The Hubs is constantly going on about wanting to make a road trip across the States, and I know this isn't across all the states, but I think that may be the route we go. Now....anyone live in Southwestern Kentucky willing to put us up for the night in late April? Just teasing!

Anyway, it's been an extremely long day, so I think I'll head to bed now. Hope you all have a fantastic evening (well, what's left of it)!

Sunday Ramblings

2012-01-08T22:45:00.002-05:00

Today has been exhausting. Due to our trip yesterday, I've had to cram 2 days of housework into one. And, due to my laziness, that one day actually turned into one afternoon. What this has actually meant is that I've had to recruit The Hubs' help. He has, not completely unwillingly, been my cohort in clean today! We managed to get everything we wanted to do done.

In addition to our cleaning, I made an awesome meal this evening (even if I do say so myself) and my mom came and had dinner with us. I made baby green lima beans, rice and tomatoes, roasted sirloin steak, deviled eggs and cornbread. A very Southern meal, but incredibly tasty. Both The Hubs and my mom loved it. The Pog even appreciated it because there was enough left over that she could get a little (not enough to bother saving the leftovers, but enough to give the pup a treat).

The only downside is that I had intended to make a Mars Bar (Milky Way) Cheesecake for dessert and also one for The Hubs to take to his play practice tomorrow but time got away from me and the cheesecake was not meant to be today. It'll have to wait until either later in the week or next weekend. As a treat to you readers, though, I'll share the recipe with you at the end of this post.

During my internet travels this last week, I have encountered two posts I wanted to share with you. In their own ways, they are awesome and definitely worthy of your time to read.

The first one is part of a new feature from Jjiraffe called Faces of ALI. Her inaugural post for the feature is an extremely moving, detailed profile of Courtney Cheng who blogs at Bodega Bliss. I'd be lying if I didn't tell you there were tears streaming down my face while I read this. Jjiraffe manages to capture the very essence of the ALI community in the words she uses to describe Courtney's journey. A fabulous new feature I look forward to reading more of.

The second post I read that had me returning for second and third looks was actually from April of last year. Its a post of slow cooker recipes that can be made ahead of time and put in the freezer! These recipes look awesome and I'm really looking forward to trying some of them! In fact, her whole site had me completely enthralled and I'm sure I'll be spending a little time investigating everything there is to see over the next few days.

I found the last article via Pinterest. I'd never taken a look at it before, but I think I'll really like it. That is always assuming I'm ever able to create an account. I requested an invite and got a response telling me I was on their waiting list. That was about 4 days ago. Anyone have any idea how long you generally have to wait to get your invite to join? I hope it's soon. There were a load of recipes and craft ideas on there I'd love to try out!

Anyway, I promised you a recipe, so here goes:

Mars Bar (Milky Way) Cheesecake

1 package Graham Crackers (3 packages per box)
1 stick butter – melted
¼ oz gelatin
¼ cup boiling water
½ cup super-fine sugar (not powdered)
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 ¼ cups heavy whipping cream
9 oz cream cheese
2 Milky Way bars or 6 minis

Crush Graham crackers and mix into melted butter. Press into a pie dish (can use disposable). Refrigerate.
Dissolve gelatin in boiling water.
Beat cream into soft peaks
Beat cream cheese, vanilla, super-fine sugar and gelatin together.
Fold chopped Milky Way bars into cream and fold both into cream cheese mixture.
Pour over base and refrigerate.

Serves 8

Hope you enjoy it! And, have a great start to your week tomorrow!

2012-01-07T20:13:00.002-05:00

The Hubs and I made a daytrip today so that I could attend the Spring Product Premiere for Thirty-One. Considering the day started with me spilling coke on the white shirt I was wearing after we had started off, I had a feeling the day wouldn't go as planned.

When I got there, The Hubs let me out (only registered Consultants were allowed to attend) and I looked around for anyone I might know. Fortunately, I did eventually find a couple of people I knew so I had someone to sit with. We had over an hour to wait before the show started and, when it finally did, we had sound, but no video (we were in a movie theatre to see the premiere). Eventually, the problem was fixed and they restarted the video. It seems the problem had been all across the country since the feed was coming in via satellite.

Sadly, the reprieve did not last long and we once again lost video. After waiting about half an hour to see if the problem was, once again, going to be fixed, it was determined that we were going to run out of time in the cinema, so we were given our gift and allowed to go. We did get a small peak at the new products and the video will be available for us to view online tomorrow, but I do wish we had been able to see the whole thing in the cinema. We also got an advance copy of the new catalog and, I have to say, there are some awesome new items!! Keep an eye out for February 1 when I'll be revealing more details about the new products and prints!

After we were released, The Hubs picked me up and we headed to find some lunch. After walking around for the longest time, we finally found the absolute best pizza I've had in a long time! (I know, I know. I've eaten a lot of pizza here lately....it'll be okay.) It was so good! It was cooked in a stone oven and my mouth still waters thinking about it. We'll definitely have to go there again.

So, that's been my day. Not a lot to report, but a taste of the day for you =D

Think Before You Press Send

2012-01-06T18:24:00.003-05:00

Why is it that there are some things that are acceptable if done to an IFer, but, if a similar sort of thing was done to someone suffering from a more well-known disease, the person committing the offense would be condemned?

This morning I got to work and opened my email to find a "funny" email from one of my work colleagues.

I will pause here to state that our problems conceiving and the health issues I've gone through over the past couple of years have been no secret to this person. She shares an office with me and knows very well what struggles and disappointments the last two years have held. That's why I was so surprised this email came from her.

The email was - supposedly - a "Thesis on Women" and included several bits of "Medical Information Women Should Know". What is this information, you ask? Well, it consisted of several jokes about pregnancy. One of my favourites (and, yes, that word should be read loaded with sarcasm)? Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A: Yes, pregnancy

Now, I understand this is supposed to be funny. But when you're sending this to someone who can't get pregnant or someone who has struggled to get pregnant or someone who has experienced loss or, heaven forbid, recurrent loss, it's just not funny.

The next bit of the email was titled "10 Ways to Know If You Have Estrogen Issues". A couple of the witticism included in this lot? Everyone around you has an attitude problem and You're sure that everyone around you is scheming to drive you crazy. Now, while this may be true and actually describe the feelings of a woman with estrogen problems, I feel it's highly inappropriate to send this to a woman who is actually suffering from severe estrogen problems.

They want to know the real ways to tell you have estrogen problems? You have to have bloodwork every month to determine what your estrogen level is. You have to take medication that plays with your emotions and makes your monthly period incredibly painful and removes any desire you have for a sexual relationship with your partner. You have to have an endometrial biopsy every 6 months to confirm you don't have hyperplasia. You have to have a D&C when you do have hyperplasia.

Yeah. Not so funny when you know the true side of it. I honestly can't imagine anyone sending out an email with jokes about cancer in it and particularly not to a cancer patient. It would just be inhumanly cruel. So, why is it okay to send this to infertiles or to PCOSers? Why is it okay to poke fun at the real, devestating diseases that afflict us? Why are we accused of over-reacting when we mention that an email like this is not appreciated and that it actually hurts to read?

Will people ever treat those suffering from reproductive conditions as they would someone suffering another, more recognized disease? With the more time that passes, the more I become convinced this will never happen.

One of Those Days

2012-01-05T21:35:00.002-05:00

You know those days where nothing goes right and you spend most of the day wishing you'd stayed home in bed? Yeah. I've had one of those days today.

The day started off pretty promising. I got up and had my shower without a lot of trouble, but that was the extent of my good fortune for today. When I started getting dressed, I discovered that the scrub pants I intended to wear to work today had the drawstring in them torn out in the washing machine. They're too big without the drawstring, so I had to find another pair of pants. This had me running late.

The Hubs was off work today and I really wanted to stay home with him, so this contributed more time to my running late. I headed outside and discovered there was ice on my windshield. I had to scrap that off (yup, in Georgia) before I could head into work. By the time I got there, it was 7:22. I'm supposed to be at work at 7am.

The next hour seemed okay. Nothing too crazy or irksome happened. But then the calm passed. Without going into confidential details, I spent the next 2 hours trying to sort something out for a very rude patient who didn't want to do what she needed to do. She came very close to cursing me out and had me really upset. I actually had to wind up turning this over to someone else to take care of because I didn't have the authority to do what the patient wanted done.

Next, I was called into my boss' office. This was not a bad visit, but I always feel stressed around my boss. Basically, the trajectory of the day had been set already and I felt it wouldn't be turning around.

Lunchtime next, so I came home and had lunch with The Hubs. I was late leaving for lunch and had an afternoon meeting, so my lunch was cut short. And I still couldn't come home and spend the afternoon with The Hubs. Back to work I went, in time to have about 15 minutes before my meeting.

The meeting itself was only supposed to last about half an hour. Two hours after it began, we were finally getting out. I usually get off work at 3:30, but the meeting didn't end until 4pm. Then I had to discuss something with another colleague, so I didn't leave work until nearly 5pm.

I came home, did some cleaning around the house, found myself too tired to cook and sweettalked The Hubs into having a pizza for dinner. It had been such a bad day, that I even got myself a blizzard to go with my pizza.

I'm now preparing to put this long, dreadful day to rest and head myself to bed. Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday!I need this weekend.!

Wordless Wednesday - Where I'd Rather Be On A Cold Wednesday Morning

2012-01-04T21:18:00.002-05:00

The Meme That Aunt Becky Made

2012-01-03T09:04:00.007-05:00

So, I was browsing through some blog posts this morning when I happened onto this hilarious meme over at Kristin's blog. I followed the link on over to Aunt Becky's page and.....here you go! My take on the meme.

1) What does Meme mean?

Its the more common name for that black hole of nothingness that sucks you into it and you find yourself compelled to participate in despite knowing no one really wants to read it but that entertains you to complete.

2) 2011 – Was it all you’d hoped it would be?

2011 was a complex year. There were parts of it that were just freakin' awesome (going to Vegas, starting the adoption process, moving into a new house) and there were other parts that sucked big-time (my dad dying, my best friend moving away). I can't really say it was all I hoped for, but I can say it was a year that helped me to grow.

3) Did you watch the Royal Wedding?

Sadly, no. I was at work. I watched bits of it on the Internet and on the news, but did not get to watch the whole thing. This was sad for me, being married to a Brit and all, but....I got over it.

4) Where are your pants?

Um...they're on my bottom. Unless, of course, you're referring to the ones at home. They're in a drawer. Or hanging in my closet. Or, just possibly, in the dirty clothes hamper. What a peculiar question.

5) Is Justin Bieber human or some sort of robot?

Justin Bieber is a blight on mankind. End of story.

6) If you had only one thing to wish for this coming year, what would it be?

That our adoption proceeds quickly and smoothly and that our child is with us very soon.

7) Would you call yourself a “social media maven?”

Nada. I use social media, but I'm not consistent with it and I don't really like them. Apart from blogging (which I don't really consider social media, despite it obviously being that), they kind of make me feel like I'm lacking something.

8 ) If you had to take three things to a desert island (let’s assume you have ample food and water), what would they be?

I'm going to assume (for my own purposes) that The Hubs and The Pog are allowed to come and bring their own three things (which, for The Pog, I'm assuming would be her blanket, her favourite chew toy and her leash - these seem to be her favourite things), so that means I don't have to use them as part of my allotted items. Hmmm...I guess my Kindle, my laptop (with built-in Internet that does not require a signal to be near-by...I'm talking state-of-the-art military stuff here) and my craft box.

9) If you had the ability to banish certain offenses to an island where they would be rehabilitated into being okay again, what would those offenses be?

Wow....um...I don't think Blogger will allow me enough publishing room to list all of them, so I'll have to narrow it down. Okay...

Disagreeing with me (I know, I know. I'll be the first to admit I'm not reasonable)
Talking to me like I'm an idiot
Mispronouncing words
Speaking in textspeak (borrowing this from Kristin because it's so true!)
Playing favourites
And (rant to follow) it aggravates the absolute HELL out of me for my employees to ignore and fail to do something I have specifically told them to do!!!!!

10) How do YOU think the air conditioner works?

Well...I flip the button to turn it on and tiny little elves rush over to feed the system, kind of like on a steamship. That's how I like to think of it anyway.

11) Do you ACTUALLY think you can make money blogging?

ROFLMAO! Sure! If your name is Midas! But then, anything you touched would turn to gold, no?

12) There’s a lot of talk in the blog world about microblogging (The Tumblr, The Twitter, The Facebook) taking over traditional blogs. Do you think that’s the case?

Nope. As long as there are those of us willing to pour our heart and souls (or wit and sarcasm) into blogs, they'll be around.

13) If you could give one piece of advice to your younger self, what would it be?

Don't bother with contraceptives! They aren't necessary!

14) If you could’ve told yourself this time last year one thing, what would it be?

Enjoy every second you have with the ones you love because you never know when the next second won't come.

15) If you could have one Super Power, what would it be?

Oh, definitely mind-reading. I can't stand not knowing exactly what people are thinking. It drives me crazy!

16) If you could do one thing you can’t currently do, and do it well, what would it be?

Make babies. I mean, is there really any question here?

17) What surprises you about yourself?

That I get so easily irritated with people. That there are so few people in my daily life that I can actually tolerate being around. Other people, I love them! I generally count myself a people person! But, the people I work with drive me crazy!

18) What was your favorite blog post/tweet of the past year?

This is my favourite blog post, not because of the subject of it (which was absolutely the most heart-breaking thing I've ever gone through), but because I poured my heart into it: Time is Fleeting. Carpe Diem.

19) Do you REALLY think “Purple Should Be A Flavor?”

Definitely! I love the color purple (it's my favourite!) and I'm sure if it were a flavour it would be awesome!

20) If you could make one outlandish wish for 2012, what would it be?

Hahaha...I have to condense it to one?!?! Okay. I wish for a major lotter win! That way, I can get all the small things I wish for. Like a big new house. And a new car. And a worry-free adoption. And all our bills paid.

...Hello 2012!

2012-01-02T22:19:00.002-05:00

You might notice a few changes around here. I'm updating, or trying to. Hopefully, it won't be long before all my housekeeping is done and my blog actually looks tidy again.

So, I should probably tell you my New Year's resolutions, right? Well, I've decided I'm not making any. There are things I plan to work on, but I'm not going to resolve to do them because I feel like that is setting myself up for failure. Therefore, I'll post about them as I make progress with them. That way, I'll not have to cram them all into one post, but can have something to blog about when I'm feeling boring.

It was back to work today for me. The Hubs goes back tomorrow. I wish I could take more time off, but such is life. At least today was only a half-day. Tomorrow will go back to regular hours. I'm still not feeling very happy about work but I'm getting on with it anyway.

I'm considering getting a Wii dance game (possibly Just Dance 3) to help me work on my weight. I need something fun to help me get into the swing of things again. However, the game will have to wait a couple of paychecks. Got to catch up from all my Christmas spending! Anyone have any experience using one of these games to lose weight? Would you recommend it?

I know this is a short post, but I think I'm going to end on that note for now. There's a lot more I could say, but I'm feeling really tired and The Hubs and I are watching a movie I'm very interested in (I Know Who Killed Me if you're interested), so I think I'll focus on that for now. More later!

Goodbye 2011.....

2011-12-31T23:56:00.004-05:00

What a year of huge life changes 2011 has been! Some of them have been wonderful changes and others have been devestating, but together they've made 2011 a hugely eventful year for us. A brief month-by-month rundown of our 2011....

January

My brother came home for the first time in 5 years! We were super-excited to see him!

February

I won a giveaway over at Dragondreamer's Lair through which I got my awesome Paula Dean Cookware from CSN Stores. The Hubs and I took a Valentine's trip to Savannah. I suffered my first back spasm.

March

Vegas Baby!! The Hubs' boss took us to Sin City and we had a fabulous time. My RE nixed any further treatment until I lost at least 30 lbs. I started a new eating/exercising regime.

April

Night out in Savannah with The Hubs and a good friend (now former). I participated in the A to Z Blogging Challenge.

May

I lost a little bit of weight and changed my regime slightly.

June

My dad had a stroke and was admitted to the hospital. We were very worried.

July

My dad eventually is released home from the hospital. I participated in a local musical. I revealed that we had been potentially matched with an expectant mother for adoption!

August

My dad passes away after having a massive heart attack. I'm devestated.

September

I'm still shell-shocked from my dad's death and feel devestated. The Hubs and I move into a new house closer to work. Two of our dogs (one of ours and one of my mom's) died. One was hit by a car, the other was bitten by a snake. Seems like we can't catch a break from the heart-wrenching bits of life.

October

We finally make the call to start the adoption process through the State of Georgia foster care. A random ovarian cyst has me awaiting a referral to a cancer specialist. My dad's headstone is finally erected.

November

My best friend (apart from The Hubs) abandons me to go galivanting off to Afghanistan (okay, so he actually left to take a job, but I miss him!!). I participate in NaBloPoMo. The cancer specialist gives me the all clear. We attend adoption orientation. I turn 33. The Hubs and I celebrate 9 years of wedded bliss. We celebrate Birthdayversary in Savannah.

December

We celebrate our first Christmas without my dad. I spend New Year's Eve cleaning my house and taking down my Christmas decorations in order to start the year out fresh before heading to a New Year's party. We leave the party early and come home to ring in the New Year with Dick Clark, Ryan Seacrest and the city of New York on Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve while devouring a bottle of the most delicious champagne I've ever had and wearing funny glasses.

Happy New Year! Wishing you a stupendous 2012!

Wordless Wednesday - Christmas Exhaustion

2011-12-28T21:10:00.002-05:00

The Day After The Day After Christmas

2011-12-27T20:54:00.003-05:00

I hope each of you had a wonderful Christmas! Ours was as good as it could be, all things considering. I really, really missed my Dad, but we had a good day on Christmas Eve with my family.

My mom, sister, niece, brother, The Hubs and I had a traditional Christmas dinner and opened gifts. Then, in the evening, my other niece came over to open her gifts. For the first time as far back as I can remember, there was no arguing on a holiday! It was impressive. Sad that I can say that, I know, but impressive all the same.

On Christmas Day, The Hubs and I spent the first half of the day at our house. We opened gifts from one another and had a great morning with our dog. The Hubs got me a telescope and I'm super-excited about that! And The Hubs loved his Kindle, which I think was an inspired gift from me, if I do say so myself. We each had several other gifts, as well, but those were the biggies.

After spending the morning at home together, we went and met up with my mom and went to the cemetary to spend a little time with my Dad. My mom and I cried and The Hubs was awesome for both of us. I really miss him and his absence was very prominent on Christmas Day.

Once we'd finished visiting with my Dad, The Hubs and I returned to our house and had our Christmas dinner. Having had the traditional Christmas dinner of turkey, ham, dressing, etc the previous day, we decided we didn't want that for Christmas Day. Instead, we had Christmas curry! I made chicken korma, rajma masala and rice. It was delicious!

All in all, our celebrations were very enjoyable. I'm glad we had an easier time than we could have. Made the holiday a lot less difficult to get through.

On a positive note, after another call requesting confirmation our background checks were back, I finally got a call back today from our caseworker. Our background checks are back and everything is clear! We are now in the wait to receive our invite to IMPACT training classes in the New Year! Soooooo excited!!!!

Fruit Basket Volume Two

2011-12-22T16:02:00.004-05:00

Looking back at yesterday's post, I realized how boring I made myself sound. The post lacked the wit and charisma I like to imagine myself having, so.....here's another post! The second in two days! I'm impressed with myself, lol!

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Today starts my Christmas break. Four whole, beautiful days away from work. Total bliss. The only bad part is that I have to go back in 4 days. See, I don't really hate my job (at least, not that much). But the work environment has been very stressful lately. There are money worries at my job and there have been layoffs because of this. In fact, two weeks ago (yes, two weeks before Christmas), there were 35 people let go. Our PTO time has been temporarily stopped - both use of and accrual of PTO time - so the time we're taking off for Christmas we will not be paid for. We don't get paid holidays or sick leave or vacation time, only our PTO time, so that's been worrying people. My department's workload has slowed down tremendously over the last few weeks. Basically, everyone is walking on pins and needles and we never know from one day to the next if our job will still be there.

So, yeah, not the greatest. And, to be honest, if we could afford it I would much rather be a housewife/stay-at-home-mom (eventually). But, right now, with plans to adopt and eventually do more treatment - not to mention paying off some bills - that can only be a pipedream. Therefore, it's very important I keep my job. Also, my insurance is with my job. Lots of important reasons to need to stay employed there despite the misery it puts me in.

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Since today is the official start of our Christmas vacation and we are headed out of town tomorrow to complete our Christmas shopping (yes, we are those people, the ones who wait until the very last minute to finish Christmas shopping and then realize one second past too late that we've forgotten something), The Hubs and I are starting our vacation by heading to the movies to see The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo! We both read the book earlier this year and are looking forward to seeing the film and discussing how it holds up against the book.

The Hubs is also taking me out for one of my rare guilty pleasures: fast food in the form of Zaxbys. Yum, yum. yum! Should be a good evening out!

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As I said, The Hubs and I are headed out shopping tomorrow. I still need gifts for my brother, brother-in-law and niece, as well as finishing up on The Hubs' gifts. We're also going out to eat at The Olive Garden. And that, coupled with Zaxbys and all the Christmas goodies, will mean I really have to get back to watching my food intake after the New Year. I'll admit, since my dad died, I've really fallen out of eating properly. I think I've probably gained back a lot of the weight I lost, so I'll virtually be starting back from scratch. Great. It will be okay, though. I've done it before, so I know I can do it again!

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I need to get some photos of our decorations and get them posted for you. I'm really proud of them, so I will enjoy sharing them with you. Another project for the weekend!

And, with that, I should really get going so we can make our movie! Toodles, my loves!

Christmas ICLW Wishes!

2011-12-21T20:58:00.002-05:00

Merry ICLW!

To those who've been with me, I wish you the very merriest of holiday seasons. To those new to my blog, welcome! And may your holiday season also be of the holly, jolly kind!

I'm Lynn or Wistfulgirl, whichever you prefer. I live in South Georgia and I'm married to The Hubs. We recently celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary (coincidentally, the day after I celebrated my 33rd birthday). We've been attempting to start our family for the last 8 years but have so far been unsuccessful. We're currently on a weight-loss sabbatical from TTC - until I lose at least 30 lbs, we won't be doing anymore treatment. After much discussion, we have decided to pursue adoption through foster care. We have had a failed adoption in our past and another, more recent close possibility. However, it has so far not worked out for us.

We have high hopes for the new year, though! We turned in our consents for background checks 5 weeks ago and, so far, have heard nothing back. I called our social worker last week (twice) but have not yet had a call back. It is Christmas-time, though, so I'm guessing it's very busy for the Department of Family and Children Services (DFCS), so I'll wait until next week and try again.

I'm excited about where I hope our future is carrying us, but still feeling down this holiday season because I lost my Dad 4 months ago and this will be my first Christmas without him. I have a wonderful husband, an awesome dog and a fantastic mother to help me through this though and I know we'll all help one another. I'm looking forward to visiting you all over the next few days! Have a great ICLW!

Recap of Adoption Orientation

2011-12-13T23:20:00.002-05:00

It seems I’ve already broken my promise to post more frequently and I’m back to my old ways. Sigh. I guess I just have to try harder.

Anyway. Moving on. I have not yet given you the low-down on our progress through foster-adoption yet. We’re (obviously) very early on in our journey. As I stated before, we originally filled out a request online to be added to the list for orientation on October 17, 2011. We were told we would hear from someone within 2 weeks with an invitation to orientation. Two weeks passed and we heard nothing.

On November 1, 2011, I made a call to the local DFCS to find out what the holdup was. I was given the contact number to speak with the adoption coordinator who manages three counties – ours and two neighboring counties. I called to speak to her and was told she wasn’t in, but was instead in another county. I was, however, put through to her voicemail, so I left her a message. I half expected I wouldn’t get a call back, but about 4 hours after leaving the message, she returned my call. I explained why I was calling. She consulted her list of names of people who were waiting to be invited to foster/adoption orientation and we were not on the list! She asked when we had called and I explained that we had actually completed the request online. She explained this was the reason why our names were not on her list. Despite being given the option of completing information online, our names would not be added to the list unless we called the State hotline for information.

So, with a sigh of resignation, I completed that call and placed a call to the State hotline to add our names to the waiting list. After that, things moved a bit quicker! We received an email that evening with foster/adoption information and a week later (on November 8) we received our invite to foster/adoption orientation!
We attended orientation on November 15 and that very evening completed our initial information including our household information, Letter of Intent and consents for background checks. We are now waiting to hear back from our background checks. I expect no problems with this but, since we haven’t heard back from the caseworker yet, I called today to inquire on the status. I got no answer, but left a voicemail so will hopefully have an answer tomorrow.

We were told there would be no more IMPACT training classes in 2011 but once our background checks come back, we’ll be invited to the IMPACT training classes that will be held in the New Year. We are super excited! Hopefully, 2012 will be a fantastic year that holds lots of amazing things for us!

Thoughts On What Is Cruelty and What Is Naivety

2011-12-01T22:52:00.006-05:00

Something that I've noticed since becoming a foster-adotive mommy-to-be is that I am hyper-aware whenever I hear news stories regarding children being abused, neglected, placed in foster care, etc.

Last night, The Hubs and I had just finished watching The X-Factor and the local news came on (well, as local as it can be for us). One of the leading stories was about a mother and her twin babies found living in a shack with no electricity and no running water. The story went on to say that the 21-year-old mother had the babies lying on a bed with several blankets over them. There was a kerosene heater in the shack, but no kerosene and an electrical cord running to a nearby house.

The mother was taken into custody, arrested on two counts of cruelty to children which are first degree felonies.

Now, I don't have all the details of this case. I don't know the ins and outs, I don't know what else was going on with this family. But I do have some reservations about the way this has been handled.

First of all, the article stated the mother had not contacted anyone for help. I have to ask was she aware she could contact someone? Was she scared that, by contacting DFCS or a shelter, the police would be called and she would lose her children? We have to remember that this mother is only 21-years-old with 5-month-old twin babies. I'm sure she was feeling overwhelmed and out of control. I know what it was like when The Hubs was out of work and there were only the two of us - both in our 30's - to worry about taking care of and it was a serious stress on us. Do we know if she had any family to turn to? Also, do we know for sure she didn't attempt to contact someone with DFCS? Our state-employed social workers are extremely busy these days and things do have the possibility of falling through the cracks. Is it possible that she called but, for whatever reason, her call was not returned?

There may be other factors in play here. As I stated, I do not have all the details. The article stated that the shack was in a known drug area. I can understand the arrest if the mother has spent her money on drugs rather than on taking care of her children. So far, this has not been indicated, but it is possible. However, if the mother has not been involved in criminal activity and has, instead, simply run into extremely hard times with no idea where to turn to, I think the correct path would be to help this family rather than causing more strife for them.

Again, this is not really me making a judgement on what has been done, but more simply me questioning the information that is given out and how it may affect public opinion. I want to know that this family is being treated fairly and that they are not simply being targeted for being poor. It's something I'll be following and I'll try to update you when/if more information is released.

Day 30 - Who Are You?

2011-11-30T23:34:00.002-05:00

This month of blogging has been really great for me. I've enjoyed composing my posts and I think I will be able to continue blogging more frequently in the coming months.

As for who I am, well, I'm a wife, a daughter, a mother (although I have no children), a sister, an aunt, a friend, a writer, a reader, a student, a teacher, a worker, a creative soul, a mentor, a chef, a decorator, a sensitive person. This list could go on and on, but I think I'll leave it there for now. I feel you all know me pretty well....and I hope that you'll actually learn more about me in the next few months.

Now, to share my latest project with you. I've been making some hairbows today. I'm thinking about finally opening my Etsy shop and putting these (or similar) up for sale. What do you think?

The first bow I made. I like the Santa.

And the second. I love this one!

Which is your favourite? Do you like them at all? Do you think I could sell them?

Day 30 - In The Past Month, What Have You Learned?

2011-11-29T23:34:00.002-05:00

Wow! What a big question! Well, let's see....I've learned that I really miss my dad, even more than I thought I did. I've also learned that I think I'm actually handling his death better than my family expected I would. I do miss him...a lot, but I have a sort-of acceptance of him being gone. I know he was very tired and in a lot of pain. I'm just glad that he's no longer suffering.

Other things I've learned....I'm super-excited about the journey we've began towards adopting. I can hardly wait to get started with everything! I'm really looking forward to the IMPACT training classes and even the homestudy. I'm nervous but I have faith that it will all work out.

I've learned that, although I get frustrated with her often, I'm so grateful I still have my mom and that I can be there for her. I wish I could do more to ease the hurt she's going through and to make the financial burdens easier, but I know that I'm doing what I can. I also know she knows this and is extremely grateful that we have one another.

Finally, I've learned how much I enjoy blogging and how my blog is here to be a place for me to release my emotions and let it all out with freedom. I'm so glad I haven't completely given up on my blog and I hope, in future, I will frequent it more and continue blogging steadily.

In closing, I'll leave you with a picture my mom found on her phone today and forwarded to me. It's a picture of my Dad. My mom can't remember where or when it was taken, but it's a great photo of him! It really made my day and I'm extremely happy to have it!

Day 28 - A Picture Of You Last Year and Now - How Have You Changed Since Then?

2011-11-28T23:18:00.002-05:00

Last Year - November 2010

This Year - November 2011

Physically, I've not changed a great deal. I have lost some weight - which I love because it is so obvious! My hair is virtually the same. My eyes are the same. What's different? The inside. I now know what it's like to lose someone so close to you that you thought would be around for a long time. I know what it's like to have dreams and know that any chance a specific dream had of coming true was completely gone. I've matured over the last year. I've come into my own of protecting my mom. I'm really proud of the person this year has turned me into, even if I hate the circumstances that have brought the change about.

Don't forget, there are only 2 days left to sign up for the Christmas Ornament Exchange 2011!

Day 28 - Why Are You Doing This 30-Day Challenge?

2011-11-27T22:44:00.003-05:00

I've had difficulty blogging recently, particularly since my dad's death. I just haven't felt like I had much of interest to say. How many different ways can you say "I'm grieving" without making your readers run for cover? Or at least for a more positive blog?

I needed something to kick start my blogging again. This was a perfect outlet for me because it was - for the most part - pretty light-hearted so it's helped me to refocus my writing. During this month, we've made some movement forward with our adoption, which I haven't yet written about. I'm saving this for December. I'm hoping to make my blogging more frequent in December. I'd like to say it would be everyday, but I don't want to make promises I'll simply wind up breaking. So, I will instead say I will blog as often as I possibly can. This means I'll blog when I have inspiration, which I think will be more often than previously.

I hope I can continue to keep you interested and entertained! Don't forget to sign up for the Christmas Ornament Exchange 2011! Sign-up closes Wednesday, November 30.

Day 26 - What You Think About Your Friends

2011-11-26T23:43:00.001-05:00

This question really depends on which friend one happens to be talking about! For the most part, I think my friends are loyal and dependable. However, there are the friends who I find myself unable to trust, either because of something they did or because of something that's happened. I want to always be able to depend on my friends. I feel if I can't trust my friends, who can I trust? Therefore, if I find myself unable to trust a person, I quietly withdraw myself from that friendship. It's worked for me so far!

Day 25 - What Would One Find In My Bag

2011-11-25T23:26:00.002-05:00

Wow! What a question! Okay, well, first off, my bag has a lot of clutter. I try to keep it cleaned out, but within a day of emptying it, it's all cluttered again. So, there is lotion, my glasses, a hairbrush, sunglasses, my wallet, my glucose meter, my keys, a notepad, my MP3 player, about a dozen pens, several pay periods' worth of check stubs, a bill or two, a couple of recipes (I have no idea, but they're there), passports belonging to both The Hubs and I and Lord only knows what else! It really can be a huge mess if I don't keep it cleaned up! And, no, my purse isn't huge. I learned my lesson about carrying a really big bag.....it just gets full of junk much quicker!

What's in your bag?

Day 24 - A Letter To Your Parents

2011-11-24T23:30:00.002-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

This is an emotional post for me. Since my dad's death, I've been much closer with my mom, but I also keep finding things I wish I'd said or done for my dad. I know regret is silly and pointless in this situation, but that doesn't stop me from feeling it. So, here goes.....

Dear Mama,

I'm so sorry the last few months have been so difficult for you. I wish I could take away all the stress, pain and upset. I know that things will get easier with time (at least, I hope they will), but I'm sorry that, in the meantime, you have to endure this. I know we've talked some since Daddy died, but I wanted to make sure you knew how much I love and appreciate you. You've done so much for us! You've been there when we needed you and you've never hesitated to offer help when we needed it. I know that sometimes I get frustrated with you because you want to help when I don't necessarily need it, but I do appreciate that you're always there for me. I know that I only need ask and you'll be right there with everything you have. I'm sorry that we sometimes disagree. I do know, though, that this is simply part of the both of us being human. I love you very, very much and I thank God everyday that you and Daddy were my parents. I could have wound up with parents who didn't love me or care for me and that would have been such a terrible situation that I can't even begin to think about it.

Love you so very much,

Lynn

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Dear Daddy,

I miss you so much! I never knew how hard life would be without you. I wish I hadn't had to discover this information so soon. Everyday I wake up and wish I could talk to you. I'd love to be able to hug you, to talk to you, to share the moments of the day. There have been so many occassions since you died when I've found myself laughing about something or being outraged about something and thinking how I couldn't wait to share it with you, only to remember you weren't here any longer. It breaks my heart everytime I have the realisation again. Today was Thanksgiving and all day I've thought of you. I remember last Thanksgiving and how you had just started feeling bad again around that time. I thought how you would have liked the meal I was cooking and what comments you would have made about it. I know you're still watching after me - I feel it everyday - but I wish you were here so I could hear you talking to me and see your smiling face. I'm so afraid I'll forget your Daddy scent. It makes me cry when I think that one day you'll be just a distant memory. I hope I can always remember the small things about you. I love you, Daddy, and I'll never forget you!

Love you so much,

Lynn

Day 23 - Something You Crave For A Lot

2011-11-23T13:06:00.003-05:00

Today is my anniversary. You may think this was done by design, considering my birthday was yesterday, but truly it was not. It so happened that, when The Hubs and I came to marry, my visa-waiver to the UK was expiring, so we came back to the US for our wedding and getting my spousal visa approved. In so doing, it worked out that the only day we could get married was the day after my birthday. So, today is our special day. We've been married 9 years. And I still think it's the best decision I ever made!

Before I met The Hubs, the thing I craved for the most was finding love. I think this is probably something that is common for most single people. As a species, humans tend to seek out and crave the thing they don't have. At that time, it was love.

These days, it tends to be children that I crave. When you've tried for as long as we have and have had as much disappointment as we've had, the thing that we lack is children, therefore, that's what it tends to be that I crave. I will say that this year the craving seems to be a little more in check because we've taken actually proper steps towards becoming parents. Assuming everything goes to plan, I have real hopes that by this time next year we'll be parents. That's my goal anyway.

What do you crave for? What have you craved in the past?

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A glimpse from my new project Project 33 in 366.

Day 22 - What Makes You Different From Everyone Else

2011-11-22T08:50:00.003-05:00

Today is my birthday. I guess that makes me a little different from most people today, lol! I am 33 today.

But what makes me truly different from everyone else? That's a difficult question. I can tell you things about me. I could tell you all sorts of traits I have. But I'm not really sure what makes me different. I don't think I'm a cookie cutter copy of other people. I am unique, but I'm not sure I can pinpoint what makes me that way.

So, I'll tell you how I see myself - the good and the bad - and let you decide how I'm different from everyone else.

I think I'm a caring person. I try to always be considerate of other people's feelings. I cry easily. I strive to give people my best. I go above and beyond most of the time. I love easily. I have a big heart. If I become your friend, you have a friend for life unless you betray me. I'm very loyal. I'm sensitive. I'm often sad, despite not wanting to be. I have a terrible temper. I can be lazy. I love holidays. I get distracted easily. I get frustrated frequently. I love my family. I love my friends. I get hurt (emotionally) easily. I get hurt (physically) easily. I get sick often. I feel life is often unfair. I love music. I enjoy movies. I like to read. I wish I was closer with my sister. I want very much to be a mom. I hope I can live up to the expectations people have for me. I like to think my birthday is special. I love being born on 11/22 because it seems very symmetrical to me. I like for things to be in their place. I get easily flustered by things not being where they should be. When I have lots of things to do, I get frustrated because I try to do them all at once. I hate having my will overruled by others. I like having things done my way. I'm very rigid with my beliefs but I try desperately not to thrust my beliefs on others. When I make my mind up about something, it's a near impossibility for someone else to change it. I'm very opinionated. I feel constantly stressed. I'm a worry-wart and very high-strung. Basically, I'm just very......me.

Day 21 - A Picture of Something That Makes You Happy / ICLW

2011-11-22T00:02:00.002-05:00

There are several things that make me happy....

My nieces, Bug and Boop

Being silly

I mean, seriously? Who could resist those faces?

And, of course, Pog! Have you ever seen a cuter doggie face?!?!

Finally, my lovely, wonderful husband.

The things that make me happiest? My nieces, our puppy and The Hubs. Life is a great thing when their in mine!

Day 20 - What Does Your Future Hold/Where Would You Like To Be?

2011-11-20T23:16:00.002-05:00

Obviously, I hope my future holds children. But more than that, I hope my future holds happiness. I hope that I can finish my degree and get my teacher certification done. I hope I can find a job teaching history. I hope The Hubs and I can be parents to children that need us. I hope that we can one day be somewhere we're happy. We'd love to move to Savannah someday. I hope we won't have to worry financially. I hope we can find ourselves satisfied with our life. I hope I can find whatever it is I've been seeking for years that will make me feel complete.

Not a lot to ask for, eh? Someday....maybe.

Day 19 - Nicknames You Have & Why You Have Them

2011-11-19T23:13:00.000-05:00

I have lots of nicknames. I got my first nickname the day I was born. I'll go at this one-by-one and list them, who calls me that and why.

Doodle/Turkey/Doodle-Turkey - This was my dad's nickname for me. I was born the day before Thanksgiving, so that's where Turkey comes from. Not sure exactly where he got Doodle from, but he called me variations of it my whole life. Sometimes I was Doodle, sometimes I was Turkey and sometimes I was Doodle-Turkey. I answered to all of them.

Dooby - My mom's nickname for me. A variation of Doodle, but slightly different in order to differentiate from my dad's name for me. Not really sure why I get called this, but there you go.

Punkin' - This is what my siblings all called me growing up. I was so much younger than all of them (the next youngest is 11 1/2 years older than I am), I was like the smallest pumpkin in the patch. Or the Punkin'. At least that what they always told me.

Wife/Spouse/Lovely Wife/Moocher - All names my darling husband calls me. Most of these are self-explanatory. Moocher is a variation of moochie, which is something we call kisses. This came from way back when we were still conversing online. It's just something we started doing one day. No real reason behind it, but it stuck (I could write an entire post on the "language" we've developed. Seriously, we're like a science experiment.)

Cinderella - My best friend since 4th grade, Snow White, calls me this. As you can see, we both have fairytale nicknames. This started when, in our teens, we were both simply looking for Prince Charming or our knight on a white horse. What can I say? It stuck.

These are just a few of the most prominent nicknames I have. I could go on for days with this post, but I'll spare you, lol! As you can see, I really don't mind what people call me. I'll answer to most anything as long as I don't find it offensive!

Day 18 - Dreams/Plans/Goals You Have

2011-11-18T23:30:00.002-05:00

Another really easy post!

It's no secret that one of my dreams/goals that I have is to become a mom. I've wanted it for so long and we've worked so hard trying to move closer to our goal. I hope 2012 will be our year to finally become parents!

Another plan I have is to complete my degree in April, graduate and begin working on my teacher certification. The quicker I can complete my schooling, the quicker I can begin to look for a new job that I love!

I hope The Hubs and I can one day purchase the house of our dreams! We love the house we live in now (even though we don't own it) but we'd really love to have a beautiful home just the way we like it one day.

I'd like to successfully run a small side business, either crocheting or baking. I know I'm good at both these things, I just never seem to have the time to do either of them! Something to work towards though.

This relates to the first thing I said, but I want to complete the adoption process and walk away with our child soon. Then, when the first adoption has finalized, I hope we can adopt another child.

Those are my dreams/plans/goals!

Day 17 - Someone You Would Want to Switch Lives With For One Day and Why

2011-11-17T20:22:00.002-05:00

This is such a difficult question! While there are things I would like to change in my life, in general I wouldn't want to be anyone other than myself. I love the important things in my life.

But....if it was only for a day.....hmmm......maybe Adele? When I was growing up I wanted to be a singer and I think Adele has a gorgeous voice! She also seems to live an extraordinary life that I wouldn't mind living for a day.

I'm sure there are lots of other people I could handle being for a day, but at the end of the day, I just want to come home to The Hubs and our puppy, our home and, someday, our child. Life's not great, but it's pretty good!

Day 16 - Another Picture of Yourself (baby pic!)

2011-11-16T23:12:00.002-05:00

Well here, my dear friends, is where I fall down slightly. All the photos of me as a baby are in storage, so I don't actually have one to show you. The best I can actually do is to show you a very blurry picture of myself and my mom when I was about 10 years old.

As you can see, I haven't actually changed that much. Just gotten a bit taller, as I now stand about 6 inches taller than my mom!

Day Fifteen - Put Your iPod On Shuffle: First 10 Songs That Play

2011-11-15T22:22:00.006-05:00

So, the first 10 songs that play on my iPod.....but first....an adoption update! We had our adoption orientation meeting this evening! It all seemed to go very well. We got information regarding what the process is, we were given the starting paperwork and we were told that it would be after the holidays before IMPACT training classes would be held again in our region, but that if something came up in one of the surrounding regions, we could be given a call to attend that.

While there, we filled out our Letter of Intent and our family information. We also signed the release to do background checks on the both of us. We're very excited!! Can't wait to get started on the next step =D

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Now onto my first 10 songs.....

Supermassive Black Hole - Muse

Graduate - Third Eye Blind

Starry Eyed Surprise - Paul Oakenfold

Just The Way You Are - Bruno Mars

I Gotta Feeling - Black-Eyed Peas

I Love It When We Do - Ronan Keating

Hey, Soul Sister - Train

D.I.N.O.S.A.U.R. - Ke$ha

Bring Me To Life - Evanescence

You're a Superstar - Love, Inc.

Quite an eclectic collection, I think you'll agree!

Day Fourteen - A Picture of You and Your Family

2011-11-14T23:47:00.002-05:00

Once again, I do not have a single picture of me with my whole family. In fact, I don't have a picture of myself with my sister and the younger of my two brothers (who is still older than me) at all! However, here are three photos that contain most of the members of my family.

My Dad, my Mom, my eldest brother Goose and me

The Hubs, his Gran, his brother, me, his sister, his Mum and his sister-in-law

And, last but not least.....

The Hubs, Pog and I at Christmas 2006

I hope you've enjoyed!

Day Thirteen - A Letter to Someone Who Has Hurt You Recently

2011-11-13T23:55:00.002-05:00

Dear V,

You've really upset me with what you did. I don't feel I can trust you right now and I'm not really keen to continue our friendship. You said it wasn't your fault, that it was someone else's, but I have eyes. I saw what you were doing and I know what you claimed you said. It was your fault. I'm not saying the other person wasn't involved, but you knew how I felt and yet you still felt it okay to do what you did. Not cool. Not what friends do to one another. And what you said has caused a riff between me and another friend. Now that friend is avoiding me and it feels really unfair.

Not only did that incident happen, but now I have someone telling me that you're involved in things you should not be, things that are illegal! I don't want my name associated with that. How can I trust you when you do these things?!?! And, yet, you still refuse to accept any responsibility for your actions!

I think we should cool our friendship for a while. I don't think I can stomach being around you right now.

L

Day 12 - Your Blog Story

2011-11-12T11:32:00.002-05:00

The story of this blog (I've had a couple of previous blogs with their own stories) started long before the blog itself was even conceived.

Nearly 8 years ago, on November 22, 2003, The Hubs and I went on a trip to Newcastle, England to see Fleetwood Mac in concert. It was a special concert because it was my 25th birthday and our 1st anniversary (on November 23rd). The concert was my gift. The Hubs had gotten us front row, center stage tickets! Have I mentioned recently that Fleetwood Mac are my all-time favourite band?

Anyway, on our 1st anniversary, November 23, 2003, The Hubs and I discussed things and decided we wanted to start trying for a family. Or, at least, that we would quit preventing. Secretly, I thought we'd be parents by our 2nd wedding anniversary.

But, our second wedding anniversary came around - no babies. We didn't worry too much. After all, we'd only stopped preventing a year before and we were still young. We had plenty of time.

Then our third anniversary rolled around and we still had no babies. But, still, we didn't panic. This was in November 2005 and we were gearing up to move to the USA from England in January 2006. We were engrossed with our immigration plans and felt that it was really no big deal. Surely it was just that we had been under a lot of stress over the last year due to planning our life-changing move. We'd really try once we had moved to the US and, by our fourth anniversary, we'd be parents.

Anniversary number four came around in November 2006 and there were still no additions to our family. We were beginning to get a little concerned, but knew that it had been a long, stressful year. We had immigrated to the US, my dad had been very sick for several months (in ICU for 10 weeks), we had both looked for jobs for months before being successful. Basically, nothing had been easy and it would not have been a good year for us to have a baby. 2007 would definitely be our year.

In March 2007, I finally had to take action regarding having my gallbladder removed. It had been giving me really severe problems for 3 years at that point and I finally gave in and saw my doctor about it. I was sent to a surgeon for consult and a surgery date was scheduled to have it removed. During the surgery, it was discovered that I had a large cyst (greater than 2 litres of fluid removed from it) on my right ovary. Following this procedure, we just knew it would be no time at all before we were pregnant! I mean, surely the cyst had been the only problem preventing us conceiving, right? However, in the months following my surgery, I had continuous bleeding. Not just every now and then, but continuous, period-like bleeding for about 6 months. I consulted with the surgeon who had performed my surgery and was assured there were no complications from the surgery. I consulted my OB/GYN and was told this was normal following a surgery such as the one I had had and there was no need to worry. So I didn't. Anniversary number five arrived but babies were absent from the affair.

In 2008, my bleeding still had not stopped. This had gone on for more than a year and The Hubs and I were really getting concerned, so I made an appointment with a new OB/GYN. During my visit with her, she diagnosed me with PCOS and insulin resistance. She started me on 1500mg Metformin and, believe it or not, the constant bleeding stopped! We were optimistic. We had told her about the problems we'd been having trying to conceive and she explained that the Metformin should be all that was needed to make me ovulate. So we set about doing everything correctly. I took my temperature every morning. I took Metformin everyday. We babydanced like fiends! But I noticed that, not only was I no longer continuously bleeding, but I had not had a period at all since starting Metformin. As our sixth anniversary arrived, we also decided we wanted to start fertility treatment sooner rather than later, so I contacted my OB/GYN. She stated that she wanted me to keep taking the Metformin for another month and see if this brought on my period. Around this time, Wistfulgirl was born. She'd always been around in the shadows offstage, but in October 2008, she meekly peeked around the curtains. But she was shy, so, while she did make a few tentative posts in 2008 and early 2009, she decided to hide her head for a little while longer.

When another month had passed and I had still had no period, I called my OB/GYN again and begged for Provera and Clomid. So, in April 2009, she prescribed Provera and Clomid. We began the first of four Clomid cycles that month. I continued temping and what I discovered was that I did ovulate on Clomid, but we still didn't manage to get pregnant. So, we did another round of Clomid in May 2009. And another in June 2009. And another in July 2009. All BFN's. Nada. Nothing. No pregnancies. Not even a hint of a sniff of a positive on any of the 48 HPT's I took during those four months. At this point, The Hubs - who had been out of work since the previous November - still had had no luck finding a job, so we decided to take a break on fertility treatment. We were still trying some natural approaches, but we put seeing our doctor on hold. It was in August of that year that Wistfulgirl burst full-force onto the scene and this blog began it's journey to where it is today. Wistfulgirl was pointed in the direction of the ALI community and a much-needed source of support was discovered. In early November of that year, we were approached by a mother known to us who was expecting a baby (she already had two children) and was asked to adopt the child. However, after getting our hopes up, that adoption fell through. Anniversary number seven was celebrated with heavy hearts and our dreams of becoming parents seemed farther away than ever.

In February 2010, The Hubs found a new job! We immediately called my OB/GYN to get a referral to an RE. Our referral was made and we had our first appointment with Dr. O on April 5, 2010. Those first few appointments with Dr. O were a plethora of discovery. The first bit of news we received was that, in reviewing my medical history, we discovered some interesting information that arose during my gallbladder and right ovarian cyst removals but had never been brought to our attention. In removing the ovarian cyst, it had been necessary for the surgeon to also remove my right fallopian tube including the bit with the fimbria (which sweeps the sperm into the tube) and part of my right ovary. While we understood that it would have been impossible to save these as they were partially embedded in the cyst, we felt that we really should have been given the information and we felt betrayed by my surgeon (who had also taken care of my dad during his illness in 2006). The next bad news we received was that Dr. O suspected I had Type II Diabetes (not just insulin resistance) and hypothyroidism. He also had me tested for sleep apnea and the sleep study was positive for Obstructive Sleep Apnea. Finally, an endometrial biopsy revealed that I had complex endometrial hyperplasia without atypical cells. A D&C was performed and I was prescribed Megace to be taken for six months. We celebrated eight years of marriage with me in the midst of this treatment and no babies in sight.

January 2011 brought another endometrial biopsy with an all-clear on the hyperplasia! We thought we would definitely get to move to the next round of treatment, but, alas, it was not to be. Dr. O wanted me to work on losing at least 30lbs before we could consider any further treatment. I was then put on Provera beginning in February to bring about a period every month. After three months of Provera, it had been decidedly proven to us that Provera was not a good choice for my mental health on an ongoing basis, so I contacted Dr. O to ask for a different prescription. Dr. O wanted me to give Provera one more month. After that month passed with no improvement on my depression and anxiety brought on by the medication, I once again called Dr. O and my medication was changed to Aygestin. Two months passed with me taking Aygestin with only a very, very light period and bleeding in-between. I put this down to stress - my dad had a stroke in late June and I was very worried about him. He was in the hospital through to mid-July. I took Aygestin again in August, but, to the best of my recollection, had no period at all. This was not the highest thing on my priority list that month, though, because my dad passed away on August 16. I'm honestly surprised my body remembered to do the basic functions like breathing during that time. I was devestated (I still am). I think there was no way August was going to produce anything like a normal cycle for me. And why should it? Nothing else about the month was normal and my dad was gone.

In September I realized that I had not had a proper cycle since changing to Aygestin. I called Dr. O and he asked me to come in for a visit. An ultrasound was performed at this visit and, while my endometrial lining looked okay from the u/s, there was a suspicious looking cyst on my right ovary. Dr. O asked me to come back in two weeks for another ultrasound and another endometrial biopsy. For that u/s, the cyst had grown by 2cm in 2 weeks! Dr. O ordered bloodwork, a CA-125, a test to check for high levels of cancer antigens. The results came back from the endometrial biopsy - all clear! The results from the bloodwork seemed to indicate no cancer, however, Dr. O (being the highly cautious individual he is) scheduled me for a visit with a cancer specialist. That visit went well and it was determined that, while we needed to monitor the ovarian cyst for growth, it was unlikely to cause me problems and did not appear cancerous. The monitoring is to ensure that, should it get larger and begin to cause me problems, we can arrange to have it removed. Dr. O seemed satisfied with this, but ordered a contiuation of Aygestin and a further visit in October to monitor my weight, blood pressure and other vitals.

In the midst of all the other things happening during this year, The Hubs and I talked things over and, following my dad's death, decided we were ready to pursue adoption through foster care. While we are not stopping treatment (or preparation for treatment), we've decided we really want to move forward with a more feasible plan to parenthood. As we approach our ninth wedding anniversary, we are preparing to attend adoption orientation next Tuesday (one week, one day before our ninth anniversary). This year, I pray we're filled with more hope than the previous years have brought us and that, by our tenth anniversary, we will have finally attained the elusive....I pray we'll be parents!

And there, my humble readers, you have it! My blog story to the present. Stay tuned to this space for more conceptual adventures in the life of a Wistfulgirl!

Day 11 - A Person You Would Love to Meet

2011-11-11T23:51:00.006-05:00

This is possibly the easiest post I've made so far. The person I would most love to meet is our future child!

We have spent 8 long years awaiting the arrival of the much longed-for addition to our family. The thought that, just possibly, in less than a year, we may have that addition with us makes my heart flutter and I get all excited. I have to admit, it also makes my palms sweat just a little! Will I be a good mother? Will our child feel the love we have for her? Will we make the right decisions? Will our child grow to love us? Knowing this young life is in our hands, will we guide her on the path that's right for her?

So many scary thoughts, but so much hope and love! I can hardly wait to meet her and start building our life together. I can't wait to spend the rest of my days showering her with love and showing her exactly what it's like to always have a place to belong and a place you can always come back to and know you're wanted and loved no matter where life leads you.

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For those of you who are signing up for the Christmas Ornament Exchange 2011, I've created you a link button if you'd like to use it!

The code you should use is < (delete spaces between the < and the a) a href="http://wistfulgirl.blogspot.com/2011/11/sign-up-now-open-christmas-ornament.html" alt="Sign up for the Christmas Ornament Exchange 2011" target="_blank">< (delete spaces between the < and the img) img src="http://wistfulgirl.com/images/ornamentexchange.gif" border=0>< (delete spaces between the < and the /) /a>

If you have any problems with the coding, please leave me a comment and I will do my best to fix it for you!

Day 10 - Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

2011-11-10T22:35:00.002-05:00

Oooh! Fun post! Going to be a short one though because it's been a long week at work and I still have a half day tomorrow before I can make it to that much-longed-for weekend!

A song I listen to when I am:

Happy - It Girl by Jason Derulo - I don't know why exactly, but this song really increases my happiness! It makes my blood sing =D I just feel like dancing when I hear this song.

Sad - Hometown Glory by Adele - I'm one of those rare people who actually looks for ways to feel more unhappy when I'm down. While I absolutely love this song by Adele, it usually makes me cry because it makes me miss England more and, now, it makes me miss my Daddy.

Bored - Party Rock Anthem by LMAFO - Another song that makes me want to dance! It also alleviates boredom =D

Hyped - Evacuate the Dancefloor by Cascada - This song gets me totally pumped! I love it and it, above all other songs, makes me wanna move my feet! Love!!!

(Sadly, embedding has been disabled on this song, but if you want to see the video, you can click here to play it!)

Mad - You and I by Lady Gaga - Believe it or not, being mad is not like being sad. When I'm mad, I want to get out of the mood, so I listen to a song that makes me feel better. This is the song I'm planning to sing next April for the annual competition I compete in.

Now you know my secret musical mood enhancers!

Day 9 - Something You're Proud Of

2011-11-09T22:14:00.004-05:00

I thought about this post long and hard because, honestly, there are several things I could write about. I'm proud of the 4.0 GPA I'm keeping in school. I'm proud of being able to sing pretty well. I'm proud of being a good daughter to my mom and my dad before he passed away. But none of those are the thing I'm most proud about.

The thing I'm most proud of is the wonderful, amazing marriage I have! I love the fact that I can tell The Hubs anything - and I do mean anything - and he doesn't get upset or expect me to be someone I'm not. He loves me unconditionally and that's exactly the way I feel about him. We've been through so much! If we've managed to weather the storms that have faced us so far, I have no doubt we'll survive any that come our way in the future.

Don't forget to sign up for the Christmas Ornament Exchange 2011!

Sign Up Now Open - Christmas Ornament Exchange 2011

2011-11-09T10:01:00.002-05:00

Believe it or not, it's that time of year again - Time for the Christmas Ornament Exchange 2011! A whole year has passed and it's nearly Christmastime again! Where does the time go? Anyway....here's the information you need to sign up!

Guidelines for Participation

There is a 15 USD limit on the amount spent on your ornament. I want everyone who would like to participate be able to do so please do not feel you have to spend an enormous amount!

The deadline to sign up is November 30, 2011.

On December 1, 2011, I will randomly draw names to give each person their exchange partner and send an email out to each participant, providing the details of their exchange partner. Your name will be kept secret from your exchange partner until the ornament arrives at each participants' home.

All ornaments should be in the post by December 10, 2011. This way, the ornaments should be to everyone in time to be displayed on Christmas trees for everyone's enjoyment.

Each package should include an ornament and a card.

Sound okay? Alright. Now that all that's settled, what are you waiting for?!?! Head on over here and get signed up! If you have any trouble with the form, please let me know in the comments and I will get it sorted as quickly as possible. I have, in the past, been thwarted by Google Documents because, as smart as I am (well, smart-assed anyway), I can apparently be outwitted by Google Documents. So, if that has happened again this year (damn you Google!), please let me know and I will slave away until the problem is corrected!

And, um...Happy Holidays, I guess =D

Day 8 - Short-Term Goals For the Month and Why

2011-11-08T23:40:00.002-05:00

This is a good month to list my short-term goals. It's a very full month! I love November for a lot of different reasons and my goals outline most of those reasons.

Attend Orientation to start the certification process for Adoption/Foster Care - I am so incredibly excited as we got our official invite to orientation today! We will attend the orientation class next Tuesday evening. Hopefully, we'll know more after that meeting about the process and how long it will take. The Hubs and I are both ready for next Tuesday to get here!

Celebrate my 33rd birthday on 11/22 - That's right - it's nearly that time of year again. The time of year when I get another year older! The Hubs and I have some awesome plans, but since normally when I talk about our plans something screws them up, I'll save that until things are more firmed up.

Celebrate my 9th Wedding Anniversary with The Hubs - Yup, the day after my birthday, The Hubs and I celebrate our wedding anniversary! It is that great holiday officially known as "birthdayversary". As I stated in the previous point, we do have plans and I will share those with you soon, but not right this second ;)

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving with my family - It will be the first Thanksgiving without my dad, so I just want to try to get through it without breaking down. Because of my birthday, this has always kind of been our holiday. My dad's nickname for me was "Doodle-Turkey". I really miss him. It's going to be a hard holiday, but I know he'll be here with us in spirit.

Get my Christmas decorations up the weekend after Thanksgiving - My eldest niece, Boop, will be coming to stay with us on Thanksgiving afternoon and will stay through the weekend. She's great at helping me get my decorations up! And, the day before Thanksgiving - my wedding anniversary - is her 18th birthday! I can't believe she's already that old! Seems so hard to believe. She and I always have a great time, though, getting my house ready for Christmas.

Survive the rest of the month at work until I get my semi-vacation on November 22 through November 27. I am so looking forward to that! I need a break.

That's pretty much the summary of my monthly goals! Lots to get done, but I think I'll enjoy it all =D

Day 7 - A Picture of Someone/Something That Has the Biggest Impact On You

2011-11-07T22:33:00.002-05:00

The Hubs and our puppy (Pog) are truly the biggest impacts on my life. They are a part of every single second of my life. Everything I do is with them in mind and is considerate of how my actions would impact them.

What can I say? My biggest impact is my family =D

Day Six - Favourite Superhero and Why

2011-11-06T22:56:00.002-05:00

My favourite superhere is Jean Grey (Pre-Pheonix era). What can I say? I mean what women wouldn't find a female superhere who can read minds and move things with her own mind pretty darn awesome? I know I certainly do!

I'd love to have the powers of mind-reading and telekenisis! Those would be awesome superpowers. Not to mention that Famke Janson looked AWESOME (done in my best annoying Walmart commercial mom voice) in X-Men United! I loved her hairstyle. In fact, I've worn that basic haristyle for most of the last 8 years!

My mom is doing some better today. She's still in the hospital and they aren't really sure what is causing her problems. All her bloodwork, EKG's and scans have come back clear, so the doctor is perplexed. She has more tests scheduled for outpatient on Wednesday of this week. Hopefully, she'll be able to go home tomorrow. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers!

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Uploaded with ImageShack.us

Day Five - A Picture of Somewhere You've Been To

2011-11-05T22:55:00.002-04:00

Today has been a very long and tiring day. My mom woke me up this morning at 5:37am having chest pain and upper back pain that was radiating down both arms. The Hubs and I got up and quickly got dressed, then went and picked her up from work and carried her to the ER. We were there all day, first in ER and then in PCU when they admitted her for observation. She's still there overnight and The Hubs and I are at home to get some rest. We'll be heading back to the hospital tomorrow.

In the meantime, please forgive me for a short and to the point post, but here is a photo of the Fremont Street Experience from our trip to Las Vegas earlier this year in March. I hope you enjoy the photo! I thought the whole thing was truly amazing!

Day Four - A Habit You Wish You Didn't Have or Something You're Looking Forward To

2011-11-04T22:15:00.002-04:00

I like both aspects of this post, so I think I'll answer them both =D

A habit that I have that I wish I didn't have is that I often start things, but fail to finish them. Or I take forever to finish them. I have lots of big ideas, but very little follow-through. It's not even that I'm not motivated, but more that I have so much going on that I lose my motivation. I've tried to limit the number of things I'm involved with, but, even then, I find myself getting too involved in some things to be productive at others. It's something I really dislike about myself.

I wish I could focus on one thing and do a great job of it, rather than spreading my interest across a myriad of endeavours. You would think this would mean that I'd do a poor job of most everything I do, but that's not the case! No, because I'm also a perfectionist, I don't allow myself to do a poor showing of most things. A slow showing, maybe, but not a poor one. This results in me always feeling tired, disappointed and a bit of a failure. I need to work on curbing this bad habit.

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Something I'm looking forward to? Well, that's an easy one! I'm looking forward to adopting and being a mother!

The Hubs and I thought we had gotten ourselves onto the list to be called for orientation with the State of Georgia a few weeks ago. We were just waiting for a call, but we never heard anything. So, after several phone calls and redirections to different people, we finally discovered we were not on the list as we thought. So....we got to start all over. However, as of this past Tuesday, we are officially on the wait list to be called for orientation! I can hardly wait to get the call and get started working towards our adoption =D

I will be a very, very happy woman when we finally get to a point we can have a child placed with us. So exciting!

Day Three - A Picture of You and Your Friends

2011-11-03T22:05:00.002-04:00

Okay, so I don't have a single photo of myself with more than two of my friends (counting The Hubs) and me in the same photo, so......I decided to take several photos and make a collage!

Pictured starting at the top are: Lady V and me; me and Boop (my eldest niece); Snow White; (second line) Rosie Posie; me and The Hubs; the wonderful and awesomeKristin; (final row) me, K-Bear and the beautiful and amazing Ms. Thrift (K-Bear's mommy); J, me and The Hubs.

I hope you enjoy this collage as much as I enjoyed making it and as much as I've enjoyed making and being friends with these wonderful people!

Day 2 - The Meaning Behind Your Blogger Name

2011-11-02T22:14:00.002-04:00

This is an interesting (for me, at least) and fairly easy post to write.

My Blogger name is Wistfulgirl (obviously). I love my name! It is so much who I am!

I was part of the online/long-distance relationships community long before I became a member of the ALI community. Just like our community now, I loved my community then. I felt so immersed in it.

One of the things, though, that I felt I missed was that everyone seemed to have a moniker and I didn't. It seems silly now, but I really wanted that. Throughout the years, I've been known by a couple of other online nicknames, most notably The Crazy American (during my time in England) and Moony. Both of these names fit me at the time, but the names weren't ones that I felt would continue on with me over the years.

One day, my current Blogger name popped into my head and I immediately knew it perfectly described me. Even when my life seems to be going perfectly, I find myself wistful for those things I see making life more special: first love and a husband, now a family, a home like the one I've always dreamed of and a job I love and feel I'm making a difference with. I think my name encompasses the whimsical part of my spirit....it makes me think of dragonflies and butterflies, green grass blowing in the wind, a cool white room devoid of any clutter or color, peacefulness, calmness and, yet, still with a touch of longing.

It's just very.....me.

NaBloPoMo - Day 1

2011-11-01T19:48:00.009-04:00

Today is November 1 and that means it's NaBloMoPo! What is NaBloPoMo, you may ask? It's National Blog Posting Month! So.....that means I'm once again going to be attempting to post (at least) one blog a day, every day for the month of November! Because I do better with a theme, I've located a new 30-Day Blog Challenge Theme and so, here are the things I'll be writing about over the coming days:

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

Day 02- The meaning behind your Blogger name

Day 03- A picture of you and your friends

Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn't have, or something that you are looking forward to

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

Day 06- Favorite super hero and why

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

Day 09- Something you’re proud of

Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

Day 11- a person you would love to meet

Day 12- Your Blog Story

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Day 14- A picture of you and your family

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

Day 16- Another picture of yourself (baby pic!)

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

Day 20- What does your future hold/where would you like to be?

Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy

Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else

Day 23- Something you crave for a lot

Day 24- A letter to your parents

Day 25- What I would find in your bag

Day 26- What you think about your friends

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned

Day 30- Who are you?

Interested? Stick around and see what you find out! Better yet! Join in yourself! It's time to get posting! Leave me a comment and I'll pop by to visit you and see what you're up to during NaBloPoMo!

Now.....on to my first Day for the month!

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Day One - A recent picture of yourself and fifteen interesting facts about yourself

The Hubs and I one month ago in St. Petersburg, Florida.

I can roll my tongue. Not a huge thing but interesting, nonetheless.

I can also tie cherry stems into knots with my tongue. Comes back to that being able to roll my tongue thing ;-)

I'm petrified of armadillos. I mean really, really scared of them. I have this irrational fear that they eat people. I know it's stupid, but I can't get it out of my head.

I have an irrational pet peeve - I hate it when people phone me and I'm not in a mood to talk. I know they have no idea, but I get really frustrated and agitated with them for calling me. It's really unfair to the unsuspecting caller, but I can't seem to shake the feeling of irritation.

I'm a Glee freak. I know I've said this before, but I really don't think you can possibly understand how crazy I am about that show! I absolutely love it! I cannot miss it each week. I DVR it even if I watch it. Then I watch it again during the week. I have the first season on DVD and I'm hoping to get the second season for Christmas. I wish I'd had these kids around me when I was in school. I know. I'm pathetic. But I don't care!

I love puzzles! The Hubs and I are actually currently putting together a 1000 piece puzzle and we have 4 more of equal size waiting when we finish. My co-workers have told me this makes me incredibly boring but that's okay. I'd rather be boring but enjoy what I'm doing than to be interesting but be hating every second of it.

When I'm alone and I'm cooking - which I love to do, by the way - I sometimes pretend I have my own cooking show. I talk to the non-existent audience and explain what I'm doing. Someday when I make it onto Food Network, I'll be all ready :-D This is really embarassing, so please don't tease me about it!

I'm really unhappy at my job right now. I've always enjoyed it in the past but lately it's been making me unhappy. I'm kind of stuck there until next April when I finish my degree, so I just have to find a way to make it bearable.

I have a tendency to stay up very late. Even though I have to be at work at 7am every morning, I'm usually still awake at midnight. I feel tired most days, but I can't seem to get to bed earlier. Something I need to work on.

Even though I always said that I hated that I looked so much like my dad's side of the family, now that he's gone, I'm secretly glad I look like him. Now, everytime I look in the mirror, I see traces of him and it makes me feel less alone.

I'm a little worried about our dog, Isabel, when we adopt. She's a very friendly dog when she gets to know people, but when she first meets them, she barks constantly. And she seems fierce, even though she's not so much (at least as long as you're not another animal). I hope she doesn't cause a problem for us with the home study and I hope it's an easy transition for her when we adopt.

Even though I've lived most of my life in the area The Hubs and I currently live in, I find it difficult sometimes to accept how small-town and red-necky it is. I know that it's just the way people are and that not being that way would not be honest to them, but some of the things they do just make me cringe! I'm not ashamed of where I come from, but I sometimes wish some of the people I deal with daily could tone down the hickness. (And, trust me, I know this makes me sound like a bitch, but it's how I feel.)

I hardly ever find the "hot" guys on television dating shows good-looking. I usually think they're kind of ugly. I just don't get what's supposedly attractive about them.

I am addicted to The Maury Show, particularly the "who's the baby-daddy" episodes. It's really sad, but I am totally enraptured by them when they're on. What can I say? Trash television is perfect for rubber-necking!

Even though I am madly in love with my husband - and, make no doubt about it, The Hubs is my everything and the only reason I keep going a lot of days - I have a teeny, tiny crush on my best guy friend who is not The Hubs. Yup, the one who's leaving the country on Sunday. I'm heartbroken he's leaving. Who'm I going to flirt with, bitch to and joke with now? I mean, apart from The Hubs. J is my outside-of-things sounding board. I have no idea how I'm going to survive without him. Btw, he has NO IDEA I have a teeny, tiny crush on him. However, The Hubs knows all about it. He thinks it's kind of funny but it doesn't bother him because he understands it is what it is. He knows he has nothing to worry about.

So, that's my picture and 15 interesting facts about me! What are your's?

What the F**k Wednesday

2011-10-26T23:36:00.003-04:00

So I've just discovered What the Fuck Wednesday, hosted by the ever-fabulous Kristin and have decided I would participate. Hopefully this will help me get back into the blogging cycle seeing as how there are constantly WTF moments in my life.

Today's moment comes to you directly from my boss. I will pause here to say, if you happen to follow me on Facebook, please do not mention this there, seeing as how my boss is now one of my "friends" (after dodging her for two years and claiming to always "forget" to locate her and add her and hiding behind the fact I have a very common name, she finally located me and added me. I could find no reason to not accept and figured I would just do well to accept her friendship and limit my FB time from here on out).

As I've stated in my last two posts, I have a severe headache that has been with me now for a week and a half. I saw my regular doctor last Wednesday and was prescribed antibiotics and nose spray for a severe sinus infection and Flexeril for neck spasms as well as Vimovo to keep my stomach from being upset from the other medications (hey, no matter that I generally take enough medication for an army, these meds may cause an upset stomach), however, these medications have not even touched my headache. It's still present and getting worse. I've been at work everyday (apart from my visit to the RE last Thursday, but that was unrelated to my headache), having taken only an hour to go to my doctor last Wednesday and then coming back to work. In fact, we're only at Wednesday of this week and I already have 3 1/4 hours more hours than I should have! At the rate I'm going, I'll have to leave by 11:00 on Friday to avoid overtime!

Anyway, one of the reasons I have so much time is that one of the other girls in my department has been sick and the other one has had a sick child. Between the two of them, they've missed some time this week. Being the department supervisor, it has fallen to me to take up their slack, despite my debilitating headache. Honestly, I've been going through my days in a haze of pain and nausea. But I've been there.

Today (as the colleague who has been sick herself was admitted to our hospital), I stated to my boss that I needed to see my doctor again and see what he could do, since my headache had not gone away. Let me restate: this headache has been around for a week and a half.

Her response? (In a very snide and snotty tone) "You just need to go get some Sudafed and take it! You just have fluid in your head and sinuses! There's nothing else wrong!"

What. The. Fuck?!?!

Now, I know she is a nurse, but, guess what? She may not have been concerned, but I was! I'll stop here to say she's been extremely concerned about the colleague who's been sick and the child of the other colleague, but then she's friends with them outside of work (which severely limits my ability to be an effective supervisor. They don't like what I do, they run to her and complain and she "corrects" me). I'm not disputing they've been sick, but so have I. And her dismissal of my headache really bothered me.

In the end, I spoke with my doctor and he ordered a STAT CT of the brain with and without IV contrast. The report showed there was no hemorrhaging, no mass, no ischemic changes and no fluid on the brain or in the sinuses. Shock! Surprise! My boss was wrong (go figure)!

What it means is that what I'm experiencing is a migraine headache different from any migraine I've had before - and I get them pretty frequently - and possibly indicative of a move towards epilepsy. Great. That's all I need. In an effort to prevent future migraines and avoid any epileptic episodes, my doctor has prescribed Topamax for 5 days to see what my response to it will be.

So, I will once more say What the Fuck?!?!?! to my boss and ask the diagnosing of my problems be left to my GP. Oh, and please have the same respect and care for me you have for the others in my department.

Sorry for my rant, but it had to go somewhere!

Got your own WTF Wednesday moment? Post it on your blog and then head on over to Dragondreamer's Lair and add your link in the comments section!

2011-10-20T20:09:00.002-04:00

I mentioned in my last post how we had finally contacted the State of Georgia about starting the adoption process on Monday of this week. We're in the midst of the 10 day period they call us in. By next Friday we should have heard from them.

In the meantime, I've been having a look at the My Turn Now Photolisting of children available for adoption from the Georgia Foster Care System. The Hubs and I have actually been looking at this list for several years and there is one child who caught our attention about 3 years ago. We said when we first saw this child that if she was still available when we actually came to adopt, we would look at possibly pursuing her adoption. So we have this evening completed the interest email for this child.

I know if she's meant to be part of our family, it will work out and, if not, then the Lord has another plan for her and us. I'll be happy whichever way it works out, but.....please wish us luck! I would be ecstatic if she was meant to join our family! I won't be sharing any specific details about her at this time for a couple of reasons: firstly, I don't know what the Georgia State rules on this are, but I'm guessing they don't want you discussing the adoption and, secondly, it's really her story to tell and I don't want to do anything that might hurt her. So, I'll share what I can, but don't expect too much.

*********

I had my follow-up visit with Dr. O today. The cyst seems not to have grown, but Dr. O is still concerned about it, so he's sending me to a specialist OB/GYN to get their opinion on our next move. He feels they'll probably just recommend watching it for now and then, if it grows, remove it.

Sigh.

Once more we're in hurry-up-and-wait mode. I'm still 10 pounds from my goal to lose anyway. I need to get back to watching my calories very closely and exercising regularly. I sort of fell off the wagon when my Dad died. But I know he'd want me to work on my weight, too. It will work out so much better for me. I'll be healthier and I'll look better. I'll feel better too. In the long run, it's just the right thing for me.

Anyway, back to the RE visit, Dr. O wants me to continue next month with Agestin because it seemed to work well this month. Since I started late this month, he wants me to bring it back 3 days next month, so I'll start the meds on November 4. Then in December, I'll go back to the 1st and be back on track.

I just wish my body would, for once, do what it was supposed to do.

*********

My Dad's grave finally has the headstone up. It looks so pretty. I still cry everytime I go. I miss him so much. I get so angry when I think what infertility has stolen from me. It means my Dad will never get to meet his grandchildren (at least my children) and his grandchildren will never get to meet him. It means I'll never get to see my children hug him or walk to him. They'll never get to wrap a Christmas gift for their Papa. There are so many things I've lost due to infertility, but this one makes me the angriest.

Anyway, I took a picture of his headstone so I could share it. I've blurred out the last name for security purposes but it doesn't affect the picture at all. I hope you think it's as beautiful as I do.

*********

ICLW starts tomorrow. I will really try hard to get a post done every day and visit all my blog reads each day. I need to get back into blogging regularly and reading my friends. I miss you all.

Ciao for now!

Tidbits

2011-10-18T09:00:00.004-04:00

I'm still not feeling very wordsy these days. Finding it difficult to simply interact with people in everyday life, so really struggling to find the energy/words to blog.

I've had a bad headache now for 3 days. It's really painful and makes it difficult for me to concentrate on anything. I really wish it would go away. Right now my brain feels a lot like a water balloon someone is rhythmically squeezing. Probably a new kind of migraine for me. Awesome.

My third blogoversary was 5 days ago. I missed it. I'm so on top of these things, can't you tell?

I had an appointment with Dr. O on October 6 because AF hadn't shown her face in a couple of months and the last two times she did show up, it was only very faint. He wanted to do another endometrial biopsy and also an ultrasound. I've gotten the results back from the biopsy and, so far, no hyperplasia is showing. The ultrasound did show a persistent cyst on my right ovary. The cyst had grown 2cm in 3 weeks, so not good. I have to go back this Thursday to have another ultrasound and see if it's grown again. If it has, he'll be setting up an appointment to have the cyst removed. He also gave me some meds to bring AF on and she showed up Sunday morning. I think she's on her way again now, so it's been a brief but intense visit, lol. I had some bloodwork done as well, but so far haven't gotten the results back from that. I'll give you an update after my appointment.

I think I forgot to share with you that we had lost two of our dogs in September. Our hound who lived outside, Melly, was bitten by a snake and died. We were very sad to lose her, but we were at work when it happened and, so, had no chance of saving her. My mom's chihuahua, Merlin, was hit by a car when he was let out to run and it killed him instantly. Another blow of a loss. Feels like there's been a lot of that lately.

Speaking of loss, my best friend (apart from The Hubs), J, is leaving the country for a year. He's going to Afghanistan to work as a civilian contractor. He's been working with The Hubs for the last year and I've grown used to seeing him most days and talking to him virtually everyday. It's going to be difficult not having him to talk to. He's been a big help over the last few months to both The Hubs and I. I'll miss him.

We haven't really heard anything more from Juno. Still no meeting and still no more info, so I'm not counting that as much of a lead anymore. Not giving up entirely on it, but not letting it rule my thoughts.

The Hubs and I finally called for info on adopting through the State of Georgia yesterday! We should get a call back within 10 days to set up an informational meeting. Hopefully, we'll soon be on our way to getting approved to adopt through the State!

The Hubs and I have been talking a lot about our pending adoption process and we're considering adopting an older child. Has anyone ever adopted a child over age 8 through foster/adoption? We'd appreciate any information you may have to share, particularly if you've done this in the State of Georgia.

I'm still trying to decide what I want to do for birthdayversary next month. I can't decide if The Hubs and I want to go away overnight just the two of us or if I want to have a party in Savannah. I teeter back and forth between the two. Must make my mind up very soon.

If you hadn't noticed, I updated my blog template for Halloween. I like it. I think it's pretty.

I'm getting ready to open the Christmas Ornament Exchange soon. I want to give everyone plenty of time to sign up and shop for their ornament. I'm also thinking of doing a masterlist for Christmas Card exchanges. What do you think? Anyone interested in exchanging addresses for Christmas Cards? Let me know!

I know there are many other things I wanted to share, but can't think what they are now. Oh, well, that should just give me another reason to blog again soon!

Adjusting & ICLW

2011-09-21T07:26:00.004-04:00

I guess it's time I crawl out from under my grief rock and give you all an update. First off, though, let me welcome those of you stopping by from ICLW. I'm glad to have you here. Sorry this space is a bit dusty at the moment. I've been away for a while attempting to come to terms with my dad's death. I'll try not to be a complete negative, as there is a lot of positive in my life at the moment. It's just overshadowed somewhat by my family's loss.

For my regular readers, as you can see, I am still here, just not handling the loss of my dad very well. He's been gone for over a month now and I still find myself randomly bursting into tears at times. I'll be sitting at work and see a patient with a diagnosis of COPD and I start crying (this was my dad's main problem and the cause behind his stroke, which led to the heart attack that finally took him). I walk down the hallway of the hospital where I work and where my dad was after his stroke and pass his room and the tears start streaming down my face.

It's really not a pretty sight at all.

The most difficult part of it all for me is the toll it's having on my mom. She is not handling his death well at all. They'd been married for 48 years, though, and I can only imagine what it's like to be with someone for that long and then for them suddenly to not be around any longer. There are so many things she finds difficult, up to and including living in their house. To make things even more difficult for her, their mortgage lender has said that his death means nothing towards their mortgage payment. It doesn't reduce the payment or anything. We were under the impression that their mortgage insurance would pay the mortgage off in the event of the death of either partner, however, they say differently. We're in the process of locating their original mortgage documents (which are in one of several filing cabinets) and reviewing them in order to hopefully find backing for our beliefs. They purchased mortgage insurance; surely that covers death? If not, what use is it?

Fortunately for my mom, she and my dad had a visit to my brother in New Jersey planned. My mom got a refund on my dad's ticket (and let me take a moment to say a HUGE thank you to Southwest Airlines, who were wonderful enough to give my mom a refund on my dad's ticket despite it being a non-refundable ticket. A lot of airlines would not have done this) but decided to hold onto her own. She left on September 13 and has been with my brother ever since. She'll be back on September 27.

While this has been awesome for her, it's been really difficult for me. I'm not generally a clingy person to my parents and siblings (in fact, most of the time my mom drives me crazy) but since my dad's passing, my mom and I have really needed one another's company. I'm missing her like crazy and can hardly wait for her to come home. She texts and calls me everyday telling me what she's been up to that day, but always says "I wish you'd been here. It would have made the day perfect." I don't want to cut her vacation short, but, good gracious, I'll be glad for next Tuesday to get here!

So, let me bring you up-to-date with the non-grief related news of the last month. As you may remember, The Hubs and I were looking for a house of our own prior to beginning the home study process. Well, one of the good things that has happened is that we found that house and we've done the main part of moving into it! We still have a few things to get moved, but as of this past Monday, we are officially living in our new home! It's much closer to work (a 5 minute drive versus the previous 20 minute drive we were making), still has a rural, country feel without being so far out of town and is in a nice neighborhood. I think we're going to enjoy living there.

The Hubs was offered a promotion at work and took it. He is now a Billing and Coding Specialist for the doctor's office he works for. This is a good move for him, as he was feeling a little underused there. He also got a $1 per hour raise for moving up and will hopefully get even more of a raise when he completely takes over from the outside billing company who had previously done the office's billing. This looks to probably happen sometime around the first of the year. One of the perks of his new job? He's being sent to a conference in St. Petersburg, Florida the first weekend of October. He asked me did I mind attending, seeing as how he would be in the conference much of the weekend. Let me think about this - a luxury hotel, on the beach and a weekend free of responsibilities? Yeah! I think I can handle it! So, we're both looking forward to that.

I don't really have much of an update on Juno and baby. We still have no date set to meet her. If you recall, that was supposed to happen this month (September) but so far no meeting has been set. What I do know is that she met with the other couple she was considering and really, really disliked the wife. There was an almost predatory attitude to the woman and Juno really felt uncomfortable with it. She kept saying to Juno "You need to eat more! My baby is hungry!" and pressing on Juno's stomach so hard (attempting to feel movement from the baby - Juno is only 4 months along and this is a first pregnancy, so I'm not sure anyone other than Juno herself would be able to feel movement at this point anyway) that she made Juno throw up. Juno left the meeting with a feeling of horror and told her mother "If that's what people who want to adopt are like, then I'm not so sure about this!" Her mother did tell her not all adoptive families are like that.

I really hope we get an opportunity to meet her soon and show her not everyone is like that. Without even knowing her and without feeling this child is our's (because, fortunately I haven't developed that feeling yet), I feel concern and love for Juno. I'm pleased that she chose life for her child and I think she is a very, very brave young woman. I know that if she were older, she would make a fabulous mother to this child. I also know that she is mature enough to know that, at her young age, she is not yet prepared to care for this child. I just hope that people liek this couple she has already met with won't push her into doing something that would not be in the best interest of her or the baby. Whatever happens, though, I know happens for the best. There is a plan for Juno's life and for the baby's life and we'll just have to follow the road and see where the path leads.

In other news, I have now finished the major portion of my BA and am now working on my minor. If everything goes to plan, I will graduate in June of next year!! I am very, very excited about this! I still have a 4.0 GPA as of this moment and hope to carry that with me through to graduation. I've been offered an opportunity through my school to become a peer mentor, which is something I'm extremely proud of and am looking forward to accepting. It will be a great addition to my resume when I have finished my degree.

To those of you who offered your thoughts, prayers and condolences on my dad's death, I am so very, very grateful to you. I am still making my way around to everyone's humble abodes to say a personal thank you, but my progress has been very slow so far. Please know that I will make it around to you, but in the meantime, please know how much your words meant to me during that very dark period.

I know my dad is still watching over us. There have been several days when I would be outside and there has been a complete dead calm. I would begin talking to my Daddy and ask him to give me a sign he was there with me. Without hesitation, at every single one of these moments, the wind has picked up and blown through the area in fierce gusts that make me feel like my dad is hugging me. I'm so thankful he's still with me even though he's gone. It makes me feel less alone.

Later in the week, I'll share a couple of other things close to my heart with you: the last words my dad ever said to me and a post I actually should have posted last week with a photo of my awesome socks from my Sock It To Me buddy, Prairie Anonymous (private blog - and, if you're reading this, sweetie, my invite expired before I clicked it! Could you invite me again?), along with my post on how support from others in the blogosphere has helped me over the last 18 months. Watch this space. Those stories are coming!

That's all for right now. I'll try to get my arse in gear and get back to blogging properly. I just needed some me time to grieve, but I'll try to get it all back together now. Thanks for being patient with me!

Saying Goodbye

2011-08-18T09:26:00.002-04:00

My Dad and I on my wedding day, November 23, 2002.

We will bury my Daddy today. If you could spare a moment around 3pm EST to think of the man who taught me to read, to ride a bike, to mow grass, to plant flowers and to use a hammer and nails among so many other things, it would mean the world to me.

Thank you so much for your many messages of concern and condolences. This has been the hardest week of my life and your words have helped more than I could ever express. I will be back online this weekend to send proper thank yous to everyone. In the meantime, please continue to think of our family. We appreciate it more than you can know.

Time is Fleeting. Carpe Diem.

2011-08-16T08:51:00.002-04:00

My dad died this morning. He had a heart attack.

I was in the shower getting ready for work this morning when my mom knocked frantically on our door. The Hubs jumped up and went to answer it. I continued on my merry way with my shower, thinking, not that nothing was wrong, but not hugely concerned. My family is a bit meladramatic, so I don't get extremely concerned when someone frantically knocks on my door or calls repeatedly.

A few minutes later The Hubs came back in and came into the bathroom. "It's not good news, I'm afraid", he said. I opened the door of the shower, feeling as though my face were ghost white, "What is it?"

The Hubs is not an drama king. He doesn't make something out of things that are nothing. I knew it was bad news.

"We think your dad is dead."

I didn't believe it. I carried on with my shower, denying it was possible. I hurried though. I told The Hubs "I know CPR!"

What a ridiculous, stupid statement. Why do we say ignorant things in times of trouble?

We went to next door to my mom's house. My dad was lying in the floor of his room. He was, quiet unmistakeably, no longer with us. The EMT's were there. The coroner was on his way.

My world fell away. I was very much my dad's baby. I can't believe he's gone.

I was here when the coroner okay'd his removal from the house. He had scratched at his face trying to get breath. He couldn't breathe. My mom didn't want me to, but I made them let me see him. I kissed him on his forehead. He was so cold. I know my dad wasn't in the shell anymore, but the shell is what I knew my dad to look like.

I have no pictures of my dad that I'm aware of. I have no video of him. I know he's with me now in spirit, but I'm so devestated knowing I'll never hear his voice again. I'll never smell his unique "daddy" scent. He'll never see me graduate from University. He'll never meet my children and they'll never meet their Papa.

My heart aches. I miss my Daddy.

Fear and Depression

2011-08-11T09:44:00.002-04:00

I'd love to be able to tell you that the adoption match is definite and we'll be united with our first child in February, however, I really have no further news on the adoption right now. There has been no forward movement with Juno. The lastest news we received was that she had gone from "definitely choosing" us (and calling us the baby's parents) to making a decision between us and cousins of the baby's dad. Basically, it could go either way and we'll simply have to wait to discover her decision. Oh, one other piece of news: she had a bleeding episode on Monday and went to her doctor. Apparently she has a pulled muscle in her uterus. An ultrasound was done and baby is fine. The doctor said it is "almost certainly" a girl! I'd love to be able to get excited, but with her decision still in the air, it's difficult to do so. Juno has also "named" the baby. It's a name The Hubs and I had on our list of possible names, but with her naming the baby, I feel it's quite possible she may choose to parent herself. Who knows? I hate uncertainty.

Most days I feel quite zen about this possible match. It feels so different from the last time we were in this situation. Not that I believe this possibility is anymore definite than the last time, but that this time we're actually making steps to be ready to have another child placed with us should this adoption possibility end.

Then there are days like today when I feel immeasurably sad. The Hubs and I have been looking at houses because we're wanting to move into a home of our own (versus the one we rent from my mother which is located right next door to my mother). While I will value and appreciate my mother's input and advice on questions I may have related to child-rearing, being next door to her is not really a good idea. She's very strong-willed and forceful with her ideas on what is correct and what is not. This is a trait I have picked up from her. The problem is her idea or correct and my idea of correct don't always correlate. At the end of the day, any child we adopt will be ours and it will be our decisions on how our child is raised that will matter. My mother will struggle to see it this way, though. I've seen this with my siblings and their children.

Back to the point, though, is that we saw a house yesterday that on paper seemed like an excellent buy. However, when we saw it in person, it was definitely not the house for us. This was depressing and disheartening. We very badly need to get started on our homestudy (particularly if there is any chance this child is our child), but we want to have already made the move before we do this so we can be settled in what will be our home. I know that many of you will think it is silly for us to be embarking on this now and I appreciate your view on this. But, again, this is our decision and, right or wrong, we take responsibility for it. It's just very upsetting to find yesterday's viewing - which we had pinned such high hopes on - was a bust.

Infertility and adoption are such an emotional roller-coaster. I know you're all shouting you're preaching to the choir, honey! I simply hate the unknowns. I'm a person who plans for everything. I don't think it would be possible to have orchestrated two international moves without being this way. When I say I plan everything, I mean I plan all the small details. And I get really frustrated whenever anything - even the tiniest details - go awry. This is truly not the attitude to have when you go into such uncertain territory as adoption. Until after the baby is born (and, in fact in the state of Georgia, 10 days after the baby is born), there is no certainty. Even if Juno decided to place with us, she could change her mind within 10 days of signing TPR and decide to parent herself. I would never begrudge her this. After all, she's the one carrying the baby for 9 months. She's the one going through labor and delivery.

Am I jealous that I'm not getting the opportunity to do these things? I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm a little jealous. Am I angry because she gets this opportunity and holds all the cards so to speak? No. That's simply circumstance. I know for a fact Juno did not ask for this. It wasn't the plan she had for her life. I don't think anyone who ever chooses to place their child for adoption had this path in mind when they started out. I'm not angry. I just sad and frustrated. I wish there was a clear right answer for all of us. I wish we could open an instruction book and there be a page that said Juno, choose (insert correct option, but that book simply hasn't come to exist yet.

We've only just started on our journey and already I feel motion sickness on this roller-coaster. How am I really going to make it through the coming months or even years? If only I were a more patient person! Or if I could only turn loose on the need to be in control! I need patience. I need faith that everything will work out for the best. I need a stronger armour against the pain I foresee as part of this whole process.

Maybe I just need a strong drink and a nap?

Whichever happens to be the case, I need strength most of all. I have to stay strong and firm and grounded throughout this process. The ability to stay grounded is not one of my greatest qualities. I get excited at even the slightest possibilty. This is not something that is reserved exclusively for baby-related news either. I get this way about anything I want to happen and receive even the smallest positive move in that direction. You'd think this would be something I would have outgrown in my 32 years on Earth, but I guess there are some ways in which I will always be 12 years old.

If only I could get the wish out of my head that life should have been simple for me. That I shouldn't have had to fight so hard and move half a world away to be with the man I love. That I shouldn't have felt so alone and removed from the people around me in England. That we shouldn't have had to struggle financially to find jobs when we moved back to the USA, particularly when The Hubs had a good degree. That finding a home of our own shouldn't be like looking for the Holy Grail. That the simple act of becoming parents shouldn't be harder than scoring a perfect score on the LSAT's or getting elected President.

I hate that we've had to spend the amount of money we've had to spend on fertility treatment when other people seem to be able to blink and get pregnant. I hate that everywhere I look there are pregnant women and I feel jealous of them. I hate that adoption takes so long and has so many unknowns. I hate feeling so scared and sad all the darn time!

I love what adoption does - that it creates awesome families and provides children with needed homes. I love that expectant parents who are unable to raise their children themselves are able to place their children with families who can and who love the children. I love that we're able to have open adoptions now so that birthfamilies and adoptive families can unite and be a loving support for one another.

But right now I just feel so fragile and weepy and scared and depressed. When will things just settle down and let us be a family with our children?

Sorry for the whiny nature of this post.

Not IF-Related But.....

2011-08-03T12:11:00.002-04:00

....extremely necessary if I am to make it through the rest of this God-awful day unscathed and leaving everyone else unscathed as well!

Dear Anonymous Co-Worker (and by co-worker, I technically mean underling since I am your boss, lest you forget that),

A few things to remember as you traverse your days in this office:

While I understand that, for you, the world revolves around your child(ren), please understand that, for the rest of us, your child is just another child. Not the end all and be all of children.

Please remember that, although to us your child is not the end all and be all, we do respect that, for you, she is. Please hold that same respect for the other people in this office (or formerly in this office).

Please also remember that life is a two-way street. If you dish it out, be prepared to take it.

When you talk about your friends' children being prettier, better, more intelligent, etc. than my friend's (your former co-worker's) children, realize that I'm going to take offense at that and that, given the mood I've been in lately, I'm likely to lash back out at you.

Please also remember that, despite them being your friend, if you choose to speak ill of my friend (again, your former co-worker) or her children, I am likely to have something to say to you about them.

Just because you are who you are does not give you the right to say/do whatever you want without consequences.

Just because we usually get along very well also does not give you free reign to do as you please without repercussions.

Going back to the issue of your child, when she is in our office, please do not let her write on, cut with scissors, colour on with highlighters, tear to pieces, break or in any other way destroy my desk or possessions. This is intensely likely to PISS ME OFF!

Finally, please remember to have as much respect for other people as you demand and, indeed, are obnoxiously angry about if they don't show you. As far as I'm concerned, everyone in this office or related to this office is equal. You do not have the right in this office to act superior to anyone.

Sincerely,

Your Boss

In the Meantime

2011-07-28T09:06:00.002-04:00

I've told you about our possible adoption and we are very excited about that, however, after our last fail at adopting, I've become a bit more of a realist. So, I am very aware that any of a hundred dozen things can happen to stop this adoption from going through (for instance, The Hubs' boss held a meeting on Monday of this week and informed the office that, due to revenues being down, he was going to have to lay some people off. He will be telling them tomorrow who will be getting the chop. It's supposed to be only for 3 months only, but that is reliant on revenues picking up. We've been here before....The Hubs is ve3ry worried and upset, but we're trying to keep a positive outlook on things. At least this time he would be able to claim unemployment.). With that in mind, I'll tell you a bit about our plans in the meantime.

I have an appointment today with the RE. I think he'll be pleased - I've lost 16 pounds since I last saw him! I think that's pretty good going. We have decided that, should this adoption fall through, we will be using the money in my HSA account to fund an IUI before June 20, 2012. We've also got money in our savings account (and we're adding more monthly) to use, but we'll probably leave that to go towards another adoption should the IUI fail. By the time we have a definite on what's happening on the adoption front (February), I should have lost the total amount of weight Dr. O (our RE) wants me to lose so we'd hopefully be able to move on that.

We're also going to go ahead and get homestudied through the State of Georgia so we would be eligible to adopt through foster care. Our main reason for going this route is that Juno has opted to sign up to a program (which we are fully supportive of) that offers help with living expenses, maternity clothing and counseling for brithparents amongst other things. They counsel her on adoption placement as well, however, she chooses parents from a list of homestudied families approved by the State of Georgia for foster care placement. What this means is that we would be the baby's foster parents for the first year of life and then would be able to finalize the adoption after a year. We're pleased with this arrangement because it means that even if this adoption doesn't work out, we're all ready to have a child placed with us when the right match becomes available.

So, that's where we stand right now. Adoption plans being made, visiting with the RE and contingency plans in the works. We feel good about it right now. I'll update you soon on how my visit with the RE goes and what The Hubs finds out about work.

For those interested, the Fall catalog is now available on my Thirty-One Website. I appreciate any orders you make! If you're never heard of Thirty-One, be sure to check it out! It's awesome-sauce!

Confession

2011-07-23T00:48:00.006-04:00

Okay, I have a confession. It has to do with the big news I mentioned the other day. While I am sharing this with you, we are keeping it very quiet in our personal lives, so if you know me on Facebook, please DO NOT mention it on my Facebook page. We have not yet told The Hubs' family about this and are picking our time to do so carefully. It will be soon, but not just yet.

Anyway, I guess you're waiting for me to spill, right? Okay, here goes.....

The Hubs and I have been tentatively matched for adoption with a birthmom and baby due in February 2012! Remember the significance of February? Having said that, nothing is yet set in stone, so we are not getting overly excited. We still have much to do to get there.

First, I'll give you a minor amount of details about the whole situation. We were connected to the birthmom by my friend/former work-colleague Lady V. Lady V's niece J's partner C is the sister of our birthmom (complicated, I know). One of the reasons this is all so tenuous is that, at present, all of our communication with the birthmom (who I shall from here on call Juno) has been through Lady V. There has been plenty of communication, but all through a middle-man. Lady V did pass our phone number onto Juno and her family (she is very young - not a bad girl, but one who made a decision that backfired on her), however, right now they prefer to maintain contact through Lady V. We are okay with this for right now, since it's still very early on. As we get closer to the goal, we'll move forward with personal contact.

When Juno first discovered she was pregnant, she contemplated abortion and met with a counselor. After the meeting, she made the admirable decision to carry the baby and place it for adoption after birth. Juno's next step was to see an adoption counselor. Because of Juno's age and the family's situation, the counselor suggested she enroll in a program offered by the county/state that helps mothers who intend to place their baby for adoption with the cost of living expenses, maternity clothing and other expenses to do with the baby (before your hackles get raised over this being done for mothers who are placing a child for adoption, there is also a similar program for those who are keeping their child, it's just a different program). Because the program is offered through the county and state, the adoption placement will be with families who are on the state's approved list of adoptive parents (foster-care adoption). She can place with whatever family she chooses, as long as they are on that list. This means The Hubs and I have to get moving very soon so we can be approved in time!

Our first order of business is to find a home to rent or purchase that is not right next door to my mom and dad. I love my parents dearly and know their help and support will be greatly appreciated, but The Hubs and I need our own space, particularly with a child possibly entering the picture. We've been living next door to my parents for over 4 years now and we've lost a lot of the independence we had before. It has not been good for us or for our self-esteem. It is now time to move on. Secondly, my mom is not a person to sit back and let you do it your way. She will constantly be telling me I'm not doing something right because I'm not doing it her way. This will, however, be our child and not her's and, therefore, we need to do what is right for us with our child, not what she thinks is right.

We are already looking for a home and have a few possibilities. As soon as we get moved (which will hopefully be within the next 2 to 3 weeks), we will be getting in touch with our local Department of Family and Children Services (DFCS) to get enrolled in IMPACT training courses and start our home study. It is going to be a busy, busy time for us over the next few months! I hope you'll stick by me and give me support! I'm really going to need it!

Something else that has recently transpired is that, in order to help earn some extra money to help with the cost of the adoption, I have become a Thirty-One Consultant! What, you may ask, is Thirty-One? For those who don't know, Thirty-One is a great way to purchase very, very cute personalized handbags, totes, luggage, wallets, backpacks, lunch totes, diaper bags, organizational bags and lots of other things! Maybe you're looking for a new purse or a diaper bag for that baby you've fought so long and hard for? Or maybe you want to give a gift to a friend who recently had a birthday or just found out they were going to be parents? Maybe you want to purchase something special and personalized for your little one as school time rapidly approaches us? Or maybe you just need help in getting things organized? If so, please, please check out my Personal Thirty-One Consultant Webpage. If you need any help AT ALL, with the site or making a decision about a purchase, please contact me or you can email me at wistful [dot] girl [at] gmail [dot] com. If you need to speak to me, simply email me and I'll send you my number!

I'm really eager to make Thirty-One work for me and become successful at it. I'm also eager to make our adoption go as smoothly as possible! I'd love for anyone who would like to contribute to our adoption fund but also receive something lovely for themselves to place an order with me!

Thank you all so much for standing by me and being my sounding board through all this. You will never know how much this community means to me!

July ICLW

2011-07-21T07:52:00.003-04:00

I can't believe ICLW time has rolled around again already! Seems like time is flying these days!

If this is your first visit to my humble online abode, welcome! I'm pleased to have you with me =D If you've been here before, pull up a chair and visit for a while! It's always lovely to have friends stop over!

For those who don't know me well, I'll share a bit with you. I'm Lynn, a 32-year-old Georgia girl. I'm married to The Hubs, a 35-year-old Englishman. We met online nearly 11 years ago and we married 8 1/2 years ago. We lived in England for the first 3 years of our marriage but moved to the US in January 2006. We've been here ever since!

Life has its ups and downs for us. Our move to the US hasn't always been what it's cracked up to be. The Hubs was out of work for a 16 month period just over a year ago and, once he finally found a new job, it is not what he would like to be doing, nor does it use his degree at all. In addition to that, we've been on a fruitless 7 1/2 year journey to start a family. We've never even seen a positive HPT. It is so depressing somedays I barely feel able to even lift my head.

Having said all that, we do have one another and we are very much in love! We have awesome (if sometimes too caring) families and we have a few good friends. We're working everyday on improving things for ourselves.

We are currently on a hiatus from fertility treatment while I attempt to lose weight. Our RE wants me to lose 30lbs before we move onto the next treatment. This reasoning is down to the medical challenges I have facing me. I have PCOS, Type II Diabetes, hypothyroidism and sleep apnea. I had endometrial hyperplasia last year, but am currently showing all clear at the moment.

Not related to losing weight, but another challenge I face on the fertility front is that my right fallopian tube was removed in a surgery 4 years ago. I went in for a routine laproscopic cholecystectomy (gallbladder removal) and, when the surgeon went in to remove the gallbladder, he discovered a very large cyst (he drained more than 2 litres of fluid from the cyst) on my right ovary. Sadly, my fallopian tube was buried in the cyst and had to be sacrificed. I understand the tube was not salvageable, however, the fact that the surgeon "forgot" to tell me about the removal of the tube until 3 years later when we were gathering medical records to carry to our first RE visit, kind of pisses me off.

Anyway, back to weight loss. I am currently about half-way to my mini-goal of having lost 30lbs! As of this past Sunday (normally I weigh on Fridays, but I cheated and weighed during the week - not a fact I'm proud of), I had lost 15lbs! Stay tuned tomorrow to see if I've managed to keep that weight off and continue losing or if this is one of the flukey weeks I gain weight. I am on a strict 1480 calorie per day diet and I generally try to walk 2 to 3 miles everyday. This week has been unusual because I've had rehearsal every afternoon for a local musical I'm involved in, so I've been unable to get a moment to exercise. Let's hope all that singing has helped me to shed a few pounds! My overall goal is to lose a total of 103lbs. 15lbs down, 88lbs to go!

The Hubs and I have 3 dogs. Isabel, our terrier, is 9 1/2 years old. We adopted her as a rescued dog when we lived in England. When we made the move to the US, we naturally had her vaccinated and certified to move with us. She is our first baby and we love her enormously! She is spoiled rotten! Our second fur-child is Melly. She is a beagle hound/border collie mix. She was born to a couple of stray dogs who took up residence at our house several years ago and were our fur-children for a while until the dad got hit by a car and the mom wandered off a few months later. I really miss them. However, Melly is lovely! She looks more like a hound than a border collie. She has long floppy ears and she's so soft. She has a lovely temperment! Our third fur-child is Fonzi. He is technically Melly's brother, but from an earlier litter. Same mom and dad, Fonzi was born and we had him until he was about two months old. At that time, he just disappeared from our house. We never knew what happened to him or where he had gone until he appeared back at our house last year looking much the same as he did when he was a puppy and still answering to the name Fonzi. He also has a great temperment, though he is less inclined for silliness than Melly is. They are also incredibly spoiled!

I have lots of interests including reading, writing, music, movies and crafts. I'll read just about anything. I love vampire novels, mysteries, children's fantasy/sci-fi and morality fiction (i.e. Nicholas Sparks or Jodi Piccoult). Reading has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. I also love to write, hence the reason I have a blog. I've been in a state of writer's block for creative writing for several years now, so I've been hoping that writing my blog will trigger something there. Unfortunately, I find that a lot of times my writer's block just carries over into my blog as well. I struggle on, though!

I live for music! It is so difficult for me to do anything without having music on. I love 60's and 70's rock. Fleetwood Mac is my all-time favourite band, but I also like The Doors, The Who and The Beatles. I do love modern music - I absolutely love Adele, Lady Gaga, Train and Katy Perry. Jazz, soul and classical music are also favourites in our house. We're a very musical family. I enjoy singing as well as listening to music and The Hubs plays piano. I own a violin on which I can play a few notes, but I hope to one day find someone who can give me lessons to play it properly. I'd also love to learn to play guitar.

The Hubs and I are movie fanatics! We go to the cinema usually once every week or so. This is a big thing for us because the nearest cinema to where we live is a 45 minute drive away! We use this time as date-night and go out for a meal as well. It works really great for us as a break away from the everyday. We're not really picky about our movies - we enjoy comedies, dramas, thrillers, horror.....you name it, we'll probably watch it! Having said that is not to say we have no taste in movies - there are movies even we will not watch, lol! But, in general, we probably do take in more movies than the normal person.

I love crafts. I enjoy crocheting, cross-stitching, scrapbooking, card-making and most any other craft I can get my hands on. I'm currently attempting to teach myself to knit, which has been an interesting experience. I'm not sure I could term it successful yet, but interesting definitely fits. I also recently purchased some wooden photo frames I'm hoping to paint and offer personalization on so that I can sell them to add money to our treatment/adoption fund. Someday maybe I'll actually get them uploaded to an Etsy shop, lol!

That's about all I have to share about myself right now, but if you have questions, please ask them! I'm eager to answer any questions. Also, please, please, please share information about yourself as I'm always interested in meeting new people, too! Have a great ICLW!!

10 on Tuesday - Summer Camp Edition

2011-07-19T08:19:00.010-04:00

I've decided to kill two birds with one stone and combine my 10 on Tuesday with Calliope's Summer Camp. Forgive me for this, but it seems the only way I'm going to start getting caught up, lol!

Day 1 – Provide a photo or sketch or dramatic rendering of the space where you normally blog

Ah, yes, my blogging space. Let's see....no photos and no way to sketch it in right now, so....

My blogging space
Is a comfy place
This much I speak is true.
My blogging space
Is a cozy place
Even when I'm feeling blue.
It keeps warm, it keeps me snug
And offers a place to lay my head,
Because, you see, my blogging space
Is my very comfy bed.

And that, my dear friends, is why David Bottoms* has no worries about losing his prestigious title ;D

Day 2 -What were you like in high school? What extracurricular activities, if any, did you take part in during high school? Did you consider yourself a writer?

I was a toned down version of the me of today in high school. I was quieter. I wanted to be more popular than I was and I always felt a little bit second-best. I didn't date, not because I didn't want to, but because no one asked. However, I did have lots of friends and I was considered by others to be popular (Ick. That just sounds so unimportant and airheady now.) I was in Drama Club (in fact, I was president of drama my senior year of high school), FBLA and Y-Club. I participated in Model UN. I was on the Literary Competition Team. I played tennis and did cheerleading my junior and senior years (I was the mascot for most of those - that's what you get when you're the "fat" one on the team). I liked to read a lot and I worked a lot. I think that pretty much sums the me of high school fame up.

Day 3 - What are your guilty pleasures?

Hmmm...my guilty pleasures? Well, I love Glee. Not sure if that counts as a guilty pleasure, but some people think its a little sad. I love, love, love (and have had to give up) Little Debbie Snacks Nutty Bars. So good, but so full of calories! Of course, I love to put off doing things that need to be done in favour of crocheting or playing online. Not sure what else I could claim, though. Food for thought.

Day 4 – What has most surprised you about being an adult? What have you learned about yourself through blogging?

What has surprised me most about being an adult is that life isn't like it seems in the movies. Winning the lottery is rare. Bills come daily. Dream jobs rarely come along. Childhood friendships rarely last long-term. Families don't always just oops! happen. If you plan it, it's unlikely to work out the way you plan. Patience is a necessity, not just a virtue. People will act the way they want to, not the way you want them to. You always want what you can't have until you have it, then you often no longer want it. The grass is usually greener on the other side, but when you move onto greener pastures, they usually enjoy a freak drought. And, that when you get to an age where you can stay up as late as you like or eat whatever you want without someone in authority nixing the plan, your body no longer cooperates. You're too tired to stay up past 10pm and any ice cream or candy bar you eat goes straight to your hips.

What I've learned about myself through blogging is that I'm whiny, cynical, self-pitying, obsessive about certain subjects, long-winded, self-absorbed and often rather bitchy. I've also learned that I love to start projects, but rarely have the staying-power to complete them, I'm contradictory in the things I want and struggle to make my mind up to stick with one decision and I suck at beig a steady blogger and commenting on other people's posts. In a positive light, I do believe I have a knack for commentary =D

Day 5 -What do you prefer to do on your birthday?

My birthday is around Thanksgiving so, in the years when it doesn't actually fall on Thanksgiving, The Hubs and I usually take an annual trip to Helen, GA. It's beautiful up there! Helen is an Alpine Bavarian village. The restaurants all serve German food and German beer. It's just so awesome! And, since we usually go right after Thanksgiving, we get to see all the Christmas lights up. I just love it! In the few years that we don't go to Helen, we spend time with family. I think I have only ever worked on my birthday once in my entire lifetime! I try to arrange it that way most years, lol!

Day 6 – When was the last time you tried something new? What was it and what was the result? Have you ever done something just so that you could blog about it?

Hmmm...difficult one....I think the last new thing I did was when The Hubs and I went to the beach in beachwear. For most of my life I have lived less than two hours from the seashore. However, I can not swim and I am a chicken, so I had never ventured to the beach. Last year, The Hubs took me to Tybee Island near Savannah, GA to wade in the ocean, but we weren't in our bathing suits, so it wasn't really a proper beach trip. We rectified that in April this year when we set out for Fernandina Beach, FL. We had a great time! I love wading into the ocean! Still very afraid of the water, but at least I went in up to my thighs. The worst thing that happened was that the sand was nearly washed from under my feet several times.

I don't believe I've ever done anything just so I could blog about it. I'm not saying it'll never happen, I just don't think I have so far done something just to give me something to blog about.

Day 7 – What’s your favorite thing to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner? Do you read food blogs or would you ever consider writing one?

Oh, yum! Well, my favourite breakfast dish, if prepared correctly, is Eggs Benedict. It is just scrumptious! Lunch and dinner I'm pretty easy about. My favourite kind of food is Italian, but as long as it's something I enjoy eating, I'll eat!

I do occasionally read food blogs, usually to get recipes, but it's not a frequent thing. I do have a recipe blog, but I haven't updated it in ages!! I probably should get some of my recipes down and post them. I love to oook - I'm actually a certified catering specialist, although I don't want to do it for a living. I really love food, I should read more food blogs. In fact, I think I'll look some up soon!

Day 8 – If you had to teach something, what would you teach? (If you DO teach, when did you discover your love for teaching/the subject?) Do you think blogs can play a role in education?

Interestingly enough, the degree I'm currently working on is to teach. My major is in Social Sciences with an education concentration and my minor is in history. I want to teach history for high school students. I love history! I just find it so interesting! I hope I can instill that love into my students when I finally get into my own classroom.

Day 9 – What is the most important lesson you learned from your own mother (or other primary caretaker)? What do you imagine the name of your Grandmother’s blog would be and what would she write about?

The most important lesson I learned from my mom is the value of hard work. My mother is an extremely hard-working woman. There have been times in my life when she has held multiple jobs at once. When my dad got ill when I was a teenager, my mom just took it in stride and worked that much harder to keep us afloat. She taught me to have that same work ethic. I've held a job pretty much continuously (with the exception of the first few months after I moved to England when I was not allowed to work in the UK and the first few months after we moved back to the US while I was looking for a job) since I turned 15. During my junior and senior years of high shool, I actually held four jobs (at the same time) and took honours classes. I even managed to keep A's in those classes! I worked every morning before school at a local donut shop, Wednesday afternoons at our local paper putting the inserts into the center of the paper, Saturday mornings doing the same thing for the local free shopper paper and the rest of my time in the layaway department at Walmart. I'm proud I was able to manage all of that and still keep good grades. I hope I'm able to instill the same work ethic in my children without it being so necessary for survival for them to work like that.

As for what either of my grandmothers may have called their blog, I'm really not sure. My dad's mom died when he was 9 years old, so I never met her. My mom's mom died when I was 4, so my memories of her are vague. I'd like to think her blog would be called something like The Life Value of a Good Green Bean. She made the best green beans! That much I do remember.

Day 10 – Share your favorite recipe (or two) (see! You CAN be a food blogger!)

My absolute favourite recipe is one for a Mars Bar Cheesecake. However, I can't currently find it, so you'll have to make do with my second favourite recipe ;D I'm too lazy to type it all out again, so you'll have to travel to see my recipe for French Onion Soup.

Well, I know I'm not caught up yet, but at least it's a start! Keep watching this space for more Summer Camp fun to come!

*In case you have no interest in reading the burble on Wikipedia, David Bottoms is the Poet Laureate of Georgia.

2011-07-18T12:12:00.003-04:00

Do you ever get discouraged from posting because you know there's something you need to be posting that is supposed to help you post more often, but you just can't find the right words to strike the balance to get started? That's how I've been feeling lately. I know there are things I need to be posting, yet I just haven't been able to find the right words to do the posts justice. Having said that, I promise that my posts for Calliope's Summer Camp are coming soon! I just need to find the time to get them right!

For now, though, I will tell you about my experience with Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. As for the movie, it was AWESOME!!! I really, really loved it! The Hubs and I got the last two 3-D tickets to the movie at the cinema we normally attend. Now, I'm guessing most of you have seen 3-D glasses before. Well, let me tell you about an extremely cool Harry Potter-take on 3-D glasses - our's looked like Harry's glasses!!! I thought they were awesome!

Not the best pic, but at least you can see our glasses (I think)!

As someone posted on my FB page, I've never seen such a cult following since The Rocky Horror Picture Show! There were people dressed up, fans with wands all over the cinema, kids dressed in Gryffindor-coloured shirts. It was an amazing site. I did manage to snap a pic of some of the folks in costume. They looked very cute =D

Dobby the House Elf, Harry Potter, Lord Voldemort, Rita Skeeter and Bellatrix Lestrange

All in all, it was a great evening!

As for the Big News, we don't really have any updates, so, for the moment, I'll refrain from saying much. Thank you for all the prayers (keep 'em coming!!) and support. If it turns out, it is very good news, but right now there are still just too many unknowns, so I'll say no more! All things in their time!

Emergence

2011-07-13T07:47:00.002-04:00

Wow! The last 3 weeks have been staggeringly busy! I'm so tired I don't honestly know if I'm coming or going!

My dad is finally out of the hospital. He was discharged late yesterday evening. His speech is still very garbled, but he started eating very soft foods on Friday and has been enjoying them ever since! He still has to be very careful when eating and drinking and he does still have a feeding tube, but at least he can help to take care of himself now. He will still be very reliant on my mom, The Hubs and I, but we'll work it out.

I've been very, very busy with school. In early June, I started the first class of my teacher certification course. This is really a preliminary class as I haven't quite finished my bachelor's degree yet. However, one of the things I need to do for this class is take the Accuplacer exam. Should be a simple task. It's just basic reading, writing and arithmatic questions. It has, however, been the bane of my existence ever since! Since my course is online, I'm trying to find someone to proctor the exam for me. I called a local college and discovered the person who does their proctoring is currently on leave. I thought we had found a solution, though, because the Director of Admissions has proctored before and he agreed to do this for me. So, I submitted his name to my college. They promptly sent me an email back stating the school had someone who was approved to proctor. It was the person who is on leave. I emailed them back and explained that she was on leave and asked what I should do. That was on June 30. I've yet to hear back from them. In the meantime, I've been trying to phone the person they told me could proctor in the hopes that she had returned from leave. So far, I've had no response from her either. I feel at the end of my rope and will be trying to contact my college by phone today to see if someone can offer me some actual, real advice.

In other news, I've been heavily involved in practice for a local production the Arts & Entertainment Council in our town (of which The Hubs and I are very involved members) puts on every year: Beach, Boogie and Blues. We have four more practices before our first performance next Friday (July 22). I'm excited! I'm singing a song called "Hip-Swingin' Blues". (I'd post a video link for you, but I'm currently at work and YouTube is blocked here - as are all video sites!) I will, however, post a pic of my costume. I love it! I think it's going to be a great show!

You like?

The Hubs and I have both taken Friday off from work. Why, you ask? Well....THE FINAL HARRY POTTER MOVIE OPENS FRIDAY!!! Well, technically at 12:05am on Friday/Thursday night. The Hubs and I are going to the midnight showing. I can't wait!!! I'm like a kid in a candy store! It's going to be awesome, but sad as well. I'll never again get to go to a Harry Potter movie in the cinema. I have to stop, I might cry. But, Thursday night/Friday morning is going to be magical!!

There are other things going on and something major that I may share with you in a couple of days (when I have more concrete news) but for now I'll just ask for your thoughts/prayers over the next few days. I've been asking for that a lot lately, but please know I'm returning the favour for all of you. This is something very, very important to The Hubs and I. If it comes through, it's life-changing! I need to stop before I say too much! I'm superstitious that if I talk about it, it'll fall through. So just please take a moment to think of us and hope with us and I'll fill you in as soon as I can!

Oh, btw, I am supposed to be participating in Calliope's Summer Camp and, if I can ever pull my shiznit together, I'm going to get right on that! My camping will probably be over the next couple of months, lol!

10 on Tuesday

2011-06-29T07:53:00.004-04:00

But wait, you say, it's not Tuesday! I know this, but I failed to get this post up yesterday, so there you go. I'm posting it on Wednesday and we're all just going to pretend for a moment that it's actually Tuesday. So, today is Tuesday (Wednesday) and it's time for 10 on Tuesday!

My dad has now been moved from ICU to a private room. He is doing better than he was. He is off IV and catheter now, but still has a feeding tube in place due to not being able to swallow and, although it is better, his is still having difficulty with speech. A speech therapist is working with him for both his speech and swallowing. We're hoping he will be able to swallow without aspirating when he has another modified barium swallow on Thursday. His doctor told him that when he can swallow some thick liquids, he will let him go home. My dad is hoping to go home on Thursday. He did get a mini-pass yesterday and got to leave the hospital for an hour and a half after signing a statement that he would come back. He was a happy man then, lol!

I broke down this week and purchased a Kindle. I'll admit I haven't wanted to get one. I'm definitely a person who likes the feel and smell of a real book, so I was a little resentful of electronic readers. My mom, though, got one a couple of months ago and, while my dad has been in the hospital, I've been playing with her Kindle. I decided I wanted one, so The Hubs and I purchased one on Friday night (we got ours from Walmart). And, I have to say, I love it! I have so far added about 37 books to my Kindle - a lot of classics like Alice in Wonderland and Pride and Prejudice. I've started reading Les Miserables, which is a book I've wanted to read for a long time, but never got around to. Loving it so far! And I'll retract my previous opinion and say the Kindle is AWESOME!!!!

I also bought a Flip Camera Friday night. I've been wanting a video camera for a while and I love the Flip. It's very basic (no editing available) but it's perfect for me and the price was right - it's normally $129, but was on clearance for $89. Just right!

We're changing insurance at my workplace as of July 1. I'm okay with the change. It doesn't really affect anything as far as my coverage. Or at least that's what I thought. I was looking at the list of medications that are formulary (insurance will cover the cost) and I noticed that Synthroid was not on the list. In fact, it was on the list of non-formulary medications and listed a generic. My doctor won't prescribe the generic (she actually stated it's not worth the time they take to make it), so I'm now confused at what to do. I spoke with my pharmacist and she said it should only be around $15 - $20, so not too bad. I hope she's right!

Another thing I noticed on the formulary list is that, while follistim is a non-formulary medication, Gonal-F is formulary. Now, I don't know if this actually means anything for me, since our policy still doesn't cover IF treatment, but it's an interesting possibility nonetheless.

Has anyone noticed that beautiful My Fitness Pal block over there -->? 10lbs. That's how much I've lost so far! Actually, 10.2lbs, but who's counting (ME!!!)? Haven't weighed this week, so I hope I've actually lost even more than that.

Speaking of Synthroid, I have an appointment with my endocrinologist tomorrow. I don't yet have a blog name for her. I'm debating what to call her. She has a very dry personality - in fact, some people would say no personality - and she's very prim. I don't mind her (much) and I think she'll be pleased with my weight loss and I think my Hemoglobin A1C will be done below diabetic levels when they check it tomorrow!

For the last 5 years (ever since we moved to the US), The Hubs and I have had a tradition of attending the fireworks display in our town on July 4th. We were looking forward to that very tradition this year, only to find out yesterday that, due to the drought conditions affecting South Georgia, there will be no fireworks display this year. It poured rain last night. In fact, it's rained a good bit this week. The county stated that the fireworks would be moved to later in the year. I told The Hubs that was like telling me "well, I know your birthday is in November but it falls around Thanksgiving, so we're going to move it to February, k?" I understand they're worried about fires starting (for anyone not in the know, Okefenokee Swamp in Waycross, Georgia is still on fire), but just don't bother with the display.

The Hubs and I are trying to decide what to do for 4th of July now. We're thinking we may go to Savannah (if they're having their fireworks display). Or we may just stick closer to home and grill out. But we'll probably go somewhere for the day. Just not yet sure where :D

I'm going to be booking tickets in the next week or so for The Hubs and I to go to Atlanta in late August to see Cirque du Soleil's Dralion! I'm very, very excited about this! In fact, I might possibly have already mentioned this, lol!

That's it for this week! Have a great day!

Update On My Dad

2011-06-23T13:46:00.004-04:00

First off, let me say thank you so much for all the thoughts and prayers that have been going up from the online community for our family! It really means so much to us!

I wanted to give you an update on my dad's condition. It does seem like he has had a stroke, but one brought on by hypoxia (shortage of oxygen) rather than due to an embolism (blood clot). It was a relatively mild stroke, however it is exacerbated due to him having COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease). Saying it is relatively mild does in this instance, however, mean that he is still currently in ICU. We are hoping he can be moved to a room in the next day or so.

He had a Modified Barium Swallow (swallowing) test performed yesterday, which he failed. He was aspirating everything he tried to eat during the test: thin liquids, honey, thickens (pudding, applesauce). They stopped at that point rather than moving on to more solid foods, which would actually strangle him even more. He is still unable to talk, also. What all this means is that he will have a speech therapist working with him for his speech, swallowing and confusion over the next few weeks.

During last night, it seems he had a very bad night, attempting to climb out of his bed and pull his tubes out. The ICU nurses called the doctor on-call overnight and he ordered an injection of the sedative Halodon (a psychotic sedative) which has knocked him out completely today. He is currently completely non-responsive. We can't even get an actual evaluation of how he is today.

Depending on how he is doing when the sedative (which has been ordered to be given NO MORE) wears off, it will determine whether he is staying at the hospital he is in currently (the one I work at) or moving on to one in Savannah.

That's about all we know for now. I'll keep you updated as we know more! Keep those thoughts and prayers coming! We need all we can get!

Need Thoughts/Prayers

2011-06-21T12:27:00.003-04:00

I need your thoughts and prayers please! My dad has had to be brought to ER today for a probable stroke. He is being admitted to ICU. Right now we know very little, but I will update you when we know more. We know right now that his oxygen saturation levels when he came into ER were registering at it's highest at 60% (should be at least 94% to 100%). Please, please just keep him in your thoughts/prayers! He is 70 years old and has not been in good health for the last 20 years. I'll update you when I can!

Critical Thinking: When Is Enough Enough?

2011-06-20T07:41:00.002-04:00

This is a question I think every infertile faces at some point in time: when is enough enough? When have you truly done all the fertility treatment you can face? When do you decide IF treatment is a waste of your money and what you're really meant to do is parent a child through adoption, so you're moving on? When is it just easier on the heart to move on to living child-free?

These are the questions facing The Hubs and I at the moment. For us, what the question boils down to is this: what counts more towards our limit, the time spent trying or the actual treatment accomplished in that time?

You see, we're unique to a lot of couples who've been TTC for a while because, while we've been trying for 7 1/2 years, we've really only done a minimal amount of treatment. Due to one circumstance or another, the only treatment we've undergone has been four Clomid cycles. Not a real overflux of treatment, I think you'd agree. However, if you look at the time we've spent on TTC, I think you'll find that this is a significantly greater time than a lot of others in our position spend attempting to create a family. I will say not a greater amount of time than everyone - I can, as I type this, think of at least 3 people who've spent at least this long or longer in their own TTC game - but certainly a greater length of time than your average infertile.

What has held us up, you ask? Well, initially it was because we were living in the UK and were planning to move back to the US. We thought it made better sense to wait to seek out help discovering what was wrong until we were settled in the US. And, at the time, it did make more sense. Now, looking back, I wish we'd chosen differently, but you can't change the past, so on we move.

Once we were actually in the US, there always seemed to be something else holding us back from seeking help: my dad's illness, money, The Hubs being out of work. When we finally did seek treatment through my OB/GYN, she wanted us to try Clomid before getting a referral to an RE. We did that. Four clomid cycles, all a bust. Finally we got our RE referral and it looked like we might be getting somewhere, then my body decides it's not happening.

Stop. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. No, instead we were lost in the land of treating hyperplasia. And Type II Diabetes. And Hypothyroidism. And Sleep Apnea. And the revelation of a missing right fallopian tube. And any other mundane illness that could creep up to prevent our dreams from coming true. But finally - FINALLY! - we got that all sorted and it looked as though we might actually be on our way towards our goal. But, alas, we were once again stopped and told we would have to wait. This time, I needed to lose weight. 30 lbs minimum.

That brings us to where we are today. I'm working on losing that weight - and I'm doing a pretty good job of it - but I don't know when we'll actually move on to any treatment. Our RE won't even do an HSG to see if the one remaining tube I have is clear until the weight comes off. He says "I can get you pregnant at your current weight (at that time it was 273 lbs, it is now down to 263.6 lbs), but I can't keep you pregnant. And, any pregnancy would be much too difficult for anyone your size."

That's where we're left. 7 1/2 years of hoping and longing and wishing. 7 1/2 years of heartache and disappointment. 7 1/2 years of not knowing what to plan for or when, or even if, we would ever be parents. And still, we're no further than we were before. We haven't even progressed one centimeter from where we were 7 1/2 years ago (or at least that's how it feels).

That brings me back to our question: when is enough enough? Should we keep on moving towards trying an IUI or IVF? Should we give up on trying to reproduce biologically and focus our time, energy and finances on adoption? Should we try to come to terms with living child-free?

Honestly, I'm not so sure our finances would sustain IVF AND adoption. I'm pretty sure we could manage an IUI or two, but, after reading so many of the stories in the IF world, I'm hyper-aware of the fact that IVF does not always work. I want to be a mother. I've never wanted something so bad in my life. Living child-free just does not seem an option for me. The Hubs feels similarly. How we become parents is not really that important, but the fact that we do become parents is hugely important.

I've done without a lot of things in my life that are deemed "rights of passage". I never had a big 16th birthday party - my dad was sick and it wasn't an option for us. My marriage proposal wasn't a big production - The Hubs just kind of asked and I said yes, we just wanted to be together forever without anyone being able to separate us. I never had a bridal shower - we were living in England, only came to the States a week before our wedding and couldn't really take much back with us. Wedding showers aren't a huge deal in England (at least not with The Hubs' family and friends) so we had no shower there either. I could go on and on, but you get the picture.

I don't mean to whine, but I have sacrificed a lot of the time-honoured, traditional experiences in life. Being a mother is not one of those experiences I'm willing to forego. I just won't do it. I will stamp my foot, scream and cry like a petulant child if I have to, but I simply will not accept that I will never be a mother! The maternal instinct is too ingrained in me.

So, what to do? Where does that leave us? Waiting to try an IUI? Moving on to adoption? Praying for one of those "miracles" everyone who has never experienced infertility tells me about?

Or simply continuing to ask myself: when is enough enough?

Flashback Friday - Senior Portrait

2011-06-17T22:59:00.002-04:00

As another part of the "Get Lynn Blogging" initiative, I've started another weekly feature on my blog. This one will be called Flashback Friday. Each Friday, I will post a memory from my past. Just a trip down memory lane for me and a glimpse into my past for my readers. I think it will be an enjoyable Friday post. Now, onto the first weekly installment!

It has officially been 14 years since I graduated from high school. I can hardly believe it! It seems like only yesterday I was starting 9th grade! I can remember it just like it was yesterday. My real question is, where did time go?!?! I truly don't remember 14 years passing. I have to wonder if part of it is because I moved off to England. Are those 3 1/2 years lost years?

Whatever the reason, I'm now 14 years post-graduation. I'm not sure how it works for other schools, but at our school, when you reached your senior year of high school, you would have your Senior portraits made. These would be made during the early part of summer before your senior year started. So, for me, it's been 15 years since I had those photos made,

This shouldn't be such a big deal for me, but it is. In fact, the only reason I even thought about Senior portraits is the fact that my eldest niece, Boop, actually went this week to have her Senior portraits made. This is the child who was born when I was a freshman in high school! She's already reached her senior year! She'll technically be an adult in November! I can hardly believe she's basically grown now. It makes me feel old and weepy. She was my only niece for a while and, unlike my nephew, she actually lived here. I can remember taking her trick-or-treating the Halloween before I moved to England - she was Hermione Granger and I was Professor McGonagall.....we made our own robes and they were awesome! Where did that little girl go?

In any case, with Boop having her shining moment to get her Senior portraits taken, it made me think back to mine. Having my Senior portrait taken was certainly memorable. Not the photo itself, but the events leading up to it. My photo was taken with me having had only 4 hours sleep! Why so little rest the day before an important photo shoot you ask? No, I wasn't a party girl at that time (that came a couple of years later, lol), so I hadn't been out tearing up the town. I had been in Washington, D.C. for a week with the Younger Lawyers of Georgia for summer law camp. We arrived back to the Atlanta airport at 8pm the night before my photo shoot! I live about a 4 hour drive from Atlanta, so it was very late when we got home. Then, of course, my parents wanted to know all about the trip.

When I eventually got to bed, it was around 3am and I had to be up at 7am to make it to my 8:30am photo shoot! I feel like I looked bleary eyed in the photo, but everyone has always said they couldn't tell. I'll let you be the judge.

Please be gentle with your comments! I think we must all cringe when we see these old photos of ourselves, lol!

Wanna share your Flashback Friday? Post a link in the comments section to your own Flashback Friday blog post and I'll come by and bask in the memories with you!

Thankful Thursday - Part 2

2011-06-16T23:40:00.002-04:00

It's Thankful Thursday again! Be sure to join in and tell me what you're thankful for!

Today I'd like to talk about my wonderful hubby. I am so thankful he came into my life almost 11 years ago. Many of you know the story of how we met, but for those who don't, you can find that here. Monday of this week made 10 years since The Hubs first made his grand debut in the US and since our first "real life" meeting. We've been an "official" couple for 10 years now. Wow, how time flies!

The Hubs has been my rock for a decade. He has been the reason I keep going a lot of times when I'd rather just give up. He makes me smile when I'm sad. He makes me feel joyful oftentimes when the world looks bleak. He's my biggest reason for staying sane! He's the part of me that holds hope and the part of me that knows, no matter how awful things may seem at times, nothing can be completely without hope or completely unsalvageable as long as we have each other.

He makes me happier than anyone else and he pisses me off more than anyone ever could =D We are a couple who loves passionately and fights passionately. I've always told him that, whatever problems we may be going through, I wanted to keep the passion in our relationship and we do! He is my best friend and the only person I tell all my secrets to. He knows me better than anyone else and loves me in spite of and because of my faults. I couldn't have a better partner for this journey called life.

We've had tough times over the last decade, but we've come through. Not unscathed and not unscarred, but still in one solid - if slightly banged up - piece. No, life is not always moonlight and roses, but it's also not always doom and gloom. The Hubs has the ability to make me laugh even when it looks like we may be facing the end. I don't know what demons and catastrophes may lie in our future, but whatever they may be, we'll face them together. I am so thankful I have such an awesome friend, lover and partner to hold my hand through the battle of life.

200th Post - Blessings By Design

2011-06-15T23:16:00.004-04:00

Okay, so I know you've been wondering when I was going to get around to posting this. Sorry it's taken me so long, but I've been working hard at getting everything together for it!

This is my 200th post (if the post title didn't clue you in!) and I would again like to say thank you to my wonderful friends! You have helped me reach my goal and, in fact, surpass it! I now have 102 followers! It makes me feel warm and fuzzy to know there are that many of you interested in what I have to say =D

In my last post, I promised you something special for my 200th post and The Hubs and I have been busily working on a special project. I'm now pleased to reveal it:

Blessings By Design

What is Blessings By Design, you ask? Well, I was inspired by Mel's Make a Wish, Take a Wish post over at Stirrup Queens. I thought it was a fantastic idea and it got me thinking how awesome it would be if something like this were widely available (I know even now as I type this that someone is going to post and tell me something like this already exists and I'm okay with that. I'm a firm believer that you can never have too much of a good thing!), sooooooo...........The Hubs and I started something!

Blessings By Design is a website where you can post an ad for what you're wishing for, whether it be something you need but can't really afford that someone else might have and no longer need or a book you've wanted or thoughts/prayers or even help making the mortgage payment that month (this one would obviously require more than one person to fulfill the wish). A sort of "online philanthropy" or pay-it-forward kind of thing.

It may be a huge success or it may fail entirely. Either way, it's something we felt led to start, so there you go!

I hope you'll all stop by and check it out. Blog about it. Tell all your friends about it. Post your own wish. Anything to help get the word out about it! Thanks so much for all the support you give me!!!

Thankful Thursday - Part 1

2011-06-09T13:51:00.003-04:00

Wow! Thanks to Mel's Make a Wish, Take a Wish post yesterday, I have now met my goal (for the present) and have 102 followers! This is fantastic!

As I close in on my 200th post (more about that in a moment), I've decided that my blog has in recent times become a bit too whiny and depressive. Not always. I do occassionally speak on positive things (my weight loss, etc.) but I feel I sometimes focus on the things that are not going the way I want them to, rather than being thankful for the things that are going splendidly. Therefore, I've decided to start a new regular Thursday post for me (you are more than welcome to join in and, if it's been done before, I apologize to whomever's idea I'm stealing!) called "Thankful Thursday". I plan to remember - at least once per week - what I'm thankful for.

This week, I'm thankful for wonderful people who spend some of their limited online time reading my blog and following me. Truly, you are the people who keep me blogging! Without your comments, advice, support and sympathy, I don't know how I'd get through this mess we call infertility (or life, for that matter!). For the last 9 years, blogging has been a huge part of my life. My first blog kept me going during the time I was in England, my second blog saw me through the transition of returning to the US as a married woman and this, my third blog, has been my outlet for all the frustration I'm feeling through our IF battle. You, my dear readers, have been the peanut butter keeping this sandwich together! So, once again, thank you very much for your friendship, your support and your love!

The Hubs and I are working on a very special project to coincide with my 200th post. I'm hoping to be able to unveil it for you this weekend, so stay tuned! I'll now leave you with bated breath until my next installment this weekend....

10 on Tuesday

2011-06-07T10:53:00.004-04:00

It's time for the 10 on Tuesday! I really can't believe I haven't blogged in a whole week! I've several times thought of things I wanted to say and then decided they just weren't important enough. I guess I'll have to just start posting them anyway, lol!

As I mentioned in last week's 10 on Tuesday, I got my hair cut since we last met. I like it. It's a lot shorter than it was, but not so short it doesn't look like me. It's much cooler now that we've hit the summer months!

Also mentioned in last week's post, I got my glasses! I also like them a lot and am pleased with how they look on me, particularly with my new haircut. The best thing about them? For the first time ever with glasses, I can tell a difference in my bad eye (the left one) with the glasses on and with the glasses off! Huge accomplishment I feel!

New glasses and new haircut. Whatcha think?

About 2 years ago, I bought the 40 Day Love Dare book. The Hubs and I started the challenge a couple of days after the purchase and, true to form for me, we lasted about 2 weeks and then stopped. Last year, we decided to give it another go. Again we started but failed. We've been talking about it over the last few days and we think we're ready to give it another try and really stick to it this time. I hope we can manage it! I'd really like to complete it and I feel confident we may be able to. After all, we both finished the A to Z Blogging Challenge in April and, so far at least, I'm sticking to my eating right and exercising. Fingers crossed third time will be the charm for us to finish it! Who knows? Maybe the Lord is simply waiting for us to complete this small task He has set for us before rewarding us with the child we've waited on so long.

Speaking of divine influence, I experienced something unusual for me last week. In fact, the only other time I've experienced it led to me finding The Hubs. What was it you ask? Well, I experienced a feeling of really needing (I mean overwhelming need) to speak to someone. The someone in question is a lady who works for the OB/GYN associated with our hospital helping mothers who want to place their children for adoption find appropriate homes for them. That's not all she does - she also gives parenting classes, advises new mothers of any help they may be entitled to, provides "Welcome Home" bags for departing new families - but that's the bit that concerned me when I saw her last week. I've spoken with her in the past about The Hubs and I possibly being interested in adopting, but it's never been a definite thing. When I saw her, I told her that I thought we were ready and that I would like her to keep us in mind should anyone come in who was looking to place their child for adoption. I explained we would love for the birthmother to consider us.

I'm not really sure where that leaves us because things haven't really changed as far as where we're currently living (next door to my parents). Nor do we have a current homestudy in place. However, I feel like things are on the verge of changing and I feel, when the time is right, everything will work out perfectly. I guess it's called having faith, huh?

In the meantime, I'm beginning to make plans for that big birthday bash I'm planning in Savannah for November. Yes, I know it's five months away, but I don't really care. I'm looking forward to it and it makes me happy to plan!

I've decided that, even though the evening will consist of roaming round the bars and clubs in Savannah, I want to have a theme. So far, I have 3 themes I'm considering. I'd like your opion on which you like best.

Theme 1 - "Things To Do In Savannah When You're Not Dead Yet" - A play on the movie title "Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead", my thoughts are that all the party-goers could dress like either gangsters or flappers. It would be a very fun evening and all the men would look dapper and dashing while the women looked flirty and fabulous!

Theme 2 - "Lynndi Gras" - Obviously, a play on Mardi Gras. The dress would be purple, gold and green. Glitzy and glamorous. Party-goers would be provided with beads which they could keep for themselves or pass out to the other people out celebrating the evening.

Theme 3 - "Lynnapalooza" - Not really sure where this idea came from apart from everything with the ending sound "apalooza" just seems to be chock full of fun. Party-goers would simply dress in something sparkly and fantastic! Not sure what else I might be able to do with this one, but still thinking.

Any ideas, suggestions, thoughts....whatever are very welcome. Even new themes! I've still got plenty of time to plan. I want this to be a fabulous night!

I had another weigh-in this past Friday. I had lost another 1.4 lbs, for a grand total so far of 4.4 lbs! I'm very excited and hoping this Friday's weigh-in will take me to at least 5 lbs down or more. Fingers crossed!

It is only 38 days until the final Harry Potter movie releases!!!!! I could simply squeal! I am ridiculously excited about it. I just can't wait. Anyone else feeling the impatience waiting for it?

I have now entered the final year of my degree course. In less than a year, I will have completed all the classes needed for my Bachelor's degree in Social Sciences with an education concentration. One of my assignments recently was to declare the grade level and subject area I hoped to teach. After much agonizing and debating (3 years' worth, in fact), I finally settled on Secondary education (9th through 12th grade) and History. Here's hoping I don't live to regret that decision, lol!

In keeping with discussing my degree, I checked my transcript earlier today to get an idea of how I'm doing. I wanted to see what my current GPA was. I was ecstatic to see that my GPA is currently a 3.9 (out of 4). Woot! Woot! Very, extremely proud of that accomplishment!

Finally, I am currently only 2 posts away from reaching 200 posts. I am also currently only 4 followers away from reaching 100 followers. I would really, really like to celebrate that 200th post by reaching 100 followers. It would simply make my day! So, if you read but aren't yet a follower (blatent begging to follow), please, please decide to follow and help me reach my goal!

Well, that's it for me tonight! Hope you're all doing great! Hugs to you!

10 on Tuesday

2011-05-31T14:37:00.001-04:00

It's that time of the week again! Oh, yes, it's time for 10 on Tuesday! Join in the fun!

I enjoyed this past weekend. It was nice to get an extra day off. The only problem was it made going back to work today waaaaayyyy harder than it would have otherwise been. Oh, well....

Have I mentioned lately that right at the moment I truly hate my job? Yeah...

For the time being, the big purchase I talked about in last week's 10 on Tuesday has been put on hold for financial reasons.

The Hubs and I got our eyes checked yesterday and got our new glasses ordered. The Hubs chose his normal wire-frame glasses, but I went with something a bit more geek chic, as I like to call it. I left my last pair of glasses in England five years ago, so have been without them. Time to make a change on the look of them now and, thanks to the wonderful Oleg Cossini, I will be doing just that.

These are the frames I chose. Hopefully, they'll be ready soon!

The big night out we had planned for this coming weekend is now off due to our friend (who had planned the trip) backing out. Again. For, like, the third time in a row that we planned to do something. I really shouldn't be surprised but....

I have a new favourite quote. It's from Colin Powell. "Never make someone a priority when you are only an option for them." Very fitting, I think.

I have an appointment to get my hair cut tomorrow. I'm trying a new style.

What do you think?

I really, really have to get my butt in gear and get back to work on my crochet projects. I've got several I'm working on for Christmas gifts and, if I don't get back on them, they won't be done in time for Christmas! Must. Get. Moving!

I'm ready for the heat of the year to be gone. I know, I know. It only just started. Well I am tired of walking in 100+ degree South Georgia heat with the flies, gnats and humidity. It's killing me! I walk in the afternoons while The Hubs finishes work (between 3:30 pm and 5:00 pm) and, before I can even finish the first of my 3 miles, my clothes are sticking to me. It's crazy! I much prefer winter.

If you haven't seen The Hangover 2 yet, what the granola crumbs are you waiting on?!?! It's a fantastic movie! Really very funny. But, be forewarned, there is much bac language and some seriously risque jokes. But we enjoyed it and, I mean, who wouldn't enjoy two full hours of drooling over Bradley Cooper? Not any female with eyes!

Oh my Lord! The man is pretty!

That's it for now! Hope you enjoyed your dive into the mind of a Wistfulgirl =D

Right vs Want

2011-05-29T02:51:00.002-04:00

This has been a weekend for movie watching for The Hubs and I. We've gone to the drive-in two nights in a row. On Friday night we saw Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides and Thor (yes, it is a "late night, double-feature picturehow" drive-in, lol) and tonight (Saturday) we saw The Hangover 2 and Something Borrowed. All the movies were very good, but one of them struck a question in me that I've been unable to get out of my head. I wanted to discuss it here.

****SPOILER ALERT**** - If you have not seen Something Borrowed and do not want to know anything about it, you may want to skip this post.

Final Warning.

Okay, now that that's out of the way, for those who know nothing about Something Borrowed, it is a film based on the book of the same name by Emily Giffin. I read the book last year (as part Kristin's book challenge) so was familiar with the story. Basically, it goes like this: Rachel and Darcy are best friends. Darcy is rather self-involved and the center of everyone's attention (including her own). Rachel is shy and normally content to play second-fiddle to Darcy. As adults, Rachel makes a great friend in law school named Dex who she has feelings for but is too shy to say. Darcy meets Dex and decides she wants him for herself. Fast forward about 6 years. Darcy and Dex are engaged to be married. One night, at Rachel's 30th birthday party (which Darcy planned but spent the evening stealing the limelight), Darcy heads home early and Rachel and Dex drunkenly end up spending the night together. They are both horrified, but discover that they both have feelings for one another. They keep this info under wraps, though, and carry on a clandestine affair. In the meantime, Darcy starts up her own affair with Dex's best friend, Marcus. Over time, they all have to choose where they want to end up and whether they should choose to follow the path of what is right or the path of what they want.

This brings me to the question floating around my head: What is the better path - that which is right or that which leads to what we want?

It's easy to say that the path that leads to what we want is the right one, but that's not always the case. Often the path that is morally right doesn't lead to what we want in life. In those cases, it's necessary to weigh the facts and determine if what we want is more important than following the morally right path. What factors truly decide the answer?

I think we first have to look at whether what we want will lead to pain for others, physically or mentally. This is often the very thing that denotes if something is morally wrong. Next we have to factor what damage the thing we want may cause to those we love with how much we want it and determine if it is worth the cost.

Sometimes we find what we want just isn't worth the cost. Sometimes we find it is.

There is something I'm struggling with in my life right now. Without going into too much detail, there is something I want very, very badly. I know that it is not right for me to want this thing. Getting it is not the "right" path to take. Sometimes it is so far away that, even if I felt the cost were worth it, I probably wouldn't be able to reach it anyway. Other times, it's right there within my grasp. So far, I've felt the cost of it is too much. But my thoughts on it change daily.

When is what I want worth more than following the morally right path? Have you ever really wanted something but knew it wasn't right? What choice did you eventually make?

Friday Weigh-In

2011-05-27T07:59:00.003-04:00

I had my weigh-in this morning. I will have to take measurements this evening. It will be my first time measuring, so I won't really be able to give you an update as to whether I'm actually any smaller than I was before, but it will be a start anyway.

As for my weight, I am down 1.2 lbs from last week. Which makes me exactly the same weight I was the week before (two weeks ago). I'm looking at this positively. I hope that means that I've now converted a lot of my fat weight to muscle and am now on the path to actually losing weight. I know it's probably too quick for that and I'm actually just experiencing the fluctuation of weight, but I'm trying to look at it positively.

Considering I blew my calories yesterday, I'm not too disappointed with my weight today. Next week I'll be trying to eat less calories daily anyway because we're going out next Friday night and, since I know we aren't pregnant, I plan to be drinking. Since alcohol holds MASSIVE amounts of calories, I want to save as many calories for that as I can so I don't go enormously over my allowed calorie intake. Anyone know how many calories are in a pina colada? Those are my weakness!

I saw my regular GP on Tuesday for refills on my Adipex. I was discussing with her how angry I've been feeling lately. It's been really bad with very small things setting me off with absolutely no prior notice. I can be in a perfectly okay mood and then suddenly - like a light switch being turned on - I'm explosive. She suggested it may be a side-effect of Adipex. Due to that and the fact my blood pressure was very high (158/102 - yeah, I know), she changed the medication she has me on. I'm now on Bontril.

So, can I tell a difference in my temper yet, you ask? Well, I'm feeling more angry today than I've felt in a long time. This may be Adipex still in my system or it may be Bontril or it may just be my regular hormones or the last few years piled on top of one another or me just having a bad day. Whatever it is, I am not a happy camper today. I will monitor how my temper is over the next few weeks and we'll go from there.

I have noticed that blogging makes me calmer, so I guess I need to do more of that. I just don't really know what to blog about most days. Since we're not able to really TTC at the moment and weight loss doesn't really have daily news and my life is pretty boring, I seem to be at a loss for things to blog about. I guess I'll have to give it some more thought.

At least today has been a bit of a check in! I still have to get my thoughts together on my RE and his thoughts on my weight. I'll try to work on that over the next day or so.

Btw, have I mentioned how really, truly frustrating I find it that my internet at work will no longer let me open most of your blogs?!?! This is where I did most of my blog visits because The Hubs and I share our home computer and he loves his Internet as much as I do mine. It makes it difficult to get to visit you and I miss you! I guess work decided I really needed to be working when I was here, huh? That seems awfully industrious of them to me, lol!

Ta-ta for now folks!

10 on Tuesday

2011-05-24T20:30:00.003-04:00

I've decided to follow Junebug's example this week and participate in the 10 on Tuesday.

I had my weekly weigh-in this past Friday. I had gained 1.2 lbs back. Disappointing, yes, but I'm going with the belief that it's simply fat converting to muscle and muscle weighs more. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

I am increasing my walking from 2 miles per day to 3 miles per day, however, in response to the disappointing weigh-in. I'm also trying to eat more vegetables this week. Hopefully, this will make something of a difference.

I've seen a recent increase in my reading, which is a good thing considering I've been very slack so far this year. It seems that on weekends when I have nothing planned, I can get a solid two books completed in as many days. I'm pleased with this and hope to keep it up. The next two weekends are full, but I'll still keep striving to read, read, read!

Tonight was the season finale of Glee. Parts of it were just kin of blah but other bits were really, really good! I'm a huge Finn/Rachel fan. That's all I'll say. Not sure what I'm going to do over the next few months without it while waiting for fall!

I've been reading some in blogworld today and seeing some of the truly interested anecdotes some blog authors have presented of their day-to-day life and I've come to the conclusion that I'm pretty boring. Nothing interesting really happens in my everyday life. I get up, I go to work, I get seriously stressed out, I get off work, I go walking, I come home, I have dinner, I play online and watch Glee, I go to bed, then I get up and start it all again. I need to do something to make some excitement in my life. What to do, what to do?

Does anyone else ever feel like an interloper in their own life? Seriously? Here lately, I've felt like I'm intruding in my own life. I feel like other people look around and, while they're looking for Lynn, it's not me. They're looking for their own version of me and, sadly, I can't be that for them. So then I feel like I'm disappointing everyone and am interfering where I'm not wanted. And that leaves me with nobody. Just feeling very alone lately.

I've had my meds (Adipex) changed today. Went in to see my doctor for a refill and was explaining to her how I've been losing my temper very easily and frequently lately and also how I've been feeling very stressed and anxious. She explained that Adipex can have this side-effect. Then, when we checked my blood pressure, it was 158/102! She said she wanted to try a different weight loss medication and hopefully this will help. So I'll try to keep you posted how that works out.

I found out recently that Cirque du Soleil's Dralion is going to be showing in Atlanta in late August. I really think The Hubs and I may go. Our friend, J, might also go with us. The three of us saw KA while in Las Vegas and really enjoyed it, so that may be something to look forward to.

I'm looking at making a big purchase soon. I don't want to jinx it, so I won't say a lot more on the subject, but when/if it comes through, I'll definitely post pictures and let you see what I've had up my sleeve. I'm pretty excited about it, because I've been borrowing someone else's for so long. It will be wonderful to have one of my own again. Now I'll shush on that subject!

I have to get back in the groove of crocheting. I started on a gift for my mother-in-law before we went to Las Vegas but haven't picked it back up since we got back. I've been really out of sorts lately, but if I don't get myself in gear, there is no way it will be ready by Christmas!. I seem to need all sorts of motivation these days to keep myself moving in the right directions.

Okay, that's it from me for now! To all those visiting from ICLW, welcome! I've enjoyed having you and I will be paying you a return visit very soon! I know there have been a few questions about why my RE is so adamant about the weight loss. Some of his reasons I agree with, others not so much. I will try to compose a post going into more detail on those sometime in the next day or so!

Goals

2011-05-19T07:37:00.003-04:00

I'll go ahead and apologize profusely if this post seems a little self-pitying and whiny. That is not my plan, but I'm not having a good day and yesterday was pretty darn bad too. I blew my calories yesterday. I went over by 93 calories. Not a huge amount but I had been under my maximum calorie intake for a week now. Then I had to go and have macoroni and cheese for dinner last night. Serious calories. Then The Hubs and I wound up in an argument which has carried over into today. A stupid argument as well. But I don't really want to get into that. It will blow over, I'm just feeling down right now. (UPDATE: As I was typing this, The Hubs just came by my workplace before going to his. He just wanted to give me a hug. I feel some better. It'll all be okay, just one of those things.)

On the plus side, I did walk an extra mile yesterday. So I did 3 miles rather than my normal 2 and I did them in 45 minutes, which is at a rate of 4 mph. That means that I burned 459 calories during that time. Depending on how hot it is today when I undertake my walk and how much time I have - I usually walk between the time I get off work (3:30 pm) and the time The Hubs gets off (5 pm) but his week I've not gotten off before 4:30 - I may try to walk 4 miles today. We'll see how things work out.

I have decided on a slightly longer term weight loss goal than those I stated in my last post. It's still not completely down to my goal weight, but it is a goal I'd like to reach. My birthday is 26 weeks 5 days from today on November 22. I will be 33 years old then. Since this year on 11/22 I will turn 33 (cute, I thought), I'd like to make the goal of being down to 200 lbs by that time. That means losing 70 pounds in 26 weeks. This is a goal of approximately 3 lbs lost per week. It is a long period of time to sustain that weight loss, but I think I'm up to it. It would be wonderful to be back down to that sort of weight. It will make the 170 I'm aiming for seem much more doable!

I think I'm up to it. I'm certainly going to give it the good ole' Lynn try :D I think it helps me to set real, tangible goals like that for myself. If I have something I'm working towards and a reason for working towards it, it makes what I'm trying to achieve that much more real and important to me.

Now, should I be pregnant by that time, I won't actually hold myself to the goal of being 200 lbs by 11/22 :D That would actually be a much better birthday present! But, in the assumption I have to make based on 7 1/2 years of it not happening that it won't happen, I plan on celebrating my 33rd birthday with a new me of being 200 lbs or less! Now to start planning my birthday party. Anyone up for Savannah in November?

We're Finally Getting Somewhere....Maybe

2011-05-17T08:14:00.003-04:00

As I said in my last post, I had an appointment with my RE last Thursday. I was truly not looking forward to the appointment (in case you missed that from my last post, lol), but I went anyway. The Hubs accompanied me.

The first thing was the weigh-in and blood pressure check. My weight was down 2lbs from the last time I had seen Dr. O. Not a huge loss, but a loss nonetheless. I was not excited about the blood pressure check but, to my surprise, that came out good as well! My bp usually runs high at Dr. O's office (usually because I'm frustrated with him) but it was only 120/74 on Thursday. They were extremely pleased with that.

Next, Dr. O did an u/s to check my endometrium and ovaries. Endometrial lining looked good at 4mm. Ovaries both had a few follicles, one on the left at 17mm and one on the right at 13mm and looking a little complicated so we'll be monitoring that one with 6 month ultrasounds. Had my annual breast exam and that was all fine.

We then moved into Dr. O's office to discuss my progress. We talked about how my glucose levels were down considerably (into normal ranges - yay!) and my Hemoglobin A1C level was down to 6.1 (normal, non-diabetic levels are anything under 6.0 so mine are virtually normal, albeit controlled by medication). My blood pressure is showing normal, so he was happy with that. He did mention bariatric surgery again, but I told him I just wasn't comfortable with it and he dropped the subject. I explained to him my new weight loss routine - I'm currently on a 1480 calorie per day diet and am walking a minimum of 2 miles daily. He seemed extremely pleased with this and he finally gave me an amount of weight I needed to lose!! As a minimum, I need to lose 10% of my weight. My weight in his office was 274 lbs, so 27 lbs. He rounded that up to 30 lbs. So, when I lose 30 lbs, we'll start talking fertility treatment options again! Yay! I can do that! Ideally, he would like me to be down around 210 to 220 lbs, but he would be willing to start working on treatment with me when I get down to around 244 lbs.

You may remember I was doing Weight Watchers and going to the gym. I'm no longer doing either of those. But wait! Don't get angry at me! I have a new routine and I'll explain that in a minute. Let me first explain why I stopped the old routine (I also explained this to Dr. O). First of all, everytime I went to the gym, my back would spasm within the next day or so. I just couldn't handle the pain and the missing work, so I opted instead to start walking 2 miles or more daily. So far this is working out great for me! No back spasms and definite loss of inches if not pounds so much yet. Secondly, with Weight Watchers I was paying $17.95 monthly and not using the online food monitoring all that much. I was following the points, just not inputting it so much. During my internet strolls last week, I came across a site that works very similarly to Weight Watchers, only it monitors calorie intake rather than points. It also works like Facebook, so you have friends on the site and you can cheer one another on. I love it! It's called My Fitness Pal. So far, it is wonderful! If you're trying to lose weight and decide to sign up or are already a member, look me up and add me as a friend! I'm wistfulgirl (naturally :D).

My weight loss goal for starting treatment again is 244 lbs, my goal for making Dr. O happy is 210 lbs and my overall personal goal (long-term) for my weight is 170 lbs. Right now I have set myself a mini-goal of having lost 15 lbs by my next visit with Dr. O on July 14. That would mean I have to be down to 259 lbs by then. I'll stop here and say that my home scales (which I'm using to weigh once a week) register 3 lbs less than Dr. O's scales, but this shouldn't be a problem because my aim is to lose 15 lbs by July 14th and then another 15 lbs by my next visit with him. I'm not really registering by the actual weight so much as by the amount of pounds lost, if that makes any sense.

So, lots to work on for me! I'm going to need your help and support! I don't stay motivated very easily, so I'm depending on you all to help me stay motivated. If I seem to be flagging, please, please give me some words of encouragement and remind me what I'm fighting for! You guys are my cheering squad and I'm really going to need you over the next few months! Let me just tell you...a 1480 calorie per day diet is tough to stick to, lol!

To The Doctor We Go

2011-05-11T08:07:00.002-04:00

I have a visit scheduled with Dr. O tomorrow. I'm not really looking forward to it because I know it will just be more of the same. He won't be happy with the amount of weight I've lost (which, to be honest, isn't much....despite Adipex and walking 2 miles every day) and will push for gastric bypass, which I'm not going to do. I'm just not. I've thought about it, I've considered it, I've talked to several people who've had it done and they've all said "Uh-uh. Don't do it. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't do it."

I don't even think I want to undergo lap-band surgery. Although I've gotten more positive feedback on that procedure, the end-all and be-all of it is I don't do well with surgery, my insurance won't cover it and neither The Hubs nor I want me to have it done. So, I think I'm going in tomorrow with an ultimatum for my RE: either you work with me on helping me get pregnant the way I am (I will continue with Adipex, trying to eat right and walking daily) or I find another RE.

The Hubs and I are still discussing adoption (again) and trying to work out the kinks of life so that we can get started with this. I know this will be a pathway for us at some point of our journey, I just don't know if that's now or in the future. We're still wanting to explore our TTC options and go from there.

Right now I just feel extremely frustrated and sick when thinking about the RE. I get so upset and he gets upset with me when I go in to see him because my blood pressure usually registers high in his office. He then argues with me that I need to see my regular GP to get put on medication for my blood pressure, but when I see my GP, my blood pressure is normal! They won't put me on medication because it's not high! I'm convinced that the reason my blood pressure is high in his office is because I get angry thinking about him and the visit. Really not a good situation.

I'm sorry, I'm venting today. It does feel good to get it off my chest. I want to change RE's but I'm hesitant to do so. I don't really know why either. I'm just not sure what to do. However, if he doesn't give me some better information tomorrow, I'm going to definitely be looking into changing RE's.

Post-Mother's Day Anxiety

2011-05-10T07:34:00.002-04:00

I hope Mother's Day was great for all of you moms, moms-to-be and those just celebrating your mom and, for those of us still dreaming of being a mommy, I hope you were able to make it through this holiday without too many tears.

This weekend was, understandably, tough for me. I spent most of the weekend reading. I finished two books this weekend, Grave Surprise by Charlaine Harris and Pandora by Anne Rice. It was the only way I could keep myself from crying and screaming simultaneously. Never before has a Mother's Day upset me as much as this one.

I did manage to make dinner for my mom both Saturday and Sunday and keep a semi-smile on my face throughout. Saturday night we enjoyed a meal of grilled steaks, homemade macoroni and cheese (my mom loves this) and baked beans and weenies (a favourite of The Hubs). Sunday's meal consisted of grilled chicken marinated in a honey teriyaki sauce, green lima beans, roasted potatoes in Italian seasoning and homemade cornbread. My mom enjoyed it. She also loved the bracelet The Hubs and I got her for Mother's Day. It is similar to a Pandora bracelet (but not quite as expensive - we are saving!) with charms of two boys - one with a January birthstone and one with a May birthstone - representing my brothers and two girl charms - one with a June birthstone and one with a November birthstone - representing my sister and I.

I think it was a good Mother's Day for her, apart from the fact she had to work. I hope it was anyway.

I've been feeling extraordinarily anxious all weekend and into the week as well. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I feel so nervous and worried inside. I feel like crying and I'm keeping a constant headache. I would guess it was nearly time for that witch AF to show, but I only finished Provera on Saturday night. I don't know what's going on with me, but I know The Hubs and my work colleagues are sure wishing whatever it is would hurry up and leave. For that matter, I wish it would too! I don't like feeling this way. I wish I could go somewhere by myself for a day or two and just hide away and mourn. For what, I'm not sure, but I feel a complete sense of loss.

I found out yesterday about the 2nd Annual Atlanta Walk of Hope. I wish I had known about it earlier, because The Hubs and I would have planned to attend. As it is, we now don't have time to do any fundraising or really make plans to attend. Although we do live in Georgia, we're about 4 hours from Atlanta, so it is a bit of a trek to make on no planning. So, we've decided to not attend this year, but to make definite plans to be there next year.

In the meantime, I've been on Resolve's website attempting to locate a local support group only to find that there are none in our local area. With that in mind, I have requested information on starting a peer-led support group in my area. I received an email back but haven't had a chance to go over the material yet. I'm hoping to do that later this week. I hope it will be something I can do. I'd love to have local support during my journey and I think there may be others in my area who could also use that in-person support. I hope you guys will give me moral support if it turns out to be something I think I can do. I'm hoping to work on this over the next year and be able to take a good-sized team to Atlanta for the 2012 Walk of Hope.

Well, I guess I should bring this post to an end and get on with work. I hope you all have a great Tuesday!

Some Days Are Just Better Off Slept Through

2011-05-04T09:53:00.003-04:00

Picture the scene: I'm diligently working away at my desk when a knock comes at my door. The door is flung open by my ex-sister-in-law (who works at the same hospital as I do) who promptly announces she's going to be a nana! Her eldest daughter (half-sister to my niece Boop, but not related to me) is expecting a baby!

Terrible dream, right? In fact, it swiftly sails it's way into nightmare territory! Glad I could wake up from it....

Except, try as I might and despite pinching my arm quite severely, I didn't seem to be waking up. It took me a couple of minutes, but I realised that I wasn't waking up because I wasn't asleep. My ex-SIL actually had flung my door open to announce that her 21-year-old, unmarried, unemployed daughter was 2 months pregnant and she (ex-SIL) was incredibly happy about it and expected me to be overjoyed for her as well.

Guess what? Not so much joy coming from my corner of the room. In fact, I had to restrain myself from clobbering ex-SIL! I could understand her tactlessness had she not been aware of our TTC failure and the failure of our adoption, but she's in full possession of all the details. And, yet, there she was standing in my door and getting more angry at me by the minute for not jumping up and down in exultation.

Frankly, I wanted to slap her and her eldest daughter (come to think of it, my niece was actually not showing a lot of tact either). I can not believe that yet another unprepared youngster in my life is being blessed with a child and The Hubs and I are still struggling. It makes me so incredibly angry.

Explain to me how it is fair for my niece to become an aunt before I get the opportunity to be a mom? It's not. Not at all. It's really effing unfair.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to my room to sulk. And, despite doing so well on my diet and exercise recently, I'm having a baked potato covered in sour cream, cheese and bacon for dinner tonight. I might even have 2. I'll revert to being good tomorrow, but tonight I'm letting disappointment, depression, dispair, hopelessness, bitterness and Provera win.

Treatment Thoughts

2011-05-02T07:57:00.003-04:00

I bet you thought I would be avoiding you now that the Blogging A to Z April Challenge is over, right? Not so! I'm not all that fickle!

The Hubs and I have been talking and thinking a lot over the last month about what our options are in regard to becoming parents. We still want to pursue fertility treatment and we are looking at changing RE's. I'm aware my weight is an issue and I am working on that. However, neither The Hubs nor I feel our RE is supportive or willing to work toward the best options for us. He is really pushing gastric bypass surgery and, at this point in time, that is not something I'm willing to consider.

Before we definitely change RE's and continue with different options, though, I feel we need to know if continuing is actually in our best interest. The Hubs and I have discussed our individual thoughts before on what treatment we were willing to undergo and we have both expressed the opinion that we (at this time) don't feel IVF is the best route for us. We're both very aware that the success rate with IVF is only 35% and we know what our finances will allow. With IVF and adoption being of a similar cost but with more of a guarantee with adoption, we think, if it becomes a choice, adoption will be the road we choose. We want to do adoption anyway, so this was really an easy choice for us. In the meantime, though, we want to know if treatment is even a possibility for us. So far, my RE has not ordered an HSG to see if my one remaining tube is open and he has stated he will not order one until I have lost weight. I'm no expert, but this seems like more time wasting to me. Therefore, I think I'm going to see my regular OB/GYN and see if he will order one. At least then I would know if treatment was a viable option for us.

Now I need some help from you! Anyone who is in Georgia, I would like to know what RE you used and what your thoughts on them are. Would you recommend them? Or would you warn against them? If you don't want to put your thoughts in my comments area, you can email me with them.

Thanks so much for your help!

Z is for Zenith

2011-04-30T20:54:00.000-04:00

Well, this is the final post of the A to Z Blogging Challenge, so we have reached our Zenith! I have truly enjoyed participating this month (even if a few of my astute readers may have noticed I've once or twice posted late....oops!) and I'm hoping this will encourage me to post more often.

I've met some new bloggers who I hope to continue to follow! Sadly, my computer at work has taken to refusing to let me view most Blogspot blogs and I usually leave the evenings to The Hubs to post, but I will still try to get around to your blogs. If it takes me a few days, please bear with me! I will get to you!

I hope you've enjoyed reading my posts this month and I hope you'll stick around for those posts to come!

Y is for Yum!

2011-04-29T20:36:00.001-04:00

Good recipes are always yummy! I may have posted this one before (can't remember) but I'll share it again anyway because it's one of my favourites! I love French Onion Soup and this is a great recipe for it. Hope you enjoy it!

Difficulty: Medium

Serves 4-6

6 large red or yellow onions, peeled and thinly sliced

Olive or vegetable oil (olive oil is better for taste, but I usually use vegetable oil because its much less expensive and the difference isn’t that great)

½ teaspoon sugar

2 cloves garlic, minced

8 cups beef stock

½ cup dry white wine

1 bay leaf

1 teaspoon dry thyme (I generally use dry Italian herbs because I always forget to buy thyme and I have this in the pantry)

Salt and pepper to taste

8 slices (or however many slices you have enough soup to go over) of toasted French bread

1 ½ cups grated Swiss Gruyere (I use regular Swiss cheese) with a little grated Parmesan cheese (I use fresh Parmesan, not the dry kind)

In a large saucepan, sauté the onions in the oil on medium high heat until well browned, but not burned, about 30-40 minutes (or longer – I usually cook them for about an hour). Add the sugar about 10 minutes into the process to help with the caramelization.

Add garlic and sauté for 1 minute. Add the stock, wine, bay leaf and thyme. Cover partially and simmer until the flavors are well blended, about 30 minutes. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Discard the bay leaf.

To serve you can use either individual oven-proof bowls or a large casserole dish. Ladle the soup into the bowls or casserole dish. Cover with toast and sprinkle with cheese. Put into the broiler for 10 minutes at 350 F or until the cheese bubbles and is slightly browned. Serve immediately.

I make what I want to have in one serving with the toast and cheese, then put the rest of the soup in the fridge. When I’m ready to have it again (I always use it within a week of the original preparation to avoid foodbourne illnesses), I take the soup out, make fresh toast then repeat step 3. Hope you enjoy it!

X is for Xenophobia

2011-04-28T10:30:00.004-04:00

Xenophobia is the fear of strangers or foreigners. I can honestly say that we have encountered our fair share of Xenophobia. Being in a relationship with someone from a different country and both of us having lived in one another's country opens you up to all sorts of prejudice. These two countries are not that different from one another, England and the USA, but, for some people, they might as well be on different planets and the people be different species.

Now, don't get me wrong, not everyone I met while in England nor everyone The Hubs has met in the US have been this way. In fact, most of the people we've each met in the other's country have been very nice. However, there have been the odd folks who would fall in the Supremely Xenophobic category. This post is about those people, not the ones who have been very nice. I say that now because I know some of my readers are from other countries and some of them are even friends of mine from England. I do not want to cause any offense to them. You guys know I love you! But I would like to share some of our experiences with you.

I'll start with my experiences in England. There are three main examples of how I experienced the prejudice behind xenophobia while in England. The first one happened very soon after I moved over. The Hubs was at work and I was taking the bus in to meet him that evening so that we could go out to eat and go to the movies. I got on the bus and was seated two seats behind the driver. There was an older man - probably in his late 70's or early 80's - seated across the aisle from me. I noticed that he (the older man) kept looking at me funny, but I couldn't figure out why. Well, apparently he had heard my accent when I got on the bus and paid the driver, because he muttered "D*mn asylum seekers! They need to stay in their own country rather than coming here and taking our jobs and living off our charity!" I looked around because I was trying to figure out whom he was talking about. There was no one else on the bus but me and him! When we got to his destination, he gave me one last disgusted look and then got off the bus.

I have to say I couldn't believe anyone could believe I was an asylum seeker! I'm American for crying out loud! Why would I go to England seeking asylum?! There is no need for me to seek asylum! I'm not from a country where my life would be in danger for my beliefs (not yet, anyway), so why would he think that? The ignorance just really agitated and frustrated me.

The next experience was also on a bus, but this time it was actually with the bus driver. At this point, I had been in the country a year or so and was familiar with the places I traveled to by bus. I was also familiar with how much it cost to get to where I was going. So, I would often get on the bus and order my ticket from the driver by saying the price rather than where I was going (this was actually common practice, at least in our town). This particular day, I got on the bus and said "60p (pence), please". The bus driver looked at me, rolled his eyes and said "Where you going, love?" in a very sarcastic tone. It irritated me that he acted as if I didn't know what I was talking about (the price of the ticket) but I told him where I was going and, sure enough, it was 60p to get there. I took my ticket and turned to walk down the aisle to find a seat and he muttered "F**king Yank!" Oh, my Lord! I couldn't believe anyone would actually say that where I could hear it! It made me so mad! I did report him to the bus authority, but all I got was a form letter from them (with my name spelled incorrectly, no less) stating they would investigate it and let me know their findings. That was about 8 1/2 years ago and, to date, I still don't know what the findings were because they never got back in touch.

The final episode for me happened when I had been in England for about 2 1/2 years. I was standing in line at the supermarket waiting to purchase a block of cheese (not sure why what I was purchasing is relevant, but it is a detail that sticks in my mind), when, out of the blue, the lady ahead of me in line turned around and started talking to me. That should have been my first clue there, because it wasn't common practice for people you didn't know to randomly start talking to you in a supermarket, but I didn't pay that any attention. So we chatte for a minute or so and she suddenly asked "You're not from here, are you?" I confirmed that I wasn't. She asked where I was from and I told her "Georgia, in the US." (This had to be differentiated from the Georgia in Russia in some instances, so I took to stating it that way for everyone). She said "Oh. Is that in the South?" I told her it was. Her response was "Oh." Long pause. Turning back to me with a puzzled look on her face, "Can you read?"

I was dumbfounded. I looked back and her and said "I'm sorry?" She repeated "Can you read?" I answered her "Yes, why?" Her response? "Oh, well, I just thought all Southerners were stupid." My jaw dropped open, but I recovered quickly and said "No. I'm quite intelligent, thank you!" Needless to say, that ended the conversation. She spent the next few minutes she was waiting in line glancing back over her shoulder and giving me frightened looks as though she thought I was going to attack her.

Those were my run-ins with xenophobia. Now onto The Hubs' experience.

Shortly after we moved to the US, The Hubs started a job selling life and health insurance. We had some fliers to put up with his information on them so that people could contact him if they wanted to set up a consultation, which we were going around town trying to find places to disburse the signs. We entered a local business, a place I have known my entire life and the people who own it know me. They, however, would not let The Hubs put one of his fliers in their store. They told him "We only advertise for local businesses and people." The Hubs explained to them that he lived in this town, that he was married to me, who his mother-in-law was (my mom knows EVERYONE), all to no avail. They told him they didn't advertise for "out-of-towners", which could only mean they wouldn't advertise for him because he wasn't American. It made me so angry and I wanted to say something to them, but The Hubs asked me to just let it go, so I did.

I loathe xenophobia. Not one of us (apart from those of us who are Native Americans) were originally from this country. We all came from foreign stock. The ignorance and fear that permeates the country really aggravates me. Does this mean I think immigrants should be allowed to come to this country illegally? Nope. But I do think anyone who chooses to come here and follows the legal pathways to get here (or, in fact, to any country) should be given the same advantages those who were born here have.

W is for Water For Elephants

2011-04-27T07:57:00.000-04:00

I was intrigued when I first heard about the book Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen. I decided I absolutely had to read the book. I couldn't wait. I attempted to check it out at our library, but it was on hold for 16 other people before I could get my hands on it. So, I checked with friends to see if any of them had it and would let me borrow it.

Apparently, I was the only one of my friends desperate to read the book, because none of them had it (or they wouldn't tell me they did, lol). Finally, I did what I should have done in the first place, but try not to do. I went and bought the book. Why do I try not to buy books? Because this is me and, generally (although you couldn't tell it from my reading list this year!), I devour books. If I bought a book everytime I wanted to read it, we'd be living in a cardboard box somewhere because I would spend all of my salary on books.

So, I finally had access to the book. I worried it would take me some time to read because I've been really unmotivated with my reading pursuits this year - most have taken me several days, sometimes weeks to finish. That was not the case with Water for Elephants. I started the book on a Friday afternoon, read it for an hour that day and finished it Saturday morning! It was such a wonderful book! I felt really lucky to get to experience the story (something I know is strange but is often how I feel when I read a realy good book).

Moving forward, when I found out the book was going to be released as a film, I was super excited. Add in that the part of Jacob Jankowski was going to be played by Rob Pattinson and my excitement level went off the charts!

This past weekend, The Hubs and I went to the cinema to see Water for Elephants. I was worried that the movie wouldn't live up to the book. We all know that movies are never exactly like the book and they're usually not as good, so I was filled with some trepidation. I am overjoyed to say that the film, while a little different from the book, was AWESOME!! I really, really enjoyed it. I highly recommend it.

What book have you been extremely excited to read? Has it been made into a film? If so, did you see the film? Was it what you hoped for?

V is for Vocabulary - Wistfulgirl Style!

2011-04-26T07:59:00.007-04:00

Vocabulary is the main part of how we communicate. In school, we're encouraged to expand our vocabulary and we do so with (usually) weekly vocabulary tests. It's considered a sign of intelligence to have a large vocabulary and this is something that I pride myself on having.

However, this post is not exactly about that kind of vocabulary. Because, in addition to the vocabulary our English and Reading teachers would be dancing around to know we have, we each also have our own vocabulary of words others don't really use. This is our own personal "language" if you will. This is a phenomenon common to twins, but is also something each person develops. So, for today's post, I thought I would introduce you to some of the Wistfulgirl vocabulary. This doesn't mean all of these are words that no one else uses, but simply that they are words or phrases I use commonly and often in a different way to others. I hope you enjoy this look into the weirdness that is me =D

bloody hell - Not an original statement - a very British one - but one that I picked up while in England and one I use very frequently.
boycotting a friendship (on boycott) - Statement of my intent to treat a friend the way I'm being treated by them by ignoring them. This doesn't happen often, but occassionally I get fed up with a friend who is all about talking and texting and then suddenly acts like I don't exist. Usually only takes one day of this for the friend to correct him/herself.

Bunny (or Bun) - An affectionate name for The Hubs. I'm not sure how it developed that this became my nickname for him, but it's been this for years and years (before we even got married).

cool-ala - (Pronounced with the beginning sounding like cool and the end like that of koala) An expression of excited approval.

freakin' - A derogatory expression used (frequently) as a description of something that is irritating me. Example: The freakin' office sent over the wrong demographics. Now I can't get hold of the freakin' patient to tell them about their freakin' appointment! (Yes, this is a true statement I use daily - I told you I used freakin' a lot!)

Hooker/Hooch - An affectionate name for my co-workers. Technically, I'm their boss and this could be construed as abuse, but they know it's not meant that way and they call me this as well. Now, aren't you all glad you're my friend? Lol!
Hot Snot! - An expression of alarm or dissatisfaction. Picked up from one of my co-workers.

inbetweener - An attached friend who is used by their single friend to flirt with while between relationships/dates whom the single friend promptly forgets about when a new love interest comes into the picture but whom the single friend expects to still be there and available to be flirted with (if not dated) when the single friend is once again single. Complicated description, I know, but I've been here a few times (currently am an inbetweener and not happy about it - if I'm your friend, don't ignore my existence while your dating your latest conquest).

loo - British name for the bathroom/restroom. I tend to use this name much more than either of the others because it sounds nicer, lol!

meep - An expression The Hubs and I use with one another. This word can be a noun, adjective, verb or adverb. It can be sweet, loving, scared, angry, indignant....it's very versatile, lol!

One day - The elusive future where things will be much better for us, we will have children, our own house, vehicles that run without problems, not having to worry about my fertility, plenty of money for paying bills, having the things we want and being able to go on really wonderful vacations. Yeah....

Parent-shaped objects - This kind of defines itself, but it is what I typically call my parents. Started when in my teens, it continues to dominate my internal description of them.

Pog - Our inside (and first together) dog. If I remember correctly (we've had her for almost 9 years), it stands for people dog because she tries to do "people" things. She tries to play the piano when she sees The Hubs doing it, she pulls the duvet/comforter over herself in bed, she lays back on pillows (she's not supposed to be on the bed, but try telling her that, lol)....she's very funny!

Really?! Really? - Said with the first really sounding questioning and the second really sounding more like a statement. An expression of disbelief, picked up from my co-worker (not the same one who says hot snot).

sprogling - Our word for the children we hope to one day have.

That's Gleetastic! - Very geeky expression I use to say how wonderful I find something. (Glee is an AWESOME show!!!! Don't hate!!)

The List - The wonderful, amazing list of names that The Hubs and I each have naming the people (all celebrity save one on my list) that we are allowed to - um, *throat clear* - you know with without it being considered cheating. Gotta love that list, even if it is all fantasy, lol!

you know what I mean - A phrase I use every single time I am telling someone a story about something. I never noticed I used it so often until my loving co-workers (Hookers!) pointed it out to me and it is now something that embarasses me and I can't now not notice. I'm trying to just embrace it, but that's coming slowly.

That's my vocabulary list for now. I know there are others I use frequently, but I can't think of them now. However, I have had such a great time writing this post (and laughed at myself more than a few times), I think I will update it periodically and repost to keep you up-to-date on the Wistfulgirl vocabulary. Maybe a weekly post? What do you think? No vocab tests, I promise!

you know what I mean

U is for Unfulfilled

2011-04-25T07:32:00.002-04:00

Unfulfilled is a word with which infertiles are very familiar. We feel it every month. We butt heads with it constantly. It becomes our unwelcome guest.

Everytime we start a new cycle when we were hoping for a positive pregnancy test, everytime we hear another pregnancy announcement from a friend or relative, everytime someone brings their baby home safe and sound while we remain empty-armed, everytime we get excited about an adoption match and it falls through, we feel that sense of being unfulfilled.

I've read recently about several of my blogging friends who've reached their unfulfilled due dates. My heart just breaks for them when I read the sadness they're feeling. To hear the heartbreak they're feeling when they should be feeling such joy is almost more than I can take. It's simply gut-wrenching.

I've never known that feeling, although I know my own brand of being unfulfilled. It's a different kind of hurt to never have been pregnant. In most ways, I'm grateful I've never had to experience the kind of pain I've watched many of my friends go through. Having said that, I am left with the emptiness of not knowing if I can evan achieve a pregnancy. That leaves me unfulfilled.

Watching all my non-IF acquaintances experience holidays with their children also leaves me feeling unfulfilled. Never knowing if I'll have the opportunity to experience that is an awful feeling.

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. Be sure to do what you can this week to make others aware of this very important week. Resolve is asking us to bust myths about infertility this week and I'll be writing a post about that later in the week, so be on the lookout for it!

T is for Two-Cents Worth

2011-04-23T23:58:00.003-04:00

....and I'm asking for yours! I'm working on a project - the details of which I am keeping secret for now (when the time is right, I'll give you more info) - and I need your help. I need you to tell me your favourite Christmas/Wintertime Carol. It can be religious or secular. I just need to know, when the winter holidays come around, what song can you not wait to hear?

Second two-cents worth I'm asking for....if you were going on vacation (sadly, we're not, but we're thinking about something for the future), which of the following places would you recommend/most like to go? New York, Boston, Washington DC, Disney World, a cruise, Los Angeles....or somewhere else? I'm up for suggestions!

Have a great Easter weekend, my friends!

S is for Something

2011-04-22T13:15:00.002-04:00

No, not just any something, but, specifically, "Something" by the Beatles.

A beautiful song, written by George Harrison in 1969, "Something" featured on the Abbey Road album. The song was a double A-side with "Come Together" (for which I have another post to write at a later date). It was the first song written by Harrison to appear as an A-side track for the Beatles. The song is the second-most covered Beatles' song, second only to "Yesterday".

While Pattie Boyd (Harrison's wife at the time and later to become the wife of Eric Clapton) claimed to be the inspiration behind the song, Harrison stated in a 1996 interview that when he wrote the song, he was thinking of Ray Charles. That's an interesting way to think of Ray Charles, but whatever floated his boat!

The video of the song features scenes of the band members with their respective wives (at the time): Harrison and Boyd, John Lennon and Yoko Ono, Paul and Linda McCartney, and Ringo Starr and Maureen Cox. I find the song and video both extremely soothing, so here it is for you to enjoy as well!

While this isn't my favourite Beatles tune (that honour would have to go to either "In My Life" or "Eleanor Rigby"), it does rank high. Do you like the Beatles? If so, what's your favourite song? If not, what band do you like and what song of their's would you recommend me to hear?

R is for Regret

2011-04-21T07:34:00.004-04:00

Regret, like jealousy, will eat you up if you allow it. But, regret can also be a good thing, in an odd sort of way.

The Hubs made a very wise statement last night (at least from my way of seeing it). He said "It's better to regret the things you've done than the things you haven't done." I asked him what he meant exactly and he stated that he'd rather do things and regret having done them than to not have done them and always wonder if they would have worked out. I think that's a profound observation.

There are so many things in my life that I regret doing (making the decision to move back to the States when we did, not seeking help for our infertility earlier, etc.) but I'm glad I made those choices, even if they now seem like the wrong ones.

Sounds contradictory, right? Let me explain...

When we made the decision to move back to this country, I was very homesick. I really missed my family and I missed the things that were familiar to me. We moved back to the US in January 2006. In April 2006, my dad got very, very sick. He was in ICU for 10 weeks and the family was called in several times and told he was not going to make it. Fortunately, he pulled through and is doing much better these days, but I'm very glad I was here for that time. My family needed me here and my dad needed me here if for nothing more than to hear my voice while he was in a coma. Could he really hear me? I don't know, but I'd rather he had that opportunity than to not have had it.

So, although the decision to leave England has led to a really rough five years and is a decision I do regret sometimes, I also know it was the right decision for us. And, although I wish we had sought treatment for IF sooner, I know that we would not have been in a position earlier to afford the treatment or be effective parents. But that doesn't change the fact I regret the way it's been.

What do you regret? Looking back, even though you regret the decisions, have they worked out better for you than if things had been different? Would you rather regret the things you have done or the things you didn't do?

Q is for Quadruplets and Quintuplets

2011-04-20T07:46:00.005-04:00

For those of us undergoing/contemplating/working towards fertility treatment, multiples in pregnancy are a big concern. 35% of pregnancy acheived via fertility treatment (medication, IUI, IVF) result in a multiples pregnancy. Most of these pregnancies conclude in premature births. This may sound like those undergoing fertility treatment are irresponsible, but that is not necessarily the case. Considering very few insurance companies will cover IF treatment and IVF is around $15,000 to $20,000 a pop, women undergoing this procedure are simply hoping to give themselves the best opportunity of achieving pregnancy. With an IVF success rate of around 35% to 40% for achieving pregnancy and only 45% to 53% of these resulting in live births, who can blame a person undergoing this treatment for attempting to give themself the absolute best chance possible?

But, as interesting as that is and as much a case it is for requiring insurance companies to cover infertility treatment (which, I might add, only adds approximately $0.16 to the premium of insurance policies - but that's a post for another time), that is not what this post is about. No, in this post, I would like to tell you about two very interesting cases of multiples. The first of these is the story of a set of identical quadruplets and the second is the story of a set of identical quintuplets.

The quadruplets are known by the fictitious name Genain. You may be wondering why their name is fictitious and what makes them important enough for me to blog about them. Well, both of these questions can be answered with the same response: in addition to being identical quadruplets, all four sisters were diagnosed with schizophrenia. There was a long history of mental illness in their father's family, thus indicating that genetics played a major part in the quadruplets' schizophrenia.

Not a lot of information on that story, but I found it interesting.

I do have a little more information on the quintuplets. Also girls, the Dionne quintuplets were the first set of quints to survive infancy. They were born in Ontario, Canada in 1934 and were identical quintuplets. Their mother had suspected she may be carrying twins, but the quints were a surprise to everyone. The girls were not expected to live, but live they did! At four months old, the Ontario government intervened and declared their parents incompetent to care for them and the Ontario government took custody of the girls. Whether the parents were incompetent or not remains to be seen, but the true reason behind the desire of the Ontario government to be guardians of the girls was the interest they invoked in the public and tourist attraction they became. It was extremely profitable for the Ontario government to have the girls in their custody.

The Dionne Quintuplets

When the girls were 9-years-old, their parents won back custody, however, in their adult years, the surviving sisters (two of the girls passed away before middle-adulthood - one from suffocating during a seizure, the other from a blood clot to the brain) recounted that their parents were very resentful of the "trouble" the girls had caused due to their existence. Three of the girls married; two had children of their own (including a set of twins born to Cecile). There are currently two of the sisters still living.

It's interesting what the unusual inspires, is it not?

P is for Pet Peeves

2011-04-19T07:44:00.003-04:00

Pet Peeves. We all have them! Mine are numerous. There are so many things that I need done just a certain way or things I can't stand to hear. I'll name just a few.

Being lied to - If there is one thing I hate, it's being lied to. There's just no need for it! If you don't want to do something or haven't done something you said you'd do, just tell me. I'm a big girl, I can take it. I'm not going to cry and it's certainly not going to be the end of my world. Just don't lie to me because that is a quick way to lose me as a friend. I detest a liar.

Silliness when I'm in an irritable mood - This drives me crazy! And it's one of the things The Hubs and I get into the most arguments about. He responds to stressful situations by acting silly and doing silly things. I respond to stressful situations by getting extremely grouchy and intolerant to silliness. Combine these two things and it does not make for a pretty picture. Generally, I'm okay with silliness - I get that way myself frequently - but when I'm in a bad mood or stressed out, it's not a smart idea.

Having a plan and it not working out as planned - What this really means is I don't like being late or things not going the way I imagined them. It really frustrates me to be ready to go somewhere and have a time planned to leave and then it gets pushed back or someone else is running late so we don't get to leave on time. OMG, it drives me crazy! The Hubs is so much more laid back about this kind of thing, so it doesn't bother him if he doesn't leave on time or even if we're several hours late leaving. However, it leaves me feeling out of control and anxious. I just hate it.

Texting someone and getting no response - This one is pretty self-explanatory. If I text you and it has a question or requires some sort of response, please respond. It's just rude not to.

I know that I'm a little crazy about some of these and too much of a control freak, but that's just the way it goes!

What are your pet peeves? What really drives you crazy? Do you think your pet peeves are rational? Or do you, like me, feel you're a little psycho to be like this about them?

O is for Ollivander's

2011-04-18T07:39:00.002-04:00

I admit it. I am a Harry Potter fanatic! I love the series. Despite having read the books countless numbers of times, I still stay up into the wee hours some nights re-reading them. I own all the movies (apart from the latest two) and I watch them over and over again. I am counting down the days until July 15th. I'm considering taking that day off from work (it's a Friday) so that I can go to the midnight showing as it opens. I'm an addict. I get it.

One of the places in the Harry Potter world I would dearly love to visit is Ollivander's Wand Shop. I mean, come on, who wouldn't want to go to a place where you get your own magic wand? And not only that, but the wand picks you! If you've ever felt like an outsider, here's your opportunity to feel special! Even if you get picked last for every team or game there ever is, you'll have a wand pick you!! It wants to be with you because it's specially made just for you!!!!

It's like finding your soul mate. Who doesn't want that?

Ollivander's and butterbeer are probably my two favourite things from Harry Potter's world (are you going to try to tell me you've never wanted to try butterbeer? I think of it like alcohol in a creamy, buttery, caramelly form....yum!!).

Are you a Harry Potter fan? If so, what's your favourite thing from the series? If not, what's your favourite book/series? The thing you like best about it?

We're now more than halfway through the alphabet, folks! I'm enjoying this month more than I thought I would. I've found the last few days a little difficult, but I'm striving on! I think it helps that The Hubs is also blogging away at the challenge with me. It makes it easier to stick to it when there are two of you working at it!

Hope you all have a great week! Mondays generally have the tendency to get the best of me, so we'll see how today goes!

Something Shiny Giveaway Winner!

2011-04-17T21:44:00.005-04:00

Okay, call me stupid, but I can NOT figure out how to copy the True Random Number Generator as a jpg, so I've simply copied the text from the box. Sorry to be such an idiot about this!! I've spent over an hour trying to figure it out, so I now give up, lol!

Anyway, we have a winner! Congratulations to Danni!! You'll need to contact me with your contact details so I can get your necklace in the mail!

True Random Number Generator

Min: 1
Max: 10
Result:
9
Powered by RANDOM.ORG

N is for Names

2011-04-16T23:06:00.002-04:00

Names are so much a part of who we are. They are our very identity. I've seen several posts over the last few days devoted to different individuals names, so I decided I would dedicate my N post to names as well.

My full name is Vickie Lynn. My first name is a shortening of my mother's first name and my middle name begins with the same initial as my mom's middle name. For the first two weeks of my life, I was known as Vickie, but then my mom and dad decided I wasn't really a Vickie so I became Lynn. Which, I always was a Lynn and I've always since been a Vickie, but you get the point of what I mean.

On government forms, in school and in doctor's offices, I've always been Vickie. It's difficult because when I hear someone call me by Vickie, it often takes me a minute to realize they're speaking to me. Even with age, it still doesn't register usually.

The Hubs is, in one way, more fortunate than I with his name and, in another, less so. He does go by his first name (occassionally by a shortened version of it), however, he has four names (yes, four) plus his surname. I'm lucky in that I simply have my first and middle names, but The Hubs has his first name and three middle names.

The Hubs and I have talked through names many, many times (this sort of thing happens when you've been trying for a baby for over 7 years) and we decided that a first and middle name for our child is enough. We have names picked out that we'd like to use for our children: two names for boys and two names for girls. Hopefully one day we'll get the chance to use those names. One of the female names means "industrious assistant"; the other means "child of Maude who is like a bird" (Maude was my grandmother's name - this name wasn't chosen for that reason; it was just a nice coincidence that it meant that). For the boys, the first name means "comforting, long-lived twin" and the other means "jewelled gift from God". I won't post the actual names, so if you figure them out, please do not post the names.

What does your name mean? Do you like it? What does your spouse's/partner's/child's/sibling's name? If you have children, what name have you chosen for them and, if you don't have children, what name would you like to use for your child?

M is for Morrison (Van Morrison to be precise)

2011-04-15T22:21:00.005-04:00

I have wracked my brain all day today to think of an "M" word. I had a word all picked out, but when today got here I decided it wasn't exactly what I wanted. I've since had a barrage of words to come to me, however none have been "just right". So I've been Youtubing for the last hour while striving to find exactly the right "M" to post on. While doing my marathon video-hopping, I stumbled across the perfect M post.

Most couples have "their song" and most of those are slow songs. Well, The Hubs and I are a little different. Our song isn't a slow one and isn't traditionally used as a couple's song. And, it doesn't really describe me because I have blue eyes. But, you can thank Mr. Van Morrison for the song that The Hubs and I call ours: Brown-Eyed Girl.

For your listening pleasure:

L is for Long-Distance Relationship (or Love - take your pick!)

2011-04-14T07:43:00.003-04:00

Long-distance relationships are hard. Trust me, I was in one with The Hubs (when he was still The Boyfriend) for almost two years. Some of my long-term readers may have heard this story, but for my more recent followers, this will be new to you.

My first foray onto the iternet was on August 30, 2000. How do you remember the exact date, you may ask? Well, it's the day I met The Hubs, so it comes easily. I had a friend (who we shall call Goldie) who had met a guy online and she was all about her internet chats. She was over at my house one day and decided we just had to go to the library so she could chat with her beau (who was English, I might add). This was in the days before everyone here in the boonies had internet in their homes. In fact, the library had only recently gotten it, so off the two of us went to the library.

I'll state right here and now that I was extremely dubious of her "relationship" with English guy and I wasn't sure how I felt about the internet, having never been on it. But, Goldie really wanted to chat to English guy, so I accompanied her and figured I might as well get my feet wet internet-wise and see what all the fuss was about.

While she loaded up to chat with English guy, I browsed through the chat rooms on Yahoo. Some of the rooms really freaked me out, but I figured music chat was safe (boy, was I naive!) and, since I love Fleetwood Mac, I decided to enter the chatroom devoted to that greatest of bands. While Goldie chatted away with her man, I was having my eyes opened to a whole new universe! Not all of it was good, but not all bad either. I didn't feel comfortable talking to anyone though, so I basically just sat there and read what the others in the room were saying to one another. After about half an hour, I was getting ready to leave the room when a name popped up as having entered the room. I don't know what it was, but I felt this overwhelming need to talk to this person. It was a pull like I'd never felt before and have never felt since. So, I instant messaged him.

You can probably guess who it was, right? Well, don't get ahead of me!

He messaged me back and we started a conversation. It turned out he was also from England, just like Goldie's English guy, however, he was from a different part of England. We chatted for about two hours that first day. I had just gone through a very bad breakup and it was nice to have someone to talk to about it who was outside the situation and whom I was obviously never going to meet in real life (shows what I knew!). We also found we had a lot in common. We exchanged email addresses and decided to meet the next afternoon (evening for him) to chat again.

Thus began our long-distance relationship. Everytime we chatted, we grew a little closer. By mid-September, we had decided we wanted to chat on the phone, so I called him. Oh, my gosh! His accent was so dreamy I could almost melt in it! (Sadly, I don't hear it so much these days....he still has it, it's just become normal to me, so I miss that melty feeling.) We exchanged letters and photos. We talked on the phone every day. We chatted online every day. Goldie laughed at me repeatedly and asked me was meeting someone online so silly to me now. For my 22nd birthday in November, he sent me a gorgeous fall basket of flowers. It was amazing!

Months passed and we decided we wanted to meet in person. So on June 13, 2001 (nine months after we first met online), The Hubs (Boyfriend) boarded a plane and flew over 3000 miles to see me. We picked him up at the airport in Atlanta. We didn't make it out of the airport before we were making out (I know, it's disgusting, lol!). We completely fit one another. It was perfect :D

It wasn't long though (9 days) before I had to take him back to catch the plane home. That was the hardest thing I had ever had to do to that point. It was so heartbreaking to let him go. We had decided I would go visit him for Christmas that year, but that was six months away! And, at the time, that seemed an interminably long way off.

But, the months passed and on December 21, 2001, I arrived in England. The feeling of completeness was still there for both of us and we had a wonderful Christmas and New Year together (a story about going through the airport 3 months after 9/11 and right at Christmas is due, but I'll save that for another time). Too soon it was time for me to head back home. The waiting game started over again.

It wasn't long, though, before he was back in the US. I picked him up from the airport on February 28, 2002. He spent his 25th birthday with me and we went to Savannah to celebrate. We took a Riverboat Cruise, visited the Tybee Island Lighthouse (and went all the way to the top!) and walked all over Savannah in that weekend! It was a great visit.

At this point, we had decided we had had enough of the back and forthing and being apart. Plans started being made. It was decided that I would come over to see him in June and I would stay for six months. We needed to know that things were going to work between the two of us for more than two weeks at a time. So, I gave notice at my job, said goodbye to my family and friends and on May 31, 2002 I loaded up my mom's car and she took me to the airport. Saying goodbye to my family was really, really difficult, particularly to my mom, dad and sister. But I knew The Hubs (Boyfriend) was waiting for me! And I knew that, whatever happened between the two of us, my family would always be there for me to come back to.

On June 1, 2002, I landed in England. The Hubs (Boyfriend) was there to welcome me with open arms. The first couple of weeks went by and things were as great in person as they were long-distance. Another month went by and The Hubs (Boyfriend) asked me a question I had waited a long time to hear - "Will you marry me?" Obviously, I said yes!

We waited until September to tell any of our family. Possibly not the best decision, but it was the one we made. The plan was to get married in the US in November (my visa waiver expired December 3, 2002, so I had to leave the UK before then) and then go to New York to get my spousal visa. On November 23, 2002 - the day after my 24th birthday - we were married. We spent our honeymoon going to New York to get my visa (not nearly as romantic as it sounds - 23 hours on a Greyhound bus up to New York, all day spent in the British Embassy to get the visa, spending the night with my brother in Pennsylvania, then 26 hours on a Greyhound bus back to Georgia). Then on December 3, 2002, we boarded a plane back to England as a married couple.

It would be 11 months before I returned to the US. 11 months before I saw my family again. That is a very long time. Has it been worth it, you ask? Definitely. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat.

Long-distance relationships are hard, but, if you are devoted to the other person involved, they're definitely worth it.

Have you ever been involved in a long-distance relationship? If so, what's been the most difficult part for you? The easiest? Would you do it again? If you've never been involved in a long-distance relationship, is it something you think you could ever consider?

If you made it all the way through this post, I hope you enjoyed our story :D It's been a tough road, but I'm glad I took that turn. It's definitely been worth the cost.

K is for Kristin and Kakunaa

2011-04-13T07:28:00.002-04:00

Two of my very favourite bloggers are Kristin and Kakunaa (Genevieve). What can I say about these two beautiful women? Well, they're two of the reasons I keep blogging, they've become two of my closest online friends and they inspire me. I met them both through the ALI (Adoption, Loss and Infertility) blogging community - just one of the many reasons I'm grateful for having found that extremely supportive and helpful community - and the friendships sprang from there!

Kristin is like me in so many ways! We're both crafters (she does some AWESOME projects). We both love to read. She has a fabulous sense of humour (something I like to think I have, at any rate) and she has more than once made my day simply by offering her support or saying "I'm here for you".

Kristin has been through so much over the last few years. She suffered through secondary infertility and had many losses, but through it all, she's kept her sense of self, her amazingly positive attitude, her wicked sense of humour and her awesome friend skills! On top of all that, she's super-duper smart! I mean, that girl is sharp as a tack! Rarely misses anything and finds a way to solve all the mishaps her three brilliant - if sometimes mischevious - sons get up to!

When I'm having a really bad day, I think about the fact I have this amazing woman to call friend and it makes me a feel a little better.

Kakunaa (Genevieve) is another friend I met through the ALI community. She has also been through the ringer infertility-wise, but has recently come out the other side (so to speak) and given birth to her son (who is a blooming doll, let me tell you!).

What I see in Gen that matches up with me? We both have a sense of adventure and a love of body piercings (although, these days mine are less obvious - work and all that). What I love about her? She's not afraid to say exactly what she thinks and she doesn't really care what others think about what she does. She's as close to a free-spirit as I've ever found. She is also super smart, sarcastic, witty, charming and brilliant! She makes me want to embrace my wild side - a side I had let go of about 11 years ago - and just be who I am. She's inspired me to reconsider getting that tattoo I've always wanted.

But more than that, these two women make me want to be a better friend. They are the epitome of what friendship should be. They don't judge me when I'm feeling down, whiny and sorry for myself. They simply let me know they're there for me and they support me. They don't mind if I'm feeling bitchy - they take it in stride and are usually right there with me shaking their fist at the world and whatever person/thing is pissing me off. They're there to hold my hand when our RE is being a cretin and there to celebrate with me when things are going great.

I haven't known either of them for a great length of time (about 2 years with Kristin and a little of a year with Gen), but I can honestly say they are two people I hope to remain friends with for a long time to come. I love these girls and I wish nothing but the best for them. They both deserve great things!